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Thread: Is it true love or desire for sex?

  1. #1
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    Default Is it true love or desire for sex?

    im extremely in dilema. in fact this guy n me are in relationship since a year . but before he proposed me he forcefully wanted to have physical relationship with me which i was able to escape many times but afterwards he had physical relations wid me which i didnt like at all bcoz im from conservative family like strictly no sex before marriage, but as he forced me for sex n iculdnt resist we had been having sex for about 5 months which was forcefully from him, thenafter as i had sex wid him i turned myself towards him and started loving him after having physical relation for 6 months and now im in a state that i love him morethan myself, and he knows this well and whenever i get angry he has got the habit of smoking which i hate the most so i cant be angry wid him bcoz if i do he gets tensed and smokes... but i don want to see him sad and i can do anything for his happiness....same is te case from him starting of this love story is very cruel but till now im very happy wid him n dedicated to him and ready to marry him.. now the problem is im in dilema about will he really marry me? i.e, does he love me truely?? i doubt bcoz he dont wan me to meet his frens and is afraid to take me to his family members and don want me to introduce to his family members when i say all these things about introducing me to his family he says waiting for the approporiate time to take me to his family members..so i don undersatand wat the matter really is? is he just want to postpond te matter or is really waiting for the correct time plz suggest me

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    You are telling me that the guy forced you to have sex with him several times till the time you fell in love with him? And now he is not willing to take you out and introduce you to his folks and you still want to stick with him?

    Well, you know, it looks like you are just great at digging your own grave. Listen, Before anything else, you really have to work on yourself to get yourself out of this situation. A relationship thats based on forced sex ( am not using the word rape here) is not based on very solid foundations, is it?

    I'm recommending that you start working on distancing yourself a little from him, start looking for a job if you don't already have one and stop acting so needy. It is not looking like a very healthy situation and you may want to re negotiate the whole basis of it to make it a more equal one.

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    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    im extremely in dilema. in fact this guy n me are in relationship since a year . but before he proposed me he forcefully wanted to have physical relationship with me which i was able to escape many times but afterwards he had physical relations wid me which i didnt like at all bcoz im from conservative family like strictly no sex before marriage, but as he forced me for sex n iculdnt resist we had been having sex for about 5 months which was forcefully from him, thenafter as i had sex wid him i turned myself towards him and started loving him after having physical relation for 6 months and now im in a state that i love him morethan myself, and he knows this well and whenever i get angry he has got the habit of smoking which i hate the most so i cant be angry wid him bcoz if i do he gets tensed and smokes... but i don want to see him sad and i can do anything for his happiness....same is te case from him starting of this love story is very cruel but till now im very happy wid him n dedicated to him and ready to marry him.. now the problem is im in dilema about will he really marry me? i.e, does he love me truely?? i doubt bcoz he dont wan me to meet his frens and is afraid to take me to his family members and don want me to introduce to his family members when i say all these things about introducing me to his family he says waiting for the approporiate time to take me to his family members..so i don undersatand wat the matter really is? is he just want to postpond te matter or is really waiting for the correct time plz suggest me
    You know what we guys say???

    "Have sex with a Girl and she'll never get over you"

    You are a classic example..!! Look, you can't complain of being "Forced" .. Sex can be forced only "Once" , maybe "Twice" but 5 months, I aint gonna buy that.

    Now, It's plain stupid to be talking about LOVE with a guy who has "Forced" you for sex even before he proposed you.. My Advice..? He wants sex and you're the chicken.

    G'day

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    SB Champion Lieutenant prakash27's Avatar
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    Its very dangerous situation!! I think he is only tricking u. His smoking threats can be even fooling u!! When he next time say about right time to meet parents ask him what he means and when it is!! U need to get security of this relatiosnhip ASAP!!
    agony aunt, marriage advice, relationship help, online agony aunt, relationship advice

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    im extremely in dilema. in fact this guy n me are in relationship since a year . but before he proposed me he forcefully wanted to have physical relationship with me which i was able to escape many times but afterwards he had physical relations wid me which i didnt like at all bcoz im from conservative family like strictly no sex before marriage, but as he forced me for sex n iculdnt resist we had been having sex for about 5 months which was forcefully from him, thenafter as i had sex wid him i turned myself towards him and started loving him after having physical relation for 6 months and now im in a state that i love him morethan myself, and he knows this well and whenever i get angry he has got the habit of smoking which i hate the most so i cant be angry wid him bcoz if i do he gets tensed and smokes... but i don want to see him sad and i can do anything for his happiness....same is te case from him starting of this love story is very cruel but till now im very happy wid him n dedicated to him and ready to marry him.. now the problem is im in dilema about will he really marry me? i.e, does he love me truely?? i doubt bcoz he dont wan me to meet his frens and is afraid to take me to his family members and don want me to introduce to his family members when i say all these things about introducing me to his family he says waiting for the approporiate time to take me to his family members..so i don undersatand wat the matter really is? is he just want to postpond te matter or is really waiting for the correct time plz suggest me
    True Love hahahaha . . Good One

    See girl, you are a confused lady and confused mind is very dangerous, it will never let you progress and grow. You say you love him and you are fine with whatever he is doing (though you say that you are not fine, but you are actually because having sex for 5 months can't be forced, and taking all this shit for such a long duration clearly says you are fine with the torture). You are only disillusioned, you actually don't love him because he loves you, it is because you now cannot imagine to leave him because you have had sex with him. THIS IS THE PROBLEM. Why expecting love from him now ? When you are ready to love him even if he doesn't love you- He never loved you!!! Get this into your mind. This is all BUT love.

