Marriage Issues with Husband

[Unregistered]

I am here to share my problem, i got married 3 years back and it was an love cum arrange marriage with both sides of parents very happy with our relationship from starting and no issues. But since past couple of years we only argue and fight. He no longer shares his passwords with me , his day details ,he no longer eats his dinner and breakfast with me in same plate. I mean a hell lot of efforts to create difference.

I know that he is not having any affair as he is a really honest man but somehow he is not happy with me. Even our physical bonding has reduced to once a month since past 13 months. He is no longer into me . I do not know the exact reasons. We have a baby girl and its just due to her that he is not taking any drastic step. I want to know that how can i bring him closer.

I am a housewife after my girls birth and i have no issues with it and he also wanted it. I asked him for a trip to Singapore or Goa on new year to which he straight away refused and said that he has a plan in place with his office friends. I was distraught listening this and problem here mainly is why is he doing it . I went to ask him that does he see a future with me, he had his eyes red and went off i mean he was reaction less.

I clearly want to save my marriage and want to live with him , so kindly suggest me what can i or what should i do.

[o00]

We can't say anything based on what you have said. We only know one side of the story. We don't know why he lost interest and it's only you who can find it out. And also, you your 'woman skills' and create emotional scene. Don't hesitate to start the waterworks (tears)..while you try to bring him back to you.

[ooye_hoye]

pakka tumne use tana mar mar ke pagal kar diya hoga! enjoy

[archer_paradise]

If I purely go with your version, it seems that he is hiding the reasons of his frustrations/depression or aloofness. He is finding every possible way to avoid you and you must focus on his happiness instead of saving your marriage.

If he still cannot be mentally happy with you, then you two must go for couples counselling.

[Gudu Gudu Returns]

I am here to share my problem, i got married 3 years back and it was an love cum arrange marriage with both sides of parents very happy with our relationship from starting and no issues. But since past couple of years we only argue and fight. He no longer shares his passwords with me , his day details ,he no longer eats his dinner and breakfast with me in same plate. I mean a hell lot of efforts to create difference.

I know that he is not having any affair as he is a really honest man but somehow he is not happy with me. Even our physical bonding has reduced to once a month since past 13 months. He is no longer into me . I do not know the exact reasons. We have a baby girl and its just due to her that he is not taking any drastic step. I want to know that how can i bring him closer.

I am a housewife after my girls birth and i have no issues with it and he also wanted it. I asked him for a trip to Singapore or Goa on new year to which he straight away refused and said that he has a plan in place with his office friends. I was distraught listening this and problem here mainly is why is he doing it . I went to ask him that does he see a future with me, he had his eyes red and went off i mean he was reaction less.

I clearly want to save my marriage and want to live with him , so kindly suggest me what can i or what should i do.

You were strangers, then you got attracted and got closer, fell in love. Same theory applies here also.

If you feeling that something's amiss. Then you have to use the same old techniques to draw him closer.

Another angle to it would be a simple reason that, after marriage he is Pati and you the Patni.

Your relationship got a seal and position in the society. So somethings will definitely change.

You cannot expect the person to be the same as he was before marriage and just after it.

Now that you've got a kid, things have changed, men do change.

Third angle would be, you have known him before marriage, do's dont's likes dislikes everything you would have known, and would have gotten to know more after marriage.

Something you might have done, through your behaviour, questioning etc to him which got him annoyed.

Find out, time to look inside you.

ALWAYS REMEMBER - IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO !!

[IzQueen]

Maybe your husband has a problem and he is hiding it from u..!! Try to be ignorant, if you'll keep on asking him about all this, he'll get more frustated.. Prepare all his favourite food at home, organise some outings... Avoid having argument with him... You'll feel a better ...!!!

[RoleModel007]

With responsibilities men do change. He has got you and your daughter to take care off. That adds a little bit of stress and emotional burden which tends to take away certain sheen off ones love life. So do not expect him to be same man as you met him at the first place.

From the above story (only and only based on what you have written) one may infer that he clearly has some issues (maybe its you). So choose a right time/ mood and ask him whether is there anything that is bothering him, ask him whether anything you could do differently could make him more happier, ask him is there anything that you could help him with. Again try not to sound like a police investigation, rather be polite like a condoling parent to a hurt kid.

