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Thread: Badly betrayed by long term gf

  1. #1
    Young Gun
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    Default Badly betrayed by long term gf

    Hi Maam

    I dont know honestly from where should I start .. ok may be I should begin it from start .. I was 17 .. finished my 12 Class .. looking towards the career in Accounts .. with my grades and clearing the Entrance Test for Charatered Accountancy .. Everything working in favour for me during those days .. and then I have a very good friendship going with Sana, family friend since School days and we both know that it was more then friendship but still we didn't say those 3 magical words .. but with a matter of time .. I break the Ice and said it .. though honestly when i was saying it I realize that time its very hard thing for me atleast but as I said it was so obvious .. Her smile really help me out and thus our love story offically started in year 1997. But as she was 17 as well, She was also in 12 Class and similarly like me, things were really going well for her too and she cleared the Entrance Test in Medical College and get Admission in one of the Medical College. Medical College was in different city, so we get aparted and in those days as internet was still expensive and not that common like today, so our medium of communication was limited to writing letters and phone calls ( Mobile phones was not that common too that time) so it was matter of public telephone booth for us as like any common teenager we were not that eager to disclose our relationship to our parents. But then these thing don't hide for long, and one of my sister and mom did get aware of it and similarly her mom also get aware of our relationship but nobody talk about it (atleast in front of us) as our education have more importance then these things .. but again no one opposes us either so it was obvious that they dont mind our long distance relationship.

    Ok, let me move foward now, add 2 years, things certainly change for me career wise now as i finding it much tougher and was unable to clear the exams of CA in 2 attempts so far and I was literally at same place where I was 2 year ago (education wise i mean) which you can imagine was really hard to handle to any student who never fails in exams but getting fails was more common then getting Pass in Chartered Accountancy which I discover
    later. On the other side, She had completed 2 years and things was running quiet smooth her side. During that phase, she always comfy me and always says that she believes in me that thing would get better but mentally as i am from middle class family, though my parents didn't doubt much on my effort as they can surely see i was studying for 8 to 10 hours but still not getting through it .. but, I on the other hand, was really starting worrying about my career and starting making decision in my mind that I need to change my education line if i failed 3rd time as i can't waste my years like this as sometimes,I feel how much I try, Accountancy was not for me atleast. and then same thing happen I cannot do it 3rd time too ( I would like to add if some of u thinking about my inability to clear exams, Chartered Accountancy in Pakistan is the toughest thing atleast in 1990's as passing ratio is merely 10 to 20 percent). So like my some other friends, I also step away from CA, and the most common options for Commerce Students is to move in management or IT field and I choose IT Field. So I got an admission in Aptech for Computer Software Engineering course of 3 years and in mean while I completed my Bachelor in Commerce as well.

    Sana was not happy with my this move at all. She was the opinion, if i am leaving this field, then i should try go for Public Commission Exams. But she was not understanding my point of view as i can't take another risk in my career as again Public Service Commission exams happens in 1 year and that too its real tough and as I earlier said when you are middle class family, you have to moved swiftly in education to get job and start supporting ur family. So we do have fight on this issue but I never feels it can lead to something really extra ordinary.

    Fast Forward to 2000, I was in second year in Aptech and also clear my entrance test to get an admission in Post Graduate Diploma (Computer Science) from Karachi University as that's the only way, i will be eligible to sit in entrance test of Master In Computer Science from KU as that was i aiming for along with Aptech Course. On the other hand, Sana was in 4th year MBBS. During these years, i.e. between 1997 to 2001, we do meet up whenever she had holidays from college and when she come to karachi she do stay at our house for few days. And though, its more then 10 years now, all those memories of along with her, is still so fresh as its happen yesterday. I remember it was Nov 2000, she completely her 4th year exams and went on holidays to her home and i still remember we talked before a day of her leaving .. Everything between us was fine and i remember we did talk long that day as it was hard for us to communicate when she was at home. But still there was no sign from her that she is not happy with our relationship.

