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Thread: My husband and I are having problems

  1. #1
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    Default My husband and I are having problems

    Hi,
    My husband and I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with his parents and sister.But,his mom and sister stay in guwahati most of the time because we have another house there.So,my mom-in-law keeps going to and fro.I don't like this unsettled feeling.I am pregnant now.I am sure this house will not be enough when I have a kid.I want a bigger house and I want my husband,I and my kid to stay in a different house.My in-laws are fine,they don't get involved too much in our stuff and let us do what we want but we don't have privacy.We have to whisper in the bedroom because it can be heard in the hall and our in-laws room is just opposite to us.I was used to being in a nuclear family and have always had my privacy.My mother in law doesn't knock when she enters our room.And when she comes here,sometimes she takes hold and changes everything in the house which i have put.It hurts me.And she does things in such a clever way that everybody thinks she is nicer than me.For example,the last time she came,we agreed we will give the dhobi rs450,but,when i wasn't there she gave the dhobi 500rs and now the dhobi says ur mom in law gave me 500,u r giving me only 450.When I spoke about this to her,she said I didn't have change,So,I gave it to her. When I complain about this to my husband,he says 'how can we take a seperate house for just my dad'.But,just bcos my mom-in law doesn't settle down,why should i suffer.Also,my husband always does whatever his dad says.His dad said that his dream was for all of us to live together and now,mu husband says we have to live together.My husband who loves me a lot and is very nice to me in everything else doesn't understand me in this.We have been fighting a lot and I am crying a lot.I am frightened it will hurt my baby which is making me cry even more.This is making our relationship suffer.I don't feel like living with my husband anymore.But,how many days should I adjust?

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    okk my dear.. i know how tough it is to live with in laws... well i think one night, get you and your husband together... and talk to him in a proper way that is with no anger... tell him you should do something for your coming child and you cant make your child live in such an environment.. and all these stuff is disturbing you, and you want to live with some privacy now!!! and my dear these things father want all to live together sounds like story nowadays... i dont believe in such things.... it sounds so filmy...

    hmmm i think you should make your husband realise that its time to make a move now!!! dont fight... fighting is not the solution!!!! but you also have to consider your hubby financial position.. if he is not so stable you can also encourage him to take a very small apartment later on you guys can move to bigger one!!! at least you will feel free... tell him!!!
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    New Born desperdo's Avatar
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    Sister i will advice you to be calm until you delivery the baby in good manner , your point of view is right and try to speak with your husband's dad , i think if he understands your problem then your husband will come with you to another home and but make sure your husband's dad words will be final too because if your husband's mom has high power in family then it won't work ... you have a loving husband , so try to take your husband another home without fighting with him ...

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    Listen, I think you are overreacting a bit. You said that your in laws are okay and do not give you much of a hard time. The only problems are that your MIL goes to and fro between here and Guwahati, and also neglects to knock on your door before entering. The former shouldn't be a big deal, but regarding the latter, surely you can politely ask her to knock on the door or signal her arrival before she enters...! I'm sure she'll understand and cooperate. Regarding her rearranging things in your room, you can politely tell her that you have some preferences regarding how you arrange your room.
    Regarding dhobi, maybe she really didn't have change for Rs.500! How do you know for sure that she did it all to deceive you and make you look bad? If necessary, explain to her that she should set clear rules, otherwise you were made to look bad in front of the dhobi. But please don't fight over such petty issues.

    Your father in law wants the family to stay together, and your husband wants to stay with his parents. I think that is perfectly fine, and you should adjust to it. You are nobody to break them apart. I understand that you have grown up in nuclear family, but you simply cannot break up your husband's family just because you cannot live in a joint family. Learn to get along with his parents and sister, even if you cannot make them your own. Try to build a bond with them. Otherwise you have a problem, dear. In any case, your MIL is in Guwahati on most days, so what is the problem?? If required, wait till your husband is more financially stable, and move into a larger house that would accommodate all of you AND give you the privacy that you require. Please do not ruin your relationship with your husband who is so loving and caring. Can't you adjust and compromise just this much?? It hurts him everytime you suggest that he has to separate from his parents. You are expecting a baby. How would you feel if one day your own child ditches you too, for his/her convenience?
    Last edited by wonderkid; 09-07-2012 at 04:54 AM.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

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    Excellent reply! :-) I totally agree with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkid View Post
    Listen, I think you are overreacting a bit. You said that your in laws are okay and do not give you much of a hard time. The only problems are that your MIL goes to and fro between here and Guwahati, and also neglects to knock on your door before entering. The former shouldn't be a big deal, but regarding the latter, surely you can politely ask her to knock on the door or signal her arrival before she enters...! I'm sure she'll understand and cooperate. Regarding her rearranging things in your room, you can politely tell her that you have some preferences regarding how you arrange your room.
    Regarding dhobi, maybe she really didn't have change for Rs.500! How do you know for sure that she did it all to deceive you and make you look bad? If necessary, explain to her that she should set clear rules, otherwise you were made to look bad in front of the dhobi. But please don't fight over such petty issues.

    Your father in law wants the family to stay together, and your husband wants to stay with his parents. I think that is perfectly fine, and you should adjust to it. You are nobody to break them apart. I understand that you have grown up in nuclear family, but you simply cannot break up your husband's family just because you cannot live in a joint family. Learn to get along with his parents and sister, even if you cannot make them your own. Try to build a bond with them. Otherwise you have a problem, dear. In any case, your MIL is in Guwahati on most days, so what is the problem?? If required, wait till your husband is more financially stable, and move into a larger house that would accommodate all of you AND give you the privacy that you require. Please do not ruin your relationship with your husband who is so loving and caring. Can't you adjust and compromise just this much?? It hurts him everytime you suggest that he has to separate from his parents. You are expecting a baby. How would you feel if one day your own child ditches you too, for his/her convenience?

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    You should wait ..till u deliver a baby.. because u will be needed loads of care..
    than you guys can again discuss about this topic..
    don't worry too much it will affect ur baby!
    stay with them happily for few more days....
    Got new samsung galaxy grand 2 on my wedding ani.

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    well going by the problem posted here and the solution provided by some members, i can conclude that girls of modern times are going totally insane. I cant believe that some of the members are actually supporting her to get her husband seperated from his parents over such trivial issues. She is just trying to make a big issue out of nothing, and rather than making her understand this, you are supporting her wild thought of destroying a happy family. Also, try and understand that as she is pregnant, she might be facing many mood swings and hormonal changes, due to which her behavior might be irked.

    Listen gal, just calm down, take a deep breath, keep yourself at the place of your husband and his parents at the place of your parents. I am sure you did not use to live alone before marriage, howsoever nuclear your family might be, your parents must be there. So, just chill down and try to work it out. These matters are nothing on which you want to take a such a big step.

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    Hii My dear friend,

    Be mature. your apt has 3 bedrooms & u have a separate room. Your Parents in law do not trouble or interfere you. what else u need?? cant u be happy with what u have???

    see ur parents in husband's parents & see his sister lik yours. His parents will be blessing when u are having kid. & his sister can be your frined. Life's like that. everything is not perfect. But when there is love in family, you should sacrifice a little,... so what is the big deal if u ahve to whisper?? i seriously feel your life is perfect & happy one. see the brighter side & keep yourself happy.

    & what your MIL & SIL does is their wish... they are not asking you to travel with them are they?? if u dont like to travel with them, politely refuse & stay at home. Dont make fuss out of everything.


    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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    You have a 3 bedroom flat and you have problem ? Your in laws are so cool, you MIL is out most of the time and you have problem ? What problem are you talking about ? That she gave 50 rs more to dhobi ? Or that she enters room without knocking. Are you kidding me ? Wat do you do urself by the way ? And what plans do you have ? How can you make your child into fantastic individual ? Can you guarantee that he'll develop into great child or even happy one if you live separately ? In the long run rather he won't understand feeling of being part of a family, to sacrifice, to love, to empathize, to learn from such experienced and loving grandparents, n million more things like you missed out. Being a woman you should understand that you work as glue for a family, they don't expect much from you, rather if you give birth in this family, you'll be able to raise a good child like your husband nahi toh ur plans are deadly and suicidal remember that.

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    Best reply.


    If you don't want to end up in problems, follow pangebaz n feedback's reply.

    My blessings are with you my child.
    Quote Originally Posted by pangebaaj View Post
    well going by the problem posted here and the solution provided by some members, i can conclude that girls of modern times are going totally insane. I cant believe that some of the members are actually supporting her to get her husband seperated from his parents over such trivial issues. She is just trying to make a big issue out of nothing, and rather than making her understand this, you are supporting her wild thought of destroying a happy family. Also, try and understand that as she is pregnant, she might be facing many mood swings and hormonal changes, due to which her behavior might be irked.

    Listen gal, just calm down, take a deep breath, keep yourself at the place of your husband and his parents at the place of your parents. I am sure you did not use to live alone before marriage, howsoever nuclear your family might be, your parents must be there. So, just chill down and try to work it out. These matters are nothing on which you want to take a such a big step.
    Quote Originally Posted by FeeDback View Post
    You have a 3 bedroom flat and you have problem ? Your in laws are so cool, you MIL is out most of the time and you have problem ? What problem are you talking about ? That she gave 50 rs more to dhobi ? Or that she enters room without knocking. Are you kidding me ? Wat do you do urself by the way ? And what plans do you have ? How can you make your child into fantastic individual ? Can you guarantee that he'll develop into great child or even happy one if you live separately ? In the long run rather he won't understand feeling of being part of a family, to sacrifice, to love, to empathize, to learn from such experienced and loving grandparents, n million more things like you missed out. Being a woman you should understand that you work as glue for a family, they don't expect much from you, rather if you give birth in this family, you'll be able to raise a good child like your husband nahi toh ur plans are deadly and suicidal remember that.

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    SB Addict mysticmantra's Avatar
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    I think u r exaggerating the topic. Marriage is not only about ur hubby but their parents also. If I ask u ask u one question i.e can u tell ur bro to leave ur parents and live a life full of privacy. If ur answer is yes, then u have a superficial idea of life. Ur father in law wants to live with son, what a great thing is he asking? When u will have ur own child then u will understand the real sense of relations. Regarding ur mother in law u can have straight talk, what u felt good or bad. Keeping untold emotions will only increase animosity. I don't feel like living with my husband anymore.But,how many days should I adjust? U should refrain from ur thoughts coz u cant imagine how it feels to be single mother. agree with wonderkid ..

  12. #12
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    Listen first of all calm down until your delivery and then think about it his parents are old and need help in fianances and other things. How can you ask him to leave his parents. The other thing is that see if you can set some rules about your privacy. LIke kindly tell your mother in law to know on your door when she needs to come in. Or simple lock your door.

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    Nice pics thanks for sharing.[IMG]http://www.***********************/gjhj.gif[/IMG]

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