    Now coming to your actual problem. You believe that you'll have sex only one man, fair enough its a good thing we all want that. But can you risk your identity, dignity, life, emotions, faith, etc by clinging to this mentality ? For instance, someone gets raped, now should that girl cling to that rapist ? You were also raped - forceful sex = rape - get this in your mind. If this happens everywhere, guys will rape girls whom they like and this will make those girls cling to him as they wouldn't have any other option. How ethical or logical is this ? He is constantly using you and you are no more a Human being, you have become a toy for him. He'll come and say few sweet stuff like "I love you" or whatever >>> bang bang bang >>> bye bye >>> same stuff will repeat again he wants to play with his toy.

    Hope you are getting the point. You should feel disgusted right, but don't let this disgust spoil you, use this feeling to get over him and face reality.
    Have your own Identity, Respect, Dignity, etc - do not compromise with them and everyone will love you. That love will be true love in any sense and will be much more than what that guy has given you ever. Don't stick to idiotic mindset.
    Don't believe in principle that you cannot be with another man if you have had sex with anyone once. Sex has actually no value, very less actually but love-making has extreme importance and give importance to it. There is slight difference in both.
    Sex is
    - If both partners are casual
    - Any one partner is casual
    - Any one partner is fraud (he/she knows in his mind that he/she is a fraud
    - One partner is in love and using this as a tool to make him/her love
    - If any partner has lied to another and has a doubt(could be slightest) about love.
    - Any one is intoxicated
    - Any one is forced or threatened

    Love-Making
    - Both Partners love each other unconditionally & truly

    So you can see that sex is pretty easy thing but Love-Making is rare, difficult and extremely sensitive thing. And Love-Making has high chances to happen only after marriage.
    It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life so interesting. . .

  6. #6
    SB Addict jk_singh's Avatar
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    I dont think he has any trust in this relationship!!!
    Looks like he is intersted in physical pleasures only
    Make sure u dont get exploited!!! Explore him more to know whats actually in his mind before its too late

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    He may be honest, but to be frank i beleive u are either being cheated... or soon will be a victim for cheating. Your situation is very fragile.
    Get some assurance that atleast he will not leave u

  8. #8
    New Born mukul_mishra's Avatar
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    Doesnt look like true love.. its more like sex related. I will never trust such a guy
    Either cut off ur contact right now with present damage or try to see if u can get married to him

  9. #9
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    Get rid of this rascal.

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    Young Gun Eshwar Dutt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    You are telling me that the guy forced you to have sex with him several times till the time you fell in love with him? And now he is not willing to take you out and introduce you to his folks and you still want to stick with him?

    Well, you know, it looks like you are just great at digging your own grave. Listen, Before anything else, you really have to work on yourself to get yourself out of this situation. A relationship thats based on forced sex ( am not using the word rape here) is not based on very solid foundations, is it?

    I'm recommending that you start working on distancing yourself a little from him, start looking for a job if you don't already have one and stop acting so needy. It is not looking like a very healthy situation and you may want to re negotiate the whole basis of it to make it a more equal one.
    Well said maam.. this girl is digging her own grave!! THe guys motive is crystal clear.............Also one has to only look at the way he tries to force it too. Its not a healthy relationship

  11. #11
    SB Addict canadian31's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post
    You know what we guys say???

    "Have sex with a Girl and she'll never get over you"

    You are a classic example..!! Look, you can't complain of being "Forced" .. Sex can be forced only "Once" , maybe "Twice" but 5 months, I aint gonna buy that.

    Now, It's plain stupid to be talking about LOVE with a guy who has "Forced" you for sex even before he proposed you.. My Advice..? He wants sex and you're the chicken.

    G'day
    Perfect answer...!!! I agree ... once a chicken, always a ckicken...!!!

  12. #12
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    Women use Sex to get Love from a guy
    Men use Love to get Sex from a woman

    I am sure the above is with exceptions...

    You, who is in a most intimate physical relationship with a guy since 5 months is not sure if he actually loves you and will marry you... do you really think any one else who's even remotely not connected to this will be able to answer you..

    Interestingly you keep repeating he forcefully had sex with you - I am sure you are old enough to understand that forceful sex without your consent is called rape - why did you not report it to the police and get the guy behind bars? NO means NO

    Sorry for being harsh - since physical relationship did not work to get him to marry you, what will you do next - get pregnant and hope that might push him to take a decision to marry you quicker - actually marry you at all? What do your parents have to say in all this?

    My suggestion

    Open your eyes and understand few things about the situation you are in and do what feels right

    dont keep waiting for him to pop the question as he might or might not - ever -

    Ask him for a time frame that he feels he will be ready to take the responsibility of a marriage

    Do not under any circumstances get pregnant - thinking that he might take the decision faster - he might run away faster

    Try to distance yourself from him and make something of yourself and your life..

    And for future always remember NO means NO not MAYBE or YES in any language
    Last edited by it matters to me; 18-12-2009 at 10:29 AM.

  13. #13
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    You are a liar.

    He did not force you - you enjoyed it as well.. Agree to this first. You know - this in your mind, but you dont want to accept it.

    Who can help a person who is cheating herself.

  14. #14
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    You are in a very Bad situation u have to seriously think about what u have to do an deal with.Think an make a new start in life its never to late.

  15. #15
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    Get married to him at any cost...Use all ur brains and might! (if u hav any of them)

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