Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Deeply Sad

  1. #1
    Unregistered
    Guest

    Default Deeply Sad

    Hii Preeto,

    I usually write to you- if you remember. So here's my problem now ... We are 3 sisters I'm the youngest, the elder two are married. Recently i got engaged so it was something big to be happy about as my parents specially my father are old. The problem started when my brother-in-law ( sister who got married 9 months back) did not showed up on my engagement (my sister had come a day before and her husband was to come on the engagement day) everyone started asking where he was even my in laws started questioning about his absence on such a big day. My sister kept on calling him but his phone was switched off,she even tried her mother-in-law's and her sister-in-law's no. but they were too conveniently switched off. It was a very hurting situation as i could see my sister crying and getting upset with all the questions that people were asking. In all of this hustle me, my mother and my sister told 3 difference stories to my in-laws just to justify his absence. The twist happened when after two days he came to pick up my sister (she called him multiple times to pick her up without talking about that day). He came and my father asked him what was the matter or if he had a fight with my sister and that was the reason for not showing up for the engagement. He said he wanted my sisters share in my parents property. It came as a complete shock for us, he said he always wanted us to support him financially because in-laws do that and that he wants his wife's share in the money and the property (what ever little we have). With a heat up argument between him and my parents he left my sister and went. We are having a very hard time right because my sister told us that he has been asking for the money and the share from the very first day of their marriage and that he has multiple affairs and when my sister questions him- he fights with her and asks her to give him space. My sister did not shared any of this with us because my parents are old and she did not wanted to worry or bother them. She even told us that he use to abuse her infront of the neighbors and torture her mentally by calling her ugly ( my sister is very pretty and fair skinned) just to give her inferiority complex. It all struck as a lightening bolt on us- we thought it was a happy marriage although we did sensed something terribly wrong with the guy but my sister always assured us that she is happy and all's well. After alot of discussions with the family we have decided not to sent her back and and not to fulfill his demand. My sister has always been the introvert one - you know the type of girl who always think that she is not good enough for anything and you can step on her very easily and she wont even complaint or say a word maybe that is also the reason why she kept on suffering without us knowing anything. We are sad, we have given massive dowry which is all there and her jewellery clothes every single thing. I'm worried how are we going to tell about my sisters separation to my in-laws as we had said so many good things about my brother-in-law just for the sake of our IZZAT (respect) and now they will throw uncountable questions at my parents i.e if he was such a good man as you had said earlier then why are you going for the separation- does that mean you people were lying !!!! Its so hard.... because in all of this drama i have totally forgotten that i got engaged and i feel no happiness about it .... i feel nothing. I'm loosing my faith in the institution of marriage- if something so planned and perfect ( as we thought) can collapse so badly then nothing right or good will ever happen. I feel sorry for my sister.... she did not deserve this. She wants to go back .... she said she'll compromise in every situation as she does not want to loose the respect and what will people say and what will my in-laws say. We are totally confused .... how can we sent her back to someone who only married her for the sake of money and financial help?

    What should we do ?


    Regards,
    Dina

  2. #2
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    1,234
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    Collect all your relatives and future in laws and announce what that guy is doing to your sister. Take rest of the action later.

  3. #3
    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    749
    Rep Power
    42

