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Thread: Worried about parents marriage

  1. #1
    priya sinha
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    Default Worried about parents marriage

    Hi everybody i need advice on a problem

    My parents marriage life was full of problems, they completed 20 years together now.
    Dad says mom had some slight mental problems earlier itself, anyway she lost mental balance 2 times earlier..
    and was normal only after a lot of treatment.. But she is not stable even now.
    ANd need help and care. Three days ago i found out dad is having an affair with neighbour lady. I had doubt from 6-7 months now.. but now i have confirmed it!
    I am their only son and dont know wwith whom to share this with. I cant even think my dad will do this to me and my mom. I dont know if i should tell her or not.

    somtimes... sometimes i think i shud tell her but then im afraid she will be lost forever....i am getting crucified for the problems of my parents and i feel alone in this world

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi there,

    Look, sometimes we need to think a liitle out of the box and what seems 'right and wrong', may not necessarily be so.

    See, your mom has been ill for a long time, still your dad has supported her totally and been there for you and for her. But, he has missed out on a normal married life that every man desires.

    So, maybe he is just looking for a little companionship with a lady. If its that, then its better to just let it be, and not interfere. if it really hassles you, ask him, tell him that it disturbs you and let him explain the nature of the relationship. as long as its non threatening to you and your mother and the family, you should not allow it to disturb you too much.

    Your mom is absolutely not the person whom you should be talking to all. If she is not well, anyway, this could have an adverse impact on her.

    Another option is that you speak to your uncle/ aunt, some trusted relative about this and let them handle it.

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    ♥♥Salma♥♥ Captain Want2bCA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Hi there,

    Look, sometimes we need to think a liitle out of the box and what seems 'right and wrong', may not necessarily be so.

    See, your mom has been ill for a long time, still your dad has supported her totally and been there for you and for her. But, he has missed out on a normal married life that every man desires.

    So, maybe he is just looking for a little companionship with a lady. If its that, then its better to just let it be, and not interfere. if it really hassles you, ask him, tell him that it disturbs you and let him explain the nature of the relationship. as long as its non threatening to you and your mother and the family, you should not allow it to disturb you too much.

    Your mom is absolutely not the person whom you should be talking to all. If she is not well, anyway, this could have an adverse impact on her.

    Another option is that you speak to your uncle/ aunt, some trusted relative about this and let them handle it.


  4. #4
    SB Addict ganesh111's Avatar
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    I am also agreeing with preeto maam here... if he is not harming the family life may be u should not interfere in it. Because ur mom will not be able to stand the news. So give importance to her care

  5. #5
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    I dont think you have much choices here especially when we consider about the fragile state your mother is on. Its clear that she willnot be able to withstand another mental shock. So telling her about this is totally risky and i suggest you to avoid it. If you are worried about your dad's affair, perhaps its better to talk to him than to your mother. Or even better, avoid getting into the issue.

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    Exclamation Disloyalty has no excuse

    Hi Priya,
    Sometimes, the wrong remains wrong, despite all the situation.
    Confront your dad and tell him this won't do. Why? It never was right in the first place. It is one of the pledges of marriage in most of the communities to remain faithful towards the partner for life.

    Ailing wife doesn't give me a right to be disloyal towards her. It is cheating. She requires my care, not my disloyalty.

    What do you think, even if your mom gets ok, would he leave the other woman?

    regards,
    Chmpk, the Inglourious.



    PS: don't tell your mom. It'd harm her.





    Quote Originally Posted by priya sinha View Post
    Hi everybody i need advice on a problem

    My parents marriage life was full of problems, they completed 20 years together now.
    Dad says mom had some slight mental problems earlier itself, anyway she lost mental balance 2 times earlier..
    and was normal only after a lot of treatment.. But she is not stable even now.
    ANd need help and care. Three days ago i found out dad is having an affair with neighbour lady. I had doubt from 6-7 months now.. but now i have confirmed it!
    I am their only son and dont know wwith whom to share this with. I cant even think my dad will do this to me and my mom. I dont know if i should tell her or not.

    somtimes... sometimes i think i shud tell her but then im afraid she will be lost forever....i am getting crucified for the problems of my parents and i feel alone in this world

  7. #7
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    Hey,

    If your parents have been married for 20 years, then I think love between 'em is still alive. Boy, you always gotta think positive towards everything. Think that glass is half full, not half empty. How are you so sure that your dad is having an affair outside of his marriage? Has your dad told you about it himself? If there's a third person telling you about it, then my advise will be never believe the third person, unless you see/hear this yourself. Don't let morals come in between. My advice will be:

    1) Try to spend most of your time with your dad. Ask him if he's okay or if he wants to tell you something. Help him out in his everyday job. Make your dad your best friend.

