Hyderabadi - Jokes (All jokes Goes Here)

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  1. funky_sam
    Friends please post all Hyderabadi Jokes here, don't create seperate threads !!!

  2. funky_sam

  3. sarshia
    96% Of Hyderabadis

    Who is a Hyderabadi?

    Among Males: Who don’t hesitate to use words like"Baigan"
    Both genders cannot complete a sentense without

    "Nakko, Hau, Hallu, Kaiku and Kate"

  4. sarshia
    He goes to Gas Station to fill and says: "Panch Point Single Oil Dalo"
    He says ("abbi aataun mein") and vanishes for couple of hours or not come back at all.
    Sleeps around 1 am and wakes only after 9:30 am
    He drinks half cup tea atleast 6 times
    Buys only one Gold Flake cigarette

  5. sarshia
    If they do not eat rice at least once a day they will die.(Nothing other than Rice is considered as a meal)

    For them the only good dishes on earth are: Hyderabadi Biryani, Nahari, Haleem, Marg, Khatti Dal, Tamatoun ka Sherwa, Bhendi ka Sherwa, dhai ki kadi, palak ki bhaji, gawar ki phalli, alu baingan, keema alu methi, khagina, khichdi, pyaz ka anda, papad, boti ka salan, khadi dal, murghi ka khorma, baghara khana dalcha, Til ka Khatta, mirchiyan bhajiye, khubani ka mittha, kaddu ki kheer and fruite salad.

    They cannot digest or even praise: North indian, South indian, Lebanese, Italian, Arabic, Continental etc.
  6. sarshia
    New Generation (males)
    Over 96% are "badh soukh and badh zowkh"
    They consider "Kalyani Biryani as Hyderabadi Biryani" and atleast once in a week he will visit "masha-allah, bismillah, and other restaurants – kisi na kisi to kaat te.
    2 out of 3 are "Sharukh, Amir, Salman, or Sanjay
    He feels offended if someone looks at him (Kaiku ghoorra miya?)
    They only want to become an "engineer, doctor, MCA or MBA"
    For most of them US Visa is a dream and Saudi visa a blessing.
    Most of the Boys spends their precious time at "gali ke nukkard, Café, girls college, playing billiards, riding bikes, chatting on internet, teasing girls, changing mobile phones and spend their parents hard earned money.

  7. sarshia
    New Generation (females)
    If she is not studying at "St. Anns or Villa Mary" then she is not studying at all. Shadan College is a compromise.
    Stanley is the only school and college for girls from Old City.
    Begum’s is the most preferred beauty parlour.
    Most of them cannot live without going to "Tutorial"
    Most of them would not like to put on the Sharara for the second time. Har shadi me naya sharara chahiye.
    Most of them say " main kapde Neeru’s our Meena bazaar se he leti hoon"
    They are obsessed by Hindi Film Actresses.

  8. sarshia
    Finding a Match
    All most all the cases are dealt by "Marriage Bureau"
    A team of one dozen go to see the girl (to eat and drink: pastries, bananas, mixture, fruit biscuits, etc)
    When they return home after seeing the girl, someone from the family says "badi se manjhli ke aank nak ache hai"
    If they want to reject they say "Ladki ka khad kam hai. Hamare bache ki height achhi hai (5.6)
    They say "Ladke ku Family Visa bhi hai" (even if he makes 1600 riyals).
    They say Ladke ka Sheikh (kafil) bahut acha hai tankha badatoun bola shadi ke bad.
    All matrimonial ads mention boys salary in "rupees" so that the amount looks big.

