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Thread: Wife unnecessarily punishing son

  1. #1

    Default Wife unnecessarily punishing son

    Aunt Preeto and others, I really need your help.
    I came home from work today evening and I found my son crying in his bedroom. He is only 12 years old. My wife had gone for her Yoga class. I asked him what happened and he didn't say anything. I was really worried as he and I are really close and he never hides anything from me. He is doing very well in school, and he even goes for cricket classes (on friday and saturday) and guitar lessons on monday and wednesday. He is usually a really happy child. I kept asking him what the problem was and all he said was that he would get into trouble. I assured him that I wouldn't scold him.
    My son buys DVDs of movies and TV shows and watches them. He also has a TV and DVD player in his room. In August, he bought this show called 'Ghost Whisperer'. I check the content to make sure it is appropriate and sure enough, it was. He used to watch an episode every night after dinner before going to bed but my wife and I noticed that he closed his room door whenever he watched it. My wife thought it was so that he could get more scared in a dark room. I suspected that he might be masturbating to Jennifer Love Hewitt but I never said anything as it is normal at that age and there isn't anything inappropriate on the show. Just a few cleavage shots. The computer is in the living room and has parental control software so I know for sure that he won't be able to watch porn or anything. Not that he will try. But I want to be on the safe side. One week later, he stopped watching the show. I thought he finished all the episodes.
    This was all in August.
    Today, he was crying and asked him what happened. But he didn't say anything. I got really worried and immediately called my wife and asked if anything was wrong. Then she told me everything. She said that in August, she had walked in on him masturbating with a scene of Ghost Whisperer paused. She told me that she confiscated the show and that she told him that he can no longer lock his door. She said that today morning, she found a photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt (a card from the DVD set) under his mattress and she told me that she scolded him. She hung up saying we would discuss the matter when she came back.
    First, I was upset why she didn't tell me what happened in August.
    I went to my son and told him that I just found out what happened in August and what happened today and that he wasn't in trouble. I asked him why he was crying and that I wouldn't scold him. He told me that my wife told him in August that those who masturbate go to hell and that getting an *****ion is a sin and that only bad people get one. She told him that God will punish him if he gets an *****ion or masturbates. He started saying sorry and that he hadn't masturbated after that at all. He said he was crying because he kept getting *****ions whenever he thought of Hewitt and that he didn't want to go to hell. He confessed saying that he had masturbated to that photo under the bed only two days ago after August. I consoled him saying that it is not a sin and that he won't get punished or sent to hell or anything like that.
    My wife got home and both of us argued. I was upset for not telling me all this and for telling out son all of that. I told her that she has scarred him so much that he is terrified of getting an *****ion! She still stands by what she has done and punished him by cancelling his cricket classes for one month. She comes from a conservative family and nothing I say is convincing her!
    Please help me. I don't know what else to say to her! She even confiscated other Jennifer Love Hewitt DVDs like Tuxedo and Garfield She thinks that act will make him a bad person and ruin his studies. I know for sure that my son is very responsible and has always maintained good marks. He is outgoing, has lots of friends, etc. I don't see the harm in letting him masturbate before going to bed.
    What should I do and say? Please. I don't know what to do.

    This was the photo/card that was found. It is not vulgar at all. :

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    I think that the lady needs some serious counselling before she does some serious psychological damage to your son. you are right to be apprehensive about it and also right in saying that its a normal sexual urge in boys to want to masturbate. You are really going to have to be vigilant on this matter and seriously, you need to get your wife some counselling on this- get her some reading matter (most likely, she's going to be critical about what she reads)
    You may need to explain to her that her behaviour may, at best, teach the child to be sneaky an stealthy and at worst, damage him sexually and psychologically.

  3. #3
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    Get professional help. It has gone too complicated already and you wife needs to be worked on. Try to spend more time with your son to get all crap out of hiss mind (whatever your wife has aid to him about sin etc) and tell him that this all in natural but in limits. By the way, what about his privacy? I have never heard of any mom confronting her kid if she finds him doing it.

  4. #4
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    Your wife is feeding your son bullshit. Before it does serious damage to your son get your wife some counseling, show her some videos about puberty and get her some books to read. Talk with your son and get all those things like going to hell etc out of his mind and tell him that this is natural for boys of your age provided it doesnt interfere with your studies and routine. It might create complications and problems in your son's life later if you dont act now. Your wife told him a load of crap just for masturbating, what will she say if someday she found him watching porn!
    Last edited by galaxy_resident; 10-12-2012 at 01:25 AM.
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  5. #5
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    This is incredible... she is terrifying a child who has just start in the period of puberty... its normal because at this age itself all these start! And all those rubbish that she said to him that masturbation is a sin bla bla may affect his sex life later he is keep this in mind... its just a stage of development which your should understand.... i think you should show her on net where million times it has written masturbation is all normal!!! SHe must understand this!!!!

    She cannot torture a child like this.. though i know she is just a mother and thinks what she is doing is right for her child and might be afraid about her child but unknowingly she doesnt know she is doing harm to her child development!!!!

    I think you can show her this post seeing so many people agreeing masturbation is normal she might understand too!!!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  6. #6
    SB Champion Lieutenant
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    Ok Ghost whisper is not really for a 12 year old that is my opinion. But yes masturbate is some thing that is normal because at that age your hormones are changing and it is quite normal. I think your wife is going far over board she was harsh and she really needs to take things slow. Also, I agree with preeto maam your wife needs help and if she is not listening then you step in and be firm by telling her that she MUST change her ways.

  7. #7
    New Born nitinblurayfan's Avatar
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    I too have to say that your wife is overeacting. I didn't learn about masturbating till I was 15. How do you know he is even doing that? When I was 12, I used to watch Alias. Jennifer Garner used to be in ridiculously hot outfits and I used to love watching the show. But I didn't know about masturbating. Getting all hot and worked up was this incredible feeling, not to mention the adrenaline rush. But I don't see the harm in stopping him from masturbating. It will teach him self control and he will feel more energised.

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