Can't see my mother being taken for granted by my Dad and Bro

Unregistered · 21-03-2013, 09:04 AM

Hello

I am a 24 year old staying with my parents.I am really happy and fortunate to have good parents (both are caring and loving and struggled a lot to bring us up) but one thing I really get pissed of is the take for granted attitude shown by my dad towards my mom.In certain matters where he was required to stand up strong for my mom he always used to take back off.For instance my dad has his elder brothers.They are so inconsiderate that they do not even take care of their mom.So at times my dad took the initiative to take care of her and all of us supported him. At times when his brothers were telling things against us he never had the guts to face them on right and wrong and stand by for my mom during the hour of need.Instead he comes here and bosses around with us, only supporting them(his brothers).

Reason:When he was struggling to build a life for himself they helped him he was obligated towards them for that.Did he marry them or my mom?

My mom has compromised so much with an intention to maintain peace of mind at home all this years.

At times she expresses when dad is on a tour and I see her break into tears right in front of me.I really can't see her this way.I appreciate my dad's concern for his mom but to take care of his mom he is hurting my mom in the process.He does not even bother to listen to her at times(my grand-mom is a self-centered,inconsiderate lady who takes both my mom and us for granted).

When I confronted him on this issue he took it for granted.Unfortunately thing is he pampers my brother so much that he does not even guide him on what is right and what is wrong.My brother too never pays heed to what my mom has to tell him at times with an intention to guide him the right things.At times he even shouts at my mother in front of dad yet dad tells nothing until I remind him to tell my brother about his wrong doings.Same is the case when I try and guide my bro on right and wrong.

Due to all such things I may be rude but I have developed some kind of aversion towards my dad in this matter.He has been so inconsiderate and indifferent.At times I feel so embarrased that I have a dad who cant stand for his wife in the hour of need.I can't see my mom being hurt and taken for granted this way.I turn red whenever I see such a thing happen.

Preeto Maam would appreciate if you would help me find a solution for this.

**archer_paradise** · 21-03-2013, 09:22 PM

Solution is this:-

1. Its between two mature people... your mother and your father. You taking sides will only cause more confusion and mayhem.
2. You must not feel guilty of hating your father or brother. You mentioned discussing your feelings with them. Since these discussions went into the trash bin you can be rest assured that they wont change.
3. What steps are your mother taking? If she cannot handle this herself, I suggest her to go to a counselor or psychiatrist to build her stamina and character.

**Preeto Maam** · 21-03-2013, 09:24 PM

Hi! Look, it seems like your mother is not a very strong lady and has not been able to take stands for herself. that does happen in many families. Now you can take a stand for her; help her and support her, but my dear, you cannot live her life for her. yes, you must guide your brother and try and make your father behave with consideration towards his family, but your mom has to establish her own controls over her family, no?
See, its good that you are a caring daughter. Continue being so- but my dear, somewhere, you must let your mother take her responsibilites as a parent and as a person, yes?

**Preeto Maam** · 21-03-2013, 09:25 PM

Excellent advice!

Originally Posted by archer_paradise

Solution is this:-

1. Its between two mature people... your mother and your father. You taking sides will only cause more confusion and mayhem.
2. You must not feel guilty of hating your father or brother. You mentioned discussing your feelings with them. Since these discussions went into the trash bin you can be rest assured that they wont change.
3. What steps are your mother taking? If she cannot handle this herself, I suggest her to go to a counselor or psychiatrist to build her stamina and character.