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Thread: My marriage- my lifes biggest mistake

  1. #1
    byarana
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    Default My marriage- my lifes biggest mistake

    Hi Friends,

    I just got married to a girl who suite me in all expects but the problem is she is her looks . Actually I agreed to get married to her without even seeing her ( as I work in Gulf ) and my family dint take her looks very seriously. Once I saw her I wanted to break the relation but then I thought it is not the girls fault it is my family and mainly my fault that I accepted her. Now that I have married her I don’t feel love for her, although I respect her and my in laws ,they are very nice people. Now it seems as she has realized that I am not happy with her, though I tried my best to not disclose it to her or her family. My relation with some of my family members also has ruined as I had completely lost trust in them. Although I blame myself for the mess , my only mistake was I trusted my family. Now I feel dead as if I have nothing left in life. I never even used to look at other females as I had so many dreams for myself and wanted to be a faithful and loving husband, now I am completely opposite of what I was , now I started commenting on girls and many have already observed the change and call it weird.

    I don’t want to hurt anyone neither I can lie to myself , now I feel as if I know why people end their life

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Uh oh! That's not good at all- its a sad situation and not your fault, nor your wife's.

    Well, you know, the best option would be for you to try and get to be good friends with your wife, even if you don't have feelings of romance with her. You say she's suited to you in every other way but the looks part of it. So, try and just get to know each other better- who knows, you may adjust to her looks also.

    I understand that every person desires a beautiful partner, but you know, sometimes great companionship and friendship forms bonds that are deeper than mere romance. Time will tell, my dear.

  3. #3
    :: The Zenith :: Lieutenant-Colonel
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    Dude learn to love people for their inner beauty & not for their facial beauty..
    The facial beauty would fade with age but its the beauty of the soul that lasts forever.

  4. #4
    ♡♥£☋¢Ǩ¥ ★☆★ ☾ћi¢Ҝ¥♥♡ Field Marshal sens's Avatar
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    ooo god!!! common ,its nothing to end your life about.You are a good man. You had not been like this & your cahnge is amking others feel weired,then stop commenting on girls... & be what u always wanted to be..A FAITHFUL HUSBAND.

    What would u do if u had beuatiful wife who wasnt good natured??

    being a grown up,giving too much importance to physical looks is really not good thing.But yeah maybe u r disheartened. Instead of hate & regret ,why dont u try to change your situation.

    Trust me make-overs,styling & good dressing can amke an ugly duck ling look good. Now taht world has advanced so much,u need not drool over her looks.

    Take interest in her, amke her feel beautiful[[ a person who feels beautiful,looks beuatiful].. buy her trendy clothes of your choice,take her for a make-over... & after all this she will look like most beuatiful bride in your family. Turn her in to cinderella ,take it as a task & hobby & challenge. Fighting over family is not very intelligent thing to do.. forget it. whats done cannot be undone. Only whats gonna happen now is what you can change.Dont cahnge yourself in to a BAD MAN. Change your wife to a PRETTY LADY.
    good luck
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

  5. #5
    ~ cavalier ~ ♀ ☣ )o( ⌆ Lieutenant-Colonel Lisbonstar28's Avatar
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    Default No point crying over spilt milk.

    Quote Originally Posted by byarana View Post
    Hi Friends,

    I just got married to a girl who suite me in all expects but the problem is she is her looks . Actually I agreed to get married to her without even seeing her ( as I work in Gulf ) and my family dint take her looks very seriously. Once I saw her I wanted to break the relation but then I thought it is not the girls fault it is my family and mainly my fault that I accepted her. Now that I have married her I don’t feel love for her, although I respect her and my in laws ,they are very nice people. Now it seems as she has realized that I am not happy with her, though I tried my best to not disclose it to her or her family. My relation with some of my family members also has ruined as I had completely lost trust in them. Although I blame myself for the mess , my only mistake was I trusted my family. Now I feel dead as if I have nothing left in life. I never even used to look at other females as I had so many dreams for myself and wanted to be a faithful and loving husband, now I am completely opposite of what I was , now I started commenting on girls and many have already observed the change and call it weird.

