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Thread: Newly married, don’t like sex

  1. #1
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    Arrow Newly married, don’t like sex

    Hello Mam,

    Hope you are fine.

    I always wrote you to get my problem solved. Mam, I am a girl of 23 and newly married (8 days). I must say I have got most romantic person of the world as my husband but Mam problem is just after two days of our wedding I got bored of having sex. I didn't liked it at all. I got scared when we are alone in our room but as I told before my husband is so romantic and I can't tell him directly that I do not like to do it. One thing more Mam, I hate to kiss (a kind of French Kiss, I think). I felt it so bad. I cannot tell these things to my husband but failed to overcome my feelings as well so decided to write you. Mam please suggest what should I do? Should I tell him OR how can I try to enjoy sex? You can better understand Mam so please please please help me out.

    Thank you so much in advance.

  2. #2
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    Whats the problem in telling him directly when you don't feel like having sex? You are his wife and he has to respect your decisions. But why you do not feel like having sex especially when you are newly married? If you are feeling that sex is a bad thing, its not. Its a way of showing your love towards each other and to strengthen the bonding between you two. If you don't like a particular type of kiss, talk to your husband about this and tell how can he do better and what you like.

    It seems that you are a shy person. But you have to talk to your husband about these things, otherwise how can he understand your feelings? Communication is a must!
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    Mr. Imperfect! Field Marshal sheikh's Avatar
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    hey newly married Gal,

    Pahle apne husband se dosti kero aur use uss dosti k jarie batane ki koshish kero ki tumhe kya aur kab aur kyon pasand hai kuch uski jaanne ki koshish kero aur kuch apni batane ki koshish karo ,

    koshish kerna ki direct uase mat batan kyonki abhi aap new couple ho maloom nahi uska reaction ulta ho jaye.

    so i wish You Will Do .





    Kaise Mujhe Tum Mil Gayee Ho
    Kismat Pe Naa Aaaye Yakeen....

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    Hi First of all abt this i think this is a problem which have to be solved. You need to take your husband in confidence n tell him abt your problem as i said it is a problem so there must be a solution and the solution is go directly to a sexologist to resolve this

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    ||||--MAN OF STEEL--|||| Colonel BADINDIAN's Avatar
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    I can understand the kiss part...but if you do not enjoy sex, I am inclined to think that your husband may not be doing it right...or....long!!!

    A married life cannot last long without good physical relationship...if sex is bad...everything else is...!!! I know sex is not EVERYTHING...but it is a hell lot!!!

    Try taking help from docs or experts...and discuss it with your husband...maybe he can change himself...or help in making it enjoyable for you!!!
    I Don't Exactly Hate you!
    However, if you were on fire, and I had water,
    I'd drink it!


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    SB MahaGuru Colonel deSi_CasaNovA's Avatar
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    Just come to terms with your inhibitions and try to work on them .For majority of the Indians sex is a taboo, be it the school curriculum or with parents. If you are feeling irky about kissing make sure both of you go to bed after a proper mouthwash. I am sure in just 2 days nothing can be fine tuned when it comes to sex. Once you are comfortable with each other and confident about your own body you can resume your sessions, at the moment just lovingly tell your husband that you need time.

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    SB Addict sakib000's Avatar
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    jab tumhara hubby kisi aur ke paas jaye toh rona mat....agar woh tumhe pyar karta hai toh u shud be happy that u are making ur hubby satisfied..

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    Default hey girl...

    hi ..like all other friens said above i hope it doesn creates any problem between u guys in near future.....i don understand why u don like having sex ....either ur husband must be doing it forcefully or u must have an accident before do u??? well u guys can consult somewhere right ....and if u don like any move then tell him to stop ..get more ideas about sex like how can u be comfortable ....best of luck..

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    Young Gun Meganfox's Avatar
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    You had the same hatred towards sex even before marriage...?

    Is there something which you are not telling us...like some incident which happened in your past which has made you like this....or your romantic husband is not romantic during the sex session...?

