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Thread: In love with girl of different religion

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    Red face In love with girl of different religion

    After reading so much from this thread…I finally thought to put down my problem and just hoping to get some genuine reply regarding my problem.

    Well, I am Muslim boy (24 yrs) and in relation with a Hindu girl (25). We love each other a lot and ready to spend our life which each other. But as usual our family is against our relation just because of so called Hindu Muslim thing. Damn

    The problem here is not of our parent is against our relation but the problem here is that my love herself is not clear and always talk negative about our relation. She always asks me to end this relation. She is very demanding, short tempered and blunt. She never thing before saying anything but I am totally opposite. In short I can say that she is very demanding but problem is not her domination but her misconception about my religion. I never forced anything w.r.t to my religion nor I ever spoke against her parent and religion. She knows very well that I am very weak emotionally but she always say something against my religion but I am ok with that too but when I try to explain her she never understand. She will always have wrong regards for Muslim community even I f die explaining her misconception will never change

    The problem is that she never understands my situation she keeps on doing the same thing which hurts me badly and she say sorry when I cry and beg to her but at the end she repeat the same thing. She has been speaking against my family, my community, my friends and my religion and I listen to everything only for the sake of continuing this relation. Not even on one single moment I ever thought of ending this relation because of any reason be it religion or anything else. But she easily says that she want to end this relation as this not going to be successful in long term. I told her that we will live separately, I can talk to her per parent, I already told to my parent regarding our relation and they are not fully ready to support because of their own reins. But even after giving all kind of explanation she doesn’t seems to understand.

    One thing is very clear that I won’t be able to live without her. I can’t survive without her even for 1 hour. Mein duniya ke saath lad sakta hoon, parent ke saath lad sakta hoon, friends ke saath lad sakta but jis insaan ke liye lad raha aakhir mein mujhe uss insaan ke saath ladna padta jata hai aur yeh mujhe bohot hurt karta hai.

    The only reason I am continuing this relation and I am finding difficult to end this relation is because we have got physical for over last 8 month and I can’t imagine anyone else as my life partner. I want to her to mine forever till my last breadth. I can’t survive without her even for 1 hour. I always told her one thing and that is ki I will do everything for her except one thing and that is converting to her religion and never demanded anything from her even I want her to remain same. I don’t want her to convert to my religion but she always have this thing in her mind that after marriage I will force her to convert into my religion and which I will never do. In fact I have also told her that when our child will be born I want our child to be Hindu just for the sake of my love happiness. But nothing seems to convince her.

    One thing is very clear and even she knows very well that if I don’t get her I will end my life. Because it just difficult to imagine my life without her. Her misconception about my religion is affecting our relationship. I just don’t want to fight with her for any damn reason. I am only asking from her is strong support regarding our relation, good understanding and emotional support. Even she loves me a lot and she care for me a lot and I know that she is not going to marry anyone except me. She also love me the same way as I love her but one difference is affecting our relation and that is her misconception about my religion. Its been one year today and I am just not able clear her misconception and the thing which hurt me that most is that she believe others very easily but never understand to my explanations. For last one year she has been saying sorry to me after all argument because she know that she has hurt me but I just wonder how long I will have to listen to this sorry which I don’t want from her. I want her understanding and support.

    I am tired of this unending fight and arguments. Please help me out on this regards. I don’t want to loose her at any cost.

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Brother,

    I am a "Hindu" and i respect "Muslims" .. Infact, I go to Dargah more often than I go to Mandir.. !! It's all in the Mind.. !! the truth is whatever we do, how much "Hindu-Muslim bhai bhai" slogans we raise, there always will be a Difference.. !!

    This is because of the people around us.. !! I would never have anything against Muslims or any community.. But i can't guarantee about my parents or grand parents.. !! This is because we are born in a country that has suffered a lot due to Religious fights..!! Terrorism makes it worse.. !! People don't want to understand the simple fact that "all terrorists are muslims, but all muslims are not terrorists" .. !! (In regard to common belief in India)

    In your case, the girl is "obsessed" with religion.. !! She is wrong in every aspect and everyone including me would ask you to leave her.. !! But as your said that "you won't" , i complete understand how much you love her.. !!

    You can probably change your religion to Hinduism.. !! Plz note that "I am not in favour of changing religion, i am just letting you know the options" .. !!

