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Thread: Struggling to Take Care of Ailing father....PKB

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Default Struggling to Take Care of Ailing father....PKB

    I lost my mother four years back and since then my father is losing his health. My father is 73 years old. Now he has stopped taking foods and getting weaker and weaker day by day. It hurts me when I see him not taking food and medicine.

    I am afraid, that he may start losing control over passing his urine and stool on the bed. Only imagination is enough to think what wrong would have done by my father that he is facing such a time and what wrong I would have done so these things are coming before me.

    My younger as well as elder brother have either stopped taking care of their father or not in a position to do so. I feel more hurt when I find that my younger brother says that his life has been ruined by his old and ailing father. I am getting depressed day by day. When I attend to my father, I lose attention to my work, which causes loss of money and socially also, I am suffering.
    On the other hand, my children are small and no separate space is available in my home. Please advise what to do and how to cope up with my confidence, and what is my duty at this stage. Thanks

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi there girl,

    You are doing a fantastic job and that's just great to hear. There are very few in today's day and age who will take care of their parents in this manner.

    I am only full of appreciation for you. I do realize that this is not at all easy and life becomes very difficult when you become a care giver. Normal life takes a backseat and everything starts revolving around the ill person.

    I can just advise you to keep your chin up, get your rest and take care of yourself. The rest is up to the doctors and God. Old age is nothing that we can do about but in taking care of your father, you must not lose out on your own health and well being.

    All the best....and of course, if there is shoulder that you need to cry on, or just talk further, I am here for you!!

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    SB Addict abhishekghosh's Avatar
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    Parents are the best gift of God one can ever get in life. Feel absolutely great about the fact that you are helping your father out at the time when he needs the most. Forgive me, but I am sorry to say that boys of this day and age are mostly useless and it is best not to depend upon them. Since your father is 73, it is quite natural for problems of bowel and bladder control to occur. Dont blame yourself by nurturing the fact that you may have done something wrong causing your father to suffer as such. I would insist that try to maintain hygiene so that the problem of bed sores and their subsequent infection due to faeces should not occur. I would also advise you to visit the doctor, so that he may plan out some alternative way of nutrition for your father. Though I dont know much about this and could be wrong, but I guess the bank offers a loan called as the Disability loan which may help you financially. All in all, help your father get out of this situation of physical and emotional crisis with a strong will and happy heart in yourself. Know that you are performing your duty at this stage more than expected.

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    often take your children to him try to make him feel happy. Grandparents love their grand son and daughter...also...bring him the food he generelly likes and enjoys to eat....its tough time for him but i think that will work..if ur husband supports u please take him to ur house with you for a while and give him a change..in routine...
    hope this helps..

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    jab aap chotte the toh apke mata pita ne apkon khilaya kudaya... bada kiyan apki har ek choti choti baat ka dyan rakha....

    now the time is yours... you have to take care of him.... from ur message i can seee ur brothers are not taking care of ur father.. means he is lacking love
    you can give it to him he wants someone to talk with to share his feeling..
    talk with ur husband and take care of him

    old people are like small children they need gr8 attention and love...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    I lost my mother four years back and since then my father is losing his health. My father is 73 years old. Now he has stopped taking foods and getting weaker and weaker day by day. It hurts me when I see him not taking food and medicine.

    I am afraid, that he may start losing control over passing his urine and stool on the bed. Only imagination is enough to think what wrong would have done by my father that he is facing such a time and what wrong I would have done so these things are coming before me.

    My younger as well as elder brother have either stopped taking care of their father or not in a position to do so. I feel more hurt when I find that my younger brother says that his life has been ruined by his old and ailing father. I am getting depressed day by day. When I attend to my father, I lose attention to my work, which causes loss of money and socially also, I am suffering.
    On the other hand, my children are small and no separate space is available in my home. Please advise what to do and how to cope up with my confidence, and what is my duty at this stage. Thanks
    I laud you for being responsible for your father in his time of need when your siblings have given up. Don't blame yourself or your father for his ill health, it is only old age. Encourage your kids to take their meals with him they may make him eat. Ask the doctor for his bladder problems. Find a place near you for your father to live as your neighbor, that way he and your kids can have their privacy and live together. Also he will have the space to entertain his own friends and socialize with people his age. Ask your brothers/relatives/his friends to contribute towards his rent, medical and caregiver costs. Hope you can apply for some kinda loan to take care of all expenses. Most importantly please be patient and don't give up on him. Forget the duty do it out of love. He needs your support and presence more than you can imagine. Love is the best medicine in old age.
    Last edited by chickflick; 21-08-2009 at 10:33 AM.