    She come back on first week of feb to college, and as normal i give her call. And i start realizing it from her talk that there is something going wrong. When i ask her a lot, she said that in holidays she had fight with her mom as she is not happy with our relationship and want all this end. And some where in line, she was trying to say that her family was not happy with my Educational progress and on the other hand as she is in last year of MBBS, they want her to get married as lots of marriage proposal are coming for her. And obviously, i was no where near to get married at that time. For me it was obvious shock, as i never thought it was coming but the way she was talking, I was fearing the worst as that she may be thinking of getting breakup. But still there was little hope for me as she didn't say it to me yet that's its all over. I talk to my mom about the whole situation and as she can see me emotional upset, like any other mom, she talk to her mom with the idea of getting us engaged and then in couple of years of time, we can get married. Honestly, i was really happy that day and i think of giving her surprise about this news on 14 Feb (off course becoz of valentine) which was after 2 days. And to surprise her more, I call in daytime (in against of evening time which was our routine for years) but something unusual happen. I remember, she lives in Block E of hostel but when i call and ask about her, one of her roomate tell me she is not here and she is waiting for my call in Block B for about hour now. I hang the phone but was really surprise that how she knows that i am going to call her in daytime and how can she waiting for my call. So i ring the college exchange, but this time, request for Block B, and when she comes on phone,I remember she really get surprise with my call which make my doubt certain that she was waiting for someone else call but not mine. Though, as i was still so excited about the news, I did tell her that my mom going to give call to her mom and talks about our engagement. But again, I realize she didn't get much happy about this news and tell me samething that her family will not going to agree on it. At that time, I again try to comfy her that don't worry mom will going to solve this issue and ended the call (But never knows that it was the last time i ever talked to her). Mom calls and then i know the other side of story. Her mom tells that its late now as they already have finalized her engagement with one of other family friends and when my mom says to her that u are not doing right by forcing her to marry someone else, Her mom get completely surpised and said its her choice and not ours and further she by herself really keen to get engaged and married to him and we are not forcing her at all. And after listening all this, Mom quietly excuse to her mom for getting aggressive on phone and eventually tell me what exactly happening on other side.

    Well I dont know how many can you imagine, but I was at my life low during that time. And was still in state of denial that she cannot do this to me and her family is certainly playing games as i can't even imagine of her betraying me like this. But that phone episode, and this thing certainly created doubts too in my mind. I try to call her couple of times but every time what i got she is not in her room response from other girls in hostel. I also write letter and send an email as well but there was no responses. But then, as time was passing by, i was getting more and more desperate to know the truth and i did wrong thing (but well at that time, everything was happening was also wrong). I start cracking her yahoo id thinking may be i get an clue what exactly she is upto. And indeed it was the way written in my life script to truth get reveal on me. Computers and Email were new those days and she was not that much smart while setting up her yahoo id and with lost password option (as knowing everything about her) i manage to get in her account just to find out that indeed she was playing this game with me since last October as I saw the emails of other guy and her replies. That guy was in his 30's and it appears that he was certainly belong to higher class of society and not from middle class family like us.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well child, its a sad story that you are telling me. I understand that your commitment to her was complete and so this whole thing must have been a great shock to you, specially when you sent an official proposal for her.

    It certainly would have been better if she had been honest with you and told you herself rather than you having to discover it this way.

    Anyway, what has happened has happened and hard though it may seem, its time for you to move on. I know it seems to you that you will never be able to get over this episode, but believe me, this will pass. You will get a job, and later get a nice, deserving girl too.

    You will just have to let this whole thing pass, let the girl go and most importantly, let the feelings of betrayal and bitterness from your heart go. Make a decision to move on and then do so!

  3. #3
    Young Gun
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    Thank you Maam for your reply but as it was long post and there was limit of character .. it didn't posted completely and then yesterday I waited for it to be posted but i think as new threads are Moderated so I cannot complete it yesterday .. so i am continuing it from very i left in first post, so please advice me after reading whole situation .. Thanx again for ur reply

    It was shock for me as its confirm that her mom was right and she was just making an excuse and trying to break up with family excuse. But surely it was the worst ending of 5 years of relationship for me. Mentally I was at low, as i realize at that time what it really means when you lost someone so close in ur life and specially in this fashion. And then i start living a dual life, in front of family, friends and outer world I appears as normal as nothing happen but inside i feel lonely and alone. I spent alot of nights thinking why she did this to me only because of money and status thing but then she atleast should had tell me as we never hide anything so how can she hide such a thing for me becoz we were friend first .. and simply it start getting norms for me of sleeping with shedding few tears as that's the best place for me where i can hide my feeling as no one there to see me. Though i would like add, mom sometimes did try to comfy me that with passing time you will forget everything as time is healing thing and i was also hoping the same then.

