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Thread: To marry or not to marry this girl?

  1. #1
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    Default To marry or not to marry this girl?

    I am a well educated, cultured guy and well settled in job overseas. My parents are looking marriage proposals for me. They liked one proposal. I spoke to this girl and found that we are totally opposite in life style, taste and attitude. I am raised in suburb and she in metropolitan. I got everything in life with a bit struggle. Worked hard, to achieve things. She got everything very easily. She is very outgoing, like parties and luxury. She drinks and smokes. I don’t have anything against party but occasionally. I hate smokers. I am fun loving but because I have seen enough in life, I think I am matured and responsible. She is very much in to materialistic things. She is very easily going and not all that serious types. She is stubborn, very demanding and restless… Now even after knowing that we have different personalities, but she clicked me somewhere. I think I am attracted towards her. My instinct says that we even out each other. I am ready to adopt a few things for her but I don’t know if she will adjust with me. She says she cannot bear inconvenience and won’t adjust with her after marriage. I am confused what to do. I am flexible and sensible but don’t want to be a fool and dumb with wrong choice. We might be good but not for each other. I would really appreciate your comments. Thanks.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Actually thats a decision that only you can take. And who can tell what clicks or does not click in a marriage. Many opposites get married and are happy together and the opposite is also true, so its you who has to weigh the pros and cons of the whole thing.

    But an inflexible attitude even at the beginning of the relationship is not a positive way in which to begin a relationship. There must be a willingness from both the partners to make the marriage work. If she is willing to do that, then its good, if not, then well, we can't say, can we?

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    SB Champion Lieutenant siddharth3.5's Avatar
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    its a difficult situation.. but i have to say that the girl is clear in her terms.. she likes the way she lives and is not going to change for u..
    basically u are too different from her, and dislikes a lot of things about her, ande only a few things probably u love about her.. now the questions arising are, whether u can change a lot to adjust with her or not.. evenif u can chnage can u be like that till marriage ends? etc..

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    To tell the truth u are not fully satisfied with her ways.. there is atleast something very small which is disapointing u and inside u have this fear that at one point u will lose patience..isnt it? Thats why its necessary that u think well before taking any decision on this matter.. because getting a divorce after marriage is not difficult, but the difficult part will be in healing the broken heart on the years to come.. talk to her, perhaps u can reach an agreement

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    Friends thanks for your advise and views. I really appreciate your time for this. I understand that I am the one who has to take decisions. Its not that I didnt like her. She is very open and straightforward not like some girls who hide things. She wud have hided it very easily but she is being very honest..That is what I like..She clicked me in a Blink.. like a John Grasham's novel.. Without knowing anything abt her. I felf that she is THEONE.. I know that its a complete package.. nd I want to accept her with her flaws.. as no one is perfect.. I am tiring to make a logical judgement I am still talking to her.. .She is opening up now.. We both are being +ve.. Even she feels that we are different. Hoping for best.
    M I being carried away and ignoring something IMP.. ??

  6. #6
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    only way u can know whether the relationship will work or not is by spending quality and non-quality time. just saying dont rush at any decision

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    New Born Dracula13's Avatar
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    Smile A quote from Mohabbatein..:)

    I dont remember the exact words but it was a scene when Kim sharma was dressing his uncle, who was going for a date in movie Mohabbatein...

    "Pyaar us se karo, jo tumhe pyaar kare,
    Us se nahi, jo tumhe badal ke pyaar kare,
    kyonki wo pyaar nahi sauda kare,
    Aur sahiban pyaar me sauda nahi."

    The essence is if she like your ways, and you also like her ways then go ahead, yes there can be smaller compromises but too many compromises makes the life difficult.

    All the best and think well before coming to any decision.



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    Smile Opposites or Complements?

    I think yes, you might be missing a few points given below...

    Consider a checklist of situations:
    She's not going to change her habits, and marriage life requires adjustments from both the sides.
    You would like her not to smoke, at one point of time, as it may set bad example for children or damaging to her health, or seem disrespectful, or whatever, and suppose she remains stubborn, then?
    Now, Since she's so modern, would she tolerate if one of your parents came to live with you in their old age? Would they be burden for her?
    Would she be responsible towards children, and, would she understand when to have children and when not?
    Would she be as meticulous as you are, towards your social ties and relations?

    There are many other questions which you might think on these lines.

    Nutshell: Opposites sound very thrilling at first, but they ask for too many adjustments later on, which produces frictions.
    Similar people become boring, and it's the complementary people who click and stick together, who cover each others' flaws and form a synergy. And marriage is like dance or lawn tennis doubles, without harmony, which is defeating [mind you, whether in dance or art, opposites have a role to play, but they divide the whole canvas or space into two domains, it's the complements which share the space and give completeness to the piece]

    I hope you now understand what i'm talking about,

    Regards,
    Chmpk, the Inglourious





    Quote Originally Posted by sunshine01 View Post
    Friends thanks for your advise and views. I really appreciate your time for this. I understand that I am the one who has to take decisions. Its not that I didnt like her. She is very open and straightforward not like some girls who hide things. She wud have hided it very easily but she is being very honest..That is what I like..She clicked me in a Blink.. like a John Grasham's novel.. Without knowing anything abt her. I felf that she is THEONE.. I know that its a complete package.. nd I want to accept her with her flaws.. as no one is perfect.. I am tiring to make a logical judgement I am still talking to her.. .She is opening up now.. We both are being +ve.. Even she feels that we are different. Hoping for best.
    M I being carried away and ignoring something IMP.. ??

