Hi Preeto Mam and other readers. I am sharing my life story and I seek few opinions, but strictly no cheap stuff.
I am from Mumbai, married with two beautiful daughters. Am close to 40 yrs old and i got married when I was 17 yrs old. It was an arrange marriage but that time I did not know even meaning of marriage. My ordeals started with marriage. I was treated like a kid, was forced to do and eat and wear, whatever my inlaws wanted. Had no freedom of whatsoever nature. Slowly things started to worsen and they all started abusing me physically and mentally, including beating me at times. I had 8 miscarrages during this period. Finally I was blessed with two daughters with age gap of two years, but abuses did not stop. I went into deep depression at the age of 25 due to all this and till today am dependent of medicines. My husband did not support me during those days and used to be either a mute spectator or part of them. Once I caught him red-handed flirting with a female employ of his and when I objected he beat me red and blue and called all kind of names.
When I was going thru all this, three years back I met a guy on net, who is 4 years older than me. he is nice and caring, married with two kids and well settled in life. We started with chat, which turned into an excellent friendship and we are talking almost daily for last three years. He has turned out to be good emotional support, but beyond a limit he also can't do anything for me. After one year of friendship, he said one day that he has started loving me, but his priority would be his family. I liked him from begining and after two years, I realised that I also have started loving him, although I have not accepted this thing till now. But somehow he knows this and want me to accept my true feelings. He wants me to be his best friend, who loves him also very much. (Let me add that he is from Banglore and we have never met). He says love has two aspects - emotional bond and physical intimicay and because of distance getting physically involve is not easy. I really enjoy my real life with him. I feel loved, cared, pampered and he is available whenever I need him. He had been an excellent friend to fallback on during my hard times. He provides me everything a female expect from a male at emotional level, but still he can't help me in every problem of life.
Now, the situation at family front has improved a lot. Kids have grown-up, physical abuses have stopped because of kids and my refusal to allow them to treat me badly, but mental abuses have not. My hubby and me have almost nil physically relations for many years for various reason primarily loss of desire in me because of depression medicines. He has given me full freedom and fulfill all my financial needs. Sometime I feel he loves me but he does not know how to handle emotional need of a woman and remain busy in his business and end up ignoring me. Because of his ignorance, I feel totally alone at times, since the kids have also moved to hostel. Also irrespective of my hubby's shortcomings, I have not done anything, which can be called cheating, except befriending this guy. I still love my hubby.
Now things have become serious. This guy wants me to accept my feelings but when I look at my family I end up feeling guilty for having this guy in my life. This guilt feeling in-turns push this guy in depression, as he feel bad and say that I have used him as a stapnee, when I was going thru bad times and I don't need him anymore, so I am behaving like this now. Whereas I have not used him or treated him like a stapnee and I have big respect and regard for him, but yes I have not expressed any love. I am totally confused and don't know what to do. I have following options -
- Dump him for the sake of society and family, the society which never cared for me
Or accept my feelings and tell him that I also love him very much and he is very important for me but we would always maintain certain boundaries. Although am not sure how easy it is to maintain those boundaries once you surrender yourself emotionally to someone. I fear accept of love, would eventually leads to physical relations.
I seriously don't want to cheat on my husband and my kids, but I don't want to loose this guy also. When I see families falling apart becuase of such relations, I get scared. I know if I dump him, we both would be very very miserable and nobody would be able to fill the gap in mylife. I need this guy and if he goes, it would be a big loss. Gosh If we could have remain only friends, life would have been much more beautiful. But as per him, we had crossed that boundary long back and now it is not possible to remain only friends, but yes we can remain friends, who love each other very much and respect each others boundaries. Please suggest me how to take this further.