    Move forward to 2003, I was very nervous when i give the admission test for Masters In Computer Science, as it would be the biggest milestone in my career, if i manage to pull this up, as not only its means that I change my commerce background of education to Computer Science but also i am going to do it in best way possible as getting Admission in Karachi University and that's too in Computer Science is a big deal for even science student. And indeed i did it, with my effort and off course with the prayers of mom I manage to get it. But well, when things happen to me, they really do in each way. I find natasha in yahoo chat room. We chatted few times but still as u all knows, most of the time, we are not even sure that if we are really talking to girl or some boy with fake id lol .. same was my feeling but with each day passing, we starting chatting more n more. and then in couple of weeks time when she was also start feeling comfortable with me on chat she share her phone number (though i must say, she was brave enough to do it as its the most silliest thing on internet to do as if its other way I would never had done it) I call and it was confirmed that i was really chatting to girl for last couple of weeks lol It was just friendship as we say it everytime when we chat and we start chatting daily in nights for hour or so on complete random topics .. usually she has something in mind i guess .. and once she started ..then we keep rolling around that topics .. for me honestly it was welcome change as eventually i had someone with which i can share my part of life .. and with time passes .. I tell her all what had happen with me ..things which I never tell to anyone before .. And as we always say to each other that " how people are wrong when they say that there can never be a just friendship between boy and girl" but with time, i start seeing the signal from her side during chats, that she is getting more serious then friendship. But she never says it, as from very beginning of our friendship, we do promise each other that we are not going to get this thing further then 2 friend who chat with each other .. shares thing which we cannot with other and that's the reason i guess our friendship really get strong in very short time .. Move forward to 6 months .. I completed my Aptech course .. I got teaching job in of the leading college of karachi for IT Subject in morning .. and I was taking my Master Classes in evening at karachi university .. and relationship with natasha was on the same line .. as we rarely talk on phone but most of the time it was just chatting half an hour each night .. but with time passing I start feeling (offcourse becoz of my previous experience) that she is getting more serious .. and though we were saying each other .. its surely just not friendship for her .. but what about me ? Honestly at that time i was confused .. let me try to explain .. people do say Time heals the pains but for me its just not like that .. i still didn't forget Sana .. i do still on some odd night .. sleep crying for her .. and I remember during those days .. as her mom do comes to meet my mom once in while as they have old friendship, my sister tell me that her mom was telling that Sana is going with a bad phase with her marriage .. she had a fights with her hubby ..and he send her home back and even didn't let her take 1 year old daughter along with her .. and then her mom say that Sana is very depressed becoz of all this .. and she given message to me .. that If possible, I excuse her becoz of what she did to me as may be its some of my curse that all this bad thing happening to her .. honestly I realize that day .. she never understand my love for her as i was still missing her and she thought i am cursing her and her marriage life ..how can i do that .. Instead I always prays where she is, she got all the happiness of world .. but may be she never understand me i guess..

    But coming back to natasha, honestly as I said earlier i was really confused .. as one side of me i don't know why but still I can't forget memories which I share with Sana .. but the other side of me was seriously starting thinking of my feeling for her .. and when i put comparison on these 2 things .. that whether i have some feeling for her or its just that shoulder on which i can put my head and cry my heart out through the way of chatting it out with it .. and after thinking a lot .. it was indeed the truth as well ..as i dont know ..but i was finding very hard to love someone else again as whenever i think of love .. its only one face comes in front of me ..and that was sana .. but with time passing .. I realize too that i should make decision quickly as unknowingly i cannot afford to hurt my only this friends who knows everything about me .. so I start pressing my this point of view to her during chats ..so if she even didn't thinking about me seriously .. she shouldn't do it in future as I certainly knows how much it hurts in love .. so by passing time .. i think it was around Oct 2004 when she tell me one day that her family receive marriage proposal which they accepted and it was obvious then we cannot continue our chat friendship anymore as how much u say to people it's just friendship .. in our society people thinks its in wrong way .. So couple of weeks before her marriage .. we talk last time and make it offically over .. and I hope where ever she is .. living a happy life as she was surely the one of best soul created by God in this world.