  9. #9
    New Born Zen.Master's Avatar
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    You are seeing more differences in this relationships than there are any similarities. That shows one thing - evenyou are doubtful of the outcome of a marriage with her, if it ever happens.

    If you are so doubtful about it, please think twice (or as many as times you want) before jumping to decisions.

  10. #10
    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunshine01 View Post
    I am a well educated, cultured guy and well settled in job overseas. My parents are looking marriage proposals for me. They liked one proposal. I spoke to this girl and found that we are totally opposite in life style, taste and attitude. I am raised in suburb and she in metropolitan. I got everything in life with a bit struggle. Worked hard, to achieve things. She got everything very easily. She is very outgoing, like parties and luxury. She drinks and smokes. I don’t have anything against party but occasionally. I hate smokers. I am fun loving but because I have seen enough in life, I think I am matured and responsible. She is very much in to materialistic things. She is very easily going and not all that serious types. She is stubborn, very demanding and restless… Now even after knowing that we have different personalities, but she clicked me somewhere. I think I am attracted towards her. My instinct says that we even out each other. I am ready to adopt a few things for her but I don’t know if she will adjust with me. She says she cannot bear inconvenience and won’t adjust with her after marriage. I am confused what to do. I am flexible and sensible but don’t want to be a fool and dumb with wrong choice. We might be good but not for each other. I would really appreciate your comments. Thanks.
    The girl is true to herself. It seems she doesn't feel the need to please others in order for acceptance. Though she's foolish in some aspects...it has to be said - she's cool and is very interesting . What i'll say to you is; could you forever give to her - her own space in life and the respect for individualism ? Are you man enough to handle that ? would you have the energy ? If so, then i think that you both stand a good chance of having a long blissful future together - If not then no.

    When deciding... step aside from your emotions...Each one of us click with people of all walks of life everyday in some form or another. The more we mingle - the more we will see a reflection of ourselves in that person. For marriage, you need to have a certain degree of chemistry and the materials that are the start a foundation....Inner character, Intellect, values, interests, education level and so on. try focusing more on these and at evaluating how well suited you both will be in the distant future and not for just the time being . ' clicking ' alone with someone can never be enough.

    In whatever that you do decide, don't be foolish to be taking that decision in haste. You shouldn't be looking to fill just the void in your life. Go on a few dates with others. Get to know yourself first and what you truly are looking for before proceeding further .

  11. #11
    New Born moondance's Avatar
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    what ever u do, do it after carefully analyzing ur feeling towards this girl.. especially on the adjustments u are willing to take vs the differences between u..

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    SB ICON Lieutenant General don99's Avatar
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    its up to you dude......

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    New Born Realiistic's Avatar
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    Ofcourse u can marry.. actually anyone can marry anybody.. so the only condition is to make sure that u know what u are doing. Thats, whether u will have enough patience to continue till end even if she behave indifferent

  14. #14
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    its completely ur decision.but looking at wt u said abt her,i guess it becomes difficult for u to get along....don go by looks...just listen to urself...

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    Thx for your advice.
    I am still talking to her. She has a very moderate family. By her talks, I feel that she has developed herself like that (moreover due to some reason).. Its more like a show off.. She doent seem like that. But still its too early to say anything..

    Thx everyone for your views/suggestions.
    Quote Originally Posted by champaklal View Post
    I think yes, you might be missing a few points given below...

    Consider a checklist of situations:
    She's not going to change her habits, and marriage life requires adjustments from both the sides.
    You would like her not to smoke, at one point of time, as it may set bad example for children or damaging to her health, or seem disrespectful, or whatever, and suppose she remains stubborn, then?
    Now, Since she's so modern, would she tolerate if one of your parents came to live with you in their old age? Would they be burden for her?
    Would she be responsible towards children, and, would she understand when to have children and when not?
    Would she be as meticulous as you are, towards your social ties and relations?

    There are many other questions which you might think on these lines.

    Nutshell: Opposites sound very thrilling at first, but they ask for too many adjustments later on, which produces frictions.
    Similar people become boring, and it's the complementary people who click and stick together, who cover each others' flaws and form a synergy. And marriage is like dance or lawn tennis doubles, without harmony, which is defeating [mind you, whether in dance or art, opposites have a role to play, but they divide the whole canvas or space into two domains, it's the complements which share the space and give completeness to the piece]

    I hope you now understand what i'm talking about,

    Regards,
    Chmpk, the Inglourious

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