    Changing your religion might let her knw how much you love her.. Also her parents would be much more convinced... !! But i don't think you family would accept you after this.. !! But, as u said, u can leave everything for her.. !!

    Mate, If i were you, I would never leave my Parents/religion for a girl who is so insensitive.. !! Please think what you are doing.. !!

    Do u wanna marry a girl who degrades Allah...? I am not too sure.. !!

    G'day

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    Hi my dear,

    What an unfortunate thing that such differences are coming up in what seems an otherwise perfect love.

    Now, here's my take on this. See, my dear, to my mind, love is above any kind of human divide. Your girl seems to not understand this and you say yourself that she is not too convinced about your stand either. she also knows that her comments will hurt her but still she persists in her comments and doubts.

    Now the thing is that you can fight against the world, but what do you do when the person you are fighting for is not on your side? I think that you will just have to ask her clearly what her long term plans are. Does she see a future with you? Sometimes, these types of differences crack up the relationship really badly.

    I do, really appreciate your stand on this. You seem to be a boy crazy in love and ready to take all sorts of stands for your love. But, please, please find out what it is that your girl wants. it would be better to get clarity on that before you pick a quarrel with the world, no?

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Hi my dear,

    What an unfortunate thing that such differences are coming up in what seems an otherwise perfect love.

    Now, here's my take on this. See, my dear, to my mind, love is above any kind of human divide. Your girl seems to not understand this and you say yourself that she is not too convinced about your stand either. she also knows that her comments will hurt her but still she persists in her comments and doubts.

    Now the thing is that you can fight against the world, but what do you do when the person you are fighting for is not on your side? I think that you will just have to ask her clearly what her long term plans are. Does she see a future with you? Sometimes, these types of differences crack up the relationship really badly.

    I do, really appreciate your stand on this. You seem to be a boy crazy in love and ready to take all sorts of stands for your love. But, please, please find out what it is that your girl wants. it would be better to get clarity on that before you pick a quarrel with the world, no?


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    thanks for sharing your view Preeto Mam and a_decent_1

    i truly appreciate your view. you are saying the same thing what i am trying to explain her. i was just speaking to her.. she again said sorry...and also said that she get influenced by other people opinion about Muslim community...what i am trying to explain her is that i am different Muslim and i don't sponsor hatred which is against Islam teaching. but it just her changing mind which affect our relation.

    my love her is very strong and even she wont be able to live without me but her misconception is affecting. sometime she say that we will live separately and will start our life from the scratch but suddenly don't know what happen to her she again lost her thought and start looking me in different manner.my parent have already agreed to me staying with her in different house as society will not easily allow us to stay together. but still she think that i might do what my parent will say...i have had lots of discussion and argument explaining my parent regarding her's importance in my life and they know very well what she means to me.

    just now only she was saying that "she is scared that i might change after our marriage...and wont be same as i might follow my family wishes"...but how should i convince her that i wont change my self and i will remain same...its becoming very daunting task for me to explain and convince her...

    just for your information i am from mumbai and she from a relatively small town from UP. she is well educated than me. but i am much stable in my career path than her. is this differences having anything do with our relation? is difference in upbringing and culture is having any effect on our relation? i am very forward looking person where else she still stuck to this so called caste system....i just get very irritated when anyone talks about caste...i don't know why people don't understand one thing that at the end of the day we all are human being and we all are same in terms of humanity. hmm

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovenlove View Post
    thanks for sharing your view Preeto Mam and a_decent_1

    i truly appreciate your view. you are saying the same thing what i am trying to explain her. i was just speaking to her.. she again said sorry...and also said that she get influenced by other people opinion about Muslim community...what i am trying to explain her is that i am different Muslim and i don't sponsor hatred which is against Islam teaching. but it just her changing mind which affect our relation.

    my love her is very strong and even she wont be able to live without me but her misconception is affecting. sometime she say that we will live separately and will start our life from the scratch but suddenly don't know what happen to her she again lost her thought and start looking me in different manner.my parent have already agreed to me staying with her in different house as society will not easily allow us to stay together. but still she think that i might do what my parent will say...i have had lots of discussion and argument explaining my parent regarding her's importance in my life and they know very well what she means to me.

    just now only she was saying that "she is scared that i might change after our marriage...and wont be same as i might follow my family wishes"...but how should i convince her that i wont change my self and i will remain same...its becoming very daunting task for me to explain and convince her...

    just for your information i am from mumbai and she from a relatively small town from UP. she is well educated than me. but i am much stable in my career path than her. is this differences having anything do with our relation? is difference in upbringing and culture is having any effect on our relation? i am very forward looking person where else she still stuck to this so called caste system....i just get very irritated when anyone talks about caste...i don't know why people don't understand one thing that at the end of the day we all are human being and we all are same in terms of humanity. hmm
    There you go.. !!