Silent tears of a lady can never be tolerated by her man. You know what I mean. Play the emotional cards and ask him politely as why it isn't the same between both of you as before. Do not go into argument mode.

If the above doesn't work the elders in your family may be of some help. If not, you got to go to shrink/ counselor.
Good Luck.

[a_decent_1]

I am here to share my problem, i got married 3 years back and it was an love cum arrange marriage with both sides of parents very happy with our relationship from starting and no issues. But since past couple of years we only argue and fight. He no longer shares his passwords with me , his day details ,he no longer eats his dinner and breakfast with me in same plate. I mean a hell lot of efforts to create difference.

I know that he is not having any affair as he is a really honest man but somehow he is not happy with me. Even our physical bonding has reduced to once a month since past 13 months. He is no longer into me . I do not know the exact reasons. We have a baby girl and its just due to her that he is not taking any drastic step. I want to know that how can i bring him closer.

I am a housewife after my girls birth and i have no issues with it and he also wanted it. I asked him for a trip to Singapore or Goa on new year to which he straight away refused and said that he has a plan in place with his office friends. I was distraught listening this and problem here mainly is why is he doing it . I went to ask him that does he see a future with me, he had his eyes red and went off i mean he was reaction less.

I clearly want to save my marriage and want to live with him , so kindly suggest me what can i or what should i do.

One of the BIGGEST problems with Girls is that they believe "Nothing Ever Changes".
SURPRISE ---- "Things Change". !!

Passion reduces after some time. Eating in the same Plate - Are you kidding me..? That is for Teenaged couples who have just started dating. Sex reduces as Marriage gets old.

The way he reacts this way is because you suffocate him and sound needy all the time.

G'day

[shwetamathur]

I know that things change...and that is why i am accommodating and adjusting with his changes but there has to be limit also....when you begin a thing why to change it is my concern....whats the fuss about eating in one plate....when he can do it 2 years back then what has changed now......i mean are there any reasons

and though i do not crib him.......and i give him space as well and never question him too much....what i want is that he should love me or rather show his love as he used to do earlier.....i myself have not changed one bit....n thats god swear...my attitude towards him is 100% same and i am also a mother even then.

One of the BIGGEST problems with Girls is that they believe "Nothing Ever Changes".
SURPRISE ---- "Things Change". !!

Passion reduces after some time. Eating in the same Plate - Are you kidding me..? That is for Teenaged couples who have just started dating. Sex reduces as Marriage gets old.

The way he reacts this way is because you suffocate him and sound needy all the time.

G'day

[shwetamathur]

I have weeped a few times but i know silent tears can change him....but yes family members is what i willl seriosly consider if things remain same for next 4 months

With responsibilities men do change. He has got you and your daughter to take care off. That adds a little bit of stress and emotional burden which tends to take away certain sheen off ones love life. So do not expect him to be same man as you met him at the first place.

From the above story (only and only based on what you have written) one may infer that he clearly has some issues (maybe its you). So choose a right time/ mood and ask him whether is there anything that is bothering him, ask him whether anything you could do differently could make him more happier, ask him is there anything that you could help him with. Again try not to sound like a police investigation, rather be polite like a condoling parent to a hurt kid.

Silent tears of a lady can never be tolerated by her man. You know what I mean. Play the emotional cards and ask him politely as why it isn't the same between both of you as before. Do not go into argument mode.

If the above doesn't work the elders in your family may be of some help. If not, you got to go to shrink/ counselor.
Good Luck.

[a_decent_1]

I know that things change...and that is why i am accommodating and adjusting with his changes but there has to be limit also....when you begin a thing why to change it is my concern....whats the fuss about eating in one plate....when he can do it 2 years back then what has changed now......i mean are there any reasons

and though i do not crib him.......and i give him space as well and never question him too much....what i want is that he should love me or rather show his love as he used to do earlier.....i myself have not changed one bit....n thats god swear...my attitude towards him is 100% same and i am also a mother even then.

