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Thread: Came across my wife’s chats

  1. #1
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    Default Came across my wife’s chats

    Hi mam, my name is ajay. i am 30yrs old & married for 2 yrs. me & my wife know each other for 12 years. after 10 years of affair we got married with consent of elders. i work aboroad and my wife was studying/working in india before marriage after marriage she is with me here. we love each other ( i do). i never had any affair with other girls since i known my wife for almost 12 years now. as we both known each other for so long we never had chance to doubt each other. we were having great time she was like ideal wife/bahu eeryone used to like her she was very bubbly & helping nature. but unfortunately i cam across her chats and found that she has een chatting with one guy sice 5-6 days. why i am saying this is because if its casual chat i wouldnt mind. she had somany friends(college mates) and i never had any problem with that as it was clean friendship. but this chat its bit toomuch as they have been chatting of howmuch they love each other, but now she cannot do anything as she is married, if they had been bit bold they wouldnt had to suffer like this and all( there was no pressure from anyone to her we married willingly as we were in love). she also had planned to meet each other when they are in india next time, as my wife had planned to go one month earlier than me. please help me wat do i do? should i act tough and confront her. i am really down since 3-4 days. i feel even she is bit upset!! wat do i do? i love her very much i only dreamed of being with her for ever...please advice

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Uh oh! Now this is a situation that's going to be painful, but that's going to have to be handled sooner or later.
    See, you can either just leave it alone and hope that it will go away- but that's going to make you suffer agonies of uncertainly and suspician, OR, you can ask her about it.

    If you do that, she may either deny it or accept it and you will have to deal with it either way, but at least you will know and be abe to deal with what you do know.

    So, yes, talk to her about this but in a nice way, not in an accusatory manner at all. She maybe upset because your behaviour has probably changed since you came across the chats and she's in a lot of suspense as to what could the reason be.

    Anyway, its not going to be pleasant but well, you don't have too many choices, do you? Who knows, maybe once its out in the open you may discover that its not as bad as you think it is!

  3. #3
    ✿♥ mesmerized♥✿ Lieutenant-Colonel imeggz_leoness's Avatar
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    Default heya!!!

    Yes.. u shud talk 2 her now...
    ask her, dt u saw dose messages.... be calm, dont panik...
    let her say wt she has in her mind, than decide...

  4. #4
    New Born xearo's Avatar
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    Hmm.. she seems to be in love with these people. But did u ever think why she fell in love with someone else?
    there must have been something missing in ur marriage. yOu couldnt provide her with enough love and she went after another, so work on that point and u will feel better

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    she must be attracted towards that guy.. It seems like physical attraction.. Dude true love is hard to get and it's hard to understand diff. Between love and attraaction.. Seems like she's attracted towards him! And a friendly suggestion.. Talk with her openly.. And ask what she wants.. Know it and decide your next step. and she comes india talk this!
    Tell her to be frank.. Understand her feelings.. Are you able to give her sufficient time?? That might be one of reasons that she keeps on chatting and this kinda things happen.
    Anyways best of luck. And if she loves you truely.. She will be back to you.. Don't worry.

  6. #6
    New Born tusshargau's Avatar
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    Did she really cheat you?
    Then she doesnt deserve any mercy, get her divorced. But before doing anything or even talking make sure she acutally cheated you

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by notsoimportant View Post
    she must be attracted towards that guy.. It seems like physical attraction.. Dude true love is hard to get and it's hard to understand diff. Between love and attraaction.. Seems like she's attracted towards him! And a friendly suggestion.. Talk with her openly.. And ask what she wants.. Know it and decide your next step. and she comes india talk this!
    Tell her to be frank.. Understand her feelings.. Are you able to give her sufficient time?? That might be one of reasons that she keeps on chatting and this kinda things happen.
    Anyways best of luck. And if she loves you truely.. She will be back to you.. Don't worry.

  8. #8
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    You should talk to her about this in a quiet but stern manner. Tell her how much you love her and how you felt after discovering the chats. Listen to what she has to say. I also think that you both should go to India together to avoid any suspicion.
    The problem with internet quotes is that you can't trust their authenticity.
    - Abraham Lincoln


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    [b]Ok she is surely CHEATING



    She is going there just to have SEX with him , what is the need for going one month earlier , she just is having extra marital affair , warn her and don't send her to India or dude you send her and go very next day and catch her RED HANDED and that will be good

    She is cheating on you , may be wants to keep both of you all her life.......

  10. #10
    New Born delihirius's Avatar
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    why did u spy on ur wife's chatting?

    its illegal, and u broke her trust tooo..

    may be she did wrong, but u also did a very wrong thing

  11. #11
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    Exclamation Sorry to say, but you might need to set her free!