    Your and her "upbringing" is poles apart... !! You can't even imagine how she would think about your Religion.. !! In U.P, there is common belief that Muslims are slaughters.. "Kasai" is the word.. !!

    Look, she is "insecure" .. !! I'll try and make you understand her way of thinking.. !! What she is Thinking is :-

    (1) If she goes against everyone and marry you, she will be thrown out by her community..!! She would never be allowed to come back to her place in future.. !! She is afraid that if anything goes wrong after marriage and you end up in a divorce, where would she go..? Her community/parents would NEVER accept her back.. !!

    (2) She is afraid of the Reaction of her Parents.

    (3) She is concerned about the Reputation of her family.. !! If she marrys you, there are chances that people might not allow her family to live in their community.. !! U.P is quite native and people are very restrictive in their thinking.. !!

    (4) She is concerned about YOUR FAMILY.. !! By what i imagine, she would be of the same belief as her Community.. !! Muslims are slaughters.. !! she might be afraid your parents would harm you and her family.. !!

    Take up these points by yourself and discuss them with her.. !! Let her know your views on it and what you would do.. !! Make her understand that there would be better times ahead.. !!

    Tell her that if u spend 1 year of tension and worries, there would be 60 years of Happiness "together" to follow.. !!

    You need to understand that a girl has to leave her Home and come to her husband's home Forever.. !! Just Empathise and try to feel how concerned you would be if u were in her place.. !!

    Things will work out slowly.. !!! "All people are Human Beings sounds good, but feels UNREAL at this point in time"

    I hope you end up being with her forever.. !! Just be Positive and Patient.. !!

    G'day

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    listen yaar....first of all there is nothing called "i cant live iwthout him/her"
    i loved a gl for 10 yaers got engaged to her and she left me coz she couldnt "adjust".she even said lots of times "i cant live without u"....gls say things lyk that bt in the end they are very practical(not all of them)...u love the gl genuinely so u can accept anything she gives nomatter how much bad it is...if she is also so much genuinely love with u then why cant she feel the same way...wen u love everything is perfect for u..if the gl dosnt think the same then she doesnt love u truly...i am not saying she doesnt love u but her love is weak and u will never have a successful relationship...

    just think u are raedy to sacrifice ur religion for her(which for any muslim is more important than lyf itself) and she is not ready to compromise a little bit for u....

    she will leave u sooner rather than later...
    leave her bfore she leaves u...i say this from personal experience...

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    Hello frnd,
    After reading the post I would like to share somthing with you m a 23 yr old hindu grl in love wid a muslim guy frm last 3 yrs,he is working in abroad we never met too much. We always meet once in a yr for 1 month becoz again he goes back 4 work. We r so deeply in love wid each other that its hard to explain we understand each other very well. He is d only sibling n his dad is not alive,he has only mother, he has introduced me to her mother 3 yrs back wen we happened to see each other d 1st time (we started as chat frnds) n told his mom how much he loves me, same happened wid me as well, i explained all 2 my parents 3 yrs back, but the current position is still at 'zero'. Neither at his home nor at mine they r accepting our relation,just becoz of d so called society. But still we r trying may be one day we'll find d path. Being a hindu i never found it dificult to adjust wid muslim becoz at the core we all r human beings wid a lovely heart wid a supernatural belief, i belief all prayers lend to the same God just the paths r different its up to u which path u choose n with wat u r compatible with. There is no harm in changing the religion if u r accepting it frm heart coz all r the paths to same God. Y partners should be of same religion? d reasson is just better compatibility through out the life.
    But what i think in your case its not sure whether the girl loves u or not,if she loves you she will like everything in you n everything u r attached to she wud start getting interest in that. She wud respect u, ur family, ur religion if not then SHE IS NOT IN LOVE. I m sorry 4 harsh words, but find the truth.
    All the best