Again.
Girls expect their guy to be all Mushy Mushy even years after the relationship, but that does not happen. Again, IT NEVER HAPPENS.
Lets say, men are more Logical when it comes to showing love. The man would know that since he has been in Relationship with you for so long, it is OBVIOUS that he loves you. Plus, men do not understand the need to say I LOVE YOU all the time, we think it is implied when we are in a Long Relationship.

I never said you too have changed, Girls do not, and that is really the problem. You should not expect him to behave the way he did 2 years ago, he cannot. No guy can. This is One major reason why long relationships end - Lack of Passion - From a Girl's perspective.

The "Fuss" about eating in one plate is that it is for 16 year old teenagers and when you do it over a long period of time, it looks silly. For God's sake, you can definitely afford two plates, then why use one..?

WHY is it so important for him to SHOW his love..? He is with you, is that not enough...? You yourself said he is not cheating, then why can't you understand that it is something that happens with time and is inevitable.

[Gudu Gudu Returns]

First class answer.

Again.
Girls expect their guy to be all Mushy Mushy even years after the relationship, but that does not happen. Again, IT NEVER HAPPENS.
Lets say, men are more Logical when it comes to showing love. The man would know that since he has been in Relationship with you for so long, it is OBVIOUS that he loves you. Plus, men do not understand the need to say I LOVE YOU all the time, we think it is implied when we are in a Long Relationship.

I never said you too have changed, Girls do not, and that is really the problem. You should not expect him to behave the way he did 2 years ago, he cannot. No guy can. This is One major reason why long relationships end - Lack of Passion - From a Girl's perspective.

The "Fuss" about eating in one plate is that it is for 16 year old teenagers and when you do it over a long period of time, it looks silly. For God's sake, you can definitely afford two plates, then why use one..?

WHY is it so important for him to SHOW his love..? He is with you, is that not enough...? You yourself said he is not cheating, then why can't you understand that it is something that happens with time and is inevitable.

[shwetamathur]

First of all thanks for taking time and replying....really thank you....one thing about plate...thing...though its silly to discuss over it but when it is a symbol of love to eat in one plate for both of us since starting then why to break it....anyways its ok if it has stopped............but i really think this lack of passion is just an excuse and not a great thing.....what can i do everytime to bring closeness ...bond....between us......as some one said earlier......its 2 to tango......so he must also understand he is married and has a wife who needs his attention....thats all.............and basic things............look for example.........when i buy a new dress ....i hear only normal words from him.....like " looking nice " and " aachi lag rahi ho tum" , i mean no flattering words..... i mean such things hurt and i want a solution for it.........

Again.
Girls expect their guy to be all Mushy Mushy even years after the relationship, but that does not happen. Again, IT NEVER HAPPENS.
Lets say, men are more Logical when it comes to showing love. The man would know that since he has been in Relationship with you for so long, it is OBVIOUS that he loves you. Plus, men do not understand the need to say I LOVE YOU all the time, we think it is implied when we are in a Long Relationship.

I never said you too have changed, Girls do not, and that is really the problem. You should not expect him to behave the way he did 2 years ago, he cannot. No guy can. This is One major reason why long relationships end - Lack of Passion - From a Girl's perspective.

The "Fuss" about eating in one plate is that it is for 16 year old teenagers and when you do it over a long period of time, it looks silly. For God's sake, you can definitely afford two plates, then why use one..?

WHY is it so important for him to SHOW his love..? He is with you, is that not enough...? You yourself said he is not cheating, then why can't you understand that it is something that happens with time and is inevitable.

[RoleModel007]

Shweta (Hoping this to be your name),

I am sorry, I might be a bit judgmental here. But, from the above messages of yours you sound a bit pushy.Well here is the thing
1) Eating out from the same plate.
2) Walking in the rain under one umbrella.
3) Candle light dinner on the roof top of an expensive restaurant.
4) Sharing the shower.
5) Complimenting her after she comes back from parlor, saloon, designer shops.
6) Taking a boat ride in some quite lake during sunset.
7) Watch parvati, susheela, tulsi on telly and feel their disquiet.
8) Movies like Notebook, Bridget Jones Dairy, Eat Pray Love.
9) And the never ending list.............................................. ................................