    Coming forward to year 2005-06 ..i had completed my Masters and extended my part time job to full time job in College and during those phase of my life .. I file an immigration case for Australia .. though mom was keen to get me married as she was receiving the marriage proposal for me .. but I keep making excuse to avoid it as may be by that time I start getting used to of living my old memories with Sana and I don’t know if this happen with u people or not ..but whenever i saw some romantic movie or listen any songs .. It refreshes my old memories .. and the time i spend with her .. and that's the way i start spending my life .. and specially after natasha case .. I also start getting more isolated and keeping apart myself from girls because of fear if things moves forward with any of them .. then I don't want to ended up as the one who hurt someone else as its happen with me .. and that particular fear in my mind make me very cautious even at my work place or with family friends as i don't know but honestly whenever i think of love .. it cannot be anyone else but sana. No matter how much i try, for me the
    meaning of love is Sana. I know u guys may be thinking how fool I am because I am making suffer myself for the love of girl who dumps me only for the reason of money. But think it with my point of view, as for those 5 years of my life .. the person I share so many memories with .. as sometimes during those days I do wonder how can she love me with this much of intensity as she was so passionate about our relationship .. so I cannot forgot those thing .. the girl who dumps me cannot be her .. my Sana for me died that day .. but do we forget the people who get died .. Certainly not .. so why i cannot spend my rest of life with these memories .. suppose if we got married and then she get died .. then in that case too i would had spend my rest of life with those memories .. isn't ??

    Well moving forward .. my immigration case goes well .. I moved to Australia in year 2008 and got a job in IT company where i am working right now too .. and Thanks to God I am earning enough to support my family back home now too .. but now since last couple of months .. Mom is really pressing hard the issue of me getting married .. she send me the picture of the girl as well .. but I am still not saying Yes to her .. because how can i explain to her that for me its just next to impossible to forget Sana .. everyone said to me during breakup days ..that with time .. u will forget everything .. but its just opposite for me .. as with passing I am getting more habitual of living along with those memories .. and I am really get worried when i think that what if I get married to this girl I may ruin her life as it would be very hard for me to love her .. or I would have no answers for her queries ..if she saw me crying which is just part of my life now ..

  4. #4
    Young Gun
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    I don't know .. Is it right or not.. but seeing this forum I thought may be on this place I can get some serious advice as I am finding very hard to avoid mom's request on one side but on other hand .. my mind really not permitting me this thing to do becoz if I can spend around 10 years of my life with her memories then why i cannot for the rest of my life .. so I am hoping may be someone have the answers of my problem as I finding very hard to get it by myself now.

    Thanks guys for your patience and reading my life story

    Be Safe and take care

    Shaan

  5. #5
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    I have not bothered to read your entire query, since I don't have the time, but I have read snippets of it, esp the last part. And the advice I will give you is based on that.
    Move on dear! You have got to move on. We all do. Trust me, most of us have experienced a breakup from lover at some point in our lives. Yes memories of the the times we spend with them linger for a long time, as do the heartbreaking moments, such as the actual breakup or the fights preceding it. Some really shatter us and leave us betrayed and scarred. Most of us have been in your shoes. But dear, it's for your own good that you must move on! No use letting Sana stop you from moving ahead in life. Life goes on. It doesn't stop with one person! You are successful now. You must start meeting new people and dating again. Your mom is right. At least check out the girl with an open mind, and get to know her. She may be wonderful, you know!! The type that you want. Yes you may wait a bit longer till time heals your wounds further and the memories fade to a greater extent. But be strong, let go of the past and move ahead.

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    You know my dear.. enough time has passed... i really didnt knew that time didnt healed that... its because you loved her that much that you didnt let her go..... but now its long time my dear.. one day you have to move on.... you cant just say sana is love and no one else...

    i know its tough to be with someone when you already love someone esle... i wont say its madness... because i can understand the intensity of the love you had but its not wise...

