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Thread: Hubby’s neglect driving me towards another guy

  1. #1
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    Question Hubby’s neglect driving me towards another guy

    Hi Mam,

    I asked some questions few months ago. with a small story of our 4th wedding Anniversary.

    I am again in some confussion..... after my last question to you, i had a fight with my husband ..NO ...lets say it... he again talked with me very rudely and when i stopped talking and ignored it... he got angry that i am upset...yes i was upset ... i cant smile if someone talk to me badly....when i am tring hard to make things working....

    Then he told me to go to my parents place and he checked the available tickets for me and my daughter.
    i did not say a single word...except "do wht you feel is good for you".

    I could not sleep that whole night and around 4am i told him.. that i will go alone not with my daughter ...as i dont want to go to my parents place after this and i am not working ..how will i take care of her.... but soon i will come and take her with me... then he changed totally ...and told me cant we live together...i knew he can not takecare of her alone but ... he just wanted to get rid of us so that he can work all day & night.

    Anyway..from that i day .. i did not say a word if he works till late or in early morning ...just to avoid fights...

    My prob is ..he never understands me...and talks rudly..which he says that this is normal way of talking...and with bad face expressions and tone, which my 2yrs daughter started copying ...which i can not tolerate.... i showed him wht my daughter has started but still he is not ready to use his mind for home and family...

    I dont know ...i am misunderstanding him or men are like that...

    * He helps me... but for only small things...mazor this are taken care by me...
    * he told me he does not think that he loves me... but he said first try to live nicely thn will think abt love

    *he works whole day and night whenever he feels like for fame.
    i was with him...we both started doing that work together but after having baby he is talking help of his brother thn me and i dont like his work anymore bcoz he has started ignoring family for it.

    *He never bothered abt anyone's health in home nor even his.

    *I dont feel love ...nor even care.... but i want all this...

    * our is love marriage but there is no more love...reason he never understood wht love is...and i stopped doing things to make myself less demanding and let him demand for it...but no use... result everything is over...

    * I told this to my sis and one of my frnd both said 50-60% men are like that but mine is extreme case.

    *As i told in my last message to you that i met another men who is very ealder to me ... some 20 yrs but we started talking on phone now... but we both are cleared abt our friendship as we both are married and he has some issue with his family and stays away from them bcoz of his MIL who started staying in his home and spoiled his family life though he is providing every single thing to his family even he is styaing away from them from last 10yrs.

    I never wanted him directly/indirectly to be the reason of fights b/w me and my husband. My husband does not know abt him and but still i am true to my husband...i dont want to cheat him..

    we have a pure friendship no bad talks no bad intention ... and its been 6 months now... i strated talking to him on ph 3 months back ... that too not regularly just once in a week... from last months its more regular

    I dont know this friendship is right or wrong but wht i think is 2 person can be frnds..regardless of their age and marital status.

    We are maintaining it pure... he knows everthing abt my family life and i abt his. He is ready to support me anytime ...but i dont want to take my daughter away from her father and nor to keep her father away from him.
    and also i too dont want to take him away from his kids and wife...for my happiness.

    So i cleared this to my him &... he is fine...

    The thing is ... i am feeling that i started loving him and same with him. we both know but we both donot say to each other...as we know our limits ... i am not getting love from my husband nor he is getting it from his wife.... and we both are of calm and emotional person and have kind of same nature.

    I have cleared him that nothing would not gonna possible in this life for us ... pls dont expect anything from me...except a good frnship... he is fine with it and is behaving as a pure gentle man....

    i dont know wht i am doing and why... it is right or wrong ....
    i keep asking this to me.... can you pls answer me.... i have stopped me and him from crossing any limits though we love each other....

    It sounds stupid that i am married and loving another guy...believe me 4yrs ago before marriage ... if i hear this... i would say this lady is mad... but this is truth when you dont get love, peace, care and understanding life partner...then you do all this in ur life... I was a person who strongly believe in one love and get maarried to that love... and i did it...i never loved anyone before my hubby.... but his nature and all this yrs of marriage made me doing all this....wht i am doing today

    Mam can you pls guide me....wht i am doing is wrong or right or wht should i do to make things working at my home ...

    I want a happy life... but i can not even dream of it in my this life... tell me wht to do

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hmm...when you don't have enough respect or love at home, it tends to drive you towards some sympathetic soul that you may come across. One understands that but you know, falling in love with another guy or having a relationship, no matter how platonic is not the solution, is it?

    The solution is to find a way out of the present problems with your husband. And if need be, seek professional counselling for it. It OK that you have afriend that you can share your feelings with, but as you know, the emotional attachment is also increasing, isn't it? And this can create quite a mess even though it may be feeling very right as of now.

