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Thread: 。◕ वयस्क चुटकले ◕。

  1. #1
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    Arrow 。◕ वयस्क चुटकले ◕。

    When a mother with her 18-year-old daughter to the doctor arrived found that she is pregnant. Cries, Peoti, was cursing and said she brought him home - he who the pig is the child who has sexual relations. Quickly calling him here otherwise I'll kill you.

    Crying - crying girl put a call. About half an hour later came a Mercedes stopped at the door. A lovely bit of that young man came and sat on the couch came in. Said - I am just the man for which you have struggled. I am guilty of all of you. But I am willing to face his punishment. Look, if your daughter to marry because it is not possible for my father will never agree. But I can help you with money. I do take responsibility for your daughter's entire life. If it's a girl so I named him million Rs., A bungalow, a car and a new factory will accommodated. Rs 200 million if the boy his name, Mumbai and Delhi in two cities - a luxurious mansion and built a huge factory will. And then unfortunately had a miscarriage. So you just tell me what should I do?

    Girl's father, who was listening to his words still quietly, slowly bring your hand up and gently spoken young man's hand - dear! God forbid that happens! And even if you try you can watch again .

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    सन्ता अपनी गाड़ी से कहीं जा रहा था तो रास्ते में उसने देखा कि बन्ता सड़क के किनारे खड़ा चिल्ला र्हा है रो रहा है।
    सन्ता रुका और पूछा- की होया बन्तया ?
    बन्ता ने अपनी दुर्घटना-ग्रस्त गाड़ी की ओर इशारा किया।
    सन्ता- कोई गल्ल नैई, होर नवीं लै लवाँ गे।
    बन्ता- गड्डी दे अन्दर वेख सन्तया !
    सन्ता देखता है कि एक बहुत सुन्दर लड़की गाड़ी में मरी पड़ी है।
    सन्ता- कोई गल्ल नैई ! कुड़ियाँ ताँ भतेरियाँ मिल जाणी याँ !
    बन्ता- ओए सन्तया ! कुड़ी दे मुंह विच देख !!!!

  3. #3
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    Sardarji who has a PhD in math was. Interviews tend to be too late but all the seats are full. Sardarji fairly beg, that a time please take my interview. Tester is ready, speak to you 2 questions I ask every question sardarji two part, if you will answer three questions so I'll keep you




    Examiner: KU ...... Chung Chung Acug Choou Acug .. .. touching is?
    Sardar ji: Saab train it is!


    Examiner: Very good. She was a century or capital?
    Sardar ji (frightened): Hinduism, how can you tell??


    Examiner: sardarji question I'm asking you, you just Answer.
    Sardarji: ok .. You quickly devoured devoured too fast, Chu, Chhw said, these will surely century.


    Examiner: No Sardarji, it was the capital. Anyway, two more questions.
    You will answer correctly will get the job.



    Tester (by turning your hand like a ship):
    What it is: Z 00000 Amamamam Zzggggggr. Juuuuuu.
    Sardar ji: This is the Saab plane.


    Examiner: Well done Sardarji! It will answer the last question is your job.
    It was the Indian Airlines or Kingfisher??
    Sardar ji: Saab strange question you ask. Well .. No problem You were shown a large high hand, therefore, be it Indian Airline?


    Examiner: Sardarji Sorry, it was Kingfisher. Never mind. You gave two correct answers.
    Another would have the right answer I give you this job.



    Sardar ji (speak their minds to be angry): No problem Sir, I you two questions
    Would like to ask. If you will answer Samzwanga you have the right interviews.



    Tester (shaking head): Well ask Sardarji.
    Sardar ji (his two fingers to make the shot asked): What is it?
    Tester (anger I):: Sardarji what are you doing?


    Sardar ji: Now, I'm asking questions. Give you the answer.
    Examiner: That (Wajina) is ******.


    Sardar ji: It's your mother or sister?


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    A lady was shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very western accent to our Santa (owner )....

    What's the time??
    Santa is a very patriotic man and hates English accent while speaking .. So he replies back in the same accent ........

    Bra-panties!!

    Confused the lady asks again .........

    No! No! What's the time??

    Santa again answers back ..........

    Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!!

    Seeing the confusion going between the two another man comes to the rescue of the lady and says .......

    O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade ko time puuch rahii hai gayee!!

    Angry Santa shots back at him .........

    Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis (12:35)

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    In a party a lady wanted to go to the toilet badly.
    So she approached the host Santa and asked,

    "Where is your SUSU place, Please show me."

    Santa winked at the lady and said.
    "Yea, naughty girl, First you show me your SUSU place and then I will show you mine."

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    In a party a lady wanted to go to the toilet badly.
    So she approached the host Santa and asked,

    "Where is your SUSU place, Please show me."

    Santa winked at the lady and said.
    "Yea, naughty girl, First you show me your SUSU place and then I will show you mine."

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    जीतो : एक बात बतानी है ! पर मुझे मारना नहीं !
    सन्ता : हां ! बता !
    जीतो : मैं गर्भवती हूँ !
    सन्ता : यह तो बड़ी खुशी की बात है !
    जीतो : शादी से पहले पिताजी को यही बात बताई थी तो बहुत मार पड़ी थी !!!






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    एक बार बन्ता सिंह अपनी पत्नी से मिलने उसके दफ़्तर गया ।
    वहां उसने देखा कि उसकी पत्नी अपने बोस की गोदी में बैठी है।
    बन्ता नाराज हो कर घर आ गया
    शाम को जब उसकी बीवी घर आई तो बन्ता बोला
    " कल से दफ़्तर जाना बन्द ! जिस दफ़्तर में स्टाफ़ के बैठने के लिये कुर्सी भी नहीं वहां काम नहीं करना !!
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    एक औरत अपने पडोसी के साथ सेक्स कर रही थी |
    इतने में उसका पती आ गया |
    पती ने पत्नी को पडोसी के साथ देखा और उसने पडोसी को मारना चालू कर दिया|
    तो पत्नी बोली मारो और मारो साला पराई औरत को छेडता है |
    इतने में पडोसी पती को मारना चालू कर देता है |
    औरत फिर बोली,
    मारो और मारो, ना तो खुद करता है और ना ही दूसरो को करने देता
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    Santa's wife arrived at a store where parinde Preeto were sold. A parrot's cage was written next to the price - a mere Rs 50. .
    Preeto the shopkeeper asked - why is it such a low price when you shop any other Parrot Rs 500. Is less than.
    - Actually the lore of parrots is not well. Before coming here, the house was a prostitute. So sometimes - sometimes obscene things and looks ugly Bkane abuses. You go get another parrot, your house is not worth it.
    Preeto thought then bid two minutes - will do. I'll make it worth your home. You give the same parrot.
    She brought home a parrot cage hung in his bedroom and began to wait for some speakers.
    Parrot's peaceful here and there inspected again said - wow! New home and new woman! Wow!
    - It is no abuse. Preeto thought.
    A little later his two daughters were returning from college.
    He said seeing parrot - Two - Two new girls! What luck parents!
    - There is such a bad thing he bid. Shopper Khaanmakha was frightening. Preeto thought.
    Preeto Santa's husband came home in the evening. He said seeing Parrot tweet - Hey Santa! Here how you man?


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    How hard is the life of Oaratoan

    morning = wash cloths
    noon = dry cloths
    evening = iron cloths
    night = open cloths
    mid night = no cloths
    early morning = search cloths

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    एक स्कूल में बच्चे ने मैडम से पूछा : छप्पड़ कैसे लिखेंगे?
    मैडम पंजाब से थी, उत्तर दिया : पहले छा , फ़ेर अध्धा पा, फ़ेर पूरा पा, फ़ेर अड़ा !

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    एक आदमी ने बीवी को खत लिखा - इस महीने तनख्वाह के बदले 100 किस भेज रहा हूं, काम चला लेना।
    पत्नी ने जवाब भेजा - आपकी तनख्वाह के बदले 100 किस मिले, हिसाब भेज रही हूं।
    दूधवाला- 2 किस में मान गया।
    चुन्नू के टीचर को -7 देने पड़े।
    सब्जीवाला -7 में नहीं माना, -9 देने पड़े।
    किराने वाला केवल किस में नहीं माना तो उसे कुछ और भी देना पड़ा।
    मकान मालिक तो रोज 2-4 ले जाता है।
    आप चिंता मत करना, मेरे पास अब भी 35 बचे हुए हैं, महीना कट जाएगा ।

  14. #14
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    jeevan milna bhagya ki baat hai mrithyu hona samay ki baat hai , par mrithyu ke baad bhi logo ke dilo mai jeeveth rehna ye karmo ki baat hai

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    interviewer to sardarji:

    Tell me opposite of good:
    Ans : Bed..

    Int. : Come
    sardar : Go
    int. : Ugly
    sardar : Pichhali

    int. Again : U g l y
    sardar again : Pichhali,



    int. Angrily : Shut up
    sardar : Keep talking

    int. : Get out
    sardar : Come in..

    Int. : Oh my god
    sardar : Oh ur evil

    int. : U r rejected
    sardar : I m selected

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