Hi Mam, I need your help, have asked you so many times about solutions and now going through one of the worst phase of my life.
Mam, Mine and my hubby relation was never so good and it went bad with time. I have told you reasons in my previous post & in short he is workaholic to the extreme that he does not care anything.
And then i got involved in Extra Marital affair and now that guy MOVED ON.
Without a single issue between us and wants to give everything to his family so he already moved on and wants me to move on too.
Its too tough for me now have trusted him alot and gone to extreme in love with him.
He is helping me to come out of this mess but i am continuously creating more mess around me.
I am not capable of moving on, its too hard for me and i am messing up alot at my home bcoz i get angry easily on my hubby and sometimes on my daughter too when she does not listen to me for long . I have become short tempered and can explode any moment even I dont know when would i explode.
Always had prob in intimate relationship with my hubby so just told him now that i cant do anymore more ...as we fight even during that time too and the other guy stay in my mind 24*7 so wont feel like doing these stuff.
I know i should not do this at my home but am so frustrated and stressed out that i dont even feel like controlling myself well its not in my control now.
I get angry any moment and reason i gave to my hubby is that you have done same with me in past 7 years and now its my turn and i can too do this mess now.
and that guy with whom i was having that affair is not understanding anything and he knows wht i am going through and wht happening at my home and always says you are mixing two things and not understanding why he needs to do this with me ...he used to say i can get love from him and take care of my family too but now if i ask the same then he says he was wrong (. I feel like why the hell I listened to him.
I always wanted to tell this to my hubby as I feel so much guilt and he always stopped me to ruin others life which i understand.
But now he is leaving me and want me to move on and I feel like I am so stupid ...he is at least going back to his family and getting everything backon track for his family and doing it for good purpose and i am left with nothing even cant get back to my hubby bcoz of my guilt i feel like telling him everything and bcoz of his absent nature around me i dont feel doing it sometimes in short things at my home is same and now i am making it worst and he too left me. He is having peace going back to his family which is gud for him. I am not stopping him now as he told me he does not have same feeling but cares for me and cares for the ppl he love but he love ppl in diff forms n shapes. Anyways So i dont see any reason but i am still cant move on ...we haven't met since last 13 -14 months now he does not want to meet but can talk and wants me to be his good frnd.
BUT its too hard now to go back and be like frnds ...he made me wait for 1 yr as he was having so many issues in life now since last 2 months he wants me to move on n told me that he already moved on and does crave to talk to me like before .
Mam i dont know how to move on, I am crying since last 14 months and still cry everyday and bcoz of this stress i have disturbed my cycle n get it twice a month and dont know wht else is going inside me so have stopped feeding my baby so wont give him more stress as he is too having this stress since i conceived him.
Mam pls help me, i dont want to talk to him but i cant stop myself too ... i dont want to say him wht going on with me and dont want to get angry on him too but as i told you i myself dont know wht i would do next soo have done this with hi too many times but nothing is affecting him to change his decision so i have stopped expecting now.
but i cant move on mam ... how does ppl move on mam... may be i still want him back but things are taking bad shape and he still listening to me and i messing up there too which i dont want to do bcoz of his health as he is having multiple issue and recently got Heart Attack too which he told me last month only so i dont know even when it happened.
He gets stress bcoz i am in stress but told me that we both have to be in this pain so that nobody else would get affected by this ...atleast he is not giving this to his family but wht i am doing .. i promised him that i wont tell this to my hubby ever..and sometimes i feel that i am sooooo stupid that i am still listening to him ...may be he is right but i have spoiled everything.
Now want to stay away from everyone as its too hard to pretend in front of everyone that i am fine and hard to manage everything at home ..sometimes i dont even feel like getting up and do chores .... sometimes i feel while sleeping at night that i might stop breathing bcoz of stress.
pls help me i know that i have to leave him too n move on but as a frnd ...whenever i would talk to him i cant pretend more and plus i wont wait that he would start talking now n thn and if he wont do it i would get angry again so things cant change for me in better shape now.
I really dont know wht to do now ...pls help me as soon as possible.