  9. sarshia
    Finding a Match
    All most all ads say "ladki soum our sala ki paband hai’
    All matrimonial ads. Say "shadi mein jaldi hai, ladki ke bhai bahar is aye huwe hain"
    Advertisements some times clearly mention: "Ladke ku karobar bhi laga ke denge" or "Azad visa bhi denge" or "ladki ke naam pe jayezaad hain (200 gaz ka plot, makan ya phir flat"
    Hyderabadi parents only look for: US/Canadian immigrants or Gulf settled – Deen ki nisbat pe rishte karne wale aaj kal bahut kam milenge.
    Shadi ke mamle me "Bherd Chaal Chalte" jo jaisa kara waise sab follow karte"
  10. sarshia
    Finding a Match
    Har kisi ku Gori Ladki Chahiye – Khud bhilaven ke jais rahta.
    Har ladke ki Amrika ki koshish chalte rahti ya phir bhainoyi saudi ka visa bhejne wale hai. Landan ki koshi bhi side mein chalti.
    Ladkiyoun ku pakwan zyada nahin ata – If you ask them why" they reply "Laad pyar se pale".
    Inter Fail ladke ku bhi graduate ladki hona

  11. sarshia
    Finally Shadi Ke Din
    Dinner invitation is known as "ration card" – if there is no dinner, a lot of them are disappointed, they say "kya jate miya auto ka kiraya dal ke, kheench nai hai"
    Many still take "Jode Ki Rakham" (cash)
    If you ask Dulahe Raaj, he will say " mere ku nai maloom ammi aur abba ki badoun me baat huwi, main to nakko bola sheikh"
    These days "Nikaah" takes place at Masjid, but the jahez (dowry) reaches goom’s home late night when neighbours are deep in sleep.
    Men wear sherwani on "shadi ke din" and suit on "Valime ke din"(they think shewarni is the only dress for "Shadi", and suit for "valima dinner").
  12. sarshia
    Finally Shadi Ke Din
    Invitations clearly mention that nikaah is at 7 pm but dulhe raaja arrives at 8:30, 9:00. 9:30.
    Soon after nikah, people are desperately waiting for some one to announce "aaiye" – (call for dinner) because on his way to the function hall he will stop at a cool drink store and drinks 7up or pepsi (bhook khulne) and the moment he hears the call "aaiye he jumps like hungry dog.
    They are crazy about "Chicken" – puri dish undal leta mauka milte hi. Doosre guest ka khyaal nahi karta.
    Pahle haleem khaleta, phir chicken, phir biryani, phir chicken, phir ublahuwa anda, phir chicken, phir chicken, and again chicken, phir ek katora furit salad, phir kaddu ki kheer, phir qubani ka meeta, and after eating all this he puts some "Dahi ki chatni in his palm" and starts licking it.
  13. sarshia
    Finally Shadi Ke Din
    When he is done with food, he needs a cigarette or gutka and then the discussion on the quality of food starts.
    Ladies section is like "fish market"

  14. sarshia
    Hyderabadis in Gulf
    They love India and especially Hyderabad but they don’t love their community. Ek doosre ki taang kheechte rahte.
    Most of them look for "secretarial" jobs – that’s the only position they fit in.
    Naya Naya jo bhi aata us ke purane phard dete. "kaiku aaye miya, kya hai yaan pe, khatam hogaya sab. Kurchan baqi hai, wainpe kuch bhi karlena tha"
    They are not very aggressive in hunting jobs these days because they are brain washed by seniors "rigga zaroori hai, rigge bagair nai hota"
    Those who are working they follow a routine – Office, ghar, sleep, dinner, chatting with friends (+ aadhi chai, couple times and doosroun ki gheebat), TV and go to bed)
  15. sarshia
    Families Gulf
    Most "badnaam" community.
    Living standard is very low.
    They only buy used stuff. If you tell them to buy new or good quality furniture or appliances they reply "kya karna hai, apne ku kounsa zindagi bhar yahan pe rahna hai. India me ghar set karna, yahan pe nai qarach karna" and they stay here for almost half of their life – 25, 30 years and will not go unless they are kicked out.
    Their only ambition in life is "Property" har kisi ka maqsad Zindagi ka "property" hai
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