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hii Preeto,

    I usually write to you- if you remember. So here's my problem now ... We are 3 sisters I'm the youngest, the elder two are married. Recently i got engaged so it was something big to be happy about as my parents specially my father are old. The problem started when my brother-in-law ( sister who got married 9 months back) did not showed up on my engagement (my sister had come a day before and her husband was to come on the engagement day) everyone started asking where he was even my in laws started questioning about his absence on such a big day. My sister kept on calling him but his phone was switched off,she even tried her mother-in-law's and her sister-in-law's no. but they were too conveniently switched off. It was a very hurting situation as i could see my sister crying and getting upset with all the questions that people were asking. In all of this hustle me, my mother and my sister told 3 difference stories to my in-laws just to justify his absence. The twist happened when after two days he came to pick up my sister (she called him multiple times to pick her up without talking about that day). He came and my father asked him what was the matter or if he had a fight with my sister and that was the reason for not showing up for the engagement. He said he wanted my sisters share in my parents property. It came as a complete shock for us, he said he always wanted us to support him financially because in-laws do that and that he wants his wife's share in the money and the property (what ever little we have). With a heat up argument between him and my parents he left my sister and went. We are having a very hard time right because my sister told us that he has been asking for the money and the share from the very first day of their marriage and that he has multiple affairs and when my sister questions him- he fights with her and asks her to give him space. My sister did not shared any of this with us because my parents are old and she did not wanted to worry or bother them. She even told us that he use to abuse her infront of the neighbors and torture her mentally by calling her ugly ( my sister is very pretty and fair skinned) just to give her inferiority complex. It all struck as a lightening bolt on us- we thought it was a happy marriage although we did sensed something terribly wrong with the guy but my sister always assured us that she is happy and all's well. After alot of discussions with the family we have decided not to sent her back and and not to fulfill his demand. My sister has always been the introvert one - you know the type of girl who always think that she is not good enough for anything and you can step on her very easily and she wont even complaint or say a word maybe that is also the reason why she kept on suffering without us knowing anything. We are sad, we have given massive dowry which is all there and her jewellery clothes every single thing. I'm worried how are we going to tell about my sisters separation to my in-laws as we had said so many good things about my brother-in-law just for the sake of our IZZAT (respect) and now they will throw uncountable questions at my parents i.e if he was such a good man as you had said earlier then why are you going for the separation- does that mean you people were lying !!!! Its so hard.... because in all of this drama i have totally forgotten that i got engaged and i feel no happiness about it .... i feel nothing. I'm loosing my faith in the institution of marriage- if something so planned and perfect ( as we thought) can collapse so badly then nothing right or good will ever happen. I feel sorry for my sister.... she did not deserve this. She wants to go back .... she said she'll compromise in every situation as she does not want to loose the respect and what will people say and what will my in-laws say. We are totally confused .... how can we sent her back to someone who only married her for the sake of money and financial help?

    What should we do ?


    Regards,
    Dina
    1. Its your family's fault at first to pay dowry. Its throwing meat in a lions den. He eventually will eat you up as well.
    2. The institution of marriage is based on a variety of rules/duties. Your bro in law has broken all of them. Hence, its time to break up the relationship as well.
    3. None of the so-called IZZAT loving relatives will be astronomically bothered/sad if your brother in law kills your sister for the dowry or tortures her everyday. These are vultures we call as relatives in India.
    4. Whether its a happy marriage pre or post, one must be vigilant at all times. Be sure of what you're getting into. If everything goes smooth, then you must not predict debacle in your marriage. Be cautious but not paranoid.

  4. #4
    Bullet Raja Brigadier General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Happy New Year maccha :D
    Posts
    28,506
    Rep Power
    31

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hii Preeto,

    I usually write to you- if you remember. So here's my problem now ... We are 3 sisters I'm the youngest, the elder two are married. Recently i got engaged so it was something big to be happy about as my parents specially my father are old. The problem started when my brother-in-law ( sister who got married 9 months back) did not showed up on my engagement (my sister had come a day before and her husband was to come on the engagement day) everyone started asking where he was even my in laws started questioning about his absence on such a big day.

    My sister kept on calling him but his phone was switched off,she even tried her mother-in-law's and her sister-in-law's no. but they were too conveniently switched off.


    It was a very hurting situation as i could see my sister crying and getting upset with all the questions that people were asking. In all of this hustle me, my mother and my sister told 3 difference stories to my in-laws just to justify his absence. The twist happened when after two days he came to pick up my sister (she called him multiple times to pick her up without talking about that day).

    He came and my father asked him what was the matter or if he had a fight with my sister and that was the reason for not showing up for the engagement.

    He said he wanted my sisters share in my parents property.

    Nothing wrong in asking. Greed is not a bad word after all. Maybe he has got financial problems. Talk it out.

    It came as a complete shock for us, he said he always wanted us to support him financially because in-laws do that and that he wants his wife's share in the money and the property (what ever little we have).

    With a heat up argument between him and my parents he left my sister and went.

    We are having a very hard time right because my sister told us that he has been asking for the money and the share from the very first day of their marriage and that he has multiple affairs

    1. Documentation very important while making these kind of allegations. Such stand as only allegations until proved in the court of Law.


    and when my sister questions him- he fights with her and asks her to give him space.

