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Thread: Confused about wife's friend.Please advise.

  1. #1
    Sriram_nithish
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    Default Confused about wife's friend.Please advise.

    Hello folks,

    Please help me here.

    Me and my wife got married got married a year ago. Nearly 2 years since we know each other. We have been in US for more than 3 years

    Problem is

    When we are engaged, she told me about a close guy friend in her undergrad who kinda of liked her. She said that he never proposed to her though my wife understood that he liked her. That guy wrote lot of pages in her scribble book as well and I could figure out that he gave lot of attention to my wife.

    After that she mentions his name in her list of best/close buddies many a times. However I am confused about few things in my life


    1) This guy was in relationship after their undergrad i.e. my wife left to US for further education. My wife knows it because he shared the info with her as she is a close friend
    2) This guy is getting married in this year and is in US for last 2 years
    3) Before we getting married and on her birthday, I casually asked who wished her (last apr)?...She said that this guy friend of hers wished. Then I asked that his name wasn't on the call list in her phonebook. She said he called at work. I know for a fact that's a lie because she doesn't share her work number with friends or anyone except me. I got little suspicion that may be my wife also liked him in undergrad but they never expressed it to each other. I dont know the reason but she tries to project him as a best buddie.
    4) I saw many pics of my wife and her friends hanging out in undergrad. He is beside her in 90% of the pics in undergrad.
    4) After a while in some conversation, my wife denied his interest in hers in undergrad and she said that they were close friends. She said I am mistaken in understanding the conversation. She said it was platonic relationship/
    4) After my wife got engaged they werent in touch for atleast an year or so. After a long time and few months (4-5) ago, my wife initiated a FB message and that led to texting between both of them
    5) My wife has an attitude. Even if her best friends ignore her, she is equally stubborn and never talk to them. People used to call her "Miss Attitude" in undergrad. But she messages him even though sometimes he doesn't respond or responds late. Sometimes he does send some silly comments and for every silly comment that guy texts, she is very amused and laughs. On this new year day, many of her close friends called and texted my wife but my wife texted him first even though he didn't send her any message/wishes and later she responded to remaining people/friends.
    6) I know my wife is very decent & from decent family and I trust her a lot. She has 4 other best friends who are guys but I never felt this weird with them. Even I am good friends with all 4 of her other guy friends and we hang out when we meet.
    7) Finally I told her that she is giving special importance to this guy and it is weird and I don't like it.
    8) She again responded to his text last night and she said that she isn't doing anything wrong.
    9) Its also common that friends like each other posts or pics. All of her other guy friends liked our wedding pics except this guy.
    10) These texts were never flirtatious or romantic etc but for some reason, I am feeling very weird. She normally responds to text messages very late or never respond, but with this guy she responds immediately.
    11) Though the number of text messages between this guy and my wife is less than 30 in last 4-5 months and not at all flirtatious, I feel very weird.

    Am I being too paranoid? Why is she giving special importance to this guy? What should I do? Please help me.

  2. #2
    ♡♥☋Ǩ ★☆★ ☾ћiҜ♥♡ Field Marshal sens's Avatar
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    Hi!!

    SInce the messages are not romantic or flirtatious , i think it is not a matter of concern. women like the men who pay attention to them,. Like u said he used to give her attention, maybe she is fond of this guy as a good friend. Thats all. It will be good for your peace of mind to stop worrying about the isssue. But beacuse you are worrying so much about it, u are finding every talk 7 conversation as a means of doubt.

    maybe they had affair, but maybe they are just good frinds now. coz your wife is honest about him & she makes no extra efforts in hiding the messages & the messages r not romantic.

    But still, if this relation is really really ruining your peace of mnd, then just let your wife know how u feel about it. request her to stop talking to this guy.

    but dont compell her or fight with her. be gentle.
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

  3. #3
    ♥ fєmmє fαtαlє ♥ Major Sweet Mimi's Avatar
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    look dr.. in any relationship often one is possessif and one is not that possessif... so when you exert restrictions it annoys the other.... keep an eye on her msgs.....
    if ever they liked each other its not good at all they keep contact... but here problem she denies this, so you cant do much about it....

    its not dangerous now.. you know when these things comes dangerous? when a rift occurs between you two!! it is only then that these little contacts play big roles.. because then naturally she will feel stronger not to make a step towrds you... but if you always patch up and dont let things become between you two then it might be fine...

    and if she doesnt have a problem you read her msgs then its totally fine... it shows she is really not doing anything wrong!
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

  4. #4
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    You need to tell her clearly that you are not comfortable with her contacting him and she needs to stop contacting him completely. Even if she feels that you are over possessive and paranoid about it etc, she needs to yield to your demand as she is your life partner. This is a mutual thing and should be there in every couple. Maybe she is subliminally attracted towards him, and she has never realized that- this is not her fault anyway.

  5. #5
    Bullet Raja Major General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    Jab tak hide nahi karrahi, tab tak aap safe zone mein ho. So keep a watchful eye on your wife
    Love n regards,

    Gudu Gudu Returns

  6. #6
    Young Gun
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    Your Wife is in a relationship with her friend. From the details of your post, it becomes a bit tough to confirm if she is still banging him on the side, but he has surely banged her brains out in the past. I hope her finger flirting quickly manifests as Osteoporosis, before you find gaping holes in your relationship.

    "Attitude" She is still "At it dude"

    Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Religion, International Travel and the Law.

  7. #7
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    this is my 3rd post. prev 2 just disappeared. badly need of advise. preeto mam, plz let this post be visible. i am married and have 2 kids. me and my wife work in different companies. my wife was found having intimate email exchanges with her colleague. she says thats only for online and she never thought of going physical. she assures she loves me and my kids. she opened up saying was in trance and fell for that guy (that guy approached her first). she is now out of it and will never do anything wrong in future. i am concerned about my kids future. not talking to her from past 10 days. please help and advise. she is not ready to quit job immd, she wants alteast 3 months time due to crtical project. please advise

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by sorrowfulguy View Post
    this is my 3rd post. prev 2 just disappeared. badly need of advise. preeto mam, plz let this post be visible. i am married and have 2 kids. me and my wife work in different companies. my wife was found having intimate email exchanges with her colleague. she says thats only for online and she never thought of going physical. she assures she loves me and my kids. she opened up saying was in trance and fell for that guy (that guy approached her first). she is now out of it and will never do anything wrong in future. i am concerned about my kids future. not talking to her from past 10 days. please help and advise. she is not ready to quit job immd, she wants alteast 3 months time due to crtical project. please advise
    No one here to help me :-(

  9. #9
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    Fear Not Sorrowfulguy,

    Logical Guru is here to solve your problem. Your wife is a cheat. It is very clear. WTF is a trance. A complete load of hyena shit. Get rid of her get married to an Azerbaigan call girl. It is more gratifying

  10. #10
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    responded to a wrong thread
    Last edited by Nonika; 15-01-2013 at 02:11 AM.

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