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Thread: problem with my husband's family

  1. #1
    ssg
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    Default problem with my husband's family

    hi!
    I'm a 29 yr old lady working in the same profession as my husband at an equal designation as him. Ours was a love marriage. my husband comes from a small town and his family is not very financially well off. On the other hand I have my bringing up in metro cities and my parents are comfortably well off. though i was aware of the situation of my husband's family, i still got married thinking i would be able to adjust. but of late, i've realised that i'm not able to come in terms with their way of living. they have no hassels borrowing money from people, they go overboard to show off what they dont have actually. my father in law is no more and we have to share our responsiblities towards my husband's mother but she doesnt seem to understand that we are living hand to mouth and dont save enough for ourself also.. she tends to demand things which in my belief are superflous and can be done without. i have serious fights with my husband and i am really disturbed about it. i dont mean to make my husband shirk away from his responsibilities towards his mother but i do want him to understand that i am his wife too. he takes no responsibilty of our own house whatsoever. i bear all the expenses of our house since we are not staying together and mine is the main establishment.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    hmm....well it would be best to sit down and work out the financials with your husbnd. Who is contributing how much and where. That seems to be the main issue and money can spoil relationships.
    Both of you need to be a little impersonal about the money part- who spends how much on what. that way, things are clear, there is no confusion and no extra expectation. if you can manage this, most of the issues will get resolved.

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    hi!!!!

    what to say!!!

    men never think practically.. they dont understand how to set limits... when mom is being unreasonable.. they just want to show they r mom's hero...

    solution:

    * talk to your mom in law about your financial situation politely

    * share expenses with your husband..plan a budget..

    divide the fiancial expenditure..

    groceries 7 bills responsibility should go to your husband.. keep your earned money safe..

    this way if he can balance your house you should not have problem with him spending on his mother..

    occasionaly you yourself also gift his mom somthing.
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    Put a chart on your fridge in the kitchen and start writing all the income and expenses on it. If someone asks, just tell them that you want to plan the budget etc..then at the end of the month, do a total of your monthly savings and tell them that you are not gonna have enough for your kid's school fee and other expenses in future and you don't wanna have a kid this will change your mom in law's attitude.. jokes apart, I think that atlest you can put the chart, the next thing I told is so full of drama :P

  5. #5
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssg View Post
    hi!
    I'm a 29 yr old lady working in the same profession as my husband at an equal designation as him. Ours was a love marriage. my husband comes from a small town and his family is not very financially well off. On the other hand I have my bringing up in metro cities and my parents are comfortably well off. though i was aware of the situation of my husband's family, i still got married thinking i would be able to adjust. but of late, i've realised that i'm not able to come in terms with their way of living. they have no hassels borrowing money from people, they go overboard to show off what they dont have actually. my father in law is no more and we have to share our responsiblities towards my husband's mother but she doesnt seem to understand that we are living hand to mouth and dont save enough for ourself also.. she tends to demand things which in my belief are superflous and can be done without. i have serious fights with my husband and i am really disturbed about it. i dont mean to make my husband shirk away from his responsibilities towards his mother but i do want him to understand that i am his wife too. he takes no responsibilty of our own house whatsoever. i bear all the expenses of our house since we are not staying together and mine is the main establishment.
    So,
    The problem is that you feel you do not belong to that house or his Family.
    Otherwise your query would have been "How to tackle Financial Problems", instead of what it is now.

    Parents feed you, send you to school, buy you bikes and do what not. If they tend to make demands, I think you should be more than happy to fulfill them. Instead of giving an expression of distress when she makes a Demand, fulfill her demand when viable. This is YOUR FAMILY now and YOU have to tackle all the problems.

    What is with the "My earning" issue..? That is the earning of the House. Whatever you and your husband earn is not your individual income. It belongs to the Household income and let it not get to your head. Learn to adjust and do not regret your marriage and you'd be fine.


    G'day
    Miss you Dadaji

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    Well first of all you need to understand that there is a situation here which is your father in law is no more and your mother in law is going through a tough and frustrated time. She gets angry because of her loss. Yes some people are a show off I get that too. You need to sit with your husband and talk to him instead of fighting with him and tell him to work out the expences.

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    ur mother in law wnt listen to u... people of that age have a strong feeling not to hear to younger people, esp working ones...

    only person who can make her understand is ur husband..bcoz he is her son. talk to him, make him understand...

  8. #8
    Bullet Raja Major General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssg View Post
    hi!
    I'm a 29 yr old lady working in the same profession as my husband at an equal designation as him. Ours was a love marriage. my husband comes from a small town and his family is not very financially well off. On the other hand I have my bringing up in metro cities and my parents are comfortably well off. though i was aware of the situation of my husband's family, i still got married thinking i would be able to adjust. but of late, i've realised that i'm not able to come in terms with their way of living. they have no hassels borrowing money from people, they go overboard to show off what they dont have actually. my father in law is no more and we have to share our responsiblities towards my husband's mother but she doesnt seem to understand that we are living hand to mouth and dont save enough for ourself also.. she tends to demand things which in my belief are superflous and can be done without. i have serious fights with my husband and i am really disturbed about it. i dont mean to make my husband shirk away from his responsibilities towards his mother but i do want him to understand that i am his wife too. he takes no responsibilty of our own house whatsoever. i bear all the expenses of our house since we are not staying together and mine is the main establishment.
    Tees saal hone ko aaye.. Abhi tak akal ka namonishaan nahi


    My advice for you is special25!


    Jitna patkogi utni hi jyada samaj aave.



    What kind of love marriage u had???


    Love marriage me love jyada hona.. Naaki special25


    Jab khud mil banegi tab pata chalega..


    And donno what love marriage u had
    Love n regards,

    Gudu Gudu Returns

  9. #9
    SB Addict RoleModel007's Avatar
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    Well if it helps... this problem of MIL taking a cream of husband's salary is pretty common in middle/lower class families in our country. You should have seen this coming as it is his clearly marked responsibility.

    The way to surmount would be by being a bigger drama queen/ prima donna than your MIL although your husband may not like this.

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