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Thread: Wife dont respect me eventhough I respect her a lot.

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Wife dont respect me eventhough I respect her a lot.

    I am married with my gf since more than one year now. There are many up and down in my life. First was my parents were not ready for marriage as she is like very modern and from very rich family and I live in not too modern (party types) not too rich family. At that time my parents were worried whether she will take my care or not as she is having 3 maids at her house and at my home she has to do every household things.
    Any ways at that time I convinced my parents and all were happy and I finally got married. Now the problems which I have are as follows.
    1) She was having 2 affairs before (sexual one). She told this to me before marriage and I accepted her even though this was my first time. Problem here is once I had breakup with her before marriage and at that time she called one of my good friend and was abusing about me and said that her previous bf was better and she still meets her. Now when we patched up, I asked her about this statement of hers to my very good friend. First she denied the fact and later She said that she was frustrated and said this thing and she never met her previous bf after we met.
    Now I am worried will she be trustworthy person.

    2) She is very extrovert and get gelled with all my friends very well. I dont have problem but sometimes she is so dominating that she speaks whatsoever to me in front of my friends. I keep my cool at that time but I hate when she insults me in front of my childhood friends.

    3) She sometimes become so much extrovert that she use to do masti with my friends like slapping them of hitting them from behind. I dont like her to touch any of my male friends for masti. I explained her many times but she never understands this.

    4) Sometimes when I try to explain her very softly about what I like and what I dont, for eg I dont like her touching masti with my friends then she becomes so angry and says that you dont trust me, I am not a whore and sometimes arguments become so heated that she abuse me and slaps me.. I warned her many times that I dont want to beat you and control yourself, she then also starts snatching my hair and slaps me tight. in self defense I just hold his hand tight and by chance she got some mark in this physical abuse se blams that I beat her.

    5) I dont smoke or drink. she use to smoke before marriage. Before marriage she told me that she quitted smoking but after marriage she told that she desperately needs to smoke and told that she never quit smoking but now she is ready to quit and she quit smoking now but there is one fear in me that she might be cheating on me.

    6)She do what she likes. If I scold her she starts arguments and in order to avoid arguments I let her do what she likes.

    7) sometimes she starts crying for small small things.


    *****This were the bad side of her but the good thing about her is she respects my parents a lot. She do everything for my parents. But she never understands my needs and take me for granted and expects me to help her doing her work.. My parents not knowing that we have physical fights many a times. But now touch wood fights becoming less but still there is a fear in me that if I will tell her something and she feels bad she will start beating me.

    Another good thing about her is when arguments got over she becomes normal and take initiative to say sorry and to say that she loves me alot. But the moments of that severe arguments and physical fights almost takes me to heart attack.

    I dont want to tell all this to my parents, as they are happy with her and I dont want to spoil her image in front of them. I also cant take divorce as I tried hard to convince my parents to marry her and now as she taking care of my parents well and my parents love her, i have to live and adjust anyway with her.


    Please help me how to handle this type of case.... i feel helpless as I am trying everything but things are not in my control.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Basically, its not as if you don't like your wife, but there are somethings that you certainly don't appreciate about her, is that correct? The main thing that you dislike is her habit of getting physical...hitting out at you as well as touching your friends.

    You also say that after a fight gets over, she takes the initiative of saying sorry and trying to normalise things, which is a good thing and positive toward the harmony that you are trying to establish in your marriage.

    So, now, its important that you do not get afraid of her temper but tell her how you feel. you can sit her down and say that you are ready to listen to her grouses against you and in turn, will do the same, so that whatever is in your hearts can be taken out, discusses and tried to be resolved.

    You do have a good thing going and these are not big issues. if need be, take the help opf a mature elder or a marriage counsellor.

  3. #3
    SB Addict narayanhegde's Avatar
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    Being social with people is a good thing.. but u can surely ask her to be doing things like slapping her male friends because thats something which is totally unnecessary. She is married now and should behave more seriously.. also u can tell her to stop insulting u before ur firneds. about her other problems i think she will need some kind of behavioural therapy, You can trust her in the relationship, she is just being socila with others and that does not mean she is cheating..

  4. #4
    SB Champion Lieutenant siddharth3.5's Avatar
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    may be u are respecting her too much... and she is expecting love and equality than respect..
    u need to be careful about her behavoiur though..some people are like that and if u jump to fight or assume that she is cheating etc ur marriage will suffer.. so be cool in handling this issue.. take help of a counsellor if needed

  5. #5
    SB Champion abhay28's Avatar
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    The real problem is both of u may be married but have no idea about one another!!!!!!!!
    ALl these problems happen due to lack of communication and love
    Have a good talk with her and discuss all problems to get them all solved!!!!!!!! SPend more time togeether so that u can find out what each one likes and dislikes

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am married with my gf since more than one year now. There are many up and down in my life. First was my parents were not ready for marriage as she is like very modern and from very rich family and I live in not too modern (party types) not too rich family. At that time my parents were worried whether she will take my care or not as she is having 3 maids at her house and at my home she has to do every household things.
    Any ways at that time I convinced my parents and all were happy and I finally got married. Now the problems which I have are as follows.
    1) She was having 2 affairs before (sexual one). She told this to me before marriage and I accepted her even though this was my first time. Problem here is once I had breakup with her before marriage and at that time she called one of my good friend and was abusing about me and said that her previous bf was better and she still meets her. Now when we patched up, I asked her about this statement of hers to my very good friend. First she denied the fact and later She said that she was frustrated and said this thing and she never met her previous bf after we met.
    Now I am worried will she be trustworthy person.

