Messed up everything

[neha1234]

Hi Mam, I need your help, have asked you so many times about solutions and now going through one of the worst phase of my life.

Mam, Mine and my hubby relation was never so good and it went bad with time. I have told you reasons in my previous post & in short he is workaholic to the extreme that he does not care anything.
And then i got involved in Extra Marital affair and now that guy MOVED ON.
Without a single issue between us and wants to give everything to his family so he already moved on and wants me to move on too.

Its too tough for me now have trusted him alot and gone to extreme in love with him.
He is helping me to come out of this mess but i am continuously creating more mess around me.

I am not capable of moving on, its too hard for me and i am messing up alot at my home bcoz i get angry easily on my hubby and sometimes on my daughter too when she does not listen to me for long . I have become short tempered and can explode any moment even I dont know when would i explode.

Always had prob in intimate relationship with my hubby so just told him now that i cant do anymore more ...as we fight even during that time too and the other guy stay in my mind 24*7 so wont feel like doing these stuff.

I know i should not do this at my home but am so frustrated and stressed out that i dont even feel like controlling myself well its not in my control now.
I get angry any moment and reason i gave to my hubby is that you have done same with me in past 7 years and now its my turn and i can too do this mess now.

and that guy with whom i was having that affair is not understanding anything and he knows wht i am going through and wht happening at my home and always says you are mixing two things and not understanding why he needs to do this with me ...he used to say i can get love from him and take care of my family too but now if i ask the same then he says he was wrong (. I feel like why the hell I listened to him.

I always wanted to tell this to my hubby as I feel so much guilt and he always stopped me to ruin others life which i understand.

But now he is leaving me and want me to move on and I feel like I am so stupid ...he is at least going back to his family and getting everything backon track for his family and doing it for good purpose and i am left with nothing even cant get back to my hubby bcoz of my guilt i feel like telling him everything and bcoz of his absent nature around me i dont feel doing it sometimes in short things at my home is same and now i am making it worst and he too left me. He is having peace going back to his family which is gud for him. I am not stopping him now as he told me he does not have same feeling but cares for me and cares for the ppl he love but he love ppl in diff forms n shapes. Anyways So i dont see any reason but i am still cant move on ...we haven't met since last 13 -14 months now he does not want to meet but can talk and wants me to be his good frnd.
BUT its too hard now to go back and be like frnds ...he made me wait for 1 yr as he was having so many issues in life now since last 2 months he wants me to move on n told me that he already moved on and does crave to talk to me like before .

Mam i dont know how to move on, I am crying since last 14 months and still cry everyday and bcoz of this stress i have disturbed my cycle n get it twice a month and dont know wht else is going inside me so have stopped feeding my baby so wont give him more stress as he is too having this stress since i conceived him.

Mam pls help me, i dont want to talk to him but i cant stop myself too ... i dont want to say him wht going on with me and dont want to get angry on him too but as i told you i myself dont know wht i would do next soo have done this with hi too many times but nothing is affecting him to change his decision so i have stopped expecting now.
but i cant move on mam ... how does ppl move on mam... may be i still want him back but things are taking bad shape and he still listening to me and i messing up there too which i dont want to do bcoz of his health as he is having multiple issue and recently got Heart Attack too which he told me last month only so i dont know even when it happened.

He gets stress bcoz i am in stress but told me that we both have to be in this pain so that nobody else would get affected by this ...atleast he is not giving this to his family but wht i am doing .. i promised him that i wont tell this to my hubby ever..and sometimes i feel that i am sooooo stupid that i am still listening to him ...may be he is right but i have spoiled everything.
Now want to stay away from everyone as its too hard to pretend in front of everyone that i am fine and hard to manage everything at home ..sometimes i dont even feel like getting up and do chores .... sometimes i feel while sleeping at night that i might stop breathing bcoz of stress.


pls help me i know that i have to leave him too n move on but as a frnd ...whenever i would talk to him i cant pretend more and plus i wont wait that he would start talking now n thn and if he wont do it i would get angry again so things cant change for me in better shape now.

I really dont know wht to do now ...pls help me as soon as possible.

[lifesite]

hey dear , I am soo sorry to know your situation, wish to help you and take out from this situation.

Pls don't take too much stress its not good for you and your kids.

