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Thread: Favorite Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings - :D

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    K.I.L.L.E.R Colonel bariisto's Avatar
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    Wink Favorite Sarcastic Quotes & Sayings - :D

    “I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”






    As under-appreciated art forms go, the sarcastic and witty retort is among the most exceptionally beloved of diversions for any intellectually pretentious aficionado of intelligent banter. One can differentiate between those worthy of conversational inclusion according to one’s acceptance and admiration of jestful repartee. Others should be culled.



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    K.I.L.L.E.R Colonel bariisto's Avatar
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    Groucho Marx





    Master of wit and grease-paint-mustachioed comedienne Groucho Marx bears the mantle of perhaps the most prolific output of biting one-liners per singular lifetime in perhaps all of our collective human existence. Appreciators of mockery take note.

    “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”

    “I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”

    “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”

    “How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.”

    “A man is as young as the woman he feels.”

    “A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.”

    “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”



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    DIVIDED WE FALL !! Brigadier General adirocksit's Avatar
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    sarcasm is my fav kind of humor.....i do it all the time
    repzzzzz+++++
    I'm in love with your body
    I'm in love with the Shape of You



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    Mark Twain





    Actually-mustachioed Einstein impersonator Mark Twain and his witticisms are nearly as beloved as his novels of delightful boyhood shenanigans. Lovers of intelligent social commentary will appreciate his clever and insightful takes on a variety of human interest topics, but we are simply here for the sardonic wit:

    “I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

    “Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

    “Honesty is the best policy––when there is money in it.”

    “Familiarity breeds contempt––and children.”

    “Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. “

    “Get the facts first. You can distort them later.”

    “Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.”

    “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

    “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it a remove all doubt.”



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    Winston Churchill





    Cigar aficionado and bowling hat enthusiast Winston Churchill spent much of his time drinking whiskey, writing novels, and fighting the Nazis. Fortunately he had enough time to bequeath upon us at least a few lasting gifts of enjoyable and reusable insults.

    “A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”

    “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

    “I am easily satisfied with the very best.”

    “If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised.”

    “It is a fine thing to be honest, but it is also very important to be right.”

    And perhaps everyone’s most beloved (and paraphrased) retort, upon accusation of being intoxicated: “I may be drunk, madam, but I will wake up sober in the morning, but you––you will always be ugly.”


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    Oscar Wilde





    Paradoxically bestowed with an odd juxtaposition of feeble first name and awesome last, Oscar Wilde was a prominent Irish aesthete, which means he enjoyed things that were pretty, and in his spare time enjoyed writing plays, or just playing.

    “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

    “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

    “Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.”

    “Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.”

    “Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and unconvincing.”

    “America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.”

    “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.”


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    Sarcastic one-liners from the ladies





    Though the world of cynical and malicious mockery has traditionally been the vestige of men, often enough women drop their mawkish charm to exude some mocking harm. Some infamous female entires into the world of wit:

    “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” –Mae West.

    “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” –Ashleigh Brilliant

    “You have delighted us long enough.” –Jane Austen

    “Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.” –Golda Meir

    “Sometimes your shallowness is so thorough, it’s almost like depth.” –Daria

    “I don’t have low self-esteem. I have low esteem for everyone else.” –Daria


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    K.I.L.L.E.R Colonel bariisto's Avatar
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    Other funny sarcastic quotes





    “It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.” –Paul Newman

    “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” –George Bernard Shaw

    “He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.” –Victor Borge

    “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” –Clarence Darrow

    “If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?” –Charles Pierce

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." –Robert Redford

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." –Irvin S. Cobb


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    K.I.L.L.E.R Colonel bariisto's Avatar
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    Other funny sarcastic quotes





    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." –Samuel Johnson

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." –Thomas Brackett Reed

    “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” –Forrest Tucker

    “He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” –Billy Wilder

    “Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” –Oscar Levant

    “I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.” –Ludwig Wittgenstein

    “When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” –Emo Philips

    “It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor.” –John Cleese

    “For your information, I would like to ask a question.” –Samuel Goldwyn


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    Humorous sarcastic quotes from great unsung heroes





    “I wish we were better strangers.”

    “Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.”

    “Love your enemies.. it pisses them off.”

    “I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”

    “Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.”

    “Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.”


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    Humorous sarcastic quotes from great unsung heroes





    “100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?”

    “If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.”

    “I would have liked to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.”

    “Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own.”

    “He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.”

    “That man is cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

    “You grow on people, but so does cancer.”

    “You should do some soul-searching. You might just find one.”


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    “Get the facts first. You can distort them later.”


    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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    SB MahaGuru Lieutenant-Colonel
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    @sahar aapi - yeah like most of the ppl do without knowing anythin!.. lolz..
    Last edited by bushra0712; 13-02-2011 at 04:46 PM.

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    Moderator Colonel gracefulguy's Avatar
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    Excellent collection !!! Thanks for sharing ........

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    "You grow on people, but so does cancer."


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