    See, instead of depending on anyone else, its best that you are indipendent. OK, you dont want to join your husband's work, but why not take up a job? This gets your mind off your condition and also makes you independent. Not just that, but it also gives you a different position from where you can negotiate your life...so do think on those lines.

  3. #3
    New Born solutions's Avatar
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    SO YOU WANT TO JUSTIFY YOUR INFIDELITY

    Dear you are already cheating him and already you are disloyal to your husband and also you are already in a relationship with a guy and yes you are cheating your husband.

    If you are honest as you say then have guts and tell your husband about your extra marital affair or as you say a friendship.
    You are a bad girl and your husband deserves some one good.

    Try to understand he earns bread for you and in return you cheat him.YOu are a disloyal girl and he should have had a good girl. You are failure as a wife and as a lover.
    Since he has more work to do you are dating some one other on fake name of friendship.

    Try to be loyal if you can.

  4. #4
    New Born Rumplestiltskin's Avatar
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    Whatever problems u have discuss it with each other. And avoid fighting atleast infront of ur daughter. She is behaving bad simply because she saw ur problems and its going to have a mental impact on her.

    Basically you feel like there is a lack of understanding. ITs ofcourse you both are not having a good emotional attachment in ur marriage yet. Try to know each other more, and learn to adjust. This applies to both of you.

  5. #5
    New Born gauro's Avatar
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    End all contact with other guy.
    If ur husband is not giving u enough attention, u must talk it out, or do something to grab his attention back.
    Going after another person is like following a mirage.

  6. #6
    New Born Lister's Avatar
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    What guarantee u have this other guy will give u what u expect?
    At beginningeverything seems to go fine. Later on only things fail in expectations. Be realistic about life. Since u are married trying to fix ur problems inside marriage is better option

  7. #7
    New Born solicitor N's Avatar
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    start working or further studies......well when u dont have much things to do u have all these kinda stupid thoughts....get yoself engaged be busy stay out of the house then u wont have time 4 anyone on this earth...live 4 yo ambition .... u r a lady so its natural that u wont ignore yo child... so just live 4 yoself .... then u even dont miss any kind of love care etc etc etc
    Last edited by solicitor N; 21-05-2010 at 11:38 AM.

  8. #8
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    Make you child's future secure. learn something ..earn something. make female friends and join kitty parties.

    And dont even think of cheating ur husband. He is a good guy. Get him to participate in some common hobbies. And you are a person of weak morals.

  9. #9
    New Born mutantNinja's Avatar
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    THe highest security that u can achieve is from ur husband only.
    The other guy may be a good person, but most often, people who try to get into extra marital affais have only one aim in mind and thats - sex. So when the fun in sex ends, that affair will also end, sometimes even tragically

  10. #10
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    hey,
    I see what you are going through, its clearly not fair to you BUT you have a daughter. She is your responsibility and u need to be a good exapmle to her. You need to get your marriage right on track, fight to make it as good as it was 4 years ago. Lookign out to a stranger is not a good solution. This guy may see you too in the same light, but there is always a possibility that he regrets it and then later goes back to his wife. So that will end u in more turmoil.
    Its common in love marriages that you reach a stage where you think there is no "spark" anymore. try to indulge in other things, give your husband a little space for sometime, and then try to rebuild the spark again.
    Please please do not jump into an extramarital affair, You will definitely regret it.

  11. #11
    New Born rahuldyp's Avatar
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    life never gives us wht we want so try to improve ur relation rather than involving with sme1 else

  12. #12
    New Born kukkiee's Avatar
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    U cant expect husband to do something that u want when u tell him "do what u want to do"
    There sure was disagreement, how can hiding it help? I am not blaming u, but whenever there is some disagreement, its must be shared and talked out with out any heat. Try that and u will feel better

  13. #13
    New Born diffikalt's Avatar
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    Thats not something good.
    Especially when u have a daughter both of u should try to settle ur differences. Or if u are sure u will be happier with that other guy, think of ending ur marriage before going after him. However that must be a final choice when everything else has failed

  14. #14
    New Born aaron's Avatar
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    First of all, stop contacting the guy
    Secondly, talk to ur husband about ur problems
    and last but not least, try to work out the issues by reaching some agreement

  15. #15
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    c'mon guys there is no need to give such harsh comments to the lady....lisn nonika its true when our partner is not understanding we need some emotional support but dear thats damaging your relationship with your husband even more.....why dont you have any lady friend......and yes try making your husband understand all this with love if still he doesn't make yourself busy with some job and with your friends....even women can be best friends....Take Care.

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