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Thread: Daily arguments and Fight in a marriage of 11 years

  1. #1
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    Default Daily arguments and Fight in a marriage of 11 years

    I am married to girl I loves since last 11 years, Have a 8 yr old daughter and we both love her. Lately Me and wife have started arguing a lot, at time these arguments leads to fight and topics reaching to my parents and sisters, During fight she is disrespectful of my parents and sisters. She always think highly of her family and draws comparison between mine and hers. I do not take this seriously, but every time we fight she gets into personality and my family digressing from the topic that we were arguing about. I am not sure what to do, I do not want to argue daily let alone in front of daughter. Right now evern my daughter started making fun of us, she realizes that we argue and fight lot.
    Last time she even threatened to kill me one day, I am sure she didnt mean it , but she can go to any length when she is angry, I am tired of this and her self condescending attitude. I respect her parents, though they are protective of her daughter but they do like me as well. I am putting myself through this only for her dad and mon. Her dad is heart patient. I am confused, we do not have may common friends, I have stopped socializing with common friends mainly coz of her attitude and stubbornness.
    During her childhood she had been center of attraction, her Dad was in business and she always was eye candy to many of their relatives. I think this might have brought a sense of supriority in herself and coz she is not getting that, she gets angry.. not sure.

    I am confused, I do not want to live like this, I am in my thirties, I also think she doesn't deserve to live like this either. I think , If she has issues with me being the person that I am that I cannot change, we should move on.

    Need advise ?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Seems like you are coming to a conclusion, but before you take a final step, you should certainly talk about it with your families or see a marriage counsellor. there may be issues with you that she has, that can be resolved and vice versa. Many times in a marriage, the partners just stop listening to each other and they need someone to help them listen. Seek that help and see how it goes.

  3. #3
    Bullet Raja Brigadier General Gudu Gudu Returns's Avatar
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    Egg good for health...

    Not ego
    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am married to girl I loves since last 11 years, Have a 8 yr old daughter and we both love her. Lately Me and wife have started arguing a lot, at time these arguments leads to fight and topics reaching to my parents and sisters, During fight she is disrespectful of my parents and sisters. She always think highly of her family and draws comparison between mine and hers. I do not take this seriously, but every time we fight she gets into personality and my family digressing from the topic that we were arguing about. I am not sure what to do, I do not want to argue daily let alone in front of daughter. Right now evern my daughter started making fun of us, she realizes that we argue and fight lot.
    Last time she even threatened to kill me one day, I am sure she didnt mean it , but she can go to any length when she is angry, I am tired of this and her self condescending attitude. I respect her parents, though they are protective of her daughter but they do like me as well. I am putting myself through this only for her dad and mon. Her dad is heart patient. I am confused, we do not have may common friends, I have stopped socializing with common friends mainly coz of her attitude and stubbornness.
    During her childhood she had been center of attraction, her Dad was in business and she always was eye candy to many of their relatives. I think this might have brought a sense of supriority in herself and coz she is not getting that, she gets angry.. not sure.

    I am confused, I do not want to live like this, I am in my thirties, I also think she doesn't deserve to live like this either. I think , If she has issues with me being the person that I am that I cannot change, we should move on.

    Need advise ?
    In a marriage only two people matters.

    You and Her.
    Child is a blessing. That makes it 3 to tango.



    Repeat.

    Egg good for health not ego

    Remove the ego out of equation, u both.

  4. #4
    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
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    You seem like an intelligent guy and understand why her mindset and temperament is like that. But lets think rationally... you cannot clap with one hand. Why do these fights start?

    It cant be that you sit in the corner like a sulking puppy and she keeps screaming at you for no reason. As far as family name calling goes, the marriage is based on trust and respect. And since she does not respect you and your family, you two must discuss it amongst yourself on how to progress from this.

    Counselling is easily available and you must not ask all your relatives and friends (learned or otherwise) and open up your personal issues with everyone. It just creates a bad aura.

  5. #5
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    It's 11 years now. did she start saying all that about your family etc recently? Then there must be something else going on.. otherwise you guys would have done something long back. Maybe her psychological state is not the same as it was earlier, and that's why her attitude towards this marriage is changed. Consult a counselor and this can be fixed, you both need to help each other. Separation at this stage is not a good idea.

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    The reason why I chose red color is because there is a red flag in this. You and your wife need to talk about this not fight, like maam said talk to a marriage counselor and talk things out you have a daughter a very beautiful one who is only 8 years old and her whole life will be affected by any decision you two make. You really need to talk to your wife about this as well, she was the center of attention when she was a child and that is what she is expecting from you as well. The only way you can work this out is both of you have to give in, and remember your daughter will be affected your decision so please take the right one.

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    Buddy, Been there done that!

    One of the ways, that work under such circumstances is to practice calmness. No matter how angry she is, or screaming at you at top of her voice, just don't react. Explain/reply/respond in the most calm way. If you can't handle something or can't hear about something, calmly tell her to not cross limits. After all, you're also human and you've got your values as well. Meanwhile, its time for you to do some self analysis and analysis of her life as well. So you may get some insight into what is going wrong these days. Remember, you're just being calm. But all the care that you do for her, remains the same. Love remains the same.
    After a few weeks, automatically, she will start being calm - its a proven thing. Once both the sides are calm, then start working on the problem that you may have identified. If you couldn't find any problem, just take time out to do stuff together. Some games that you, wifey n daughter can play together - like carrom, monopoly and what not. Build up the bond once again. I am sure, your wifey will once again feel close to you and then tell her feelings in a better way, and not with an argument.

    This is the life you all deserve!

    Also, remember, you do not need anyone external to talk to. This is just a way of distraction and doesn't really offer any solution, instead your wife may be unhappy about sharing private matters with outside people. Good Luck Buddy!

  8. #8
    Young Gun IzQueen's Avatar
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    It's something common between couples.. I've heard a lot about these kinds of problems..... the problem with your wife is that she's someone, sorry for the expression but selfish... it's her ego part which is troubling everyone... For now try to be calm with... never fight infront of your daughter, it will have a negative impact on her performance... She'll get stressed.... In a relationship there should have maturity, responsibility and also respect for each other... when you see your partner is angry, try to pamper him/her... Tease him/her... Just not to complicate the matter... if both will keep arguing, there will never have peace around you.... We need TWO hands to clap... it's the same... The relation of a husband and wife it's like that only...I'm a married woman and i can proudly say.. I'm really happy with my married life... Because I've never got any problem with my husband just because we both respect each other a lot....

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    SB Addict Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    you need to have a serious G4 summit...you your wife your parents and her parents....dont go for a divorce it will affect your child

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