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Thread: My short tempered bf

  1. #1
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    Unhappy My short tempered bf

    hello preeto aunty, i m a 22 yr old girl...i hav a bf wid whom i hav been for one year now...he is a really nice guy n cares a lot for me...n loves me...i mean i hav no doubts abt him...but my problem is that he is very short tempered...he loses his cool easily n then he doesnt bother who is he talking to n just spits out crap...no he doesnt abuse but he gets real angry n thn just keeps going on n on...i m a sensitive kind of person...i cant shout, cant get angry specially wen its him in the picture...but the way he behaves really brings me to tears evrytime!! i dnt mind if he shouts at me for some mistake that i hav committed but he spits out fire at me even if he is angry cz f some other person!! last day he cudnt find his way to some mall whr we were supposed to meet,,n out of frustration he called me up n started yelling....i felt very bad n thn didnt talk to him the whole day n at nite wen i finally pickd his call he started crying so i cudnt say anythng to him!! he says sorry evrytime but thn y does he do it at the first place?? i m really going nuts over this kind of behaviour frm his syd...plz tell me wat to do???

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hmmm...ya, that's not at all good. Losing the temper is never good for the person himself as well as for his relationships. So, this is something he seriously needs to work on. You are quite right to be concerned about this, because an angry person is unpleasant and unreasonable and can quite damaging.

    Ya, he needs to control his temper. In fact, he needs to seriously work on it!

  3. #3
    New Born Kamal Anuj's Avatar
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    Dont be afraid to tell him how u are feeling.
    Let him know that u are totally going nuts over his behaviour. And add that if it was somebody else u would have responded in a rude manner too. He should understand that Just due to love for him you are bearing all hisbehaviour

  4. #4
    New Born torrentz's Avatar
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    this will be helpful for him

    http://forum.santabanta.com/showthread.htm?t=74792

  5. #5
    DESTINY STILL ARRIVES! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    u know when a person shows anger in front of his beloved.....he doesnt really means the words he's saying........coz , like u said, he's angry coz of some other reason.......now since u love him, ur job is to act calm and cool, and not crying...coz he's just yelling...not yelling at u......he wants someone to whom he can show all his frustation coz maybe he cant show it to anyone.........so whenever he gets angry on u, try to act the exact opposite of how u actually act, act like his anger is not affecting u....try to calm him down.....smile even though u dont want to........he'll calm down if not the first time,or 2nd then 3rd time......and when he'll get used to see ur smiling face during his anger.....he'll stop yelling !!
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  6. #6
    Healer!! Major FeeDback's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by adirocksit View Post
    u know when a person shows anger in front of his beloved.....he doesnt really means the words he's saying........coz , like u said, he's angry coz of some other reason.......now since u love him, ur job is to act calm and cool, and not crying...coz he's just yelling...not yelling at u......he wants someone to whom he can show all his frustation coz maybe he cant show it to anyone.........so whenever he gets angry on u, try to act the exact opposite of how u actually act, act like his anger is not affecting u....try to calm him down.....smile even though u dont want to........he'll calm down if not the first time,or 2nd then 3rd time......and when he'll get used to see ur smiling face during his anger.....he'll stop yelling !!
    very well explained dude. that is exactly what it is, he doesn't mean what he says in anger, he is just angry.
    don't confuse it with words exchanged in anger between acquaintances or classmates or peers or rivals in professional life. in such cases there is competition and HERE in anger the stuff said is usually the actual feelings and thoughts.
    the situation becomes completely different in close relationship. here [in love]when a person is angry he/she doesn't vent out actual feelings, but misinformed or confused feelings or some frustrations. just like 'adirocksit' said, you need to act opposite to whatever he says, just give him a smile and don't take it to heart at all whatever he says during anger- truth is he DOES NOT mean them. and since you are closest to him, or anybody who is close to him will have to deal with this. and don't make the situation even worse by thinking of breakup or leaving him, it will make things even worse for him isn't it ? he is already upset and angry, he unconsciously knows that you are his love and you'll understand it and hence absorb harshest of words [he wouldn't have said it if u were nobody], and that is what you need to do. just don't look at what is happening [the words he is saying] but look deeper, that is what role of true lover is.

    also it doesn't end here, when you've calmed him - discuss with him that how getting angry and talking crap makes hard for you and also isn't good for him, he should calm down and discuss them with you instead of getting angry, and it will bring you both closer and also solve the things.

    good luck, try to be more understanding and look deeper into love instead of acting so quickly. in love things don't always are as they seem. cheers
    It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life so interesting. . .

