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Thread: Bf needs intimacy otherwise wont love me

  1. #1
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    Question Bf needs intimacy otherwise wont love me

    Dear maam

    I have been in a relationship since 2.5 yrs. we used to meet everyday as we were in same class. now university is over we dont get to meet. we just meet to go out for shopping etc. but we dont get to be close intimate and all like before. he used to care a lot for me when we were close. but am shocked now its like he no more care about me. when we fight and am at fault i have to be sorry but when he s at fault he wont realise even if he hurted me a lot. when i tell he make as if nothing happened. and tell me he is not at fault if he dont feel koz we dont be close now. i told him you yourself not shaping the way to be close.

    he dont want to get engage koz he thinks its too early as he has not get a job yet and he feel ashamed also his friends will make fun that so young age he is getting engage. but am ready for that. if we get engage then we can have time together. this time he fought with me for no reason when asked he didnt said anything. i feel tensed to see us fighting for nothing i kept on asking though he always tell me when its his time to sleep dont disturb him. he abused me and off his fone because i was asking whats the matter.

    i felt bad because i was getting punished for nothing i off fone too. in morning he got angry why i off fone. he was about to say sorry to me(a formal sorry without really realising how he hurted me of course) and stop giving a damn he didnt fone me 2 days neither i did.

    finlly got tired and i foned myself when he tell me i off my fone and his pride and ego wont let him fone. i felt shatered to see him talk like this. i ask him how can he bahave as if he has not a single feeling for me what am going through. he be rude to me for no reason, he off fone and i dont have right to do that. he said thats the result because we are distanced now we dont get intimacy.

    I wonder how can a guy be nice to me only when he is intimate? is this normal? hw can a guy behave as if am nothing to him just bekoz we dont get opportunity to be close? its not my fault but he tell me am not at fault i dont do anything for him!! i told him i can be there for you anytime if we at least get engage... but he dont want that!!

    i told him i cant live a life like this when its always me who have to come. i better leave.. he said me ok. i want to know is this normal.. i love him so much that at times am thinking may be its me who is not understanding his pain of not getting intimacy! but at the same time i feel like hell, because if am ready to give myself fault when am not at fault. how can he be like he is not at fault and dont realise how sad i am.

    I cried a lot with him, he told me he get irrittated with my crying. i got shocked to hear that because i was crying out of pain and he said that to me!! is it really that my heart is right?? or wrong??? my heart keeps on telling me i should have understood him!!!

    but i also feel at extreme pain to see only me caring for him... only if we get intimate he will care a lot for me!! but i also think sometime however one might be a guy cant completely behave heartless like this!! i really feel confused!! is it a normal character for boys?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi!

    listen to me...you need to be a bit practical here. if the boy has no job and no means to support you, then you had better take it easy on the engagement and the marriage. you may also need to take a look at what this relationship is all about. Is he really in love with you? Do you both really want to spend your lives together? think about it before you get too emotional about it.

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    SB Wizard Major PARYANS's Avatar
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    I think u shud concentrate on your career n leave him if he hurts u so much........emotions will kill u........

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    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    I think he has a lot of tension on his mind. He's probably really REALLY frustrated since he doesn't have a job or career yet. It is a major source of frustration for many, and makes even the most stable and loving people behave like heartless beings once in a while, with their loved ones. He needs to build a career and feel a sense of happiness and self-worth. That would improve things dramatically after that, believe me. It would also make him more mature, and value you. He's also scared to get engaged just yet due to the fact that he's jobless. But once he finds something, I'm sure he will want to get engaged.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

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    Bigg Boss Specialist ;) Colonel shivani2121's Avatar
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    looks like he does;nt care for u at all .... in his head he has moved on ...and u are accessible to him emotionally and physically ...

    he's like a spoilt child whose toy is taken away ,, i think take a break in ur relationship for 3 months so ..

    in this time u will realise if u are better away or better with him ....

    remove urself from this emotional rut ...
    I feel Alive ... Its Awesome

  6. #6
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    ]Dear maam

    I have been in a relationship since 2.5 yrs. we used to meet everyday as we were in same class. now university is over we dont get to meet. we just meet to go out for shopping etc. but we dont get to be close intimate and all like before. he used to care a lot for me when we were close. but am shocked now its like he no more care about me. when we fight and am at fault i have to be sorry but when he s at fault he wont realise even if he hurted me a lot. when i tell he make as if nothing happened. and tell me he is not at fault if he dont feel koz we dont be close now. i told him you yourself not shaping the way to be close.
    hiii!!! whther you are clos or not should not matter. love & romance has to be maintained.
    he dont want to get engage koz he thinks its too early as he has not get a job yet and he feel ashamed also his friends will make fun that so young age he is getting engage. but am ready for that. if we get engage then we can have time together. this time he fought with me for no reason when asked he didnt said anything. i feel tensed to see us fighting for nothing i kept on asking though he always tell me when its his time to sleep dont disturb him. he abused me and off his fone because i was asking whats the matter.
    i think he has a point. right now let him build his career . help him. encourage him. stand by him. dont pressure him for engagement. let him make his career
    i felt bad because i was getting punished for nothing i off fone too. in morning he got angry why i off fone. he was about to say sorry to me(a formal sorry without really realising how he hurted me of course) and stop giving a damn he didnt fone me 2 days neither i did.

