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Thread: Caught wife's intimate mail thread with a colleague

  1. #16
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    Give her one chance.

    Think about it and get to a condition where you feel comfortable.

    Make up your mind for it and let her prove herself this time.

    Only thing coming in my mind why she is worried abt that project, i am assuming she wont get a gud releasing letter or something related if she does that immd.

    One more thing, if you decide to do that then pls don't make her feel that you are still doubting her or upset bcoz this will hurt you more thn her, first make your mind and heart peaceful then take some decision.

    and only when you really get ready for it then say yes to her till then tell her that you badly hurt and need some time to think.

  2. #17
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    hi all, thanks for your suggestions.
    i did give her a chance mainly because of kids.
    and couple of months back a shocker to me where i was able to crack another mail account of her only to find out that she got physical with another guy. when i questioned about why she had not updated me earlier on this when i asked her to open up and i would still accept, she says with the fear of loosing me, she didnt open up. now she says, no intercourse happened as she always loved me and only of out of frustration on me for not showing care to her, she did all this. crazy, no intercourse but all other physical activity and you say u did that out of frustration on me? i felt like killing her immediatley but kids, kids, kids.... what do i do now. she says only these 2 relationships and that too she hates them now as they used her only for their benefit and not true love. she begs/pleads me to be with her. but how can i trust her? she is so reserved with my relatives, and outward appears is like sadvhi but did all this. planning for a divorce but she says she has changed from jan 1st and she does not want to loose me. she says, she would commit suicide if i have to take divorce. she says she has realization on dec 31st and wud never ever repeat anything, forget abt illicit, even friendly talk with males she wouldnt do. but day in and day out i am having to doubt her. i never asked her for her salary. i spent my money all the way. gave full liberty. i helped her in household things but the end gift is this. unable to decide as she says she wants to commit suicide if i divorce her. if i speak to her family, they would not want their daughter to be divorced, so unable to discuss this with any one.

  3. #18
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowfulguy View Post
    hi all, thanks for your suggestions.
    i did give her a chance mainly because of kids.
    and couple of months back a shocker to me where i was able to crack another mail account of her only to find out that she got physical with another guy. when i questioned about why she had not updated me earlier on this when i asked her to open up and i would still accept, she says with the fear of loosing me, she didnt open up. now she says, no intercourse happened as she always loved me and only of out of frustration on me for not showing care to her, she did all this. crazy, no intercourse but all other physical activity and you say u did that out of frustration on me? i felt like killing her immediatley but kids, kids, kids.... what do i do now. she says only these 2 relationships and that too she hates them now as they used her only for their benefit and not true love. she begs/pleads me to be with her. but how can i trust her? she is so reserved with my relatives, and outward appears is like sadvhi but did all this. planning for a divorce but she says she has changed from jan 1st and she does not want to loose me. she says, she would commit suicide if i have to take divorce. she says she has realization on dec 31st and wud never ever repeat anything, forget abt illicit, even friendly talk with males she wouldnt do. but day in and day out i am having to doubt her. i never asked her for her salary. i spent my money all the way. gave full liberty. i helped her in household things but the end gift is this. unable to decide as she says she wants to commit suicide if i divorce her. if i speak to her family, they would not want their daughter to be divorced, so unable to discuss this with any one.
    Brother,
    Divorce her. She had her chance, you MUST NOT give her any more. She is free to commit suicide for her Sins, nobody would stop her.

    People only deserve ONE chance. No more, no less.
    If you give her another chance, and she again cheats on you, I am pretty sure you'd either kill her or yourself commit suicide.

    Save her mails as a proof and file for a divorce AT ONCE.

    G'day
    Miss you Dadaji

  4. #19
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    In my view, she's blackmailing you with suicide, nothing more. I feel for your kids. If you guys separate/divorce, imagine the agony they have to go thru. If you guys stay together, it would be too painful for you.
    However there're other alternatives - but may not suit everyone, so think about it.
    1. For now, just start living somewhere else, and not with her. Let her live with and take care of the kids (if you trust that she loves the kids). Once you regain your strength, you can come back home and live with them, but no relation with her. Just as friends - so kid's agony is taken care of.
    You can think of divorce once the kids are mature enough (adults).
    2. Some people believe infidelity is no big deal. She can still be forgiven and life's journey can still continue after this speed breaker. But for that a very strong and very big heart is needed. There are many incidences where a partner cheats and other forgives and continue their life.
    3. Divorce - its going to be painful for all of you. Then comes the kid's custody battles. Then comes the single life for you and for her, and kids-with-single-parent life for the kids.

