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Thread: Virgin after 9-10 months of marriage

  1. #1
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    Default Virgin after 9-10 months of marriage

    Hi,

    I am feeling hesitant in writing my personal life openly. But I did not find any other way to discuss my issue.
    We had an arrange marraige and its being 9-10 months we got married. Prior to our marraige my husband had an affair. Its very normal these days a guy or gal having affair but I found instances in which he is in talking terms with that girl after marriage. Due to this I am totally heart broken, we fought because of her many times. Every time he promised me he is not going to contact her any more and then again I find instances in which they talked. I have lost trust on him.
    He said he loves me a lot and that girl is nothing in front of me. He cares for me too.

    Another issue is we are not sexually active, despite so many months of marriage I am virgin. I am getting frustated day by day. He says he luvs me, cares for me. We are living like good friends. Please help me, you are my only hope, I am getting lost, frustated, I think about all this stuff- that girl and our married life throughout the day.

    Please plaese help me!

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, yes, its complicated all right. i can understand that its not easy yo let go of a relationship that's a long standing one and it may take time. but if its impacting your sexual and marital understanding then it may have to be taken a little more seriously. you should tell him clearly that this sexual distance is impacting and frustrating you and he will seriously have to give priority to your marriage. You may also say that you will have to talk to your parents about the state of affairs if the marriage does not become a real one. frustrations of these kinds cannot be the basis of a good marriage.

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    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    I feel sorry for you girl. Your husband is really cheating on you and he is such a shameless jerk that even after you found it out he is still doing it. I am sorry to say but thats the truth. I suggest you to take the help of your in laws, your parents, relatives and some friends. Try to put sense in your husband's mind about what is right and what is wrong. If your in laws are the least bit concerned about you, they will help you. If you do not find them cooperative, then give your husband an ultimatum that its that girl or you. If he doesnt stop his contacts with the girl even after that, I suggest you go for a divorce. Staying single is better that dragging a marriage with a cheating partner. You can still find a man after divorce as its not even an year of your marriage. All the best!
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  4. #4
    New Born ooye_hoye's Avatar
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    Talk to your parents seems like a horrible mistake!

    Please dont be heartbroken,and pls dont loose hope.
    its great that you didnt get physical,god forbid if you get divorce there will be less complications if you get married again(vicky donor?)

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    It is also very normal these days to move on when you are in an unhappy marriage. Not Consummating a marriage is sufficient grounds for divorce and is considered as harassment, although it is left to you and the interpretation of the courts to decide. Trust deficit is like the plague. It would continue to manifest itself in every major decision you take as a family.

    It is very easy for a man to say " I love you " and I have lived for 2-3 days in many houses that belong to my friends. Maybe, you can visit him sometimes to enjoy his friendship. Get rid of the loser and marry a guy who is willing to discharge his marital obligations

    Look at the mirror and ask that question. Mirrors don't lie

    Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Religion, International Travel and the Law.

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    Hi mirrorgirl

    I've had a similar experience myself. Sent you a Private Message regarding it. Hope it helps. All the best!

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    ✿♥ mesmerized♥✿ Lieutenant-Colonel imeggz_leoness's Avatar
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    ufff... u should discuss every thing wd him..
    Got new samsung galaxy grand 2 on my wedding ani.

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    A man stay away from his wife for so long, its either he is not normal, or he is cheating.... hmmm i think you should stop being hesitant and ask him directly that, when you guys will become one, and why is he not having any sexual intimacy with you!!! i think you should ask him your rights.. otherwise your situation will deteriorate!!!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

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    chirpy angel Lieutenant-Colonel barbiedoll's Avatar
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    Christ!! I understand your plight totally and sympathize your situation for going through such a depression for no fault of yours. 10 months of married life with no physical intimacy is something very serious to think over buddy.

    Though it might be very painful, I guess you got to clear it off with your husband if he intends to go ahead with you in having a family once and for all. If you dont get a firm answer, the next thing would be to let your parents and eventually his parents know about it. Have courage my dear. Its better to take your foot down than being in such a relationship with no peace.

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    SB Wizard Major PARYANS's Avatar
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    U can have an affair yourself n make him realize hw it feels ...........
    happiness needs no reason

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    ~ Lazy girl ~ Captain wonderkid's Avatar
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    This is so unfortunate, dear girl. Trust is lost. He is being disloyal. Marriage hasn't been consummated, and this marriage is only causing you pain and distress. I can only offer one solution. Seek annulment, and get out of the marriage if you can.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

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    ok ..... first of all talk openly with ur hubby abt everything clearly, tell him tht u rnt happy, u r having ur needs, wat u want, still he doesnt listen thn threaten him fr divorce, if he still nt hear thn u shud discuss with parents, n finally if nothing works th divorce is the last option

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    Maintain the status quo (do not have sex with him) and file for divorce. Impotency (not consummating the marriage) is sufficient cause for divorce to be granted, and social stigma/pressure/indignity will also fall upon him and his family, not you. In your particular case, I assume this to be the best case.

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    New Born kritika sinha's Avatar
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    Why are you with him..........give him an ultimatum ..........tell his parents about it........you need to give a strict talk to him that he should stop cheating and live in dual life............he is cheating you and this is not done.........talk to your parents as well

  15. #15
    New Born abhi5575's Avatar
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    well i wont say, file a divorce staright away or make a complaint or threaten him. I understand how difficult it is for you to handle such sitations & therefore decisons in hurry should not be taken when your in comittment like Marriage. And so keeping quiet is not also a solution, so the best solution for now would be to involve your parents and his parents together, discuss it with them and then talk to your husband openly, because you need to make a point here that this is breaking your Married Life. Involving your own family member will surely make him think that hes doing wrong, or he needs to stop now. Do that first & then do watever action u want to take if it doesnt work out.

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