  7. #7
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    Wow!!! He seriously needs to control his temper! You are NOT his boxing pillow, dear. You are also human, with feelings and a heart. You do not deserve this kind of behaviour from the man you love. As you said, it's perfectly justified if he gets angry due to something bad that you've said or done.... or maybe once in a while if he's going through a negative phase. But if he gets mad at slightest things, or when somebody else has pissed him off, and takes it all out on you, then there's indeed a limit to which you should tolerate it! And the fact that you have decided to address this problem here on this forum shows that you've had enough and your limits have been stretched. I feel for you, dear girl! The fact that he became aggressive just because he couldn't find his way to the mall is simply not justifiable. And the fact that you are a soft and passive person makes it difficult for you to be assertive, and easier for him to take advantage of you.

    You need to be strong and assertive now. You want the relation to work out to everyone's benefit, right? You want to feel happy and well-treated by your lover, right? Then firmly tell him one of these days that his quick temper is affecting your relationship badly, as well as your feelings and attitude towards him... and that it is enstranging him from you. Tell him clearly that if he's frustrated or going through bad times, he can by all means use you as an emotional support, but not by terrorising or victimising you.... esp when you are not at fault. State your limits clearly. Nobody else would tolerate this kinda behaviour of his. You love him dearly, hence you have no other choice. Simply saying "sorry" after every such episode is no good if he ends up repeating the same thing over and over again. Apologising too many times for repeating the same thing renders the apology ineffective. Remember, the more you let him get away with such behaviour, the more he'll feel encouraged to continue it. Understanding someone's inner feelings and frustrations is not the same as tolerating abusive behaviour. They're 2 entirely different things. So make it clear to him that he needs to take this step if he wants the relationship to last forever. Good luck!
    Last edited by wonderkid; 25-07-2010 at 03:36 AM.

  8. #8
    New Born cutesafa's Avatar
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    If u are sensitive then u must be going through a tough time listening to his attacks on u. That must stop so next time confront him and tell him to end his behaviour. If u threaten to leave him, he may agree

  9. #9
    New Born brutus's Avatar
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    Take him to a psychiatrist. Such behavioural problems will sure require some therapy

  10. #10
    New Born viv4's Avatar
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    Ask him to count from 1 to 100 when he isgetting anger. Do it very slowly. By the time he reaches 50 he would havecooled off

  11. #11
    Young Gun RiyazKhan's Avatar
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    If he can permanently control his anger u still can have good marriage..

  12. #12
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    Default its all is in ur hands!!! so find the way!! :)

    If you really care bout him so much , why not you both join yoga or art class or do some basic computer course by convincing him . any activity wil help him keep busy enjoying with you and also it would be great . you along with your boy friend . can enjoy the time also he ll develop his personality too

    " If you need to sort things right then u need to know how to avoid the wrong!!! "

  13. #13
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    Default Thats a nice way !!!

    Quote Originally Posted by viv4 View Post
    Ask him to count from 1 to 100 when he isgetting anger. Do it very slowly. By the time he reaches 50 he would havecooled off

    lol . .. by the time he reaches 30 , he would have dozed off :P lol though a nice way to avoid getting angry


  14. #14
    Young Gun jaleel21's Avatar
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    Its because u are soft on him, u too be rough..

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    Young Gun mehmi22's Avatar
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    Anger control is verydifficult, ithink its better utake him to a doctor if above ideas does notwork
    Counselling can be good, they have proven efficient techniques.

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