CONFUSED about whom to go for in arranged marriage !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**kareena1986** · 22-01-2013, 11:15 AM

Hi every1,

My last post was related to an NRI guy ...I have refused to get married to him because even after 3 months there was no comfort level and compatibility .

Now my parents and me have got a couple of gud proposals so i am confused about 1 guy, who is working in India only, he is a Vice President in a very good MNC ,earns very well , a very decent nice and a trustworthy guy but he belongs to a very very middle class family (very much lower then us) wherein his 1 elder brother is still unmarried and works somewhere else in india only .On the other hand my father holds a respectable position in the society , a senior rank govt. officer. I am their only daughter (no siblings) so i will have to take care of my parents even after marriage . We are interested in this proposal as the guy is very very good and decent and in a very good job too .

My friends says no i should not go ahead with this but i am confused that in which 'aspect ' i should compromise in an arranged marriage !!!!!!

So, my question is - whether a girl like me and frm a gud family background should go for a man like this or not ????

Kindly help me to take decision

**Ankhi_sena_mun** · 22-01-2013, 11:18 AM

I dont see any problem in this so kindly elaborate why you friends see this as wrong......

also it is you who has to adjust to and respect his family also..... so meet them first before making any decisions.....

**archer_paradise** · 22-01-2013, 11:58 AM

1. If you come from a very rich and respectable family, why do you have to take care of your parents after marriage? Aren't they well off to keep a maid, a nurse, a driver or a helper at home?!

2. You are too picky. You should probably invest your life in science and create your own husband which is perfect in your eyes.

3. You should probably also not marry at all as the guy that marries you will somehow be not worthy of your honorable family and your status no matter how brilliant he may be.

**Gudu Gudu Returns** · 22-01-2013, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by archer_paradise

1. If you come from a very rich and respectable family, why do you have to take care of your parents after marriage? Aren't they well off to keep a maid, a nurse, a driver or a helper at home?!

2. You are too picky. You should probably invest your life in science and create your own husband which is perfect in your eyes.

3. You should probably also not marry at all as the guy that marries you will somehow be not worthy of your honorable family and your status no matter how brilliant he may be.

My own words...

**o00** · 22-01-2013, 12:48 PM

He is very talented. Becoming a VP at a young age is not easy. But there might be a lot of things which you need to consider.. this query of yours in incomplete.
Also, your friends know you more than us.

This is a perfect example of queries which can't be answered in forums etc. as they are not easy to present in front of other users.

**Logical_Guru** · 22-01-2013, 03:15 PM

Compromises are an inevitable conflict of the reality we wish to be in and the one we end up being in. (Logical Guru)

1. Personal habits - Their family may not like to see their "Bahu" dressed like Sherlyn Chopra in public functions. Clarify these aspects with the guy that you are free to dress, talk, SMS, Facebook with the same degree of freedom accorded by your parents.

2. Social reactions - There could be a perception that the daughter of a "wealthy family" had to climb down a few rungs of the Social ladder, because she lacks "something". This perception can be quite malignant and cause a lot of heartburn. You have to listen to your conscience and answer if you will be unfazed by this social reaction - Your Conscience is a measure of the honesty of your selfishness (Richard Bach - Illusions). Listen to it please

3. Firewalls with the partner - If I were in his position, I would obviously set high standards to please such a "princess" and could be under a lot of pressure. I might also tend to withhold my feelings unless you drop your guard. But, this is a minor issue and happens in every arranged marriage.

4. Parents - This is very important. We all take care of our parents, whether we are the only child or not, but if they do not let go wholeheartedly and realize that your priorities are bound to get shuffled, it could cause serious tension.

Good luck. It seems like you are having butterflies before the plunge. If you are open to reason, you will manage quite well.

**RoleModel007** · 22-01-2013, 05:39 PM

Social Status - Check (Vice President in a very good MNC)
Financial Aspects - Check (earns very well)
Type Of Person - Check (a very decent nice guy)
Baggage Issues - Check (trustworthy guy)
Attitude Issues - Check (middle class family)
First Impression - Check (very very good)
This guy is a keeper... Man if I was gay and they made it legal here in this country... girl you'd be having some serious competition on this one...

Well jokes apart you may want to check a few more aspects like In-law mentality, dependencies, steping up to your "standards", and the things that your friends think the otherwise.

Having said that... this is only my view... its you who will be taking a call on this... you have to evaluate based on your 'checklist'/ 'pros-cons'/ 'meeting'/ 'talks'/ 'parents advice' whether the guy is good enough for you.

