I have a strange problem which will probably make more sense once I explain some of the events that took place before I got to where I am.
A few years back I went away to a different city to start studies at university. At that time I was with guy A who I had been with for 7 years then. My relationship with guy A was ok, we started dating when I was 14 and then I moved to Britain when I turned 16. Our relationship continued till I was 19. For several years our relationship went well but then as I matured we started having a lot of fights, despite all that we really did try to make it work. However when I went to university, guy A and I were having fights every day and when I left home he totally ignored me for several weeks. I was very depressed and due to being in a totally new place had no friends. I locked myself in my room for days and cried my eyes out tried emailing him and calling, called his mother etc but got no response from him. I felt very abandoned.
Finally out of lack of options I met up with his brother (guy B) for some support who at that time was also in Britain as a student. He came over to visit me and one thing led to another and we got physical. He was my first. I initiated it and guy B went along. So this had happened we both have no regrets about it. I must add here that my sister had a huge crush on guy B, approached him and didn't get a response from him so hates her guts out of him. I broke up with guy A and no one knows about me and guy B being together, just 3 trusted friends. It has been 4 years and we have been together as a couple.
When we are together, as in the same living space we work beautifully as couple, however things have changed now. I have finished my degree and back in my home town, before we were in a live-in relationship and now I get to see him once in 6 months or so. I am happy with him but lately we have been going through some major communication problems. I want to spend time with him but he is very busy and finds it difficult to pay attention to me. I know he means well but it hurts my feels when he presents his excuses for not being able to talk to me. I don't think there is another girl involved, we are beyond that... if there was someone he would tell me and likewise for me.
My problem now is that I have not told my parents about him and neither has he. We keep trying to find an apt opportunity to tell them but because of my sister and his brother (guy A) the relationship between our families has become very sour. This to the extent that my mother has asked me not to even talk to them on facebook. Guy B is a really nice honest guy, he has told me everything about his past. Infact too honest for his own good as he has told my sister, who use to be really good friends with him before, everything about his past girlfriends etc. My sister has used this information to make his image that of some sort of player in front of my parents. She told my mom about him being physical with his ex-gf. Similarly guy A after the break up has poisoned his family against me. Guy A was cheating on me with some other girls but has defamed me for going out, doing drugs, getting drunk and sleeping around. All not true.... I have been physical with just one guy...that's guy B.
I want to tell my parents about Guy B and that I want to marry him but they hate him. I am afraid of the reaction that my parents will have if I tell them how long this has being going on for. Also he wants to tell his parents but he cant cuz their family is going through some major stressful time and this would just be one more thing they will have to worry about. We feel that the timing of us telling our parents about us is very crucial for this to work. I am 23 now and doing post-grad...parents are starting to put pressure on me for choosing a guy... not arranged but you know tell them if I like someone.
The second problem I have is with guy B. As I said his family is going through stressful time and so he is working extra hard 12-14 hrs a day. He turns his phone off and tells me that he is avoiding his mum cuz it stresses him out when they speak. I have seen him do that when we were together. His phone remains off for weeks. I can call a friend of his and he comes online then but we talk like after 3 days of me trying to get a hold of him. He never initiates a conversation, partly because we don't want to blow our cover. Lately, he has stopped texting me too.
My question is, how can I calm down about not being able to talk to him. I am so depressed that I am thinking may be breaking up will be a better option than to tolerate this pain that i feel. I really miss him a lot.
I am living a completely deceptive life where no one knows the truth about me. I love my family and I dont want to do anything to spoil our relationship but unfortunately sometimes things happen that one never anticipate. All my friends tell me all sorts of different things and I am confused. What should I do and how can I remain sane and balance all this madness that one night has created in my life.