    If any of the reason cited above is true, you may need counseling. You cannot have a long run in this relationship if your attitude towards sex does not change. You need to consult a doctor and you need to step out of this phobia..

  10. #10
    ✿♥ mesmerized♥✿ Lieutenant-Colonel imeggz_leoness's Avatar
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    Default comon have fun!

    Pyaar do pyaar lo.....

  11. #11
    teekhi jammu chilli Major General arumita's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by imeggz_leoness View Post
    Pyaar do pyaar lo.....
    right megha
    My love, the spark that ignited the day we met
    remains an eternal flame.











  12. #12
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    Default This is npy gud

    Dear this is not good . Marriage are respected in our culture . And sex is a requirement of a male even females , u must say your hubby to try other methods to get intercourse with him . This was happened with my wife also and we were married when i was 21 and she was 18.she feels bad while having sex but she told me this thing frankly , and i changed my way . Now after 9 years of marriage we both enjoy sex. Hope that u'll tell ur prob to ur your hubby and only u both can get out of this problem nobody else can provide u solution

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by BADINDIAN View Post
    I can understand the kiss part...but if you do not enjoy sex, I am inclined to think that your husband may not be doing it right...or....long!!!

    A married life cannot last long without good physical relationship...if sex is bad...everything else is...!!! I know sex is not EVERYTHING...but it is a hell lot!!!

    Try taking help from docs or experts...and discuss it with your husband...maybe he can change himself...or help in making it enjoyable for you!!!


  14. #14
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    Hi

    sexual intimacy is a vital part of marriage, and you do not want to commit yourself to a life of no intimacy. If you cannot work it out, the marriage is likely doomed. For many people, lack of intimacy is a dealbreaker. It indicates a huge imbalance in the marriage, and opens the door to infidelity and divorce in the long run.

    Lack of sexual interest by one spouse is a serious problem — and if you keep avoiding the topic, it can drive you apart irrevocably. However you are not alone in this "Loss of libido in women, or low sexual desire, is the most common sexual problem for women

    "Low sexual desire is not a disease, it is the understandable result of an imbalance in your life...in your relationship, your life circumstances or your body.Just because loss of libido in women is normal and common, however, doesn't mean you can't fix it. Many women feel as if they are letting their partners down.

    The Causes of Loss of Libido in Women


    • Biology plays a significant role in loss of libido.
      For women, sex can have serious consequences — a baby to take care of for the next twenty years. Not surprising that females seem hard-wired to approach sex with slightly less abandon than males.
      "It's a control device — pregnancy is a threatening condition for women — it renders them vulnerable, they can't run from predators," says Laumann. Men can afford to have sex at any moment, Laumann says — it doesn't make them vulnerable. But for women it's much riskier, which can cause loss of libido.

    • Socialization in our culture causes loss of libido in women.
      If biology doesn't get you then social standards will.
      "We found that the messages women get from society about double standards has a big affect on their sexual desire Men are looked at as studs if they are sexual, but the women are still called ****s."

    • The quality of the relationship affects libido.
      "For women, desire is elicited in the connection in the relationship. If we don't talk and connect, we don't have sex — for men, they connect in the sex,"
      For women, "it's not what happens in the bedroom — their desire arises when they are interacting with their partner, just touching, talking, when they go on a hike or a picnic, that starts to get them sexually interested, If the quality of those intimate but nonsexual contacts aren't being attended to, most women just won't feel "in the mood."

    • Hormones influence libido.
      "Hormonal fluctuations with pregnancy, breast-feeding [resulting in elevated prolactin levels] — and then with perimenopause later in life all can lessen desire,"

      Vaginal dryness, which can result from declining estrogen levels, can make sex painful and cause loss of libido. Testosterone levels also affect libido in men and women — and for women that hormone often peaks in their mid-20s and declines from there until menopause, when levels drop dramatically.

    • Medical conditions and medications can cause loss of libido.
      Depression and the SSRI antidepressants used to treat it can also inhibit desire. So can certain blood-pressure-lowering drugs. Conditions such as endometriosis, fibroids and thyroid disorders can also cause loss of libido in women.