Good Luck...

**Inspector Pathan** · 22-01-2013, 10:39 PM

It would be better if you go for another proposal. The reason behind my answer is there is a big diffterence between you and him and that is the " CLASS DIFFERENCE ". No matter how good, decent and financially sound he my be but the CLASS DIFFERENCE can have a huge impact on relationships esp in your case. Things might look good in the begining but as the time will pass you will realize that it was not the correct decision. This proposal is not the end of the world. I'm sure there are still good proposals left to come your way and sooner or later you will find the right person. Do not rush in & be patient . As far as compromise is concerned in arranged marriages when you'll find the right person there wont be any compromises except for one both of you will be tolerating each other. Thankyou Regards.

**Logical_Guru** · 23-01-2013, 06:55 AM

Role Model has given you a good analysis. Now, if you are looking for a good groom, you have probably got your man. If you are looking for an alliance that is compatible with your social circle, then your choice of a lifestyle becomes more important than the man.

You would then be holding a glass and attending all the parties in town and rarely watch the sun rise. As he goes away on long business trips, you would attend kitty parties in Chinese restaurants with middle-aged ladies, spend more time with your driver and Personal trainer. You would get to wear a Saree on Karva Chauth (Is it still being celebrated ladies?) but may not really have to fast.

You will live in a joint family in a Haveli which has more servants than family members. You will eat what is cooked rather than cooking what you feel like having. You would not even be able to sneak out for that late night show and eat Pani Puri on the streets. You will never sit behind on a bike and go for that long ride... Oh, and you will have a lot of Friends!!

We have made our point. You can make your choice.

Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Matrimony, Religion, International Travel and the Law.

**shwetamathur** · 23-01-2013, 12:35 PM

Hiii Kareena,

Look baby just focus here. Look i can totally understand your confusion . I do know how hard is to choose a guy in arrange marriage.
Dear make your demands clear first.

I would say first see -
How open his family his
How modern they are in thinking which you can see by - What kinds of clothes they wear , his sister ( if any ) wear.
Look what in laws do is more more important coz they will shape your life furthur.
Job of husband is very very important.

Look like here job of this guy is very good but but family is not rich. So logically his income will go mostly for upbringing his family to a good level. so that job thing money thing gets nullified.

Infact get a guy who earns decent but has good strong family background. If a family is well to do then their thoughts are mostly decent as well. Thats my point of view.

**shwetamathur** · 23-01-2013, 12:45 PM

Yes it is sir.!! ( about highlighted part )

Well marriage with a rich man does not lead to that life style...its not true. I have loads of example . its about bond and love as well .

Originally Posted by Logical_Guru

Role Model has given you a good analysis. Now, if you are looking for a good groom, you have probably got your man. If you are looking for an alliance that is compatible with your social circle, then your choice of a lifestyle becomes more important than the man.

You would then be holding a glass and attending all the parties in town and rarely watch the sun rise. As he goes away on long business trips, you would attend kitty parties in Chinese restaurants with middle-aged ladies, spend more time with your driver and Personal trainer. You would get to wear a Saree on Karva Chauth (Is it still being celebrated ladies?) but may not really have to fast.

You will live in a joint family in a Haveli which has more servants than family members. You will eat what is cooked rather than cooking what you feel like having. You would not even be able to sneak out for that late night show and eat Pani Puri on the streets. You will never sit behind on a bike and go for that long ride... Oh, and you will have a lot of Friends!!

We have made our point. You can make your choice.

Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Matrimony, Religion, International Travel and the Law.

**kareena1986** · 23-01-2013, 01:00 PM

hey ,

Thanks for your reply .It truly makes sense.
I will definitely consider the points you hav explained.

**kareena1986** · 23-01-2013, 01:02 PM

Yes all that you hav said is very correct and thats the reason I am positive about this guy , but just confused as its an arranged one..
Thanks for saying all the small things that you hav mentioned and is very correct.

**shwetamathur** · 23-01-2013, 01:04 PM

Its okay sis.....i wish you take a correct decision....and remember be patient as this is once a life decision...do not take a hurried one.....and secondly make yoru choices clear as they are very very very important.

Originally Posted by kareena1986

hey ,

Thanks for your reply .It truly makes sense.
I will definitely consider the points you hav explained.

**kareena1986** · 23-01-2013, 01:04 PM

Hey ,

I never said i will be in need to take care of them 'financially' .
You better learn to put yourself in somebody else's shoes and then answer, donot answer for time pass and for the heck of it.
Remember this frm the next time u answer any1 .