    2) Don't ever tell about this to your mom. Your mom is unwell. Don't hurt her like this. She'll not be able to survive/handle this situation.

    3) Take good care of both your parents. Don't stop loving them. They're your parents who gave you birth. They're better experienced, and they know themselves what's right or wrong. Don't judge your parents and don't question their love/beliefs/reality. They love you and you love them, that's the most important thing for you to know.

    4) Give your respect to your parents and stand by them in their difficult time.

    Quote Originally Posted by priya sinha View Post
    Hi everybody i need advice on a problem

    My parents marriage life was full of problems, they completed 20 years together now.
    Dad says mom had some slight mental problems earlier itself, anyway she lost mental balance 2 times earlier..
    and was normal only after a lot of treatment.. But she is not stable even now.
    ANd need help and care. Three days ago i found out dad is having an affair with neighbour lady. I had doubt from 6-7 months now.. but now i have confirmed it!
    I am their only son and dont know wwith whom to share this with. I cant even think my dad will do this to me and my mom. I dont know if i should tell her or not.

    somtimes... sometimes i think i shud tell her but then im afraid she will be lost forever....i am getting crucified for the problems of my parents and i feel alone in this world

  8. #8
    SB Addict bhushan1982's Avatar
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    In this situaiton your mother must be ur primary concern..... devote all ur time for taking care of her. She will need a lot of attention, and if your father is failing in it, dont wait to blame, just take that responsibility also yourself.....He knows everything that has happened, so an explanation is unnecessary, perhaps he want it that way.

  9. #9
    New Born sarkari pilla's Avatar
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    dont tell ur mom......she will not carry this......wt is ur age.......if u r earning then no problem...& if u r not , then shut ur mouth till u r not able to earn................& one thing......mom is the best gift in this whole world....so never give up.......baap jo karta hai karne de......maa ka khayal rakho......n dont misbehave with ur father also.......he can leave both of u if u misbehave with him........

  10. #10
    SB Champion Lieutenant prakash27's Avatar
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    Leave dad at it!! And never tell this to mom. She will not survive the news
    Your dad can handle matters on his own, so let him do it!! If things go wrong for him, then also its his responsibility. Mom need ur help
    agony aunt, marriage advice, relationship help, online agony aunt, relationship advice

  11. #11
    SB Addict patelyash's Avatar
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    My mind tells me that what u do in this matter will turn out bad. Its too complicated for u. Leave it to be solved by itself

  12. #12
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    Hi

    Each marriage has its ups and downs but I feel Nothing can justify a partner's infidelity in a marriage.

    Who can say that your mother's illness and mental imbalance is not due to your father's affair? Did your father marry a woman with mental problems - I find that a bit hard to believe... Is there no hand of your mother in bring you up to be a young man.. was your father solely responsible for your upbringing? How could he live and have a child with a mentally imbalanced person for 20 years

    Obviously your father has been having an affair not since last 3 days.. but much longer, using your mothers illness as an excuse. How do you think a woman feels knowing her husband is seeing another woman... specially when the woman is a next door neighbor and comes face to face with her every day.

    I see nothing wrong in you speaking to your father about this - you can always say that you heard the neighbors talk about him and the other lady and you did not like it and if there is any truth in this?

    He is older to you hence maintain the respect and dont loose your cool but I presume you are an adult and have every right to ask him this question.

  13. #13
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    dear friend,

    i understand ur concern..... u mmight be feeling like telling it to mom...
    but PLZ DONT TELLL MOM...
    u say she has mental prob. peope with mental problems r evry sensitive...& this hsock may again depress her...


    so plz keep it to urslef... if mom finds out on her own then its okay... but u dont tell her... infact u need to give her moral support & keep her relaxed & happy....


    now that u r unmarried u may not undertsand many aspects of marriage... ur dad's behavious is unfair... but then its always easy to turn to bad without thinking... u might not be feeling right ... but do givehints to ur dad in privacy... (not wen mom's arround)...
    just tell ur dad u dont like that lady .... or something like taht....
    alos ashow ur dislike for that woman on her face...
    protect ur mom its ur duty....

    if u can gather courage plz ask ur dad choosing proper words... & tell him to stop this!!!
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

  14. #14
    New Born Madanjit's Avatar
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    Its a tough situation and difficult to solve. Only ur dad can do something by turning back from this affair himself. Discussing it with him is good idea, but with out ur mom knowing it

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    SB Addict anandjain's Avatar
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    With ur age and experience u will never be able to solve it !!

    U will only make it worse

    Ur parents are more experienced with life than u are

    So let them handle it in their methods

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