    My sister did not shared any of this with us because my parents are old and she did not wanted to worry or bother them.

    Very good girl ur sister is .


    She even told us that he use to abuse her infront of the neighbors and torture her mentally by calling her ugly ( my sister is very pretty and fair skinned) just to give her inferiority complex.

    Read above point No. 1.

    It all struck as a lightening bolt on us- we thought it was a happy marriage

    It is a crime to assume. Most of the marriages appear as happy one's but its always a different story inside.


    although we did sensed something terribly wrong with the guy but my sister always assured us that she is happy and all's well.

    Good that your sisy has a positive attitude.


    After alot of discussions with the family we have decided not to sent her back and and not to fulfill his demand.

    Is your sister a gunny bag of diamonds that you wont send her back?

    If you do not send her back what will you do keeping her with you.

    Keep her as long as you can, either he will file for divorce or you people should ask your sisy to file for divorce. There are some loose nuts always who will tell go statino, go court, file dowry case blah blah bhal....

    But all those will literally end the marriage in a very bad way.

    On the other hand approaching this situation is a calm and quiet manner will be best suited.

    Gather both sides of the family, make em talk, and dont be too stingy now, he is asking for help, give him some financial help. Helping son-in-law is not a crime.

    Try looking at the situation in this way, its not just about money, its about two lives, mental peace of two families.
    And there is the evergreen saying, a known devil is better than an unknown one !

    My sister has always been the introvert one - you know the type of girl who always think that she is not good enough for anything and you can step on her very easily and she wont even complaint or say a word maybe that is also the reason why she kept on suffering without us knowing anything.

    We are sad, we have given massive dowry

    Oho dowry diya he, pehle toh tum log andar jaaoge. Giving dowry is a punishable crime under Indian Law. Just pray that the son-in-law does not have any evidence regarding you ppl giving money to him.


    which is all there and her jewellery clothes every single thing. I'm worried how are we going to tell about my sisters separation to my in-laws as we had said so many good things about my brother-in-law just for the sake of our IZZAT (respect) and now they will throw uncountable questions at my parents i.e if he was such a good man as you had said earlier then why are you going for the separation- does that mean you people were lying !!!!




    Its so hard.... because in all of this drama i have totally forgotten that i got engaged and i feel no happiness about it ....



    Your engagement might come under scanner/danger. They might just break such engagement. So beware.

    i feel nothing. I'm loosing my faith in the institution of marriage-

    It is not you who should be loosing faith in the institution called as marriage, but your sissy.


    if something so planned and perfect ( as we thought) can collapse so badly then nothing right or good will ever happen. I feel sorry for my sister.... she did not deserve this. She wants to go back ....

    Let her go back, if again band baaja shuru, then better come out and file for divorce, and claim back all stridhan.


    she said she'll compromise in every situation as she does not want to loose the respect and what will people say and what will my in-laws say.

    Dekha, yeh hoti he asali bhaarateeya naari.


    We are totally confused .... how can we sent her back to someone who only married her for the sake of money and financial help?

    What should we do ?


    Regards,
    Dina
    Final advice: Let her go back, if again band baaja shuru, then better come out and file for divorce, and claim back all stridhan.
    Egg good for health, not EGO !

  5. #5
    New Born
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    Punjab
    Posts
    130
    Rep Power
    16

    Default

    Be normal and your fiance (and future in-laws) may understand your predicament; if you try to be smart then they are likely to doubt you - if not now then later.

    Under normal circumstances, if you discover your sister is going through hell in her married-life and being tormented day-in day-out, then your priority should be to help her out before you even think of marrying yourself. You need to tell your in-laws exactly what happened and in view of new findings - it's best the push your wedding forward. This is normal behavior and they are likely to understand your plight under such circumstances. Even if they get cold feet and backed out - it's still better than lying. If they cannot handle the truth then so be it.

    If you try to be smart - and make up lies to get through the wedding - your in-laws will find out about your sister at some point in future. At which point, it would be tough to justify your lies - since they are already suspicious - and may also accuse you of keeping them in dark. You already have one marriage-gone-bad in family, you really don't want another one. If they are going to know about it, then it should be now and not after the wedding. There is no point in hiding something that would reveal itself in near future, is there?