    Whatever option you want to choose, you anyways need a break as of now and spend some time alone, so that you can calm down and think straight.

  5. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post


    Brother,
    Divorce her. She had her chance, you MUST NOT give her any more. She is free to commit suicide for her Sins, nobody would stop her.

    People only deserve ONE chance. No more, no less.
    If you give her another chance, and she again cheats on you, I am pretty sure you'd either kill her or yourself commit suicide.

    Save her mails as a proof and file for a divorce AT ONCE.

    G'day
    Thanks so much for your time and suggestion. I do have them as a proof incase ever needed.
    And just to clarify, the new incident that I wrote about happened before Dec 31st itself however she kept me in the dark as i said with the fear of loosing me. i am clueless whether to believe her or not. definitely there is more caring and love i could see from 2013 but what runs in my background is IS IT TRUE or WITH THE GUILT OR FEAR OF SOCIETY she is doing all this? really confused. Can someone, who had 2 relationships despite have kids, change? is it possible for a woman to cheat her husband and later, still love him so much and care for him? unable to judge her and at the same time dont want kids to suffer. Above all is it possible for me to completely forget the past?? 6 months and I still lurching in it :-(

  6. #21
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    I guess she is saying the truth. She dnt told you coz of fear to lose you. As I mentioned in my previous reply, if she is really sorry give her another chance. But you or me neither can say if she is really sorry, only time can tell that. One thing I will advice you two to go to a marriage councelor. Dude divorce is not a small thing, it will break you also. If she she is ready to work for marriage again, then you should give her another chance. Both of you should work hard to make the marriage work. Go on a trip just both of you without kids for sometime. I know you are totally broken from inside but you have to be strong, you have invested so much time and faith in this relationship, so just don't let it go... work watever way is possible if you can save it All the best buddy... Take care



    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowfulguy View Post
    Thanks so much for your time and suggestion. I do have them as a proof incase ever needed.
    And just to clarify, the new incident that I wrote about happened before Dec 31st itself however she kept me in the dark as i said with the fear of loosing me. i am clueless whether to believe her or not. definitely there is more caring and love i could see from 2013 but what runs in my background is IS IT TRUE or WITH THE GUILT OR FEAR OF SOCIETY she is doing all this? really confused. Can someone, who had 2 relationships despite have kids, change? is it possible for a woman to cheat her husband and later, still love him so much and care for him? unable to judge her and at the same time dont want kids to suffer. Above all is it possible for me to completely forget the past?? 6 months and I still lurching in it :-(

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by LiveLif3 View Post
    I guess she is saying the truth. She dnt told you coz of fear to lose you. As I mentioned in my previous reply, if she is really sorry give her another chance. But you or me neither can say if she is really sorry, only time can tell that. One thing I will advice you two to go to a marriage councelor. Dude divorce is not a small thing, it will break you also. If she she is ready to work for marriage again, then you should give her another chance. Both of you should work hard to make the marriage work. Go on a trip just both of you without kids for sometime. I know you are totally broken from inside but you have to be strong, you have invested so much time and faith in this relationship, so just don't let it go... work watever way is possible if you can save it All the best buddy... Take care

    thank you sooooooooo much friend. will definitely consider your thoughts. this pain is unbearable. god knows how many times i had cried in the last 6 months. my heart become toooo weak :-(
    wanted to commit suicide during first 2-3 months but later got to read some articles about suicide and came to know they are not worth it and we have to prove being human but what i have to prove is what is troubling me :-(

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowfulguy View Post
    Thanks so much for your time and suggestion. I do have them as a proof incase ever needed.
    And just to clarify, the new incident that I wrote about happened before Dec 31st itself however she kept me in the dark as i said with the fear of loosing me. i am clueless whether to believe her or not. definitely there is more caring and love i could see from 2013 but what runs in my background is IS IT TRUE or WITH THE GUILT OR FEAR OF SOCIETY she is doing all this? really confused. Can someone, who had 2 relationships despite have kids, change? is it possible for a woman to cheat her husband and later, still love him so much and care for him? unable to judge her and at the same time dont want kids to suffer. Above all is it possible for me to completely forget the past?? 6 months and I still lurching in it :-(
    Cheating has more to do with "self control" than Love.
    She can love you more than anything in this world and still cheat on you. That is why it is so tricky.

