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Thread: Don't know what to do now??

  1. #1
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    Default Don't know what to do now??

    Hi,

    I am a 25 yr old man, this is the first time I am asking help on my life situation from anybody. I consider myself a moral, right man. It doesn’t matter how much something will hurt me, if it’s right and has to be done, I won’t hesitate to do it. The situation might sound filmy, but it’s my life I am talking about here. I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible.

    I am an average person with average needs and average resources. A couple of years back, I got a new job. I was not serious about it as it paid negligible, so I thought I’ll leave in a month or two, as soon as I find another job. I met a girl senior to me in position but not in age. She was/is the sweetest and the beautiful girl one could ever dream of meeting. I enquired a bit from others about her & came to know that she already had a boyfriend. To make sure I sweet talked her and she openly admitted and told all about her boyfriend. They were together for around 7 yrs, he worked in a MNC with more than 10 times salary than mine, Belonged to a prestigious family and as per her, Loved her more than his life, and she loved/loves her even more. It broke my heart and I backed out that very moment just cursing my luck. But just before I was about to leave the job, She became my trainer. I thought that may be its some sort of a sign and I should know her better, for reasons unknown to me, and I continued working there. But I always kept this in mind that sooner or later, I will have to leave her.

    The more we talked, the more the time passed, the more we (I) came closer. All this time her boyfriend was duly informed of me/us by her. We had some really cherishable moments together. Soon I became one of her most trusted friend, and she began to become all my life. After around 8 months, I felt that this is wrong, I was not the right person for her, I couldn’t keep her happy, I was settled in carrier, was not financially strong via family, not even of the same religion, And most importantly, I was never sure about her LOVE.

    After 8 months together, I resigned. But before that I gave her a hint of my feelings, dedicating a song in an email with few emotional words written along, but not directly saying "I Love You". I prepared myself not to meet her again and said farewell. Couple of weeks passed, nothing happened. We texted each other quite frequently, but nothing was there after the email. She used to check her email almost daily, so I knew she might have checked it, and so it was all over then. In the next week, I got a call from her, we talked the usual what happened between all these days, but before hanging up, she told me to check my email. I went home straight away to check. She wrote that she never expected this from me, considered me only as a friend and all that stuff that, I don’t allow my friends to write me this, dedicate me this etc etc.... and that she still wished to be my friend…. I broke in half.
    I just replied “thanks”. And then I cried my heart out. A few days later she called, and asked my view on it. I wanted to say that don’t call here anymore, it’ll be good for both of us, but, instead I said “I am sorry”. She was pleased and our friendship remained. I also thought to be her best friend then, so that atleast I could still take care of her this way. Months passed, everything was fine. We met again few times and came close to each other than ever.

    The Problem began when her boyfriend shifted into the city. For all there was, we all, some common friends and her boyfriend, began to meet on every hangout. I saw her in someone else’s arms right in front of me and something shattered inside me. But I tried to reason myself out of it, that he was the best man for her. But things changed, the more I met him, the more I understood that he was a certified a*shole. He mistreated, misbehaved with her in public, always asking her to pay for most of his “adventure”, although earning twice more than her. He is literally shit. And I am not the only one to think about him like this; even our common friends think the same or worse of him. Anyone can tell meeting him just once that he can’t/won’t keep her or anybody happy after marriage. Now, I might be earning less, but I really LOVE her, even more than that, I would do all there is to make her happy, cause that’s the only way I could be happy. I don’t want her to marry him; she deserves better, not me necessarily, but not him for sure. But if I would say this to her, I would be the bad guy in her life, trying to alter her “perfect” love life.

    Please tell me, what to do now? I can’t just let her marry that scumbag and then ruin her life. Please guide me, Should I talk to her about this or not?

  2. #2
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    Its ok that you love her, but the problem is that she doesn't love you.....it was evident by the email of her in which she told clearly that she thought of you just as her friend. You indirectly proposed her but she didn't accept it, did she? So just keep your relation to friendship and nothing more. About that boyfriend of hers, I think she is mature enough to decide who is what kind of guy and who is best for her. If her bf is a jerk, she should see him as a jerk and dump him. We are nobody to decide for her who will be the best for her because its her life. Its fine that you care for her as a friend but we really can't impose our thoughts about anybody on anyone. Moreover, it can also jeopardize your friendship with her and I don't think you want that to happen, right?
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  3. #3
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    Look here, you should seriously leave her alone. Why did you dedicate sweet notes and emotional e-mails to her?? You have been making passes at a committed girl, and it was only natural of her to get angry and tell you to back off..! She has done the right thing. Really you have been overstepping your limits. Listen, she is NOT yours, and has been committed to her bf for years now. No matter how it might appear from the surface, they love each other deeply. So please accept the fact, forget her, and move on. Do not keep desiring another man's girl! It's NOT your duty or place to judge how her bf is, how he treats her, and what resources he takes from her. They probably have some understanding/agreements between them, and it's really not your concern..! It's her life, and her choices. She's a mature adult, and is perfectly capable of making her own choices whether they are good or bad. She has made her bed, thus she has to lay in it herself. You stay out. In fact, I don't even think you should be friends with her, since you cannot see her as just a friend. You have extra feelings, and are crazy in love with her. Under such circumstances, it is not safe or appropriate for the 2 of you to be friends either..! You should really move on, and find your own gf.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

  4. #4
    ✿♥ mesmerized♥✿ Lieutenant-Colonel imeggz_leoness's Avatar
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    well.. u are wasting ur time.....plz leave her alone......
    Got new samsung galaxy grand 2 on my wedding ani.

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    dude one word ...
    back off ...............

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    Moderator Colonel gracefulguy's Avatar
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    Welcome to the club dude ...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Leave her and forget everything abt it........even going to mandir etc wont change anything.......move on buddy....:-))
    "I'm always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught"

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    chirpy angel Lieutenant-Colonel barbiedoll's Avatar
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    hey buddy its really so sweet of you to think of a girl whom you love, so much!!! However your speaking abt her bf will bring no good to her. She will for sure mistake that you are trying to spoil her life instead of grilling into the cause behind it. Secondly, its not good to judge a person from what we see. You never know what made her fall for that guy right?? To you it might seem a bad choice but how does she see it or what she saw in him that drew her towards him matters ya. Since you believe that she considers you as her most trusted friend, you can voice your opinion in case she asks for it. For now, better ignore and look into your life. Good luck!

  8. #8
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    Love is deep and your feelings are at the right place. But she is not into you at all otherwise she would've had a different reply to your e-mail. You really need to let her go and tell her about your feelings and how you can't see her mistreated by her *** crack bf.

  9. #9
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    Hiii there,

    what you feel about her bf is not important dear. maybe she knows him well. maybe he is good with her. even if he is not ths is what the gir likes. you can do nothing about it. there are many people in world who amke wrong choices. many people who dont get love.. but they stay connected coz they love the other person.

    just like u like the girl even though she doesnt love love, same way she likes the guy.


    now relax. there is nothing you can do about it. You are feeling so many feelings which are not logical. she has told she wants to be friend. if u feel comfortable being her friend. be., if u feel uncomfortable & sad being her friend, explain her the reason & quit her friendship.at no point do u have right to interfere in her love life. stop worrying about her. instead get your self a girl who would love u back.



    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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