What the hell is this?

[Unregistered]

I am from UK. I have been in a relationshp with my bf for almost 10 years, we were together since high school.
We had some long distance relationship time in between for a couple years. Everything was never great.
We had tons of fights. Esp in the past 2-3 years. It was so bad that we broke up for a while too. During that while,
I was miserable and so was he. I was so depressed, sad and he was too! My friends were trying to cheer me up
and introduced me to some other guys. I wasn't interested though. I met a guy, he was super hot and looked like a celebrity (let's call him X).
Not only was he 6'2" tall, he had the looks of an actor and an amazing athletic body too.
Btw, I am also quite pretty but I haven't had attention from SUCH a hot guy ever.
Anyway, when I met him, I just wanted to see if he was interested, I hardly talked to him - we hung out with other friends. That's it.
Now, I got back together with my ex (my present bf) -- because we both were so miserable and couldn't survive without each other.
I never met any of those guys again ever.
Me and my bf have been working on our relationship sine then. It has been a few months, but i feel so broken.
He has said way too much and it hurts a lot. However, I am healing and so is he.
Our goal is to make the relationship work because we love each other so much.
Last weekend, i went out with some girlfriends to party. It was girls night for fun. We were dancing.
I am usually a very strict person, in terms of dancing with anyone. I do not entertain any other guys at all ever no matter how hot they are.
Anyway, this guy (super hot guy i met before- X) was also at the same bar. He asked my friend if I was the girl with the "boyfriend probelms." She said yes.
Then he asked me if I had a bf. I did not answer him, because I was curious to know what he would do if I wasn't as from the last meeting, he seemed disinterested.
But that night, he was all over me. He started grinding me, and I was flattered by the attention.
This is a guy I would fantasize about. I got so turned on and let him do what he wanted. He was just grinding with me, then holding me tight and holding my hands etc while grinding. I loved it. But, I did not make out or have sex or anything with him. I stopped him when he was going to start kissing me.
I feel sad because I feel so guilty that I did this. I love my bf and dont want to lose him.
I feel really upset and guilty all the time.
But, I continue to think about that guy. I have made up my mind to be with my bf, but there are other things that keep comign to my mind:

I am pretty hot, but my bf is not that good looking and is also short. Not to be shallow or anything, but everyone consistently tells me that I deserve better.
Apart from looks, he is also not a hardworking guy, doesnt have a proper job either. Also, he is getting a pot belly. I have been telling him to join a gym, but he keeps ignoring me and whatever I say. He never works on anyhting and takes me for granted. I have a perfect figure, I work out. I feel good about it.
The other guy(X) is rich, hot, well-settled. I feel too attracted, but I do not want to
cheat. I want to be with my man(my bf) and I love him too much to hurt him. I want to wait for him to get a better job, get in shape etc. as he has asked me for some time.
But, I feel sad and unappreciated with him sometimes too.....
What am i upto??!!!!! Is this normal?

[coolkid]

This may help me too, I am in a similar situation - just in terms of the way you feel. Someody please answer this

[shwetamathur]

Look dear...most importantly gather yourself first....there are few ways to look at it

1) Make sure you can not keep every one happy.
2) Look no 1 is perfect and your bf is not also but in this world we don't get everything. Our character is known about how we deal with what we have. You have been into a relationship of 10 years and this means your BF is SUPER LOYAL.

3) You never know about this new super hot guy...he may be in for just sex or a fling for few months. Just imagine if he dates you for 3-4 months have loads of sex and then leaves you , the man who can try to kiss you on the first dance party can rarely be serious.

4) DO NOT DO WHAT YOUR GIRLS SAY TO YOU. Look FRIENDS are jealous of what you have. How many of them have had a honest long running partner like your bf. Also look its your life and you have be firm enough to not to listen to them.

5) Now importantly what do you want ?? A rich bf with no certain future or a good loyal honest partner.

6) Your bf will OBVIOUSLY take your for GRANTED because he trusts you since 10 years. DO NOT BECOME DIS LOYAL by dancing or kissing or having sex with such a random guy.

7) CAREER -Look that you have to ask him firmly , say to him if you can not make a strong good career you can not convince your parents . Create this fear in him.

8 ) Girl , its really hard to save relationships , i am a girl and going through same stage like yours , just that i am married , i want you to stay focused after all you both LOVE each other and have invested a lot lot in your relationship .