    Yes it certainly seems your wife is cheating! Right now it's emotional infidelity, but one thing might lead to another very soon. They'll meet in India, most probably. You've been lucky enough to come across those chats. Confront her ASAP. Do not wait. But yeah, confront her in a firm yet gentle manner, otherwise she'd chicken out and refuse to divulge anything. You need to know the full truth regarding her feelings for that other man, somehow.
    If indeed it turns out that she has been cheating or is interested in the other man, then you need to take serious action and prepare to let go of her. You don't need a two-timer in your life! If she wants to be with that other man, let her. If she gets scared and defensive, assure her that you'd let her marry that man without any hard feelings, and that she'd have your full support. Remember, a marriage never works on 1-sided love and devotion. There's no guarantee that she'd be able to let go of that man from her heart.

    I know it's all highly unfortunate, Ajay. You may have been under the impression that you were both in love when you married, but maybe she was having an affair with this guy at the side while you were abroad before marriage. Maybe she couldn't admit that she had fallen in love with that other guy, and married you under pressure due to not wanting to break your heart. She couldn't go one way or the other, but remained stuck in between.

    And those of you who are telling Ajay that it might be his fault that he hasn't been able to fulfill all his wife's desires or that there's something missing in the marriage........ I'd love to see how much of a perfect spouse YOU'D end up being..!! Nobody deserves to be cheated or backstabbed. Everyone should communicate and talk it out with their partners if something IS missing from the marriage, which the wife chose to NOT do here. Instead, she has been superficial and pretentious all along. Some things just aren't meant to be, IMHO.
    Last edited by wonderkid; 16-03-2011 at 07:44 AM.

  12. #12
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by delihirius View Post
    why did u spy on ur wife's chatting?

    its illegal, and u broke her trust tooo..

    may be she did wrong, but u also did a very wrong thing
    The person who witnesses or discovers some wrongdoing is never to be blamed, but deserves credit rather...!

  13. #13
    ^^ Oxymoron ^^ Captain Anioba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by delihirius View Post
    why did u spy on ur wife's chatting?

    its illegal, and u broke her trust tooo..

    may be she did wrong, but u also did a very wrong thing
    yup!!....i second that!!.....

    @ thread : If the love between u guys was so strong n u guys never went around with anyone else....then u don't have to be suspicious n go snooping around in ur wife's mailbox.
    Anyways, u know.......this makes u come across as very-insecure n suspicious!!....Not Goood!!....coz a relationship needs trust!!....u know that!!

    Think about is dude!!....when she looks at u n quietens out.....always remember she's thinkin something....
    And always remember "No matter how good u try.......u'll never be her first love!!"...

    Reconcile to this fact n accept it.......next to this....she loves u .....believe in that......n trust her.....yes, now that u've breached her privacy n checked her chat....u might as well go ahead and give her an idea that u know about these chat messages.....

    Or u can use tactic 101 : which is ......putting urself out of the issue,......n letting the internet solve the issue 4 u.....keep track of her chats....n mails.....u will definitely come to know what's going on.....

    Its not ur fault that ur in this position.....u have been loyal n loving to ur wife.....proud of u!! All those who tell u that u've not given her stuff.....are making a mistake...coz it sure seems that ur wife-n-the-ex.......knew each other before u did......n they had plans to take their relationship further.....maybe she couldn't for any reason confess to her parents n blah blah.....So clearly, u were never in the picture........so ur not a reason for whatever that is between them!!
    Last edited by Anioba; 16-03-2011 at 08:22 AM.

  14. #14
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    Things cant continue like this. A decision is quite necessary.

    she is loving someone else, and lying to you
    And you are in a sad state, staring at the future

    Show her the chat logs and then ask her what she is doing.. THere are no need for any fighting. Coz if she loves someone else, then fightign with her wont help you.. divorce is the way. And tell her u are ready for legal proceedings

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    Here I read some members comments and got shocked to see what advice they have given. Anyway, whatever you have done by seeing her personal chat is completely ok. Only you are the person in the world who she she will share her all personal matter with. That's how a strong bond between a couple gets created. And I also disagree with those who thought you have been suspicious about your wife. Well, you know you love you wife, and care for her so much which reflects from all the words you wrote about your wife, so you doubted your wife because you want to trust your wife, and wanting to trust somebody should be appriciated and respected. Most of us believe that distrust, doubtless or suspicion, whatever people have are negative but no, it's not negative at all, only the close people will doubt you because they want to trust you, and they want to trust you because they love you so much.

    Lets come to the main point then, you really should go to your wife and ask what makes her think in cheating you that way. She really can not do whatever she has been doing behind your back. I agree with wonderkid in thought where she said you should get her talk about it but it more polite way since she may act like a stubborn and deny to answer to your question and make you feel like breaking all the furniture, and other stuffs at your home. Even I recommend you to follow her advice completely, cause that is what is the only perfect advice from my point of view to this query. Therefore I won't say anything more to respect her advice in this particular query.


    @Wonderkid: what to say?? Excellent advice as always!!.

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