Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: How to give advice

  1. #1
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    61,027
    Rep Power
    100

    Default How to give advice



    How to give advice

    It is presumptuous of us to offer advice on how to give advice, but sharing one’s opinion or experience in this manner is a subtle art form. Good advice that is properly communicated is priceless, but there are so many ways to give good advice in a very poor manner.

    Learn to give advice well and people will hold you in high regard because they come away from a discussion with you feeling more intelligent, more confident and more in control of their situation. You can achieve this without ever really offering up any direct advice.

    The key to giving advice is to know the difference between passive venting and active solicitation. And when you have been solicited for advice, you need to approach these situations the way life and career coaches approach their work: namely, not by giving answers, but by asking the right questions.

    Follow this guide on how to give advice.


  2. #2
    New Born ankm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    85

    Default

    Dear Agony Aunt

    Thank you for your valuable advises always. I have posted my query last week but not yet received any reply from your side. Can you please look it again.

    Quote

    I need some help. My son is 6 ½ yrs old, last week when he came back home after playing with his friends , he was very happy and laughing i asked him why he is laughing he shyly told me that he kissed his friend on her tummy, i was shocked and asked why on tummy he simply said that she asked me to do so, she kissed my tummy and i kissed her ( the girl is 7 yr old). He said that she was saying that we will get married when will grew up. I listened all the things calmly and discussed the matter with my wife. We both sat with him and told him not to do these things again as you are too young to do these thing be a good friend play with her discuss other things like name of the colors, fruits, something like this. We were happy that we made him realise that these things are not good for him. But two days ago my wife got a call from one of our neighbor that she saw his son ( who is 5 yr old) and my son playing with their private parts. She scolded her son badly and called my wife immediately. Now we are thinking what to do. Me and my wife both are working my son and my daughter ( 1 year old) lives with their grand parents whole day and they are taking good care of them. My son is good in studies and sports both he participates in school competitions. My mom said that may be he has seen me and my wife doing something like this but we are sure that we have not done anything in front of our children’s. I understand from your various articles on the same topic that some children’s are curious about their body parts, but i think he is too young. Please advise how to handle these type of situations.

    Unquote

    For the past one week we are keeping a watch on our child's activities. But need your opinion on this matter. Rgds ANKM

  3. #3
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    61,027
    Rep Power
    100

    Default



    Venting and listening

    Venting is a satisfying experience. Something has been on your mind for days, and all of a sudden you let loose about it to a friend. You were just talking out loud, but the mere act of expunging these thoughts from your mind is cathartic, and even provides you with the start of a solution or two. Then, your friend chimes in with what you’ve done wrong, what you should do, and what he would do if he were you.

    Advice is best given -- and received -- when requested. Some of the worst advice you may ever give, and some of the worst you’ve ever gotten, is the unsolicited kind. Venting is an important part of the process of discovery, and unless it ends with a question like “So what do you think?” it is best to let our friends vent to us about their problems, nod or shake our heads in response, maybe throw out “that ****s” or “sounds like a *****” and keep our advice to ourselves unless they ask for it.

    This is particularly true when women vent. If you want to do right by a woman, let her vent, be a supportive listener, and wait for your cue to respond. If you never get it, you might consider asking, “You want my opinion?” and abiding by her answer.


  4. #4
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    61,027
    Rep Power
    100

    Default




    Asking questions

    If you are asked to give advice, and you want to avoid sounding patronizing or holier-than-thou, the most effective way to achieve this is to ask questions because:
    it forces that person to explore areas of their dilemma they have not yet considered;
    it permits them to find solutions for themselves and puts their decisions and the outcomes under their control;
    it allows you to dodge having to present an answer that you may not know in the first place or that may be wrong;
    you won’t seem patronizing because you aren’t presuming to have all the answers.

    While there is no step-by-step formula per se for the questions you ask, frame them around the five Ws: what, when, why, who, and how. These questions stand the best chance of being effective if they are specific, and if the answers to them are equally as specific.


  5. #5
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    61,027
    Rep Power
    100

    Default



    As an example, we’ll go with the following scenario: Concerned that his girlfriend has developed a drug problem, a friend asks you to give advice about whether he should plan an intervention.

    What: What has she done to make you think she’s got a problem? What’s she into? Is she drinking, doing coke, crystal meth? Does she lie about small things? Is she hiding things from you?

    Who: Who does she spend time with? Are these people known users? Who comes to mind when you imagine this intervention? Have you talked to them about her?

    Why: Why are you thinking about an intervention? Do you know anything about them? Before you go that far, have you confronted her? Asked her directly? What about her friends?

    How: Imagine putting together an intervention; you involve -- and worry -- a number of people about an issue that you’re not even certain exists. You get them into this room, then you deceive your girlfriend by lying about where you’re going.

    When: When do you think this needs to be done? Immediately? Is she putting herself in dangerous situations? What are the ramifications of waiting and watching? What would happen if you confronted her and she denied everything, or said you were crazy?


  6. #6
    Banned Lieutenant-Colonel
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,003
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Good and effective advice comes when one becomes part of the situation. Listening and understanding the story is the most important. And ofcourse asking questions to go in to the guts of the issue.

    good article preetoji! thanks a lot for this

  7. #7
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Wanderer
    Posts
    12,076
    Rep Power
    95

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ankm View Post
    Dear Agony Aunt

    Thank you for your valuable advises always. I have posted my query last week but not yet received any reply from your side. Can you please look it again.

