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Thread: Lazy unmotivated careless bf

  1. #16
    «╬♥ßÁÐ ßŐŶ Őℱ Śß♥╬« Major RS777's Avatar
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    S3X can motivate him u r such a fool he is jerk & you are bigger jerk then him u r seeing clearly he is not changing Y don`t u kick him & find someone else someone of your age
    I Am Free Of All Prejudice. I Hate Everyone Equally.

  2. #17
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbiedoll View Post
    I agree partly to your statement wonderkid!!

    I dont think she is yearning for money. If that would have been her criteria, she would have sensed it long back and wouldnt have continued. She is in love with a guy who is less motivated towards career life and not keen on having a better life. She wants to motivate him in having a better career life or a better pay job so that he doesnt need to ask ppl for money.

    I do agree to the rest of things but terming her arrogant or proud, is something which I felt rude as I feel the girl indeed is in love with him and asking our suggestions to motivate him for better. I think its not a bad idea to motivate someone towards career. Dont our parents be after us if we are careless towards our career life? or do they just leave us saying thats how he/she is?

    However I agree tht if he is not showing any improvement, then its somewhere the girl should get the hint as I mentioned above.
    She is NOT his parent, my dear. And I personally felt that the line, "I make more money than him right now" contains a fair bit of arrogance. We don't make such comparisons between ourselves and our lovers, if we love them truly.

    It's not our duty to play the role of guardians to our partners and friends. If motivating with love fails, we need to stop pressing the matter. In my opinion, she has already clearly stated her requirements to her bf enough times. If working in a call centre and asking others for money rocks his boat, then so be it! He'll learn it the hard way later, and so will his parents, since they've failed to instill the right values in their son.
    When we search for partners, we don't pick those whom we can reform and change to suit ourselves. We search for those who are equal to us. Otherwise, it will fail miserably in a matter of time. Been there, done that!
    Last edited by wonderkid; 24-05-2012 at 03:48 AM.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

  3. #18
    chirpy angel Lieutenant-Colonel barbiedoll's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkid View Post
    She is NOT his parent, my dear. And I personally felt that the line, "I make more money than him right now" contains a fair bit of arrogance. We don't make such comparisons between ourselves and our lovers, if we love them truly.

    It's not our duty to play the role of guardians to our partners and friends. If motivating with love fails, we need to stop pressing the matter. In my opinion, she has already clearly stated her requirements to her bf enough times. If working in a call centre and asking others for money rocks his boat, then so be it! He'll learn it the hard way later, and so will his parents, since they've failed to instill the right values in their son.
    When we search for partners, we don't pick those whom we can reform and change to suit ourselves. We search for those who are equal to us. Otherwise, it will fail miserably in a matter of time. Been there, done that!
    This statement makes sense to me!! Since she has a choice, yes!!

    Btw, I like your take on many queries here. Appreciate you!!

  4. #19
    SB Wizard Captain theachiever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi
    I am very disturbed by my bfs behavior. He is 28.i am 25. He is not ambitious, not hardworkig at all. Just wants to enjoy life and not work hard. I am growing sadder day by day.he hasnt found a job in his field n continues to work in call center and not apply to jobs in his field. I am waitin for him to propose but jow cn i live with someone who isnt even motivated to rise higher in life. I told him tht i give u 1 year. If u arent capablw of handling responsibility of me n a marriage, i will marry someone else. I make more money than him right now. Hes uEd to dependong on othera n askin for money n stuff. Thats what his poor parents have taught him as well..... I love him but i am beeaking apart. I tried motivating him theu love, affection.... But he just hasnt improved. How do i persuadw him to do better ans be moe serious in life? I am losing my cool n getting angey at him a lot



    I pity your situation but you have just one option provided he cooperates and understands your concerns

    i)You being his girlfriend try and motivate him and encourage him and explain him his strengths in his present job.Help how that skill can take him to places when applied at right place and at the right domain.He will surely be motivated else you have no other option but take that difficult that bold and tough decision to leave him.Because he can't keep depending on you everytime.

    Live ur lyf lyk U r the director of a movie.Can’t control 100% ,roll wid the punches as if U were calling the shots.

  5. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkid View Post
    Sorry to say, but I am sensing great pride and arrogance in you, dear girl. Who the hell cares that you make more money than your bf?? Is there any such rule that dictates that men should earn more than women??

    Listen here, men are not "projects" that we can work on and mould into whatever we desire! You should accept a guy as he is, and for what he stands. If you cannot, you must leave him and move onto another guy who is more of your level and standards. If your bf is happy with a call centre job and it works for him, then who are you to object against it? Who are you to try and raise his family's material standards? And above all, why are you judging his parents? I can almost predict the type of problems you'd put them through, after marriage. In fact you've already started doing so with their son!
    This is the best answer for sure. Love should be above all, if you really like the guy why should his earning, status, material wealth, parents upbringing etc bother you in the first place? It is very clear that you are not in love its just a decision making that you have arrived with him. It is imperative that you leave your boyfriend and find someone who is really bright, fast moving, dynamic and rich already before marrying you. Your priorities in life are poles opposite from this guy and I can BET ON IT that even if 1 year down the line this guy were to suddenly move into a high earning, top notch MNC job with a car/SUV, 2BHK flat etc at his disposal you will still find reasons to run him down. So its best you quit right now and tell him as well that your thoughts in life are not at all in sync and hence its best for both of you to move ahead in life.