    2) She is very extrovert and get gelled with all my friends very well. I dont have problem but sometimes she is so dominating that she speaks whatsoever to me in front of my friends. I keep my cool at that time but I hate when she insults me in front of my childhood friends.

    3) She sometimes become so much extrovert that she use to do masti with my friends like slapping them of hitting them from behind. I dont like her to touch any of my male friends for masti. I explained her many times but she never understands this.

    4) Sometimes when I try to explain her very softly about what I like and what I dont, for eg I dont like her touching masti with my friends then she becomes so angry and says that you dont trust me, I am not a whore and sometimes arguments become so heated that she abuse me and slaps me.. I warned her many times that I dont want to beat you and control yourself, she then also starts snatching my hair and slaps me tight. in self defense I just hold his hand tight and by chance she got some mark in this physical abuse se blams that I beat her.

    5) I dont smoke or drink. she use to smoke before marriage. Before marriage she told me that she quitted smoking but after marriage she told that she desperately needs to smoke and told that she never quit smoking but now she is ready to quit and she quit smoking now but there is one fear in me that she might be cheating on me.

    6)She do what she likes. If I scold her she starts arguments and in order to avoid arguments I let her do what she likes.

    7) sometimes she starts crying for small small things.


    *****This were the bad side of her but the good thing about her is she respects my parents a lot. She do everything for my parents. But she never understands my needs and take me for granted and expects me to help her doing her work.. My parents not knowing that we have physical fights many a times. But now touch wood fights becoming less but still there is a fear in me that if I will tell her something and she feels bad she will start beating me.

    Another good thing about her is when arguments got over she becomes normal and take initiative to say sorry and to say that she loves me alot. But the moments of that severe arguments and physical fights almost takes me to heart attack.

    I dont want to tell all this to my parents, as they are happy with her and I dont want to spoil her image in front of them. I also cant take divorce as I tried hard to convince my parents to marry her and now as she taking care of my parents well and my parents love her, i have to live and adjust anyway with her.


    Please help me how to handle this type of case.... i feel helpless as I am trying everything but things are not in my control.


    friend this common love marriage prblem,i will not give you any advice or suggestion because me or preeto or any one can do nothing.This problem between you and your wife so this thing you have to solvecd.
    But i will sure your marriage life will not stay long time because you r sincere but your wife not so this relation you r carrying like bag.like this way you can't go long distance.

  7. #7
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    You should have measured the pros and cons before getting married.Marriage isn't a game!

  8. #8
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    Default Simple......

    If the way you describe her is true and you don't have any kinds, just get rid of her and look for a better deserving life partner....

  9. #9
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    As of now, best thing to do is approach a marriage counselor. Sometimes people tend to listen to professional people rather than people that they don't know.

  10. #10
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    My dear friend, whatever introduction you have given about her clearly shows that she comes from a completely different upbringing,culture, lifestyle and moral values than what you have been brought up with by your parents. Such marraiges rarerly work, let me be very blunt over here and you are just starting to get a feel of it within 1yr.

    What I find very strange in your case is, your wife (who was ur gf) was very honest and candid enough about her lifestyle, affairs and everything else which she did prior to marrying you. When knowing everything u accepted her, why are such questions coming to your mind in the first place? Such large gaps of financial status, moral values, behaving with friends, partying most of the time, spending lavishly, smoking are typical characteristics of most noveu rich families. You knew all that before and still went ahead and married her and now you expect her to dance to your tune, thats not fair. It is you who has to change to suit her lifestyle if you want physical fights,arguments and all this ugliness to stop. What did u think, you are pretty matured man when you married this girl, love flies out of the window very soon, what remains is compatibility with each other which makes any marraige successful and two people companions for a life time. Marraige is not all about doughnuts, cuddling and romanticising and fluttering of eyes or skipping of heartbeats it is MUCH MUCH MORE THAN THAT!! You know that very well still you got married to her, why are you criticising her, when I must appreciate that by and large she has been VERY HONEST and LARGE HEARTED with you in this relation.
    You knew very well that the COMPATIBILTIY factor between you both was close to NIL, still you chose to convince your parents and marry her. Now take her as she is, I don't see any fault of her, it is you who have dug your own grave, so face it now!! I might have sounded too harsh but this REALITY of your marraige!!!

  11. #11
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    Suicide is a good option.

  12. #12
    SB MahaGuru Colonel :)Samir(:'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sb_fan2 View Post
    Suicide is a good option.


    I think divorce would drive her to suicide but this present situation is likely to drive the person to suicide

  13. #13
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    When you two are alone u got to talk to her on how to behave infront of others and not to insult you. If she repeates it be strict in ur terms.

  14. #14
    SB Guru Major akshay.cool's Avatar
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    u people have no love in ur marriage.. u are behaving like total strangers. so first try to fix it, thats the root cause and when u correct it all the other problems will also be automatically solved.

  15. #15
    SB Champion Lieutenant prakash27's Avatar
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    YOu two are of different characters and till u dont sort it out, this will remain a problem!!
    You both will have to adjust and for that talk to her, if she is not willing this is not gonna work
    agony aunt, marriage advice, relationship help, online agony aunt, relationship advice

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