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Thread: Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

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    Default Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

    Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

    THE JLO BUTT, THE BECKS FOOT



    Men and women eyed it in equal measure — he goggle-eyed and she green-eyed. But now, it’s shrunk! Jennifer Lopez, whose derriere got more attention than her singing or acting (she herself had said, “It’s true I could serve coffee using my rear as a ledge, but I’m proud of my butt”), has shed some of her voluptuous behind, much to the dismay of husband Marc Anthony and millions of (male) fans worldwide.

    A list of indispensable assets that some of our favourite celebrities dare not lose...

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    Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

    David Beckham — right foot







    What if Becks lost the power of his right foot? There would be no Bend It Like Beckham, your para Montuda would be a better bet on the right wing, and forget getting Victoria hooked, David would struggle to get into Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. That bad? Watch any video footage of David Beckham and you’ll know what the “golden foot” — also referred to as “national treasure” by the Barmy Army — means to his game. The foot — insured for a meagre $100 million! — that has powered club and country to glory is the most deadly dead-ball weapon in the world of football. The inside of the right foot can curve and cross it like none other. Without it, he’s… oh we’ve said it already.

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    Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

    Roger Federer —(fore)hand






    John McEnroe refers to it as “the greatest shot in our sport”. It being Roger Federer’s forehand. If the Swiss sensation has won 15 Grand Slams and looks good to win a few more, his favourite stroke, effortless yet explosive, has a lot to do with it. The Federer forehand, described as “booming but beautiful” or “a great liquid whip”, rarely lets him down. What would FedEx be without his forehand? Rafael Nadal’s poodle.

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    Indispensable Assets of Celebrities

    A.P.J. Abdul Kalam — hair






    Hair maketh the man. No, not Samson but our former President. The 70-something nuclear scientist’s grey carefully-careless locks won him many fans. Especially among Gen X and Gen Y. Would Wings of Fire have sold half as many copies without that haircut? We doubt it.


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    Usain Bolt —power in the legs






    The name is Bolt. Lightning Bolt. The fastest man on earth is powered by the most coveted legs in the world (sorry, Charlize Theron and Gisele Bundchen) that enable him to whiz past competition, look back and thump his chest before breasting the tape. What happens if Bolt’s legs lose their speed? Well, the cheetah will heave a sigh of relief.

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    Emraan Hashmi — lips






    Those lips are priceless. For they belong to Bollywood’s serial kisser. From Murder to Tum Mile, from Mallika Sherawat to Soha Ali Khan, the Emraan Hashmi lips have created history. Post-marriage, the Bhatt boy swore never to kiss again, but when his films started flopping, he had to bring his lucky lips back into play.

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    Virender Sehwag — hand-eye coordination






    “Biff! Baff! Boom!” This is what you hear once Virender Sehwag takes guard. “See the ball, hit the ball — that’s the way I bat!” This is what you hear once Virender Sehwag is done with bashing up the bowlers. Victims of the demolition man blame it all on his amazing hand-eye co-ordination. Eye sees the ball, bat-in-hand hand hits the ball. If hand-eye fails him, Viru will need to pull strings to get into Behala Sporting Club.

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    Pamela Anderson — cleavage










    Would Baywatch have been half as big without Pamela Anderson’s plunging cleavage as she ran in the red, slo-mo on the Florida beaches? Would the Internet have 4,85,000 search results for Pamela Anderson+cleavage if the model-cum-actress’s breasts hadn’t meant business? “They have a career of their own and I’m just tagging along,” the Playboy girl had famously said about her powerhouse pair. And though she reportedly shrunk her breasts through plastic surgery, without them she would have been sunk.




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    Mallika Sherawat — tongue






    Would Mallika Sherawat been Mallika Sherawat without those quotable quotes she keeps churning out. An esteemed member of the naked-plus-noise-equals-celebrity club, Madam M’s tongue torments (“Other Bollywood actresses are kids compared to me”) and titillates (“I am like Viagra to Indian men”).What if it does the disappearing act? Her cleavage will have to do all the talking. Her, er, tweets would rise to a 100 per minute.


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    Shilpa Shetty — waist






    What can a 24-inch waist get a girl? Films like Baazigar and Life In A… Metro, item numbers like Shool and Om Shanti Om, booty like Big Brother and Raj Kundra, invites the Queen and a smooch from Richard Gere. Whether looting UP and Bihar or urging you to shut up and bounce, the belly button was the epicentre. What if Shilpa Shetty lost her waist? What a waste!


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    Preity Zinta — dimples






    They have powered a pack of films, pushed dozens of products and almost won her cricket team an IPL tourney. Bubbly, cute, vivacious — almost all the epithets that came the pretty Preity’s way were courtesy her dimples. Now, her career’s at an all-time low and she’s also developed some, er, bad habits. Have her dimples disappeared?

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    Steve Jobs and Bill Gates — brains






    Both have been college dropouts, both have been the “brains” behind their world-changing vision. What if Jobs and Gates didn’t have the brains they were blessed with? No Microsoft and Apple, no Windows and Mac, no iPod and laptop. No life as we know it.

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    Amitabh Bachchan — baritone






    He was rejected for a radio announcer’s job early on in life because of his voice, but then it was the baritone that helped make him Bollywood’s Shahenshah. He tried losing it in Agneepath, but was not allowed by his fans to. He finally did in Paa, but now we forgive him. What would Amitabh Bachchan be with Sachin Tendulkar’s voice? What Sachin would be with Amitabh’s footwork.

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    Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone — biceps






    There wouldn’t have been bicep-bulging posters of the two on our growing-up walls. There wouldn’t be a Terminator and a Rocky, a Last Action Hero or a Rambo. For an entire generation, there wouldn’t be heroes to look up to. We wouldn’t have ever heard of six pack and eight pack, biceps and triceps. Arnie and Sly, thank you!

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    Himesh Reshammiya — nose







    Is that nose that helps him to screech at us an asset? Yes, for him — not for us.

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