    My personal opinion would be to divorce her. But then, you say she has been good for 6 months and it confuses me. The challenge here is if you would ever be able to trust her. If you can, then maybe give it another try. If you cannot, then this marriage would break sooner or later. Sooner is ALWAYS better than Later.

    G'day
    Miss you Dadaji

  9. #24
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    suicide is not a option buddy, you have so much to take care of in life buddy... you are not a coward... coward do these thingsss.. so just throw these thoughts out of window..

    you have to be really strong.. so don't forget her for her but also for yourself.. as you loved her so much in ur life.. u both did love marriage.. u shud think how come such a loving wife went this way... was there any mistake of your's... forget her coz you want your old wife back... coz you want your life to be as it was in the past... coz for your children that their parents worked hard to make the marriage work and did not just walked away...

    no doubt your wife loves you a lot too but she has done some drastic mistakes, help her come out of this... love her like u never loved in the past... i would strongly suggest to not to give her divorce coz i feel that she loves you as she scaring you with suicide..

    Just be strong and started loving her again by strongly forgetting all the things.. and start a new life again as if you were married today only.. down the way you will feel it was worth it... All the best buddy Take care God bless you both....


    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowfulguy View Post
    thank you sooooooooo much friend. will definitely consider your thoughts. this pain is unbearable. god knows how many times i had cried in the last 6 months. my heart become toooo weak :-(
    wanted to commit suicide during first 2-3 months but later got to read some articles about suicide and came to know they are not worth it and we have to prove being human but what i have to prove is what is troubling me :-(

  10. #25
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    I guess he will be able to trust her completely if he forgives her from heart. This is marriage not a joke and on the top there are kids involved.. If they both go through divorce, kids are going to be the one suffer the most. If they work hard, they both can make the marriage work again... and everything will be fine. Please try to look on the brighter side

    I am requesting you to please please please not to suggest him all this negative things. I beg you not to do this. I don't want to argue on this so please please please let's have peace..

    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post


    Cheating has more to do with "self control" than Love.
    She can love you more than anything in this world and still cheat on you. That is why it is so tricky.

    My personal opinion would be to divorce her. But then, you say she has been good for 6 months and it confuses me. The challenge here is if you would ever be able to trust her. If you can, then maybe give it another try. If you cannot, then this marriage would break sooner or later. Sooner is ALWAYS better than Later.

    G'day

  11. #26
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    @decent_1 really thanks for the repo my dear friend.. but lets encourage him my dear friend to work on his marriage and lead a happy life... It is so easy to go for divorce and live a life crying and thinking all that things all the time.. But it is 100 times harder for him to forgive his wife and trust her for a ray of hope of better life... for him for his wife and for his kids.. But in the end he will find it was worth it... Thanks for understanding...

  12. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by LiveLif3 View Post
    I guess he will be able to trust her completely if he forgives her from heart. This is marriage not a joke and on the top there are kids involved.. If they both go through divorce, kids are going to be the one suffer the most. If they work hard, they both can make the marriage work again... and everything will be fine. Please try to look on the brighter side

    I am requesting you to please please please not to suggest him all this negative things. I beg you not to do this. I don't want to argue on this so please please please let's have peace..
    Why are you contradicting my advice.?

    What if the guy trusts her with full heart and she breaks his faith again..?
    Miss you Dadaji

  13. #28
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    what if she changes herself completely and be loyal to him for the rest of his life... So you decide which "if" is better..

    Quote Originally Posted by a_decent_1 View Post


    Why are you contradicting my advice.?

    What if the guy trusts her with full heart and she breaks his faith again..?

  14. #29
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    OK let him decide... Peace

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    SHame on u OP
    bcz of u guys in here a fighting JUST bcz of that BtCh

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