9 ) Pls your friends must not at all guide you , Stay loyal to your partner which you have been so far. LOVE HIM.

[shwetamathur]

This may help me too, I am in a similar situation - just in terms of the way you feel. Someody please answer this

I wish you have also got your reply....stay loyal

[archer_paradise]

It does not seem to me that you love your boyfriend. He is unappealing to you physically, career wise & the love in your relationship is pretty much over since you are distraught by the mistakes he made in the past (if we assume that only he is the one who sinned).

So, considering that he is not a match for you physically and there is no love between you too other than the mere responsibility of 'trying' to work things out and there is no success in his future career prospects, I would consider that you break up with him. Its the best decision for both of you.

He might get a jolt and start being a better man for the next woman he moves onto and you can settle for this other hottie or someone else that you might find suitable.

Simple.

[adirocksit]

I'm not gonna tell you any advice, I'm gonna tell you whats gonna happen with u in this current situation....You're totally gonna cheat on your boyfriend........
Its obvious you are attracted to Mr. X......and since your mind is telling you not to do it......your body will overpower your mind and you're gonna do it...
And then also feel guilty later.......

You know what "Love" is ?....Love is to have feelings for someone for 'who they are', not for 'who you want them to be'........So admit it, you don't love him. You probably consider him very close to you emotionally, but thats it !!......Did your boyfriend ever told you to "Do this" "do that" ?.....Now you'll say why would he say that coz you think you're "Pretty Hot", right ? ......You're a kind of girl who would do mistakes, and then cry for it later and maybe make people close to you cry too.

Time for some change girl.

You could either love your boyfriend for who he is and not try to change him or anything......OR you could dump him like "hot girls" like you usually do and hook up with Mr. X later (FYI, Mr. X is maybe really hot but maybe he'll not love u like the way your boyfriend does)........Whatever you do, don't let the CHEATING happen.....

[ariesgirl]

this is an extract from adirocksit reply..
You know what "Love" is ?....Love is to have feelings for someone for 'who they are', not for 'who you want them to be'........So admit it, you don't love him. You probably consider him very close to you emotionally, but thats it !!......
this is what i too would like to say..

[Gudu Gudu Returns]

I am from UK. I have been in a relationshp with my bf for almost 10 years, we were together since high school.
We had some long distance relationship time in between for a couple years. Everything was never great.
We had tons of fights. Esp in the past 2-3 years. It was so bad that we broke up for a while too. During that while,
I was miserable and so was he. I was so depressed, sad and he was too! My friends were trying to cheer me up
and introduced me to some other guys. I wasn't interested though. I met a guy, he was super hot and looked like a celebrity (let's call him X).
Not only was he 6'2" tall, he had the looks of an actor and an amazing athletic body too.
Btw, I am also quite pretty but I haven't had attention from SUCH a hot guy ever.
Anyway, when I met him, I just wanted to see if he was interested, I hardly talked to him - we hung out with other friends. That's it.
Now, I got back together with my ex (my present bf) -- because we both were so miserable and couldn't survive without each other.
I never met any of those guys again ever.
Me and my bf have been working on our relationship sine then. It has been a few months, but i feel so broken.
He has said way too much and it hurts a lot. However, I am healing and so is he.
Our goal is to make the relationship work because we love each other so much.
Last weekend, i went out with some girlfriends to party. It was girls night for fun. We were dancing.
I am usually a very strict person, in terms of dancing with anyone. I do not entertain any other guys at all ever no matter how hot they are.
Anyway, this guy (super hot guy i met before- X) was also at the same bar. He asked my friend if I was the girl with the "boyfriend probelms." She said yes.
Then he asked me if I had a bf. I did not answer him, because I was curious to know what he would do if I wasn't as from the last meeting, he seemed disinterested.
But that night, he was all over me. He started grinding me, and I was flattered by the attention.
This is a guy I would fantasize about. I got so turned on and let him do what he wanted. He was just grinding with me, then holding me tight and holding my hands etc while grinding. I loved it. But, I did not make out or have sex or anything with him. I stopped him when he was going to start kissing me.
I feel sad because I feel so guilty that I did this. I love my bf and dont want to lose him.
I feel really upset and guilty all the time.
But, I continue to think about that guy. I have made up my mind to be with my bf, but there are other things that keep comign to my mind:

I am pretty hot, but my bf is not that good looking and is also short. Not to be shallow or anything, but everyone consistently tells me that I deserve better.
Apart from looks, he is also not a hardworking guy, doesnt have a proper job either. Also, he is getting a pot belly. I have been telling him to join a gym, but he keeps ignoring me and whatever I say. He never works on anyhting and takes me for granted. I have a perfect figure, I work out. I feel good about it.
The other guy(X) is rich, hot, well-settled. I feel too attracted, but I do not want to
cheat. I want to be with my man(my bf) and I love him too much to hurt him. I want to wait for him to get a better job, get in shape etc. as he has asked me for some time.
But, I feel sad and unappreciated with him sometimes too.....
What am i upto??!!!!! Is this normal?