    finlly got tired and i foned myself when he tell me i off my fone and his pride and ego wont let him fone. i felt shatered to see him talk like this. i ask him how can he bahave as if he has not a single feeling for me what am going through. he be rude to me for no reason, he off fone and i dont have right to do that. he said thats the result because we are distanced now we dont get intimacy.
    if u cannot stay without talking to him on phone dont take such challenges, he hadnt caled you for the same reasons you hadnt called him.
    I wonder how can a guy be nice to me only when he is intimate? is this normal? hw can a guy behave as if am nothing to him just bekoz we dont get opportunity to be close? its not my fault but he tell me am not at fault i dont do anything for him!! i told him i can be there for you anytime if we at least get engage... but he dont want that!!

    yes it is normla for guys to behave this way. Intimacy should e initiated frm your side also.. you cannot blame him for eveything going wrong. be more mature.dont pressure hi for engagement. You seem to be thinking tha just coz he said no[[later] to engagement he doesnt love u enough & there is no intimacy.

    i told him i cant live a life like this when its always me who have to come. i better leave.. he said me ok. i want to know is this normal.. i love him so much that at times am thinking may be its me who is not understanding his pain of not getting intimacy! but at the same time i feel like hell, because if am ready to give myself fault when am not at fault. how can he be like he is not at fault and dont realise how sad i am.



    I cried a lot with him, he told me he get irrittated with my crying. i got shocked to hear that because i was crying out of pain and he said that to me!! is it really that my heart is right?? or wrong??? my heart keeps on telling me i should have understood him!!!
    yes guys do get irritated seeing women cry. keep your tears for your bedroom. never cry in front of anyone. ot even your boy friend. be strong. be independent woman.
    but i also feel at extreme pain to see only me caring for him... only if we get intimate he will care a lot for me!! but i also think sometime however one might be a guy cant completely behave heartless like this!! i really feel confused!! is it a normal character for boys?[/QUOTE]
    add some romance in relation. romance doesnt come only with closeness.

    try doing this: for atleast 15 days from now on.. do not pressure him for engagement. make no challenges with him of not calling. talk to him.. but only about love.. say sweetnothings.. & behave sweetly... see how ur intimacy instantly picks up. if thats what is bothering you.all the best.
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

  7. #7
    SB Wizard Captain himansh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkid View Post
    I think he has a lot of tension on his mind. He's probably really REALLY frustrated since he doesn't have a job or career yet. It is a major source of frustration for many, and makes even the most stable and loving people behave like heartless beings once in a while, with their loved ones. He needs to build a career and feel a sense of happiness and self-worth. That would improve things dramatically after that, believe me. It would also make him more mature, and value you. He's also scared to get engaged just yet due to the fact that he's jobless. But once he finds something, I'm sure he will want to get engaged.
    you are right, guys sometimes just can't admit to their weekness

  8. #8
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    I think that he was only happy with you because of getting intimate. By the looks of it he was using you all along and now you are making your own future, he is noty happuy. Also, he does not have a job so he is also jelous that he is not doing anything and you are going to university and all that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Gloomy View Post
    Dear maam

    I have been in a relationship since 2.5 yrs. we used to meet everyday as we were in same class. now university is over we dont get to meet. we just meet to go out for shopping etc. but we dont get to be close intimate and all like before. he used to care a lot for me when we were close. but am shocked now its like he no more care about me. when we fight and am at fault i have to be sorry but when he s at fault he wont realise even if he hurted me a lot. when i tell he make as if nothing happened. and tell me he is not at fault if he dont feel koz we dont be close now. i told him you yourself not shaping the way to be close.

    he dont want to get engage koz he thinks its too early as he has not get a job yet and he feel ashamed also his friends will make fun that so young age he is getting engage. but am ready for that. if we get engage then we can have time together. this time he fought with me for no reason when asked he didnt said anything. i feel tensed to see us fighting for nothing i kept on asking though he always tell me when its his time to sleep dont disturb him. he abused me and off his fone because i was asking whats the matter.

    i felt bad because i was getting punished for nothing i off fone too. in morning he got angry why i off fone. he was about to say sorry to me(a formal sorry without really realising how he hurted me of course) and stop giving a damn he didnt fone me 2 days neither i did.

    finlly got tired and i foned myself when he tell me i off my fone and his pride and ego wont let him fone. i felt shatered to see him talk like this. i ask him how can he bahave as if he has not a single feeling for me what am going through. he be rude to me for no reason, he off fone and i dont have right to do that. he said thats the result because we are distanced now we dont get intimacy.

    I wonder how can a guy be nice to me only when he is intimate? is this normal? hw can a guy behave as if am nothing to him just bekoz we dont get opportunity to be close? its not my fault but he tell me am not at fault i dont do anything for him!! i told him i can be there for you anytime if we at least get engage... but he dont want that!!

    i told him i cant live a life like this when its always me who have to come. i better leave.. he said me ok. i want to know is this normal.. i love him so much that at times am thinking may be its me who is not understanding his pain of not getting intimacy! but at the same time i feel like hell, because if am ready to give myself fault when am not at fault. how can he be like he is not at fault and dont realise how sad i am.

    I cried a lot with him, he told me he get irrittated with my crying. i got shocked to hear that because i was crying out of pain and he said that to me!! is it really that my heart is right?? or wrong??? my heart keeps on telling me i should have understood him!!!

    but i also feel at extreme pain to see only me caring for him... only if we get intimate he will care a lot for me!! but i also think sometime however one might be a guy cant completely behave heartless like this!! i really feel confused!! is it a normal character for boys?

  9. #9
    Young Gun tehPAiN's Avatar
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    if he doesnt love u then get another bf

    im waiting for ur reply

  10. #10
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    Having a little romance in life is one thing. Getting married, making life-long commitment and taking responsibility is quite another. He is not ready for that yet and your nagging is only putting pressure on him, and that is irritating him. Read the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" to better understand Men.

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    I think u shud concentrate on your career n leave him if he hurts u so much........emotions will kill u........


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