    Your sister's marriage is only 9 months old - save her. It is easier to dissolve a marriage under a year. Yes, you may have paid an enormous dowry and what not, but all that is of little value when you put her life in context, isn't it?

    Good luck.
    Last edited by dAIC; 22-09-2013 at 07:31 PM.

  6. #6
    chirpy angel Captain barbiedoll's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,808
    Rep Power
    33

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by dAIC View Post
    Be normal and your fiance (and future in-laws) may understand your predicament; if you try to be smart then they are likely to doubt you - if not now then later.

    Under normal circumstances, if you discover your sister is going through hell in her married-life and being tormented day-in day-out, then your priority should be to help her out before you even think of marrying yourself. You need to tell your in-laws exactly what happened and in view of new findings - it's best the push your wedding forward. This is normal behavior and they are likely to understand your plight under such circumstances. Even if they get cold feet and backed out - it's still better than lying. If they cannot handle the truth then so be it.

    If you try to be smart - and make up lies to get through the wedding - your in-laws will find out about your sister at some point in future. At which point, it would be tough to justify your lies - since they are already suspicious - and may also accuse you of keeping them in dark. You already have one marriage-gone-bad in family, you really don't want another one. If they are going to know about it, then it should be now and not after the wedding. There is no point in hiding something that would reveal itself in near future, is there?

    Your sister's marriage is only 9 months old - save her. It is easier to dissolve a marriage under a year. Yes, you may have paid an enormous dowry and what not, but all that is of little value when you put her life in context, isn't it?

    Good luck.
    Very matured answer Daic!!

    Appreciate!!
    Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet

  7. #7
    SB Addict Inspector Pathan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Edgware Road
    Posts
    698
    Rep Power
    11

    Default

    no need to lie to your in-laws tell the truth.....for your sister's concern end the marriage......

  8. #8
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Wanderer
    Posts
    10,032
    Rep Power
    48

    Default

    Well,
    Whats so confusing here..??

    Who cares what "your" in-laws would "think"..? The problem at hand is that your sister has been treated very poorly and she deserves better.

    File a case of dowry and domestic abuse against her husband. Make sure you screw that dog bad. No point in even thinking about sending her back.

    If your in laws ask, let them know the truth. There is nothing to hide here. If they have a problem with it, then better not get married in the family of people with such narrow minded brains.

    Sadness is part of life, enjoy it. Time will pass and you'd know what to do.

    G'day
    Miss you Dadaji

  9. #9
    Lord Sachinam Major PARYANS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Stadium
    Posts
    4,069
    Rep Power
    41

    Default

    Ask her to take a divorce n look for ur in laws i wud say if they dont understand u now then they will never understand u in future so look for someone else if ur inlaws dont understand u...............
    Can't imagine cricket without sachin

  10. #10
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    4,788
    Rep Power
    32

    Default

    First of all my dear stop thinking what others will think.. its your life.. your family's life... then since start of your querry i can only c what will tht person think what will this person think... dear, remember one thing, the more you worry about others in this life the more miserable your life will be, ok i agree you are concern about what your in laws will think... but if your sisters marriage broke it has nothing to do with your marriage... neither your in laws should take t bad.. because anytime a fight can happen between a couple and they break.... unexpected things do happen.. so simply make it appear unexpected.. remove that negativeness...

    as far as your sis is concerned i understand she is shattered but y the hell she is tolerating a guy who has affair has she gone mad or what???? this os not something to accept... this is a complete painful life for her... dont let her do so.. h

    her hubby is too selfish and i think you should protect your sister from him instead of worrying what others will think!!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  11. #11
    Young Gun mysticmantra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    פатЕѕ тο неГГ
    Posts
    487
    Rep Power
    24