    I don’t want to hurt anyone neither I can lie to myself , now I feel as if I know why people end their life
    Glad you have realised it's not the poor girls fault and saved me from saying it. What i will say; is that commonly, perceptions of one and other can change with time, keep the faith that perhaps yours may do as well. Spend the time up until then getting to know her better in hope that all discordant's between you become matched so as to somehow kick start a foundation between yourselves .

    No doubt facial attraction is important but it shouldn't be the only asset worth focussing on. There is beauty in all and everything God created, to find; one has to sometimes look beyond what meets the eye. She may lack here but have a plentiful amount in other areas. Education... well spoken.. mannerisms, conduct, a generally jovial outlook of life, need I say more.

    What about asking a Sis or Aunt, or anyone similar to your wife’s age who can give or help her with a make over/revamp ? Out of interest, Have you ever seen pictures of top models before a photo shoot ? Some look as if they have just woken up or dragged feet first through a thorny bush lol. Allow her to splash money and time on beauty spa's, gym, sauna's, hairdressers, fashionable clothing.. whatever tickles her fancy.


    There’s every chance she’ll become the apple of your eye but you will have to demonstrate patience..
    So may it be

  6. #6
    SB Champion Captain miss.flintstone's Avatar
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    dude..d love is just about to begin.n take my words its gonna be d awsmest romance between u n her...

    u r a kind heart n nw tht u have realized tht its nt her fault..jus frget evrything..done cannot be undone.

    initially try to be her frnd frst...rest will all be fine...love wil also happen n u will be d frst one to share it tht i have fallen in love wid my wife.tc

  7. #7
    New Born purnajihlani's Avatar
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    U are married, and that cant be changed now.
    Only sane option is to start loving her. If u are not satisfied with her look, take her to beauty parlour, a lot of changes can be made through it. Also rather than thinking about her faults, write down ten good things about her daily.... and read it atleast five times aloud when u are alone

  8. #8
    Ex - terminating the Ex.. Lieutenant-Colonel Colonel Hannibal Smith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by byarana View Post
    Hi Friends,

    I just got married to a girl who suite me in all expects but the problem is she is her looks . Actually I agreed to get married to her without even seeing her ( as I work in Gulf ) and my family dint take her looks very seriously. Once I saw her I wanted to break the relation but then I thought it is not the girls fault it is my family and mainly my fault that I accepted her. Now that I have married her I don’t feel love for her, although I respect her and my in laws ,they are very nice people. Now it seems as she has realized that I am not happy with her, though I tried my best to not disclose it to her or her family. My relation with some of my family members also has ruined as I had completely lost trust in them. Although I blame myself for the mess , my only mistake was I trusted my family. Now I feel dead as if I have nothing left in life. I never even used to look at other females as I had so many dreams for myself and wanted to be a faithful and loving husband, now I am completely opposite of what I was , now I started commenting on girls and many have already observed the change and call it weird.

    I don’t want to hurt anyone neither I can lie to myself , now I feel as if I know why people end their life
    i appreciate ur honesty atleast..something tells me this isnt a fake post n i like da honesty wid which u accepted things on ur part!

    dude..a gal has left her family..her siblings..her home..her frndz n even her old lifestyle for u..this gal also didnt saw u before the marriage n believed n trusted watever ur family conveyed 2 her about u!
    she is almost like u (u urself said this)..her family is nice n she tries to be watever u want her to be..now u not feeling the love for her just because she isnt the good looking model u desired..it will just break her soul n will make her feel inferior n unconfident!
    lemme assure u one thing bro..a gal views her beauty the way her man wants her to imagine it!
    u r the one who can make her feel the prettiest gal alive...n u can also make her feel the ugliest n unluckiest (which u r doin' btw rite now dis moment)..
    just one hypothetical situation..lets assume ur wife was far better looking than u..suppose u encounter an accident today n ur face gets marks or small distortion..n she cant love u post marriage coz she desired a charming glowing prince..how wud u feel..u wud feel cursed n wud start losing hope in life!
    marriages r not made n broken buddy..they r sustained n supported with the flame of love n acceptance..love her for her true heart n her commitment..
    if u make her feel she's beautiful n give her confidence..she will indeed look better in front of herself n u too..love her n respect her!
    remember even da sexiest guy/gal alive starts losing charm one day..persona stays even after death!

  9. #9
    SB Champion Lieutenant
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    Hello how are you???
    I understand that you trusted your family to look for a girl for you and her LOOKS are not good. But why are the looks so important to you. Try to see her inner beauty. What if a girl who is beautiful from outside but a which from inside. Looks can change any time, it is the way you look at your wife. If she can make your merriage successful then you have to look into her inner beauty like others said.

    Quote Originally Posted by byarana View Post
    Hi Friends,

    I just got married to a girl who suite me in all expects but the problem is she is her looks . Actually I agreed to get married to her without even seeing her ( as I work in Gulf ) and my family dint take her looks very seriously. Once I saw her I wanted to break the relation but then I thought it is not the girls fault it is my family and mainly my fault that I accepted her. Now that I have married her I don’t feel love for her, although I respect her and my in laws ,they are very nice people. Now it seems as she has realized that I am not happy with her, though I tried my best to not disclose it to her or her family. My relation with some of my family members also has ruined as I had completely lost trust in them. Although I blame myself for the mess , my only mistake was I trusted my family. Now I feel dead as if I have nothing left in life. I never even used to look at other females as I had so many dreams for myself and wanted to be a faithful and loving husband, now I am completely opposite of what I was , now I started commenting on girls and many have already observed the change and call it weird.

    I don’t want to hurt anyone neither I can lie to myself , now I feel as if I know why people end their life

  10. #10
    Young Gun
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    marrying a girl without looking ?? how dumb can one be ?

    if she is really bad in looks than its a bit of problem ...but u should give time to this relationship. I believe ur opinion may change. try getting her in shape or any make over from experts. u would be surprised to see some old photos of some actresses. There is also option of surgery from cosmetic surgeons if u both really want to take risk.

    cheating will be very very wrong ..so best alternative is getting some HD porn videos and get virtual pleasure. Its really good.


    my wife is above average look and still i use to compare her ...despite having more flaws in myself. later people told me i am lucky to get a girl like her. And comparing ur wife will hurt u when u least expect it. its from personal experience.
    Last edited by aapkadost; 18-06-2011 at 01:43 PM.

  11. #11
    New Born nsdhiman's Avatar
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    Whether its ur family's fault or ur fault or the girls fault, u dont hav any luxury now.

    If u wanted to have another girl, u should have broken this engagement before marriage. At that tiem u didnt do it, and went for marriage, now accept her. It has become ur responsibility and u cant avoid it. U had a chance to correct it, but now its late.. also looks doesnt matter much

  12. #12
    New Born Moneybeb's Avatar
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    Default Try to work things out !

    Hi
    You guys get married ...had an arranged marriage so there won't be a clsoe relationship between you two ,and lastly she doesn has good looks doent means that she isn't a nie person .You have mentioned her family is also treating you good so my advise for you and your family would be to try on working the relation. In my opinion the physical appereance can be achived by well grooming a person easily so you try to help her to be presentable , to look nice .....if these things really matters to you .....you have a very nice biwi ...don't loose her or hurt her otherwise in future you wont be able to forgive yourself ....
    best of luck

  13. #13
    New Born filmmakerr's Avatar
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    U aremaking a big mistake...
    Looks does not mean a person is good or bad. Suppose u married a girl and she cheats you witih your brother. How will u feel?
    Atleast this girl wont do that, if u gver her care and love...
    remember one thing, good looking girls always have better looking guys following them.. and many of them will be ofcourse better than you too! Try to appreciate what you have in hand and stop worrying about what is in the bush

  14. #14
    Young Gun duality's Avatar
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    YUp this is a mistake, but mistake is not marrying her, but marrying a person with out seeing her. and then later worrying about it. YOu cant blame anybody for this.. its all ur fault, but dont lose hope. Beauty is in the eyes of the veiwer.. If u want to see a thing as beautiful, u can actually see it as beautiful. Everything in this world is beautiful. Rather than to her physical appearance, check her qualities and abilities.. that will make u feel better. Also think from her side... suppose u were ugly looking and ur wife is worried about ur look. how will u feel? ANother choice is to getdivorce so that atleats u two can find the people who are best for u in future and stop living a lie

  15. #15
    New Born
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    dude do yourself a favour.. get a divorce!!

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