    See my dear.. with so much time you didnt forget her only because you didnt tried to move on.. time move on but your mind stuck to your old times.... if you had made the efforts.. you would have surely moved on already....

    well still not late... try to know somone.. deep inside you will feel i dont love the person... but with time if you choose a good girl.. you will learn to love her....

    do your best to do everything for your life.. a time will come when you will have much responsibility with your marriage... just aim to make your marriage successful.... with that aim slowly you will learn to move on and may even learn to have love for someone else... with time everything will be fine!!!!


    Wake up dear... time you break your illusions and fake world around you.... your mother mst be feeling heart paining to see her son like this.. make your mum happy at least she doesnt deserve this... only thing will make her happy is her son's happiness... Time will heal yes but if you let it to do so!!!!

  7. #7
    SUBLIME Colonel enjoy_lol's Avatar
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    u are right in saying u are not able to forget her........ as u say ur habituated of living alone with her memories........with ur post it seems u are still not ready to beleive that sana is ur past..... ur still holding on to her.....

    listen friend u have to let go off that part of ur life sooner or later...... ur juzz delaying the episode...... ur not able to digest the fact tht u have been betrayed...... is it not good that u got to know how big a liar she is...... she has been hiding things from u..... and its quite obvious she wudnt have told anything to her to be husband as well...... she is a liar.... its good that u got to know her real self real well..... if she reall y loved u... she wud have been with u through ur thick and thin................. just be happy u didnt get a gal that u did not deserve........

    living with her memories will lead u nowhere other than heartache of loosing her.... just gather urself.... accpet the fact from within that she is gone..... tell ur self that u deserve to be happy...... find happiness from the smallest thing..... neva compare any gal with whom u wud have a feeling or ur wife if it happens to be arrange marriage with sana...... as it is neva good to compare two individuals...... comparisions might mislead u........ so dont compare anyone with sana......

    start afresh..... time will really heal u with ur wounds...... but than u have to help ur ownself..... to get out of ur past.... it shud come fom within....... u will definately over come the heart ache...... and as u start seeing life minus sana.... things would turn out to be more brighter than u wud have felt for a long time.......

    just be happy because u deserve to be..... just be happy becuase god has its own way to say that u desrve better..... just be happy because god says everything has its own importance and it gets the best according to what he desrves.....

    and beleive in one thing for u to be happy

    "THAT THE BEST DAYS OF UR LIFE IS STILL AHEAD OF U AND NOT BEHIND U"

    all the best

    god bles u

  8. #8
    The King O' Bling™ Lieutenant-Colonel wannabebuddy's Avatar
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    Just forget her dude............

    i know its next to impossible............ but thats what u have to do........

    u r responsible to ur mom........... she expects from u............
    × ┃ ▶ ↹ ŤŕÅńĈē ĬņƑù$ìÒŋ ↹ ◀ ┃ ×

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    Default hi bro

    hi brother,
    am so moved by ur story. i sincerly wish that i cud be near you 2 comfort you. i know that its never easy 2 forget the memories of the girl u luved so dearly. its easy 2 say "u shud move on with life", but never easy 2 actually do it. i pray 2 God that everything will be fine for ur vry fastly. u cant blame ur mom for forcing u 2 get married, as she wants her son 2 hav a family life. on the other side its not at all easy 4 u 2 do it. U r such a god guy wth a vry good heart. u deserve 2 be loved by a vry sincere and loving wife. whoever gets married 2 u is really lucky 2 have you. tell ur mom that u still need time 2 get over ur past memories. and as a humble and sincere request, am saying that u shud try 2 forget ur past memories(Even though its really tough). its b coz a good person like u shud hav a family life and shudn't suffer at all.
    Last edited by sha101; 20-07-2009 at 06:01 PM.

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    Young Gun neonxy's Avatar
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    Hey mate....

    May God give you strength to move ahead.
    Girls don't like nice guys rather they always go with jerks bad boys..