You see, its not that we men do not like it. But we like the following a bit more better (if you like it that way)
1) Watch late night game with KFC bucket chicken and a carton of beer.
2) Playing football in the rain.
3) Bet on Cricket match in a local pub with mates.
4) Deodorants are the alternate for the shower.
5) Haircuts - we have it every month and after teenage we realized it doesn't matter how it gets done. And jeez we have never heard one turning into Cinderella after slipping into new clothes, not even in stories.
6) Crazy about wheels, crazier about driving it fast.
7) Two and a half men, Crime Patrol (And why show in family channel)
8) Pulp Fiction, Requiem for a Dream, Fight Club (They aren't biopics of sadists)
9) And a few other small list...

There it is. He might have sacrificed few things to make you feel happier and maybe you have overlooked it.
Plus after good two years, he may even be tired of it and maybe he needs a little of his own time.
He may even be missing his good old days and wants to go there to rejuvenate.

Here are few things you may want to try (in same order)
> Play emotional card. The silent tears.
> Give him a little bit of his own time. It gives time for one to reboot and start afresh.
> Go for his favorites like meal, dish, desert. Make him feel special. Make him feel that you want him to be your special man.
> Surprise him which you would never do. Like tickets to his favorite game, his bottle of favorite beer. Make him feel you are really trying to make it work.
> Try being more non aggressive. Try saying more sorry during a row, disagreement, or disappointment.
> Talk (not argue) about what is that been missing. Ask him whether he wants you to do something differently or he wants you to change particular thing about you.
> Try involving elders of your family. They usually have a solution or a least they will bore you with their success story forcing you guys to bond better.
> Take a break if required. The more far the loved ones are the more you miss them.
> Google a good counseller/ shrink with great reviews and visit him.

[o00]

Waiting for Shweta's answer ..

Shweta (Hoping this to be your name),

I am sorry, I might be a bit judgmental here. But, from the above messages of yours you sound a bit pushy.Well here is the thing
1) Eating out from the same plate.
2) Walking in the rain under one umbrella.
3) Candle light dinner on the roof top of an expensive restaurant.
4) Sharing the shower.
5) Complimenting her after she comes back from parlor, saloon, designer shops.
6) Taking a boat ride in some quite lake during sunset.
7) Watch parvati, susheela, tulsi on telly and feel their disquiet.
8) Movies like Notebook, Bridget Jones Dairy, Eat Pray Love.
9) And the never ending list.............................................. ................................

You see, its not that we men do not like it. But we like the following a bit more better (if you like it that way)
1) Watch late night game with KFC bucket chicken and a carton of beer.
2) Playing football in the rain.
3) Bet on Cricket match in a local pub with mates.
4) Deodorants are the alternate for the shower.
5) Haircuts - we have it every month and after teenage we realized it doesn't matter how it gets done. And jeez we have never heard one turning into Cinderella after slipping into new clothes, not even in stories.
6) Crazy about wheels, crazier about driving it fast.
7) Two and a half men, Crime Patrol (And why show in family channel)
8) Pulp Fiction, Requiem for a Dream, Fight Club (They aren't biopics of sadists)
9) And a few other small list...

There it is. He might have sacrificed few things to make you feel happier and maybe you have overlooked it.
Plus after good two years, he may even be tired of it and maybe he needs a little of his own time.
He may even be missing his good old days and wants to go there to rejuvenate.

Here are few things you may want to try (in same order)
> Play emotional card. The silent tears.
> Give him a little bit of his own time. It gives time for one to reboot and start afresh.
> Go for his favorites like meal, dish, desert. Make him feel special. Make him feel that you want him to be your special man.
> Surprise him which you would never do. Like tickets to his favorite game, his bottle of favorite beer. Make him feel you are really trying to make it work.
> Try being more non aggressive. Try saying more sorry during a row, disagreement, or disappointment.
> Talk (not argue) about what is that been missing. Ask him whether he wants you to do something differently or he wants you to change particular thing about you.
> Try involving elders of your family. They usually have a solution or a least they will bore you with their success story forcing you guys to bond better.
> Take a break if required. The more far the loved ones are the more you miss them.
> Google a good counseller/ shrink with great reviews and visit him.