Your question 'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS'?

My answer 'YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CONFUSED !'

How to come out of this confusion: Visit Tibet, spend some time meditating, there you will find Jnana. It wont take a lot of time, but the peace around you will blend with the not so peaceful atmosphere inside.

Within no time, you would get an answer to, whether you should go for X or just be with the pot belly !

[RoleModel007]

The grass always look greener on the other side. Having said that if you really find yourself stranded in the middle of a desert, then it's about time you look for greener pastures.
I hope you get what I mean... Guv'nor!!!
So evaluate yourself where you are in your relationship with your bf. Is it really bad or is it you who is making it feel bad. Is it on the verge or can you guys work it out. Then you must be able to answer yourself to your query.

BTW, Just out of sheer curiosity... Is the pub you mentioned somewhere in leicester/birmingham?

[Inspector Pathan]

Hello Miss England The solution to your problem is if your willing to take the bold step. End your relationship with your High School Love I know it wont be easy but you have to gather the guts to do so for your own betterment and to enjoy your life later on. There is no guarantee tha he will change himself during the period he has asked for or even if he does it will on temporary basis so that he can just win you back.This relationship will lead to no where, again you will find yourself empty-handed. Lets start with a fresh page. With lots of courage and confidence, forget him, remember time is the best healer. I've seen lots of super hot girls with average looking guys the reason they are together is the element of respect I dont see that bit in your case. As far as that hottie naughty so called X is concerned just stay away from him. Such guys only like to play games. ONCE he gets what he wants you'll see him fading away from your life believe it or not. Thankyou, regards.

[sam_009]

A true lover can do anything for his love !! My suggestion for you is that don't loose hope, stop getting confused with other things. You have waited for 10 years and now you want to breakup just because he is not that hot or rich like other guy ? In short i just want to say be loyal to him because no other guy will assure you or gurrantie that you will be happy with him !!

[sonig]

One side u say u were heartbroken wen your bf left n the othr side u r getting attracted to another guy n evn considering the looks of your bf and so.first of all think wat u want .....its not that attraction is nt natural bt wen u say u lov someone and want to b with tht person then how come u r on the track of thinking about someone else also.
In one line u said tht u r very pretty and your frnds say tht u deserve better or so and after tht u said your bf looks like this or tht .....if looks r so prior then why u r saying tht u lov your bf truely.u r nt a child dear .....be mature and take decision wisely if u lov your bf then looks r nt a primary factor tht u r thinking about or so and then u feel guilty too.so give yourself time n knw wat u actualy want coz there is one life attached to u thts of your bf,if u realy lov him then forget all this and be with him thats it.

[Sweet Mimi]

you are simply not sure if the other hot guy will get committed to you thats why you have stopped yourself to cheat.. once you will be sure that he loves you or will get committed am sure you wont bother about your bf... whether you want to admit or not its true!!! anyways obviously everybody looks for perfection.. you are totally normal...

up to you to see what you want to do... if you think you want to give him time then do so... but dr, if you want to be with him accept him the way he is physically.. you have no right to judge him or impose on him... and you can advise him to keep fit... but judging him as not good looking is bad! if you got a problem with him better leave him... and get yourself a hot guy if you think you deserve better.. dont insult him

[suneeta]

to the OP , You are now finiding excuses and reasons to dump your boyfriend. Your boyfriend Loves you and this is the reason you Guys fight Alot!!!........your boyfriend is depressed and thats the reason he has gained weight ...You want to end up a 10 year relationship because you are getting attention from a RICH guy !!....and why does everybody knows that you have boyfriend problems ?? that is just making you vulnerable to people who want to just USE you....if you dump your boyfriend only because you have found someone rich and hot, you are going to get hurt !....and remember if you cheat, your boyfriend might forgive you but Karma WONT!