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Thread: Boyfriend does not want me to do a job

  1. #1
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    Question Boyfriend does not want me to do a job

    hi friends! we two are together from 4 yrs. and are going to get married next year. he never wanted me to do job after marriage. i agreed to him in previous days of our relationship coz i want him to be happy and i was completely devoted to him. but now situation is different. we have had so many fights..he didnot treat me well..i m going to join a job this month..he want me to leave the job before marriage.i told him that if my job will create trouble for our married life i'll leave..but he and his father dont want me to do job after marriage. he said then it'll be impossible for him to marry me if i do job.firstly i said i wont leave job.then i agreed that i'll leave job before marriage but i want care, love and appreciation for my sacrifice atleast. i did this coz i need him in my life.i m madly in love with him.finally he agreed. but i doubt that he'll treat me with love and care...what should i do?? what should i say to him? i want suggestions...should i carry on my job or leave it for my happy married life...

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    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi!
    Listen, are you sure that the job- or the prospect of doing one- is the only reason for your discord with each other? If thats the only reason, then you can think on the lines of doing or not doing a job but if there's a more fundamental reason of discord between you both, then you may have to take another look at your relationship, identify whats wrong and try and mend it. Once that is done, then think about marriage and thereafter.

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    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
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    You seem to be very confused. Both of you have 'rules' that seem to ride over actual love. You marry each other because you support and care each other and want the partner to be happy and excel. This seems like a football match than marriage.

    Give it time. List your priorities and goals and he should as well. If you both are adamant about things that your partner does not like then lead your lives separately.

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    New Born kritika sinha's Avatar
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    Well that is your decision now...becausethese things happen in India...well also you can not guarantee that he will love you or care for you all your life . I feel a man who can not value your opinion before marriage can ever do that after marriage. If he does not love you the way you want then frustration s will come and you may get frustrated and to end the relation but bond of marriage may stop you. these all can be consequences because your husband is a person who is a person who is not valuing your likings and such men end up like i mentioned
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    hi friends! we two are together from 4 yrs. and are going to get married next year. he never wanted me to do job after marriage. i agreed to him in previous days of our relationship coz i want him to be happy and i was completely devoted to him. but now situation is different. we have had so many fights..he didnot treat me well..i m going to join a job this month..he want me to leave the job before marriage.i told him that if my job will create trouble for our married life i'll leave..but he and his father dont want me to do job after marriage. he said then it'll be impossible for him to marry me if i do job.firstly i said i wont leave job.then i agreed that i'll leave job before marriage but i want care, love and appreciation for my sacrifice atleast. i did this coz i need him in my life.i m madly in love with him.finally he agreed. but i doubt that he'll treat me with love and care...what should i do?? what should i say to him? i want suggestions...should i carry on my job or leave it for my happy married life...

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    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    Girl... dont get dreagged by emotions.. nowadays in this life!!! no one will be there for you when you in trouble!!! he may turn someone to even fight with you in case you need something of value in terms of money!! but if you work. you can be independent!!! you already said there has been lots of fight.. tommorow in case fighting got so serious.,, ansd he leave you.. your job will stand by you....

    if you leave one day you will stand alone!! if you have money in this life you all... money talks in this life.... whether you agree or not!! its true!!!

    think well!!! if he seem to be someone who is devoted towards this relationship... who really have the willingness to fulfill all your wishes then you leave the job!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

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    See, the main issue between you is non-compatibility of goals and desires. You have pursued your career interests and prefer to be a working woman. But your boyfriend, on the other hand, wants a wife who is purely a homemaker. His father also wants the same. In that case, you're not compatible with that family.

    Your boyfriend told you at the very beginning of the relationship that he'd prefer a wife who is a homemaker. You initially agreed, but now have "broken your promise to him" and taken up a job against his wishes because you feel mistreated. But once again you want to change your mind and quit job. Why all this dilly-dallying? This is not only making your bf confused, but you are being unfair to both of you. Please make up your mind.

    If you feel that your bf is not treating you with due respect and love, leave him please. But do not make the mistake of letting go of your job and career at any stage..! It's your source of strength and independence, and you have invested time and money into your career.

    Be fair to your bf, and let him find a girl who only has desires to be a homemaker with no career plans. There are many such girls. Why holding onto him and hurting both yourself and him? Even if you let go of job for him, you'd only feel misunderstood, mistreated, controlled and suppressed by them for the rest of your life. You'd constantly regret. Such things should not be done by force or compulsion, otherwise neither partner is happy in the end. Either your desire to quit job and be his housewife comes from the heart, with pure certainty and no regrets.... or else if you have doubts, just let go of him.

    We do not try to mould or change our partner according to our desires. Rather, we find a partner who fulfills our criteria already. Your bf has no business forcing you to quit a career that you already have, nor do you have any business holding onto him even though you don't fulfill his criteria.
    Last edited by wonderkid; 27-08-2012 at 10:26 AM.
    Do not argue with an idiot.
    He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience...!!

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    see 4 years are more than enough to understand your bf, if 'yours not doing job' is helping in any way why not sacrify it after all love is sacrifice.

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    Default finf out all things

    app ki job say app k bf k father ko kyu problem ho sakti h,kahin uskay father narrow minded toh nahi h aaj job k liye rok rahay h or baad mein kahin kisi or cheez k liye .....or kya aap k bf itna financialy strong h k after marrige voh app ka or family ka kharcha utha sakta h.agar voh yeh sab kar sakta h or us k father future mein app k liye koi or objecation nahi h toh 4 year k love k liye itna sacrifise karna banta h,all the best

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    SB Champion Lieutenant prashant4u's Avatar
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    first of all what is ur wish? want to job or marry that guy?..if your answer is u want both then think what is more important to you in ur life love or money?..see if the guy was jobless and the opportunity rise to you to do job and at that time he stop you from doing the job then u can persuade him about the importance of job..but if your guy is doing job and he don't want you to do job that what will happen?..if u think that your education will have no use after he denied u from doing job then think it from other way..u can support him budgeting to other family finance and finance advice that will reflect your knowledge on him..the issue can be solve after marriage also with all your family members consents...don't make the situation so much complicate...

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