    • Changing life stages — and stress — influence libido.
      Life changes — especially the birth of a child — can cause a loss of libido in women. "Among women surveyed in their 20s with a child under five or six — their lack of interest doubled and tripled," You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out — physical stress and tiredness are big factors." Other life changes, such as losing a job or watching kids leave the nest, can all trigger stress and dampen libido.

    10 Tips for Rekindling Sexual Desire
    Remember, frequency is not the measure of a healthy sex drive. Your feelings are what count. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it, before during and after, that is the true measure of libido.


    1. Try selfishness to boost libido. "The thing that most inhibits desire in women is caretaking — taking care of the kids, taking care of the husband," says Perel. "Caretaking makes a woman think about others. But if you can't be selfish — in the most positive terms it is the capacity to be focused on the self in the presence of others — you can't have an orgasm."
    2. Focus on small, private pleasures. For the woman with four kids who came into Perel's office, feeling asexual and numb to all pleasure, Perel did not recommend going on a date with her husband. She suggested that the woman focus on her own simple pleasures. Hire a babysitter and go to a movie, enjoy a fragrant, leisurely bath — to remind herself she deserves to feel pleasure. Start small and build.
    3. Reconnect safely and non-sexually to combat loss of libido.
      For many couples, before you can think about improving the sex, it is important to repair the intimate connection. the Hug-Until-You-Relax technique. It is simply a long hug, with both partners clothed, lasting 5-to-10 minutes — until you feel relaxed and at peace. This reconnection — "maintaining your sense of self when you are emotionally and physically close to others,".
    4. Changing the scenery fuels libido in women: Passion feeds on a sense of newness and excitement — boredom is the enemy. "When things get routine it hurts the libido," says Ritvo. "Get a hotel room, even in your own town, for a night, to spice things up." Or change rooms in the house — who says lovemaking always has to happen in the bedroom?
    5. Try self-stimulation to help loss of libido: "Women who are able to masturbate are more likely to be more satisfied with a partner and experience orgasm more consistently,". "It is a myth that if women enjoy masturbation, they won't want a partner — it's the reverse. You learn what feels good and you can express that to your partner, and guide your partner," Koch says.
    6. Talk about what you like and want to boost libido: The worst thing you can do, if you have been avoiding sex together, is to stop talking about it as if the problem will disappear. To keep the distance between you from growing, talk about your willingness to connect. Read sex books together, look at the pictures, laugh — and let your partner know what you'd like him to try with you
    7. Use lubricants to combat loss of libido in women. Vaginal dryness does not have to get in the way of enjoyment. If you go outside the local pharmacy to a sex shop (see Tip 10), you can find a wide variety of lubricants, in different flavors and aromas.
    8. Stop worrying about how you look...naked and otherwise. "Research shows that women are harsher on evaluating their own bodies than men are," Koch says. "Your partner probably finds you more attractive than you think you are." So relax and be kinder to yourself — enjoy.
    9. Focus on the whole body to combat loss of libido. Where sexual satisfaction is concerned, paradoxically, the longer, meandering route can be the shortest path to pleasure. Don't head straight for the genitals — encourage your partner, by example, to tease and take detours. Be pleasure oriented, not goal oriented.
    10. Have realistic expectations to avoid loss of libido. Be realistic in your expectations. Women can take about three times as long (or longer) to reach orgasm as men and, by some estimates, only "26% of women report that they always have orgasms,. So mentally shift gears from Mommy Mode to Sex Goddess Mode. And give yourself permission to try new things — you may surprise yourself. "No absolutes — lingerie, sex toys, pornography — it's what works and is safe and consensual and pleasing to both partners,




  15. #15
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    Ok ok relax

    U are either scared of ur husbands sex moves or u found it not interesting.
    U both need changes in ur moves and more understanding.

    My idea is, just avoid sex for next 2 months and try connecting with each other mentally more. Once u are more comfrotable with each other, sex will also become natrual

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