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Thread: Should i confess to my in laws or keep saying No.

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    Default Should i confess to my in laws or keep saying No.

    I am married girl aged 27. I was married to my husband 6 years ago and it was an arrange marriage. my husband expired some 3 years ago. I have a boy with him aged 4 years. He is my everything. My husband had business which was going great and i took up the work of his. it is in partnership with a friend of his. so i did the duties of my husband. Now my in laws since past 2 years are wanting to get me married i mean pressurizing. though i have made it very clear that i have no intentions to re marry as i still love my husband and obviously i have a child and i am focused on the business and my child n parents in law. my sister in law got married last year so pressure has come a lot more on me now.

    Till now i have been saying give me 4 months , 6 months , 3 months more and buying my time out. But in reality i do not want to get married as i simply can not love anyone else and in reality i do not need anyone. I have enough love from my parents in law and my child. should i clearly say NO for marriage again or make them indirectly understand by keep on asking for time. they love me a lot and i can not hurt them. Also my real parents also want to get me married so there is no help from them as well.

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    Hi!!!

    Dear Lady, please say YES. Your parents & your in laws are thinking about your good. life is very tough to lead alone . You may not need money or support but as human everyone needs a spouse. Say yes & look for a man who can love you fr whatever you are & marry soon. dont say NO.
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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    Sorry about your loss. You are lucky that you got parents and in laws who care so much for you. If you are not mentally prepared and don't want to get married, then you shouldn't (if I were you, I would do the same). I understand that parents can't understand your state of mind, maybe they never will. If you keep on buying more time, they will get fed up one day. If you say 'NO' in a cold way, then also they are gonna feel bad. This is an unpleasant situation and we know that you don't wanna hurt them. So you need to stay cool and try to talk to the person who is closest to you. Make it clear to that person that you don't want to get married and ask that person to help you in convincing your parents and in laws. It will be hard to convince them but eventually they will stop pestering you. Don't be rude and don't get frustrated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am married girl aged 27. I was married to my husband 6 years ago and it was an arrange marriage. my husband expired some 3 years ago. I have a boy with him aged 4 years. He is my everything. My husband had business which was going great and i took up the work of his. it is in partnership with a friend of his. so i did the duties of my husband. Now my in laws since past 2 years are wanting to get me married i mean pressurizing. though i have made it very clear that i have no intentions to re marry as i still love my husband and obviously i have a child and i am focused on the business and my child n parents in law. my sister in law got married last year so pressure has come a lot more on me now.

    Till now i have been saying give me 4 months , 6 months , 3 months more and buying my time out. But in reality i do not want to get married as i simply can not love anyone else and in reality i do not need anyone. I have enough love from my parents in law and my child. should i clearly say NO for marriage again or make them indirectly understand by keep on asking for time. they love me a lot and i can not hurt them. Also my real parents also want to get me married so there is no help from them as well.
    You're 27 widowed and you still love your deceased husband. that's okay but what good will that do to you and your child? Don't you think your child needs a father as much as he needs a mom? You are so lucky to get such parents in law.If you still don't want to get re married, better tell that straight to them

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am married girl aged 27. I was married to my husband 6 years ago and it was an arrange marriage. my husband expired some 3 years ago. I have a boy with him aged 4 years. He is my everything. My husband had business which was going great and i took up the work of his. it is in partnership with a friend of his. so i did the duties of my husband. Now my in laws since past 2 years are wanting to get me married i mean pressurizing. though i have made it very clear that i have no intentions to re marry as i still love my husband and obviously i have a child and i am focused on the business and my child n parents in law. my sister in law got married last year so pressure has come a lot more on me now.

    Till now i have been saying give me 4 months , 6 months , 3 months more and buying my time out. But in reality i do not want to get married as i simply can not love anyone else and in reality i do not need anyone. I have enough love from my parents in law and my child. should i clearly say NO for marriage again or make them indirectly understand by keep on asking for time. they love me a lot and i can not hurt them. Also my real parents also want to get me married so there is no help from them as well.
    Marry soon, keep kid informed as to what is happening.

    If not get married now, you will become a liability in the future to your own son.

    There are many ill effects of being a widower.

    15 years down the line am sure you would be thinking, I should have listened to my parentinlaws and parents.

    Waise buddha buddhi bhi shaadi karlete, par uss mein maza nahi.

    Moral: Time and tide wait for none. Saadi karlijiye
    Love n regards,

    Gudu Gudu Returns

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    Some of the answers above are rubbish. Rather than answering your question, they are forcing their opinion on you. And things like "Widows" are so regressive. This, unfortunately is the biggest malice in our society. A Marriage is as much a Risk as an Opportunity. And there are complications when a child is involved.

