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Thread: Unemployed bf

  1. #1
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    Exclamation Unemployed bf

    Helo maam.

    Me and my boyfriend are together since 4 years. we completed our degree and i got a job but he is still unemployed since 2 yrs. am waiting for him since 2 yrs. i always look for adverts etc for him to apply but it seem he is too choosy with jobs. i believe there is no shame in doing a job like accounts clerk etc for a start later he can still apply for higher jobs. He sometimes look uninterested in looking for jobs. i wonder whats the matter. i have talk to him. i know his life is tough in this phase because several times he told me his mum taunts him for not having a job etc. i support him and tell him keep faith. but i wonder when will he realise he should not be choosy with jobs like this otherwise he may end unemployed for life.

    i have talk to him and in anger he even once said i dont want to work because once i will get a job your parents will be after me to marry you and at 24 i dont want to get married or engage! i feel very down when i hear this because when we started our relationship he never said he is not willing to get married. what hurts me, he is not happy or wish to even get engage, i dont mind with just getting engage and get married after 2 more years when he is 26.

    am only 1 yr younger than him. my parents are worried for my marriage. my relatives always keep asking my parents when your daughter will get married etc. i hate to hear about people talking about my marriage. since two yrs am supporting him. but he dont even realise am waiting for him since so many days. he made so many promises. but it looks like he has forgotten about his promises.

    he neither wish to leave me but when i tell him whats the harm in getting engage at least in anger he always tell me move on if you get someone. it hurts how can he tell me this. sometimes when i see his low interest in applying a job i feel better i leave him in his life. because am tired.

    no one understand my feelings. neither my parents nor my bf. i feel whats the use of me being successful sometimes.

    He is not making big effort to get a job and then complains with me he is not getting a job. sometimes i feel he just says he himself not applying for jobs just not to feel embarrass that he is applying but not getting any interview. because once in argument he broke dow and told me, am applying but damn am not getting any response. i dont know what to do because sometimes i clearly see his disinterest in applying jobs.. he seem to aiming too high for a start and he doesnt understand when i talk to him.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, look, seems like he is not interested in either getting a job nor taking on the responsibility of a relationship. So,now you have to think about how long you want to hang on and judge if he will plan to get a job and just get responsible. I do agree with him that 24 is a little too early to get married, specially when he is without a job.

  3. #3
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    Well if he loves you too, then why is he not listening to you? Forget about marriage and engagement for now and keep working on him. Try to get him join whatever small job he gets and he can quit when he finds a 'higher' job. Two years is a big time period, and he is clearly very non-serious. Make it clear to him that he might lose you if he doesn't get serious about life. And if he is still not listening, then you better start expecting less from him in terms of relationship and future.

  4. #4
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    If you are absolutely sure that he is disinterested for a job, then you should think twice before continuing your relationship with him. I doubt whether he loves you or not otherwise he would not have feared engagement (not marriage, 24 is too early for that) with you after getting a job. Tell him that if he is not getting any response, it might be that his qualifications are low or he is not eligible for that job. Tell him to keep trying and use all his contacts for job, no matter if its an entry level job or a low paying job. With the experience he will get by that will help him rise in the future. If he is at all disinterested in all this, give him an ultimatum to either find a job or say goodbye to this relationship.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by galaxy_resident View Post
    If you are absolutely sure that he is disinterested for a job, then you should think twice before continuing your relationship with him. I doubt whether he loves you or not otherwise he would not have feared engagement (not marriage, 24 is too early for that) with you after getting a job. Tell him that if he is not getting any response, it might be that his qualifications are low or he is not eligible for that job. Tell him to keep trying and use all his contacts for job, no matter if its an entry level job or a low paying job. With the experience he will get by that will help him rise in the future. If he is at all disinterested in all this, give him an ultimatum to either find a job or say goodbye to this relationship.
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  6. #6
    SB Champion Lieutenant prashant4u's Avatar
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    guess form ur posting u love him lot and willing to wait for more years to get married with him...ur BF seems choosy with specific job and whenever he is applying for any job he is not getting..that is other part...but first u clear about ur relationship to ur parents and with his parents first see is ur relationship is going to nice term from ur both parents side or not..and as for the job tell him to start the job at any entry level or any job that's he gets in way..if that persuasion also goes wrong from u for him then tell him to visit for some Councillor

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    With so much talk of Gender Equality going around, I think you should reconcile yourself to wearing the pants in the house. You should console him and tell him that you will go out and work, while he does the cooking and taking care of your future kids. Someone has to work and the other partner has to provide the balance. There is absolutely no shame in that. This is a major step in Social reform as well.

    Get married. You work and buy all the stuff required to run a house. Let him maintain it. Get him enrolled in a gym so that he stays fit and discharges his marital obligations diligently. Also, since you would be wearing the pants in the house, you can stay on TOP as well. It is pretty gratifying for both. So, stop complaining and get on with things.

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  8. #8
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    The thing is that he is not willing to take any responsibilities at all and he is lacking self confidence and his ego is BIG. You have been supporting to him but he is not taking it seriously. He is taking things for granted so leave him for now only to make him realize that he needs to take responsibilities.

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