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hii Preeto,

    I usually write to you- if you remember. So here's my problem now ... We are 3 sisters I'm the youngest, the elder two are married. Recently i got engaged so it was something big to be happy about as my parents specially my father are old. The problem started when my brother-in-law ( sister who got married 9 months back) did not showed up on my engagement (my sister had come a day before and her husband was to come on the engagement day) everyone started asking where he was even my in laws started questioning about his absence on such a big day. My sister kept on calling him but his phone was switched off,she even tried her mother-in-law's and her sister-in-law's no. but they were too conveniently switched off. It was a very hurting situation as i could see my sister crying and getting upset with all the questions that people were asking. In all of this hustle me, my mother and my sister told 3 difference stories to my in-laws just to justify his absence. The twist happened when after two days he came to pick up my sister (she called him multiple times to pick her up without talking about that day). He came and my father asked him what was the matter or if he had a fight with my sister and that was the reason for not showing up for the engagement. He said he wanted my sisters share in my parents property. It came as a complete shock for us, he said he always wanted us to support him financially because in-laws do that and that he wants his wife's share in the money and the property (what ever little we have). With a heat up argument between him and my parents he left my sister and went. We are having a very hard time right because my sister told us that he has been asking for the money and the share from the very first day of their marriage and that he has multiple affairs and when my sister questions him- he fights with her and asks her to give him space. My sister did not shared any of this with us because my parents are old and she did not wanted to worry or bother them. She even told us that he use to abuse her infront of the neighbors and torture her mentally by calling her ugly ( my sister is very pretty and fair skinned) just to give her inferiority complex. It all struck as a lightening bolt on us- we thought it was a happy marriage although we did sensed something terribly wrong with the guy but my sister always assured us that she is happy and all's well. After alot of discussions with the family we have decided not to sent her back and and not to fulfill his demand. My sister has always been the introvert one - you know the type of girl who always think that she is not good enough for anything and you can step on her very easily and she wont even complaint or say a word maybe that is also the reason why she kept on suffering without us knowing anything. We are sad, we have given massive dowry which is all there and her jewellery clothes every single thing. I'm worried how are we going to tell about my sisters separation to my in-laws as we had said so many good things about my brother-in-law just for the sake of our IZZAT (respect) and now they will throw uncountable questions at my parents i.e if he was such a good man as you had said earlier then why are you going for the separation- does that mean you people were lying !!!! Its so hard.... because in all of this drama i have totally forgotten that i got engaged and i feel no happiness about it .... i feel nothing. I'm loosing my faith in the institution of marriage- if something so planned and perfect ( as we thought) can collapse so badly then nothing right or good will ever happen. I feel sorry for my sister.... she did not deserve this. She wants to go back .... she said she'll compromise in every situation as she does not want to loose the respect and what will people say and what will my in-laws say. We are totally confused .... how can we sent her back to someone who only married her for the sake of money and financial help?

    What should we do ?


    Regards,
    Dina
    Quote Originally Posted by archer_paradise View Post
    1. Its your family's fault at first to pay dowry. Its throwing meat in a lions den. He eventually will eat you up as well.
    2. The institution of marriage is based on a variety of rules/duties. Your bro in law has broken all of them. Hence, its time to break up the relationship as well.
    3. None of the so-called IZZAT loving relatives will be astronomically bothered/sad if your brother in law kills your sister for the dowry or tortures her everyday. These are vultures we call as relatives in India.
    4. Whether its a happy marriage pre or post, one must be vigilant at all times. Be sure of what you're getting into. If everything goes smooth, then you must not predict debacle in your marriage. Be cautious but not paranoid.
    Archer is right. Secondly, i dont think u people have any right in coming between husband and wife. let her take her stand, if she does support her but dont take decision on her behalf. I am always screwed up wid useless word IZZAT. Tell ur in laws abt their family, if they still stick to the marriage, then they r good people and if they flee I can surely assure, ur life is also saved from being screwed. If ur bro in law is still adamant of his behavior challenge him to court of law.

  12. #12
    Young Gun RoleModel007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    India
    Posts
    467
    Rep Power
    34

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    my sister is very pretty and fair skinned ...

    Whoa!!! Girl, that's nasty and racist!

Similar Threads

  1. I love you deeply and truly....
    By DesiCasanova in forum Chit Chat Corner
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 19-01-2011, 01:32 AM
  2. deeply in love with cousin
    By Unregistered in forum Ask Preeto / Agony Aunt
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 26-03-2010, 09:13 AM
  3. wanna see deeply??? hawt luks!!!!!
    By ssameerss in forum Bollywood Celebrities
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 27-07-2009, 08:36 AM
  4. I don Know Y....but i just like her pics..deeply
    By THE_PUNISHER in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 23-08-2007, 02:24 AM
  5. I'm deeply falling in love with her...please help...
    By lavan_joy in forum General Discussion
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 12-06-2007, 05:54 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •