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Thread: She is a 'technical' virgin!

  1. #1
    desi in cali
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    Question She is a 'technical' virgin!

    I am from usa and I am dating one girl and we are planning to get engaged soon. We met online and have been going around for 6 months or so. When we started dating I asked her about her past. She told me she had 2 serious relationships and she has dated around but she is a Virgin. Not that I was looking for a Virgin Girl but I found it hard to believe that even after 2 serious relationships she is still a virgin. I told her that I doubt it but I still will trust her... but she said she didn't do it because she wanted to save it for her Husband and she only wanted to do intercourse with her husband. I was really impressed by the nice girl image she created in my mind and that made me respect her a lot. I already liked her but started respecting her a lot more. But then came the shocker... few days back I found out, ofcourse from her, that although she didnt have a vaginal intercourse, she was having full sexual relationships including Anal, Going-down, fingering and what not. I asked her how can she be still a virgin after doing anal sex, she said she only meant for Vagina intercourse. Ofcourse she is right technically and in technical sense she didnt lie to me but I feel cheated. Because I respected her for the good girl image she created in my mind and thats all shattered now. I feel she has broken my trust. I am not sure if I can believe her any more or not.. I dont know if I should still get engaged to her or not as only few days are left for that. Guys what do u think?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    OKKK! Well, ya, its a bit of shocker! I'm just a bit surprised that she told you all of this after she tried hard to make you believe that she is, what you call, 'a good girl'. That does not seem to gell, somehow.

    Anyway, now that she has decided to be honest about it, you have to decide what you would want to do hereafter. As you say, technically, she is a virgin, but sex is not just about vaginal intercourse. On the other hand, she has confessed herself!

    So maybe you should just wait a while till you incorporate this fresh factor into your mind and see how it effects your relationship. Can you deal with it? Do you love her enough? Maybe you would like to get to know her better...think about it and give yourselves some time!

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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    If it's any consolation, it would pay to consider the reason why she was apprehensive about confessing all in the first instance. Think about why exactly a person would feel uneasy about doing that. I think you will find that majority of the times, it's the fear of loosing the little that might have been achingly established within the relationship.

    Her past shouldn't really shadow what you guy's now have, unless you don't have anything worthy of holding onto. And also, you would be a better man if you were not to talk about the past unless SHE is comfortable in doing so.

    We all have within us fine qualities that can outshine flaws, even criminals do. Use yours to find hers and when you do, that will be the time you will come to realise if you have a future with her or not . In the meantime, stop nit picking with her past, it's bad manners, rude and really none of your business.
    So may it be

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    New Born nsdhiman's Avatar
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    Different people define virginity in different ways..
    either she didnt match up with ur definition or she was just hiding this fact to cheatu..
    in anycase, the situation is simple.. u dont like ur girl to be someone who did anal sex with another person.. so forget her and move on with life..

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    New Born kan5581's Avatar
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    She had doen all type of sexual acts.. so its very difficult to consider her as virgin.. physically she may be consdered as virgin. But when it comes to her knowledge about sex, she is not virgin, she already is well-versed in it.

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    She surely cheated you. This type of technical and legal language is Ok for in legal and business matters, not for relations.
    A person can have sex with hand gloves, and claim that he has not touched a girl. Technically correct.

  7. #7
    New Born niva_srm's Avatar
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    there is no technical virgin..
    either she is virgin or not... thats it

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    New Born axeffect1's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Lisbonstar28

    Quote Originally Posted by Lisbonstar28 View Post
    If it's any consolation, it would pay to consider the reason why she was apprehensive about confessing all in the first instance. Think about why exactly a person would feel uneasy about doing that. I think you will find that majority of the times, it's the fear of loosing the little that might have been achingly established within the relationship.

    Her past shouldn't really shadow what you guy's now have, unless you don't have anything worthy of holding onto. And also, you would be a better man if you were not to talk about the past unless SHE is comfortable in doing so.

    We all have within us fine qualities that can outshine flaws, even criminals do. Use yours to find hers and when you do, that will be the time you will come to realise if you have a future with her or not . In the meantime, stop nit picking with her past, it's bad manners, rude and really none of your business.

    Hey There..Lisbonstar28. I always read ur replies with great interest as I think u put a lot of thought in replying. Please dont mind but I have to say most of the times, ur replies are very idealistic and far from reality. We dont live in ideal world and things you suggest some times are too difficult to follow. All those who come here are hurt and feel cheated and are seeking some kind of consolation along with advice. Telling them to act so idealistically in such a straight fashion is probably not helpful. Ofcoursre if things were so ideal then they wont be here to begin with. Anyways, as I said before I really like ur replies and I didnt mean no offence.

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    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    Well man, I'll go clear, she's no virgin and I believe you know that. So if you are looking for a complete virgin (in all senses) then this girl has nothing to do in your life. You told her your expectations, which she doesn't fit, so she is out. Even if you alter your expectations for her, a sense of frustration and trust issues with her will irk you all through your life. The final decision is yours.

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    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by axeffect1 View Post
    Hey There..Lisbonstar28. I always read ur replies with great interest as I think u put a lot of thought in replying. Please dont mind but I have to say most of the times, ur replies are very idealistic and far from reality. We dont live in ideal world and things you suggest some times are too difficult to follow. All those who come here are hurt and feel cheated and are seeking some kind of consolation along with advice. Telling them to act so idealistically in such a straight fashion is probably not helpful. Ofcoursre if things were so ideal then they wont be here to begin with. Anyways, as I said before I really like ur replies and I didnt mean no offence.
    Buddy, understand one thing, my replies are intended solely for the benefit of the query holder. Let it be they who decide what material has been of help. If there is something wrong with what i have said, report that post or silence your tongue. I'm not here to please or entertain anyone and i WILL tell it as i see it !
    So may it be

  11. #11
    New Born axeffect1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lisbonstar28 View Post
    Buddy, understand one thing, my replies are intended solely for the benefit of the query holder. Let it be they who decide what material has been of help. If there is something wrong with what i have said, report that post or silence your tongue. I'm not here to please or entertain anyone and i WILL tell it as i see it !

    Funny...when it came upon you...you became defensive right away rather than giving a DEEP Insight to why I said what I said - I guess it wouldnt pay to consider the reaons now .

    That was exactly my point and you proved it right.

    BTW: Sorry If I hurt ur ego. I will not be replying any more on this. So please go ahead and post ur reply so u can have the last word.
    Last edited by axeffect1; 20-12-2010 at 10:36 PM. Reason: Non

  12. #12
    New Born axeffect1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    OKKK! Well, ya, its a bit of shocker! I'm just a bit surprised that she told you all of this after she tried hard to make you believe that she is, what you call, 'a good girl'. That does not seem to gell, somehow.

    Anyway, now that she has decided to be honest about it, you have to decide what you would want to do hereafter. As you say, technically, she is a virgin, but sex is not just about vaginal intercourse. On the other hand, she has confessed herself!

    So maybe you should just wait a while till you incorporate this fresh factor into your mind and see how it effects your relationship. Can you deal with it? Do you love her enough? Maybe you would like to get to know her better...think about it and give yourselves some time!

    Now thats called a useful/thoughtful reply... god Bless Preeto Maam.. dont now what would we do without u

  13. #13
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    I wouldnt have trusted her if i were you. i would have wanted pure truth.

    but then, its upto you

  14. #14
    New Born axeffect1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iamyourdream View Post
    I wouldnt have trusted her if i were you. i would have wanted pure truth.

    but then, its upto you
    Agreed.........

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    You mentioned that you weren't even looking for a virgin girl. If that's the case, then why back out now? Of course she's not "pure" or virgin in the true sense. I mean, she did anal!!! There's no way you could call her "pure" or "chaste", because anal is also like intercourse in the sense that it involves penetration and stuff. It CANNOT be termed as "abstinence". I personally think that doing anal and then giving yourself the "virgin" tag is like taking the easy way out.

    But bottomline is, you did not even want a virgin in the first place! It may be a bit of a shock and a surprise since initially she projected a "good girl" image of herself and is now only coming out in the open with "dirty" details. But maybe you should delay/postpone your engagement a bit, and consider if the issue's indeed big enough to make you call off your engagement fully. You should consider if her history would matter to you in the long run or not. So take some time. I think Preeto ji is right in that sense. In any case 6 months is a really short period of time. Good luck!

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