  11. #11
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    Smile Mate

    Quote Originally Posted by sha101 View Post
    hi brother,
    am so moved by ur story. i sincerly wish that i cud be near you 2 comfort you. i know that its never easy 2 forget the memories of the girl u luved so dearly. its easy 2 say "u shud move on with life", but never easy 2 actually do it. i pray 2 God that everything will be fine for ur vry fastly. u cant blame ur mom for forcing u 2 get married, as she wants her son 2 hav a family life. on the other side its not at all easy 4 u 2 do it. U r such a god guy wth a vry good heart. u deserve 2 be loved by a vry sincere and loving wife. whoever gets married 2 u is really lucky 2 have you. tell ur mom that u still need time 2 get over ur past memories. and as a humble and sincere request, am saying that u shud try 2 forget ur past memories(Even though its really tough). its b coz a good person like u shud hav a family life and shudn't suffer at all. may i plz know ur name?
    my name is shabir.
    Hey Shabir, Did you read what he said??? If yes then, c'mon he has written his name "SHAAN". You've read it and you are asking for name, i doubt for what you've just said!
    And Moving to Shaan, well mate, just for a while think logically, why are you destroying your own life for the sake of someone who left you like that? Did she deserve it? Does she deserve it now?? For you, it was just praying for her better life, not destroying your own's. I know, the pain of being hurt by someone we love, kills as in every second of life but you have to get over it. There is really no other way, you have to start a new life mate. Aha, as u said, you passed 10 years with her memories and u gave an example as if you both were married and then she would have died then you would live all your life with her memories, in that case "IF YOU BOTH WERE MARRIED-THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN NO CASE OF BETRAYAL" it was some kinda logical thing to live with her memories. Now, get over her if you want your family's happiness. Like this, you are not destroying your own life only, you are destroying a mother's hope of playing with her grand children, with this you are insulting the love of your mother. Are Sana's memories more worthed than mother's hope?? She broke your heart, would u break ur mother's???
    Here you are insulting everyone who love you only for the sake of a girl, a really non deserving girl. Choice is yours.
    SHE BROKE YOUR HEART, WILL YOU BREAK MOTHER'S HEART AND LET HER HOPES DOWN???
    If you accept to me, Go ahead, pray for her, and accept as mother says, take your time but not more than necessary.
    You deserve a much better girl and you deserve a much better life.
    Life just can't be better if you want to make it much better!
    THINK!
    Bye

  12. #12
    New Born Awaited's Avatar
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    how could someone just move on????
    if anyone of you could explain..?

    How to stop loving sum1???

    It's impossible....It gives a kind of guilt to move-on.
    May b dere's 1 solution "Love only when you are sure that the other person would stay with you....forever"......that's what i think.

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    SB Wizard Captain Zia1507's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Awaited View Post
    how could someone just move on????
    if anyone of you could explain..?

    How to stop loving sum1???

    It's impossible....It gives a kind of guilt to move-on.
    May b dere's 1 solution "Love only when you are sure that the other person would stay with you....forever"......that's what i think.
    People mind get diverted.. some get drawn by attraction... welll you may be very sure at first that this person will stay forever with me.. i will love him or her but with time you may love the person more and the person loves you more but you may also part away!! Its human beings... its very much uncertain....

    You might think today i'll be sincere... i'll be love the one forever it may happen you yorself your way of thinking change because of different things coming into your life....

    Thats why it is said expect the unexpected!!!!!!!

  14. #14
    New Born Awaited's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zia1507 View Post
    People mind get diverted.. some get drawn by attraction... welll you may be very sure at first that this person will stay forever with me.. i will love him or her but with time you may love the person more and the person loves you more but you may also part away!! Its human beings... its very much uncertain....

    You might think today i'll be sincere... i'll be love the one forever it may happen you yorself your way of thinking change because of different things coming into your life....

    Thats why it is said expect the unexpected!!!!!!!
    In short there's nothing called commitment as human beings must "expect the unexpected".
    Is that what you want to tell??

  15. #15
    Healer!! Major FeeDback's Avatar
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    There is. But it is hard to find. It is not so easy as u think. Majority don't know what commitment is. You just fell for someone of this sort. Now do not develop this notion that it doesn't exist. It does. But you've gotta be lucky and smart to judge her. Learn from this and be prepared.

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