Cannot decide! Need advice! :(

[nargis]

Hi all,

I am 21, studying and working in London at the moment... Its been 3 years and i've bin through a lot of ups and downs in here, living alone.. Supporting myself.. Now, i met this guy before i came here.. 3 yrs ago and he loves me.. He really does! But due to my own topsy turvy life i couldnt give him what he deserved.. We kept breaking up and getting back together.. During this time.. I did many wrong things.. Some things that i shouldnt have done... Some burdens that i will have to carry for life now.. But he accepted me always... Now, i really understand love.. And know what it is.. And i am deeply in love with him.. He too is, but now he says he can't be with me anymore as my past will haunt him forever.. In a way he is right.. But somehow, my heart is not coming to accept that we cant be together and that i will have to learn to live without him! I really want to be with him.. Hey thats all i've ever dreamt of for myself! Please advice me!!
Thanks for your time!!
Sincere replies will be appreciated!

[pangebaaj]

When we get something, we tend to lost interest and when that something is snatched from us, we start realizing the value of that thing. I hope same is not the case with you-when this guy turned his back on you, you have suddenly started valuing him so much.

Anyways, you are just 21 and must have ample time to settle down. Till then, be close to this guy, show him your sincerity that you are really a changed person now and make him realize how much you value him. Over time, he would be able to accept you and be with you.

And if god forbid that does not happen, I am sure you would meet your Mr Right, keep your heart open for that.

[abhi5575]

That guy has taken enough damage that he has decided not to come back at all. He has surely decided to move on and pay attention to things which are more important. Honestly i think its too late to hope, since u both had numerous bad times before and those things are right now crowded in his mind. For he to come back u have to turn the entire wind backwards, and that will take a hell lot of time & energy which involves getting hurt and depressed, will take a toll on ur life. Because when a person has made up his mind u can do nothing but hurt urself trying to convince him and who knows for how long will he be back. Better would be to get back to reality and move on, u r 21 and have so much time to think about ur love life. .. hope all goes well !

[sens]

hi nargis,

You have not told what exactly u did.. but yes i guess the guy made right decision . & maybe his decision made u realise how impornat love is. But dont be harsh on yourslef. in life we all make mistakes. afterall to err is human. forgive yourself. forget him. forget past. move on. & be happy. now that u know what love is, & u might be even knowing how important it is to give attention to people who love u & be nice to them, this lesson will help u in future. But give it a try if u like the guy so much, just let him know how much u love him now. maybe he is waiting to hear frm u. but if nothing works out, just carry on with life, but try not having any regrets... & when u meet someone lese hwo loves a lot, dont disappoint him.

all the best.

[kish123]

You are only 21 and you need to think forward for yourself there are many things in life you need to achieve so right now consentrate on that first establish yourself and learn to forgive youself.

[Lisbonstar28]

To help you decide you can try facing the music to build a clear perspective. The way i see it ,is that, this is now his problem and no longer yours, so take a breather for whichever wrong you did, you have tried your upmost best to do the right thing which was confessing telling the truth and unreservedly apologising - probably because you didn't want any spare luggage in your relationship. All that is quite commendable.

I feel there is nothing else left that you can do and i advise against spending valuable time convincing someone who you know isn't prepared to forgive. The ball is in his court for him to decide whether or not to do that. But don't wait around - focus on your studies and your job, thats what you are in London for. Make something of yourself, love isn't all and everything.

[archer_paradise]

Hi all,

I am 21, studying and working in London at the moment... Its been 3 years and i've bin through a lot of ups and downs in here, living alone.. Supporting myself.. Now, i met this guy before i came here.. 3 yrs ago and he loves me.. He really does! But due to my own topsy turvy life i couldnt give him what he deserved.. We kept breaking up and getting back together.. During this time.. I did many wrong things.. Some things that i shouldnt have done... Some burdens that i will have to carry for life now.. But he accepted me always... Now, i really understand love.. And know what it is.. And i am deeply in love with him.. He too is, but now he says he can't be with me anymore as my past will haunt him forever.. In a way he is right.. But somehow, my heart is not coming to accept that we cant be together and that i will have to learn to live without him! I really want to be with him.. Hey thats all i've ever dreamt of for myself! Please advice me!!
Thanks for your time!!
Sincere replies will be appreciated!

You are 21, enjoy life. Do not take it so seriously and do not burden yourself with what future holds for you vis a vis your romantic relationships. You said you did many 'wrong things'. Were these 'wrong things' illegal, or wrong as per your boyfriend or wrong as per you? If these were wrong as per you, you alone would have to overcome that guilt.

You should clearly think that you are in love with a person who you met 3 years back. Long distance/online relationships are not the best options for a successful union. That does not mean you should not trust him and vice versa, however, you must realize that a face to face meeting is much more forthcoming and fulfilling than an online chat session.

You are young and in love with a toy that is in your hands and you cant give it away even though you know you are a guest in someones house, and the toy is not necessarily yours.