  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by barbiedoll View Post
    I do not agree with most of the ppl here who are blaming the girl. I think any girl in her shoes would think the same. Would we want to give our sisters for marriage to a guy who is not motivated in career life and who is going behind people asking money? Am sure not. In fact I appreciate the efforts she took in to keep him motivated and the way she is giving her love still a chance to consider.
    She is supposed to be in love with him right??? All the points which you have mentioned work in an arranged marriage where two families decide to unite only after checking status, wealth, career, job ,salary etc. So in this case it is 80% her own fault and 20% the guys fault. She should have walked out on him much much earlier when she checked out on his job and career. How can she say motivation is not working, the guy could have limited needs and wants and could be perfectly happy in the way he is leading his life. Great job, high earning, good accomodation, a plus SUV to move around with etc are all very subjective. It differs from person to person.

    The poor guy could be trying to get onto something better from his call centre but he may not able to this point in time. How many of us can say we will become CEOs, VPs, Presidents or Directors or companies another 10-20yrs down the line? In a class everyone tries to come first, only one student is able to that is the HARSH REALITY of life. Rest all have to be content with whatever they have, so each according to his or her own. If everyone could achieve everything in this world through hard work and motivation then life on earth would have been a crime free HEAVEN to reside.

  7. #22
    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by artonsenna View Post
    This is the best answer for sure. Love should be above all, if you really like the guy why should his earning, status, material wealth, parents upbringing etc bother you in the first place? It is very clear that you are not in love its just a decision making that you have arrived with him. It is imperative that you leave your boyfriend and find someone who is really bright, fast moving, dynamic and rich already before marrying you. Your priorities in life are poles opposite from this guy and I can BET ON IT that even if 1 year down the line this guy were to suddenly move into a high earning, top notch MNC job with a car/SUV, 2BHK flat etc at his disposal you will still find reasons to run him down. So its best you quit right now and tell him as well that your thoughts in life are not at all in sync and hence its best for both of you to move ahead in life.
    Quote Originally Posted by artonsenna View Post
    She is supposed to be in love with him right??? All the points which you have mentioned work in an arranged marriage where two families decide to unite only after checking status, wealth, career, job ,salary etc. So in this case it is 80% her own fault and 20% the guys fault. She should have walked out on him much much earlier when she checked out on his job and career. How can she say motivation is not working, the guy could have limited needs and wants and could be perfectly happy in the way he is leading his life. Great job, high earning, good accomodation, a plus SUV to move around with etc are all very subjective. It differs from person to person.

    The poor guy could be trying to get onto something better from his call centre but he may not able to this point in time. How many of us can say we will become CEOs, VPs, Presidents or Directors or companies another 10-20yrs down the line? In a class everyone tries to come first, only one student is able to that is the HARSH REALITY of life. Rest all have to be content with whatever they have, so each according to his or her own. If everyone could achieve everything in this world through hard work and motivation then life on earth would have been a crime free HEAVEN to reside.
    Thank you, Artonsenna! Very well said.

    Moreover, I would like to ask the girl, what has SHE done to help her bf secure a good job?? Has she taken any proactive steps besides nagging him?? It could be that the job market in that guy's field is currently down, and there aren't that many job opportunities available. Maybe he isn't finding anything of value. Has the girl ever tried to help him find a good job of the type and calibre that she wants him to find?? Has she helped him with job searches? Has she found specific job postings and helped him with the applications?
    Nagging and begging is easy, but will not help you achieve anything..! If she sees herself as his future wife, she should share his burdens and help him at every step.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

  8. #23
    ✿♥ mesmerized♥✿ Lieutenant-Colonel imeggz_leoness's Avatar
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    All you have to do is "keep trying"

    else, leave him!
    Got new samsung galaxy grand 2 on my wedding ani.

  9. #24
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    Hi

    I suspect you’ve hitched your wagon to a dead horse. While some people become immobilized by depression or stress — your boyfriend doesn’t seem to have that problem. This sounds like a personality problem more than a relationship issue. While he may focus on being too picky, there are several foundation issues that are damaging your relationship. The core of this problem is his near-complete selfishness. He’s comfortable with the current situation and the fact that it bothers you is still irrelevant to him. There is also a disrespect and disregard for your feelings, efforts in the relationship, and attempts to keep the relationship going. He’s not only unmotivated to work, but he’s unmotivated to improve your relationship. Despite his superficial comments, he’s making no attempt to make your life better. He only has emotional distress when he’s asked to accept responsibility or to contribute in the relationship.

    My suggestion will be to put the relationship on probation. Probation involves a period of time where you will see if anything happens, changes, or improves. During the probation time, encourage an improvement in the situation, encourage job hunting, etc. If at the end of the probation period, say three or four months, nothing changes — then acknowledge that the horse is dead and not likely to spontaneously recover. End the relationship and move on. It’s better to go though the distress of a break-up than allow your life to plateau in your mid twenties. Keep in mind, the more responsibility in the situation, the more “unmotivated” they become. Marriage and children only make them less likely to get off the couch. Sad but true.


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