    Quote

    I need some help. My son is 6 ½ yrs old, last week when he came back home after playing with his friends , he was very happy and laughing i asked him why he is laughing he shyly told me that he kissed his friend on her tummy, i was shocked and asked why on tummy he simply said that she asked me to do so, she kissed my tummy and i kissed her ( the girl is 7 yr old). He said that she was saying that we will get married when will grew up. I listened all the things calmly and discussed the matter with my wife. We both sat with him and told him not to do these things again as you are too young to do these thing be a good friend play with her discuss other things like name of the colors, fruits, something like this. We were happy that we made him realise that these things are not good for him. But two days ago my wife got a call from one of our neighbor that she saw his son ( who is 5 yr old) and my son playing with their private parts. She scolded her son badly and called my wife immediately. Now we are thinking what to do. Me and my wife both are working my son and my daughter ( 1 year old) lives with their grand parents whole day and they are taking good care of them. My son is good in studies and sports both he participates in school competitions. My mom said that may be he has seen me and my wife doing something like this but we are sure that we have not done anything in front of our children’s. I understand from your various articles on the same topic that some children’s are curious about their body parts, but i think he is too young. Please advise how to handle these type of situations.

    Unquote

    For the past one week we are keeping a watch on our child's activities. But need your opinion on this matter. Rgds ANKM
    Hey buddy,

    There was a similar thread posted a few days ago... I'd repeat the same wordings here... !!

    " He is not doig it for SEX, He is doig it out of Curiousity "

    It's NOT uncommon.. !! Most children of this age try and find out the facts about their Geitals.. !! They are always curious to know as to what makes them a boy and the other person a Girl.. !!

    If your neighour foud him playing with his private parts, he was doing just that - Playing... !!

    And about the Kiss on stomach, the girl must have seen it on T.V .. !!

    There is nothing to worry as long as you can keep an eye on your kid. You dont need to scold him. Make him understand.. Kids tend to understad with Love, rather than a beating.. !!

    G'day

  8. #8
    SB Legend Brigadier General
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    in.center.of.TALIBAN
    Posts
    22,326
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    tfs...............

  9. #9
    SB Champion abhay28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,339
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    It is presumptuous of us to offer advice on how to give advice, but sharing one’s opinion or experience in this manner is a subtle art form. Good advice that is properly communicated is priceless, but there are so many ways to give good advice in a very poor manner.

    Learn to give advice well and people will hold you in high regard because they come away from a discussion with you feeling more intelligent, more confident and more in control of their situation. You can achieve this without ever really offering up any direct advice.

    Cant be said any better!!!! Very nice!!!

  10. #10
    SB Champion Lieutenant addeell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    __The City Of Lights__
    Posts
    1,364
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    NIce Ideaz to give someone a good advice

  11. #11
    SB Champion Lieutenant saketskr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    1,938
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post


    Venting and listening

    Venting is a satisfying experience. Something has been on your mind for days, and all of a sudden you let loose about it to a friend. You were just talking out loud, but the mere act of expunging these thoughts from your mind is cathartic, and even provides you with the start of a solution or two. Then, your friend chimes in with what you’ve done wrong, what you should do, and what he would do if he were you.

    Advice is best given -- and received -- when requested. Some of the worst advice you may ever give, and some of the worst you’ve ever gotten, is the unsolicited kind. Venting is an important part of the process of discovery, and unless it ends with a question like “So what do you think?” it is best to let our friends vent to us about their problems, nod or shake our heads in response, maybe throw out “that ****s” or “sounds like a *****” and keep our advice to ourselves unless they ask for it.

    This is particularly true when women vent. If you want to do right by a woman, let her vent, be a supportive listener, and wait for your cue to respond. If you never get it, you might consider asking, “You want my opinion?” and abiding by her answer.

    wowowow amazing!

  12. #12
    ×║♥ਸੋਹਣੀ ਮੋਟੀ♥║× Lieutenant General
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    54,608
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    And we should not advice regarding how we ourself want the person to be

  13. #13
    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    7,041
    Rep Power
    100

    Default

    This ought to be made sticky . It's imperative......
    Crucial lessons indeed for when AA replying.
    Good going.

  14. #14
    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    3,462
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Nice one.... really there must be an appropriate order when advising!!!!!!!!!

Similar Threads

  1. Obama to give speech to Muslim world on June 4
    By javsayy in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-05-2009, 12:34 PM
  2. Expert Advice Shuts Brain Down !
    By Preeto Maam in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 29-03-2009, 07:49 AM
  3. GiVe AdviCe To PeRsON AbOvE YoU!
    By Khilaadi in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 263
    Last Post: 15-07-2008, 03:09 PM
  4. Her Tennis Attitude Will Make U Sweat...come And Prespire
    By mastdhamaal in forum International Celebrities
    Replies: 843
    Last Post: 03-07-2008, 09:22 AM
  5. Closed.Last Person to Reply Wins...!! Winner Announced!
    By Sam in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 351
    Last Post: 13-07-2006, 04:02 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •