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Thread: Wife not ready for second child

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    Default Wife not ready for second child

    My first child has grown up ( 8 years) and I want a second one now, how to convince my wife? I am trying to convince her for last 4 years. She asked for 5 years(when I first discussed with her) and now when its been 4 years she is saying 'NO'. I am so frustrated and it is effecting our normal life. Please help.

    just FYI, I am 38 now and can very much afford to have/raise 2 children. Do you think having 2 kids always better than one. I have heard that there might be some implications in becoming father at old age too.

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! Listen, don't you think that this is a situation that needs to be sorted out with lots of maturity and understanding? This is a new human being in your family that you are getting stressed about and its not about 'you want or she does not want', you know. Take it easy with each other and don't let your marriage get to be a battlefield.
    Its not necessary that you have to have one kid or two or three...different things work for different people, so take a deep breath, work on the understanding and communication you have lost, and see how it goes.

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    hmmm there should be a reason why she is not agreeing!! and certain things have to come on its own, there cant be forcefulness... try to talk to her clamly.. and make you points clear... in a proper way... or alt least ask her the reason why!!!
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    From you question, it looks like the calm n proper discussion is yet to happen between you two. There can be a couple of reasons why she's saying NO..
    May be, that she had a bit of health issues during first pregnancy/delivery, and she's scared that everything might repeat again.
    Or, that she's so much occupied with one child, she has no mental/physical/emotional capacity for another one.
    Or, she might have her own decision that she wants only one child.

    You gotta understand her side, and then offer as much help/support to make her understand your side.

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    Thanks Mam,I believe, 4 years is good enough time to get mature and understand this. I sometime feel that i am hitting against the wall. I assured her to take care of every possible thing related to new born. I am even open for surrogate mother but then she says she will not take care of this second child. i am afraid, i may end up in separation. I am worried about my 8 year daughter. I love her the most and can sacrifice everything for her if need to be.
    I have started seeing several other shortfalls in her and kind of disliking for her. I m known for my humorous nature but these days quite and depressing.
    if you still advise to be more mature ?

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    Hi Mimi, that is the problem, her reasons are generic like "kids do not care once you are old. they bring you more trouble than happiness. one kid is enough that people do not call us childless or impotent(me)". As I m 38 now, time is precious as i will be 58( retirement) when my second child will be 20( higher studies). Sometime, i even think to get her pregnant without letting her know. She may not dare to abort it but that doesn't sound ethical. i am confused.

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shantysingh View Post
    Hi Mimi, that is the problem, her reasons are generic like "kids do not care once you are old. they bring you more trouble than happiness. one kid is enough that people do not call us childless or impotent(me)". As I m 38 now, time is precious as i will be 58( retirement) when my second child will be 20( higher studies). Sometime, i even think to get her pregnant without letting her know. She may not dare to abort it but that doesn't sound ethical. i am confused.
    hmmmmm well, try make someone talk to her... e.g like your mum in law etc.... may be she will understand then!! am not married yet... but i always wished to have only one child!! lol koz i fear those hospital things a lot.. like injection etc.... i hate hospital and doctors in fact!! but my mum always shout at me and make me understand two children is good not one!! am not willing but in case my mum after my marriage ask talk to me i think i will have to abide!! so try it!!

    I'm a shhh girl
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    Thank for advice Mimi, I told her that this time I am going to ask her parents for help. she simply said" it is not going to help and my parents will not interfere in my life" so it is of no use. but as you reinforced my thought, i will surely talk to her parents and see what happens.
    BTW, my advice to you..before you get marry, discuss this with your man up front. so that you do not have to search answer @ SantaBanta forum.
    Last edited by shantysingh; 08-08-2012 at 04:23 PM. Reason: advice to an unmarried from a married person.

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shantysingh View Post
    Thank for advice Mimi, I told her that this time I am going to ask her parents for help. she simply said" it is not going to help and my parents will not interfere in my life" so it is of no use. but as you reinforced my thought, i will surely talk to her parents and see what happens.
    BTW, my advice to you..before you get marry, discuss this with your man up front. so that you do not have to search answer @ SantaBanta forum.

    yeh kya kar diya aap ne usse bata diya?? hmmm you should have talked with her mum secretely.. without letting her know! her mum just had to initiate a mum daughter talk where she just ask her when you planning for another child and when she refuse then she explain her!! now you told her, you talking with her mum.. it might be tough to convince her in case she feel this like a game to win, and just be stubborn as she already know you doing all that!! but anyways.. different people function differently!! try it.. hope it still work!!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

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    Thats a good idea. Uski ma ko pehle patata hun...Help me 'Mother Mary'...

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    kyon population bada rahe ho yaar ek bacha bahut aacha kitne logo ke pass ek bhi nhi hai. Forcing is not good & talking to her mother secretly is like a emotional blackmail.
    I Am Free Of All Prejudice. I Hate Everyone Equally.

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    Quote Originally Posted by RS777 View Post
    kyon population bada rahe ho yaar ek bacha bahut aacha kitne logo ke pass ek bhi nhi hai. Forcing is not good & talking to her mother secretly is like a emotional blackmail.
    Hi and Thanks Rajya Sabha 777,
    ( no offense plz), Population is good if you use them effectively. Ek bachcha bahut achha agar dusre mein koi concern ho. Everyone(including me) in our family wants the second one except her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Hi! Listen, don't you think that this is a situation that needs to be sorted out with lots of maturity and understanding? This is a new human being in your family that you are getting stressed about and its not about 'you want or she does not want', you know. Take it easy with each other and don't let your marriage get to be a battlefield.
    Its not necessary that you have to have one kid or two or three...different things work for different people, so take a deep breath, work on the understanding and communication you have lost, and see how it goes.

    In addition to the red mark line, I would like to say now-a-day in most of the countries gov't is promoting 1 kid than 2 or 3. So, think u r selves whether u need another kid or not.
    "Don't wait for the Perfect moment.. take the Moment and make it Perfect."


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    Quote Originally Posted by don99 View Post
    In addition to the red mark line, I would like to say now-a-day in most of the countries gov't is promoting 1 kid than 2 or 3. So, think u r selves whether u need another kid or not.
    sorry Don but you need to correct your facts. Most countries are encouraging people to increase the populations. Even China is considering its one child policy and in some cases China govt allows you to have two kids.
    Thanks for your reply BTW.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shantysingh View Post
    sorry Don but you need to correct your facts. Most countries are encouraging people to increase the populations. Even China is considering its one child policy and in some cases China govt allows you to have two kids.
    Thanks for your reply BTW.
    If she doesn't want another baby, then why not accept that ? You marry for love and if there is love then baby otherwise it is wise to not produce kids just like that. You should rather adopt kids and that way your love for babies will be fulfilled as well as you'll help your motherland.
    It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life so interesting. . .

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