In this case only you can help as you cannot share this with anyone and remember not to share with your husband.

Be strong and get all your strength and fight back with this situation.

Nothing has messed up yet & you can take care of all these stuff just believe in God, he will help you now.

God bless you !!

[iloveher]

Hi Neha.. read your story.. you really seem to be in trouble.. I have some suggestions.. If u like u follow them, u will definitely feel much better..

1) First of all, tell your self that everything is fine. (yes it actually helps saying to yourself) . Honestly speaking your condition is much better than many people. There are people who permanently lose their loved ones, due to some tragedy, and no matter what, they can not revert to old days. Atleast you have your loved ones intact around you.

2) Secondly, dont have any guilt feeling. There is nothing wrong you to did. Lucky are those who fall in love. Some fall in love before marriage, some fall in love after marriage. You belong to second category. But yes, it would be wrong if you let that effect your dear ones life .. eg. lives of your children.. from now on you should behave responsibly.

3) Third, Dont be afraid. DOnt have a fear that you are going to lose someone. Dont think you are losing someone. Ask your boyfriend that if he can be in touch for rest of life as a friend. I hope as he is understanding, he would agree. But keep it to only friendship. And there is nothing like that you are going to loose him forever. Say thank to God that you got a nice lover for few years. Consider it as a beautiful time of your life but dont force to stretch it.

We all have to leave our beautiful past behind and move on. ANd we all can move on. Remember, at the end of your school/college you might have cried and wanted that those days never end, But was it practical and right to stay in 12th Class forever?? Had you stayed in the same class for a few more years, just because you loved your school, your life would have gone stagnant.. Similarly, we all want to stay with our parent and never want to move out. But we cant .. One day we leave them. We also part away from our sisters who marry and go elsewhere.
What i want to say is Life is all about meeting beautiful people, having good time, and then moving ahead, so that you can meet again some new good people.

4) Fourth, and Finally.. BE OPTIMISTIC.. BE POSITIVE.. Remember there are a lot of good things waiting to happen in your life, but if only you will move forward.
love your Husband.. Love your children, they will grow.. they would show their love to you some day.. Just, My friend, Imagine how much happiness in life you are going to miss, if you break down today or do something which can not be reverted.
Remember, your life is still in your control and it is still not that bad that it cannot be brought on the track...
So, Be happy, Be hopeful.. Best of Luck..

[Sweet Mimi]

You are too weak my dr... not having love from your hubby doesnt mean you should have an affair... afterall yoiur hubby is working for you and his child....

the other person used you and now is happy in his life... so better you dont think about him....

try manage you marriage life.... stop being selfish.. by telling your hubby about the s h i t you did is going to ruin your child life... if you his mother cant make a beautiful life for him then who will??

its a pain for any child who's parents are not in good terms.... you proving to be a bad wife and a bad mother... time for you to think about that innocent kid.. if you really love your child you will be patient and will make up your married life!!

[a_decent_1]

Hi Mam, I need your help, have asked you so many times about solutions and now going through one of the worst phase of my life.

Mam, Mine and my hubby relation was never so good and it went bad with time. I have told you reasons in my previous post & in short he is workaholic to the extreme that he does not care anything.
And then i got involved in Extra Marital affair and now that guy MOVED ON.
Without a single issue between us and wants to give everything to his family so he already moved on and wants me to move on too.

Its too tough for me now have trusted him alot and gone to extreme in love with him.
He is helping me to come out of this mess but i am continuously creating more mess around me.

I am not capable of moving on, its too hard for me and i am messing up alot at my home bcoz i get angry easily on my hubby and sometimes on my daughter too when she does not listen to me for long . I have become short tempered and can explode any moment even I dont know when would i explode.

Always had prob in intimate relationship with my hubby so just told him now that i cant do anymore more ...as we fight even during that time too and the other guy stay in my mind 24*7 so wont feel like doing these stuff.

I know i should not do this at my home but am so frustrated and stressed out that i dont even feel like controlling myself well its not in my control now.
I get angry any moment and reason i gave to my hubby is that you have done same with me in past 7 years and now its my turn and i can too do this mess now.

and that guy with whom i was having that affair is not understanding anything and he knows wht i am going through and wht happening at my home and always says you are mixing two things and not understanding why he needs to do this with me ...he used to say i can get love from him and take care of my family too but now if i ask the same then he says he was wrong (. I feel like why the hell I listened to him.