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    SB Wizard Captain theachiever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    I lost my mother four years back and since then my father is losing his health. My father is 73 years old. Now he has stopped taking foods and getting weaker and weaker day by day. It hurts me when I see him not taking food and medicine.

    I am afraid, that he may start losing control over passing his urine and stool on the bed. Only imagination is enough to think what wrong would have done by my father that he is facing such a time and what wrong I would have done so these things are coming before me.

    My younger as well as elder brother have either stopped taking care of their father or not in a position to do so. I feel more hurt when I find that my younger brother says that his life has been ruined by his old and ailing father. I am getting depressed day by day. When I attend to my father, I lose attention to my work, which causes loss of money and socially also, I am suffering.
    On the other hand, my children are small and no separate space is available in my home. Please advise what to do and how to cope up with my confidence, and what is my duty at this stage. Thanks




    Hi there Hats off to u tht u r doing such a noble service and ur duty as well that is really laudable.....As for managing your things apart from your father....Plan ur priorities........Implement your task as per that.....But one thing is really shocking u r a woman with two children but still u find time for ur father......thts really very good.......but y isn't that the case with ur brothers??...Discuss ur problems with ur brothers.......and request them to help you in bettering ur dad's health ....If they don then i am really sorry to say but thts a fact....if they don take care of their dad their children will be doing the same to them as well........as every one passes that phase...and children do learn things from their parents so its necessary that u have a healthy atmosphere at home so as to ensure that ur children too take u as a role model and learn good things from you..........All the best and my best wishes to you.........

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    When I look back I am sure while bringing us up our parents must have faced numerous hardships, no sleep, cleaning up after us, our education, coping with our growing up mistakes and not for one child but for all of us children... Their means and income most probably did not grow at the rate our demands, our expenses grew and yet they tried. Never once they questioned or complained about their duties or responsibilities.

    Old age is a role reversal and now you are becoming 'parent of your parent'. Though not easy taking care of an elderly patient specially knowing that coming days will not get any better or easier and will have a lot of stress on your financial, social and personal life, all one can say is

    Take Care of Yourself first and foremost as Taking care of yourself is your most important step as a caregiver. Hold on to your sanity and do not go in to a depression and look after your health as your father and the family needs you

    Ask for Help. Ask your brothers to atleast financially contribute a little so that you are able to afford a part time help for few hours every day to look after your father. Let your brothers or their spouses take turns to come and look after him for few hours as convenient, so that you can meet your social and other duties

    Stay positive and don't let your father feel that he is a burden in his last few years like he never made any of you feel.

    Consider it a blessing that he is there and atleast recognizes you as not all of us are as lucky

    I know all we are able to offer are some encouraging words but I hope they help

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    hey there!!
    u r relally really good!! keep up the good work and dont get depressed..

    this is not happening to u coz u or dad or anyone else sinned.. all this is part parcel of life.be brave and face it.

    when u were little ur dad might have gone through many such problems and much more to bring u up... u r lucky u got a chance to repay him(though u cannot fully repay all his efforts)

    when u go to work please concenterate on work..and try not to think about anything else... there was a time in my life when my mama was admitted in hospital for last stage cancer..and i was lecturer..and studnets had exams nearing... i went to college..and taught them with all efforts..and no when i did my duty i didnt think of any problems.. as soon as i wud finish teaching run to hospital to see my mom.Please try ur best.

    lastly plz dont worry about room at home.. when u keep ur dad happy and take care of him with ur best abilities..god will surely bless u with a palace like home..believe me!!!
    also ur dad might be missng his wife... so try ur level best to keep him happy...
    * send him for evneing walks with ur kids(wen he gets better)
    * send ur kids to talk and play with him and entertain him
    * ask him to watch Tv and enjoy tv..
    * teach him some games to play iwith kids...ludo,snakes and ladders
    * teach him internet access..
    when he gets active..and take interest in living..his health will surely improve

    dont complain abt ur brothers in front of him..and u too dont complain abt them..its coz of them that u got this good oppurtunity...

    if u r having financial problem..ask ur brother to pay u a little as help.. what ever is convinient for them.

    MAy god bless u immensely..and may ur dad's health improve soon...

    TAKE GOOD CARE

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