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    Friend, if I were you, I would end the relation immediately. It's going NOWHERE. Your gf does NOT seem to love you truly. I wonder what the hell she wants. After coming this far in relation (and even getting physical), why on earth is she putting you down in terms of religion, community and all? I think she's very spiteful and disrespectful! She's behaving like enemy. Please don't be blind, yaar! The writing's clearly on the wall. This thing won't last much longer, trust me. You must not tolerate ANYTHING she says against your religion or community. She has no right to! And as far as changing your religion and converting is concerned, I would like to urge you not to do it. A true lover would never demand that you do so! Your religion and cultural sentiments are your own, you have grown up with them! They're rooted in you!
    You have had enough! I think it's time for you to take the strong step, let her go and move on. Very often we are disappointed like this, after investing many years into a relationship. But what isn't working isn't working. Don't waste another precious second of your life. She's treating you worse than shit. I don't think there are any chances this will indeed lead to a marriage. I see no way it would! It just won't happen yaar! It's already 'ended'. So gather your dignity and just walk out! I am hoping soon you will find a girl who will love you and respect you truly.

    And please don't say you will not survive without her. It is complete rubbish! Don't even think of taking your own life, when you know you deserve much better. There are so many nice girls out there! Why are you being so hopeless? Why are you being this way for a girl who treats you like a nothing?
    Last edited by wonderkid; 15-03-2009 at 09:46 AM.

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    Sry but as a muslim my advice is dont change your religion in any condition, love for your god should be more then anyone in the world. It'll be a big shirk if you change your religion for a girl. Salaam u alikum. Tc

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    Thanks you all for sharing your experiences and opinion. Much Appreciated

    let me make you all one thing very clear...i will do everything for her except one thing and that is converting to other religion.

    i respect her religion and i am just asking her the same respect for my religion...and i don't think i am asking anything wrong from her...its not even a demand but a small request to her...but unfortunately...wenva her mood changes everything changes completely...all her love for me go to back burner...and all that matter to her is that "i am Muslim". i was not ready for getting into physical relation with her just because i wanted to establish a strong relationship with her but again here i was questioned and asked to explain my love for her...its just this one thing which hurts me...that we got physical...and we became very close to each other....her elder sister says me that i just care for her too much...and i don't deserve her...because she can never understand my love for her...i pray to god each day that all our differences (specially her differences and misconception) are removed and we just become one union.

    she lack maturity which i can understand...she is not that pampered girl but she is little bit more practical than me and stronger than me...but my love is very strong for her....and i want to win her by my love and not by forcing her to do anything...i am waiting and taking all risk and chances to win her...but thing are not working fine...even she accept that she wont be able to love me the way i love her...but i am not asking that same love from her...but i am only asking her to understand what i am for her...but she just don't seems to understand and trust me....my only question to you all people is give me ways by which i can win her trust(i am not asking for respect) but only that trust...which i have in her blindly.

    many people have told me to end this relation not only from this forum but all me close friend and people who understand me and echoed that same sentiment regarding this relation...but its my weakness that i am finding it difficult to end especially after get physical...from childhood i always begged for love and care...which unfortunately i never got from my family...this girl care for me...she fight for me with other wenva anyone says wrong about me...but i am only asking for her true love and love...she shows concern for me...but don't why she let me cry so easily...she promised me that she will neva let me cry again but unfortunately she repeat the same thing...

    weakness is in me and not in her...its me who is ruining myself...but i don't mind getting completely destroyed for this love...because for me there nothing called "another love or second love". let see how much so call GOD's will do for me...if god is so strong and powerful then i think he will one day surely give me her...damn religion and caste... i don't want to be looser but want to win her in anyways.

    Preeto Mam... i am waiting to hear more from you...sorry if i sound demanding...it my request(this doesn't mean that i am not concerned with other members of this forum...i am ready to hear from every one)...many people shared their opinion for which i thank for taking out time for me and sharing their valuable opinion and concern.

    Thanks you all

    Great day to you all..take care
    Last edited by lovenlove; 15-03-2009 at 01:33 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mehmood69 View Post
    Sry but as a muslim my advice is dont change your religion in any condition, love for your god should be more then anyone in the world. It'll be a big shirk if you change your religion for a girl. Salaam u alikum. Tc
    dont worry...my IMAAN is very strong and it will remain strong

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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    There you go.. !!

    Your and her "upbringing" is poles apart... !! You can't even imagine how she would think about your Religion.. !! In U.P, there is common belief that Muslims are slaughters.. "Kasai" is the word.. !!