I always wanted to tell this to my hubby as I feel so much guilt and he always stopped me to ruin others life which i understand.

But now he is leaving me and want me to move on and I feel like I am so stupid ...he is at least going back to his family and getting everything backon track for his family and doing it for good purpose and i am left with nothing even cant get back to my hubby bcoz of my guilt i feel like telling him everything and bcoz of his absent nature around me i dont feel doing it sometimes in short things at my home is same and now i am making it worst and he too left me. He is having peace going back to his family which is gud for him. I am not stopping him now as he told me he does not have same feeling but cares for me and cares for the ppl he love but he love ppl in diff forms n shapes. Anyways So i dont see any reason but i am still cant move on ...we haven't met since last 13 -14 months now he does not want to meet but can talk and wants me to be his good frnd.
BUT its too hard now to go back and be like frnds ...he made me wait for 1 yr as he was having so many issues in life now since last 2 months he wants me to move on n told me that he already moved on and does crave to talk to me like before .

Mam i dont know how to move on, I am crying since last 14 months and still cry everyday and bcoz of this stress i have disturbed my cycle n get it twice a month and dont know wht else is going inside me so have stopped feeding my baby so wont give him more stress as he is too having this stress since i conceived him.

Mam pls help me, i dont want to talk to him but i cant stop myself too ... i dont want to say him wht going on with me and dont want to get angry on him too but as i told you i myself dont know wht i would do next soo have done this with hi too many times but nothing is affecting him to change his decision so i have stopped expecting now.
but i cant move on mam ... how does ppl move on mam... may be i still want him back but things are taking bad shape and he still listening to me and i messing up there too which i dont want to do bcoz of his health as he is having multiple issue and recently got Heart Attack too which he told me last month only so i dont know even when it happened.

He gets stress bcoz i am in stress but told me that we both have to be in this pain so that nobody else would get affected by this ...atleast he is not giving this to his family but wht i am doing .. i promised him that i wont tell this to my hubby ever..and sometimes i feel that i am sooooo stupid that i am still listening to him ...may be he is right but i have spoiled everything.
Now want to stay away from everyone as its too hard to pretend in front of everyone that i am fine and hard to manage everything at home ..sometimes i dont even feel like getting up and do chores .... sometimes i feel while sleeping at night that i might stop breathing bcoz of stress.


pls help me i know that i have to leave him too n move on but as a frnd ...whenever i would talk to him i cant pretend more and plus i wont wait that he would start talking now n thn and if he wont do it i would get angry again so things cant change for me in better shape now.

I really dont know wht to do now ...pls help me as soon as possible.

I would concentrate on the question you asked, as that is actually the whole problem creator and solver : How people move on.

Love/Obsession/Lust is nothing but a State of Mind. A State of mind created by our own brain to make us feel good. We feel good when we think someone cares for us, gives us importance and loves us. In normal people, it is limited to a certain level. Such people like the attention, but when someone hurts their respect, they move on.

Now, there are people who are Nothing on their own, have no self respect/esteem and depend upon others and seek happiness in them. You, my friend, Sadly are one of them. For most of us, when a person asks us to "Move on" , it is a knock on our Self Respect and we are esteemed enough to have our mind in control and do just that - move on.

This Friend (funny you call him friend) of yours is nothing but just another guy looking for sex, getting it and moving on without any scars. He had some monkey sex with you, enjoyed it and now faces the reality of the fact that any further enjoyment can break his Family. So, he moved on..

He asked you to Move on "NOT BECAUSE HE CARES"..
He asked you not to tell your Hubby "NOT BECAUSE HE WORRIES ABOUT YOU" ..

But, because he is worried about himself. If you tell you hubby, He is exposed. His family is at risk. He does not care about you, but only himself.

Remember, "A Man who cares about you would not screw you behind your husband's back.. He would pull your ear and bring you on the right Track".

You have stabbed your husband in the back Once. The least you can do is STOP being foolish and concentrate on the important things in life. TRUST ME, moving on is very easy, it's just the question of whether you Want to, or not. Maybe you enjoy the sadness, or the memories and hold yourself back. Let go and you'd be fine.


G'day

P.S - Love and Sex are two different things, keep them different.