    You marry another guy and then you are obliged to make him happy, maybe have more kids, his involvement in the business and so on. If you do not wish to get married, make it amply clear to your parents and in-laws that you are just NOT interested. Marrying out of pressure is like committing suicide.


    Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Religion, International Travel and the Law

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    Quote Originally Posted by Logical_Guru View Post
    Some of the answers above are rubbish. Rather than answering your question, they are forcing their opinion on you. And things like "Widows" are so regressive. This, unfortunately is the biggest malice in our society. A Marriage is as much a Risk as an Opportunity. And there are complications when a child is involved.

    You marry another guy and then you are obliged to make him happy, maybe have more kids, his involvement in the business and so on. If you do not wish to get married, make it amply clear to your parents and in-laws that you are just NOT interested. Marrying out of pressure is like committing suicide.


    Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Religion, International Travel and the Law
    Dear asker, this is the best reply to your question.

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    I can see where your in-laws and your parents are coming from. They are doing it out of their best intentions for you. However, one does feel things should not be forced by someone else's personal view on you. Particularly if you are disinterested.


    After losing a spouse you deserve a chance to begin an new chapter in your life. You seem to have yourself self sufficient for the time being. You may also need to think whether you are capable enough to make it till the end.


    If yes, Draft a simple plan about how you look yourself up ahead. Because it may take one hell of an task to convince your in laws/ parents. Convey the same to them.


    If no, Do not rush yourself in making a decision about new partner. Go slow! Surely somewhere down the line you may meet someone who you would find to be compatible with you.


    Good Luck.

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    I think your in-laws are trying to make something good for you.... You are still very young... After your husband's death, you are on their responsibility... For now you are not feeling all that...Marrying again is not a shame.. You'll get a life partner who'll support you on every phase of life.. Your child will get a dad, Think about it well... It concern about you and your son as well....

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    I am the person who asked this question. thanks all of you for your replies. i loved that you all took your time out and answered me. I just want to convince my in laws about not marrying. Re marriage is not at all my option .Logical Guru gave few reasons and those are very true plus my in laws are pretty old and do not have a son. if my hubby had a younger bro then i would have gone ahead and re married the man my in laws wanted but i can not leave them in this situation. they are old. need care plus biz needs help as well. and it is 100% practically impossible for me to take care of them n biz if i marry some guy as jealousy and past things will hamper the things and conditions.

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    Really sorry for your loss but please say yes to the merriage and some one love you and give you things you deserve.

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    Hey Mehak, you are a really great person. And we all are glad that you have come here. I am very happy the way you have maintained your strength in these hard times and took so good care of yourself. You are also lucky that you have such parents in law. Coming to your problem, just tell your parents-in-law about your fears and that you don't want to leave them. Say to them, I will marry a guy, who is ready to live with you after marriage. Well remarrying comes with lot of complications. I am not any professional, but I know we all need someone in life.

    You must be having lot of fears, like about your parents or children or biz and yeah they all are legitimate, but dear you have to take leap of faith. You never know what life has in it for you.

    Take Care. God bless you.. !!

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    Hi, i think you should not do something for which you are not mentally prepared... as far as you work and you are independent you can still manage your life... you should do what you feel is good for you.. if you dont feel like having a partner then dont do so... talk to your in laws directly.. and tell them you dont want to go ahead with someone else.
    I'm a shhh girl
    Loving me could be a crime

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    जो बीत गयी वो बात गयी

    Move on in life and look forward to meeting new people, making new friends, falling in love all over again. Trust me it will be fun and heck of an experience.

    Good Luck

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    Mehak, do not let anyone force their will or opinion on you, not your in laws and not even the people here on this thread. If you are not ready to re-marry, and are not comfortable being with another man, then no need to re-marry. Easy as that!
    I totally agree with the points that Logical Guru has mentioned, regarding the new pressures and complications you might face if you marry into another man/family. Even the ones you have mentioned are very true. Your life might become extremely stressful and get thrown off-balance. Not just your life, but even your kid's life, if he doesn't gel with his new father and new family for any reason. It might ruin his formative years. The first marriage itself can be extremely stressful for a newly married woman, and the second one can be 10 times more so..!

    Don't get forced or obliged into doing something that you are not willing or prepared for. It's total rubbish when people say that you need to marry, that you cannot make it through life alone etc etc. They're underestimating the strength of a woman. Of course you can make it through life alone, if that is what you want. I'm sure you are a strong and independent woman. Lots of men and women remain single throughout their lives without any major problems. You'll be fine too. And best of all, you will be able to raise your child in a tension-free way.

    So just stay firm on your stance in front of your in laws and tell them that you cannot go ahead, and that you are fine and happy as you are now. Tell them that this is your decision for now. Look, nothing in our lives are final or permanent. If a few years down the line you DO find some suitable man who meets all criteria and the situation also permits fully, then your desires might change. Until then, just stay as you are.

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