    Look, she is "insecure" .. !! I'll try and make you understand her way of thinking.. !! What she is Thinking is :-


    Things will work out slowly.. !!! "All people are Human Beings sounds good, but feels UNREAL at this point in time"

    I hope you end up being with her forever.. !! Just be Positive and Patient.. !!

    G'day
    Thanks...i know this...and this is the only reason why i am putting so much effort in this relation...thanks for replying and understanding my problem and echoing the same sentient. i will follow your suggest and in fact i have done the same what you are trying to say.

    Thanks and Take care

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    Default Best of Luck

    My view is not just on this particular issue but such affairs can sometimes make way for bigger problems than anticipated. When my friend married a Muslim girl he must have never ever thought that more than 20 people would be killed and more than 10 houses left burnt.We all are humans and at any point we may fall in love with a person , but it has to not happen that finally you both suffer and everyone around you suffer. We all have to accept that we live in a communalized society and I am scared that extremist groups will make the best use of it. This is only a advice my brother and I don’t even think your girl is fully prepared for it.I am personally against conversion, you are born as a Muslim and she as Hindu no paper works can take away your emotions and tradition away from you. I don’t know how to express my views because I am not good at that and every time I tried it SB members got me wrong. As I said I am not against any religion, I love my and I respect other religion.

    God never wants us to be in trouble, If you don’t get what you want it is because God wants to give you something better that this or he is saving you from potential dangers. Don’t blame God for what you have not got in life, may be we are not eligible for it !.
    Last edited by yarana; 16-03-2009 at 03:15 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lovenlove View Post
    many people have told me to end this relation not only from this forum but all me close friend and people who understand me and echoed that same sentiment regarding this relation...but its my weakness that i am finding it difficult to end especially after get physical...from childhood i always begged for love and care...which unfortunately i never got from my family...this girl care for me...she fight for me with other wenva anyone says wrong about me...but i am only asking for her true love and love...she shows concern for me...but don't why she let me cry so easily...she promised me that she will neva let me cry again but unfortunately she repeat the same thing...

    weakness is in me and not in her...its me who is ruining myself...but i don't mind getting completely destroyed for this love...because for me there nothing called "another love or second love". let see how much so call GOD's will do for me...if god is so strong and powerful then i think he will one day surely give me her...damn religion and caste... i don't want to be looser but want to win her in anyways.
    What are you doing?! You said you want to win this girl! She is not worthy of 'winning', trust me. Why must you suffer all the penances in order to have her? I personally don't think she deserves you at all! I tell you, God has different plans for you. Do not defy God's will! If you force yourself to stay in a relation that isn't doing you any good, then you will be stunting your own growth and well-being! Only you are making yourself out to be weak. You are being emotionally dependent on this girl, to the point that even if she uses you as a doormat, you will accept that! It's emotional dependence, and trust me... it isn't going to help you and nor is it going to help anyone. Your gf has no excuse for being immature and having her thoughts and views influenced easily. She's not a child. She's 25, for god's sake! Not only that, she has been with you in spite of knowing that you are of a different faith. Why, then, is she treating you like a doormat? Don't make excuses for her! You are so blind in her love, that you do not even realise how much happiness you can get elsewhere! You don't even realise there are so many nice girls out there who would give you the love and respect that you deserve, if not more! So what if you have been craving for love since childhood? We all have been! And that doesn't mean you should stick to the person who treats you badly and hurts you day and night! I think having no lover is better than having a lover like this! You think your life would have no meaning without this girl but trust me.... for your own good, you need to get out of this relation if the basic problem cannot be solved. Otherwise your life will waste away in misery, and such a life isn't worth living. I can tell you that out of all the people in your life, this girl loves you the least (if she even loves you at all). Your life doesn't belong to any girl. It belongs to you only! Don't let some girl set your self-image or sense of self worth. Your sense of self worth should depend on yourself only! Before you love someone, you need to first learn to love yourself. If you cannot do that, no use loving someone else! And in order to seek happiness, love, respect, acceptance and peace of mind, you have got to do what you got to do, since nobody else will do it for you. So I am urging you... please don't be so blind in your love. Don't be emotionally dependent on this girl. There are other people in your life who love you and care for you, and hurting yourself would mean hurting them also. You need to get out of this situation ASAP!

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