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Thread: Jealousy is impacting my relationship

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    New Born commando_007's Avatar
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    Default Jealousy is impacting my relationship

    ***** I have been in the relationship with my g/f for the last three years, the problem started around 2 months back when i came to know about her old male friends , i read some messages in her mobile, alothough when asked she said they r her old friends and nothing more then that, but i still dont agree with her, i know she loves me a lot and cant live without me but i always think otherway, don;t know what to do, these things really hampering our relationship and we are fighting almost everyday. She said she cant stop talking to them thats her personnel choice .. plz advise how to save the relation now.. i feel mentally and physically very weak now a days...
    Last edited by commando_007; 15-04-2009 at 09:53 AM.

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    There's a phase in these relationship where there's need for both partners to give each others enough space.. I know, it really bother you, somehow, make you feel insecure but you can think that by giving space that does not mean love is decreasing... And it all depends what you read in those msgs?? was it a normal and casual msg.. then you should not make that a big issue..

    Look if you'll keep restricting, this is where fights will be starting.. and detoriating relationships more... She has told you clearly she cant.. then you cant impose things on her because this is what is going to create rifts among you..

    See now if you really feeling insecure.. Just start keeping contact with some friends(girls) you too.. She loves you a lot like you do and she'll surely feel jealous... Make as if these things(she sms other friends(boy) is no more a matter and you too do the same... With time when she'll know things might change.. Now dont let her know that you are doing that purposely.. take it light dear..

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    New Born commando_007's Avatar
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    zia, exactly the same she says everytime we fight(specially space and insecurity words).. but i just cant do the same what she is doing.... anyways thanks for the suggestion...

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    New Born Sweet15's Avatar
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    I think you should try to do it at least...

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    New Born commando_007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet15 View Post
    Dude.. am not telling you to get into other relationships.. but just be friend even with your existing friends(girl) just say hi etc to them... at least just try to show off and try to see if there is some change.. because.. you wont be able to stop her doing that just directly... you'll have to do it indirectly... Now its up to you...

    thks for the suggestion dear

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    Really you see... thats what she wants.. and guess you really feel insecure, right?? but dear if in these situations you persist your relationship may detoriate more... Try to do it even if you cant dear... or if you cant then just let time do everything.. give her some time.. try not to be so possesif and take it lighly..

    Another way you can feel light if you dont want to do what i told you is that set a clear communication between you both.. tell her that its ok if you want to keep contacts with your friends but never ever let you feel inferior... because that will hurt you... because you are the one whom i give the first priority and since we love each other it should be the same on both sides...

    Because remember the more you'll be after someone the more the person tend to be distant.. so handle it wisely.. dont do things that will make you regret later.. And i think trust is the key factor in all relationships... you love her learn to trust her as well if you really think she loves you too..

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    New Born commando_007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zia1507 View Post
    Really you see... thats what she wants.. and guess you really feel insecure, right?? but dear if in these situations you persist your relationship may detoriate more... Try to do it even if you cant dear... or if you cant then just let time do everything.. give her some time.. try not to be so possesif and take it lighly..

    Another way you can feel light if you dont want to do what i told you is that set a clear communication between you both.. tell her that its ok if you want to keep contacts with your friends but never ever let you feel inferior... because that will hurt you... because you are the one whom i give the first priority and since we love each other it should be the same on both sides...

    Because remember the more you'll be after someone the more the person tend to be distant.. so handle it wisely.. dont do things that will make you regret later.. And i think trust is the key factor in all relationships... you love her learn to trust her as well if you really think she loves you too..

    you are absolutely right, i feel insecure all the times, and may be she wants that only so that i can be like dat, i m too pssessive about her thats true but guess what if i m doing the same thing which she is doing , will she be with me at that point or she will just leave me .... thats wat i afraid

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by commando_007 View Post
    you are absolutely right, i feel insecure all the times, and may be she wants that only so that i can be like dat, i m too pssessive about her thats true but guess what if i m doing the same thing which she is doing, will she be with me at that point or she will just leave me .... thats wat i afraid

    Have you left her when you got to know that she's keeping contacts with others?????

    Nooo.. Why?? Because you love her a lot... You tried to talked to her rather than breaking up with her.. tried to solve.. because you know you love her a lot...

    You said you know that she loves you a lot too.. so dont worry she wont just leave you... if she really loves you she too will come up by talking to you... Then you both can solve the matter... but dont just keep arguing... try to be calm.. and see what can be done...

    I know you dont want to take risk to lose her because you love her a lot, right?? But dear you wont be able to stop that insecurity in you just like that... it come automatically..

    But if you can try not to feel insecure then do it by trusting her... and let the flow come as its coming... because there's no harm in having normal friends... we dont live solely for only one person here..

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by commando_007 View Post
    ***** I have been in the relationship with my g/f for the last three years, the problem started around 2 months back when i came to know about her old male friends , i read some messages in her mobile, alothough when asked she said they r her old friends and nothing more then that, but i still dont agree with her, i know she loves me a lot and cant live without me but i always think otherway, don;t know what to do, these things really hampering our relationship and we are fighting almost everyday. She said she cant stop talking to them thats her personnel choice .. plz advise how to save the relation now.. i feel mentally and physically very weak now a days...
    Mate,

    "Please" Mention your Age when you ask a question. !!

    Anyways, After "3" years into the relationship, i don't understand what makes you feel insecure... !! Look Man, we all have past and we all have friends.. !! You should rather understand what she is saying.. !!

    If you "Push" her to stop talking to her friends, she might get offended and react like she did.. Try to make her "understand" .. Since you have her for THREE Years, you would definitely know how to make her emotional and hence, make her understand bu herself.. !!

    Keeping that apart, I dont see any reason why you should be worried.. !! Man, we all have friends.. Both male and females and there is NOTHING wrong in it. It is just the way we think. I think you must TRUST and RESPECT her.. !! Always remember that If yo force her, you're digging your own grave. !! She would never listen to anything you force on her. That's how a girl thinks.. !! and Nobody can change it. She might understand for a few months but then she'll eventually feel too restricted. !!

    The BEST is to "ACCEPT" her Friends.. !! Her having friends does not mean she will leave you or anything. And trust me, if she is "that" kind of girl, she wont need OLD friends to cheat you.. If a girl wants to cheat you, she can make new friends.. !! Right?

    Please think over it and I'd advice you to get over it and tell her that "It's Okay" .. !! Trust me, she would feel better and it would only make your relationship STRONGER.. !! When we feel our partner trusts us, we try NOT to break his/her trust all the more. !

    G'day

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zia1507 View Post
    Have you left her when you got to know that she's keeping contacts with others?????

    Nooo.. Why?? Because you love her a lot... You tried to talked to her rather than breaking up with her.. tried to solve.. because you know you love her a lot...

    You said you know that she loves you a lot too.. so dont worry she wont just leave you... if she really loves you she too will come up by talking to you... Then you both can solve the matter... but dont just keep arguing... try to be calm.. and see what can be done...

    I know you dont want to take risk to lose her because you love her a lot, right?? But dear you wont be able to stop that insecurity in you just like that... it come automatically..

    But if you can try not to feel insecure then do it by trusting her... and let the flow come as its coming... because there's no harm in having normal friends... we dont live solely for only one person here..

    very rightly said but u see, we do things which gives us pleausre, i love her because it makes me happy, inseucity, yes thats the problem i m facing, whenever things go bad i keep quite and make things more difficult, i m very aggressive in nautre, i afraid of loosing my control while arguing so i better keep my mouth shut at times, what i feel i m not very gud in solving issues, i drag things a lot and keep those issues so close to my heart for long.... i started going to disco, parties with friends but alas nothing worked out for me,, i am actually so much personify with her charm that i seek happiness while talking and meeting her(not much about physical) we cried a lot on those issues but whenever it happens again we go to the scratch.....

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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    Mate,

    "Please" Mention your Age when you ask a question. !!

    Anyways, After "3" years into the relationship, i don't understand what makes you feel insecure... !! Look Man, we all have past and we all have friends.. !! You should rather understand what she is saying.. !!

    If you "Push" her to stop talking to her friends, she might get offended and react like she did.. Try to make her "understand" .. Since you have her for THREE Years, you would definitely know how to make her emotional and hence, make her understand bu herself.. !!

    Keeping that apart, I dont see any reason why you should be worried.. !! Man, we all have friends.. Both male and females and there is NOTHING wrong in it. It is just the way we think. I think you must TRUST and RESPECT her.. !! Always remember that If yo force her, you're digging your own grave. !! She would never listen to anything you force on her. That's how a girl thinks.. !! and Nobody can change it. She might understand for a few months but then she'll eventually feel too restricted. !!

    The BEST is to "ACCEPT" her Friends.. !! Her having friends does not mean she will leave you or anything. And trust me, if she is "that" kind of girl, she wont need OLD friends to cheat you.. If a girl wants to cheat you, she can make new friends.. !! Right?

    Please think over it and I'd advice you to get over it and tell her that "It's Okay" .. !! Trust me, she would feel better and it would only make your relationship STRONGER.. !! When we feel our partner trusts us, we try NOT to break his/her trust all the more. !

    G'day
    i m 29,,, but dear its very hard to do such things, but still i tried and again try... tks dear

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by commando_007 View Post
    i m 29,,, but dear its very hard to do such things, but still i tried and again try... tks dear
    Love is "never" Easy mate.. !!
    You can't expect a bed of Roses everyday..!!

    Mate, When we are in a relationship, things like "TRUST" and "RESPECT" rate higher than LOVE alone.. !! Love should never become a "restriction" ..!!

    Make her feel HAPPY to be in love. Please understand that if u continue to Doubt and restrict her, she'll feel Love was a mistake.. !! Love means to set your Partner free.. !!

    If your Partner wants to cheat, She'll cheat even if there are a billion restrictions put on you by her. !! But, if she is Loyal, she would never do anything that breaks your trust. ... Trust me on that.. !!

    What you are doing would make her feel that you are "doubting" her intentions.. !! That would force her to behave in an offending manner. !!

    G'day

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by commando_007 View Post
    very rightly said but u see, we do things which gives us pleausre, i love her because it makes me happy, inseucity, yes thats the problem i m facing, whenever things go bad i keep quite and make things more difficult, i m very aggressive in nautre, i afraid of loosing my control while arguing so i better keep my mouth shut at times, what i feel i m not very gud in solving issues, i drag things a lot and keep those issues so close to my heart for long.... i started going to disco, parties with friends but alas nothing worked out for me,, i am actually so much personify with her charm that i seek happiness while talking and meeting her(not much about physical) we cried a lot on those issues but whenever it happens again we go to the scratch.....
    I know dear.. i can feel how you actually feeling.. You are very much in love with her.. Yep its good that you remain quiet and dont be aggressive... your relationship is enough long and i think you should trust her.. this happens in all relationships, you know a time come when you think WHY iTS NOT LIKE BEFORE???

    I know you try to divert your mind.. do this and that but nothing work or it works but only for few minutes... Keep trying dear and try not to think this negatively... Show her you trust her... dont show her your insecurity now.. even if you dont feel good dont show her.. be patient or else things between you will detoriate... she'll feel fed up with the relationship if there's too much of fights... Dont do things that will make you regret later...

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    hey Dude

    take a bunch of flowers, play some music, dont speak a word and dance with her. And then move on with ur life. And trust me , everyone can live without anyone. and yes its her personal choice to speak to whoever she wants to . U loved her for who she was, so dont start loving her for who she is not.

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    New Born commando_007's Avatar
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    this is really amazing, tks everybody for suggesting those wonderfull thoughts, it really worked (atleast for now lolzzzzzz). but yes i have understood all insecurity (no), jealousy(no), space (yes), love (loads of), possessivness(upto the limit),

    THANKS SO MUCH EVERYBODY..............................>>>>>>

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