Cheated by Wife

[srikanth721]

Hi,

I'm a guy from a middle class background working for a software firm. I got married last year. I used to live in Noida before the marriage. I met my wife in the matrimony site and we got married. Before marriage I asked my wife in the chat is there any affair or love with any one. Then she told that she didn't have anything like that. After my engagement once I went to the Bangalore to meet her. At that time also we got the same discussion. Then she told that one guy proposed her but she rejected because he is from a different caste and her parent won't agree for the marriage. After that we got married and I moved from Noida to Bangalore. Then I came to know that we are having different opinions towards the life. Off course we know about this before marriage itself but she told that all the people who are getting married need not have same opinions towards life. We used to have small fights with each other every month. But none of them went to a serious arguments. One day I was looking at her email and her past conversations and I noticed that she loved some one before marriage. I asked her about it. She told no. I asked her to promise on me and her father and tell me the truth. She told nothing was there. Then I told about the chat history which I saw, then she agreed. When I asked about it why you didn't told about this before marriage she told that you may not have married me if i told you. I just scolded her why did you cheated me? she was sitting quietly. She was saying that it went for a less time so no need to think about it. But I couldn't digest that I got cheated by her. I never looked any sadness on her face for cheating me. She was behaving normally. Many of my relatives aren't interested in our marriage but I convinced them saying that I like her. She also came from a middle class family. I didn't took any dowry from her. Is there any guarantee that she won't be cheating in present and in the future? What should i do now? I never told these things to any one. Shall I ask the divorce from her?

[Preeto Maam]

Listen, primarily, I just don't understand why must people look at each other's mail and try and dig out things that are long gone by and then base their present relationships on that. I would say that she has moved on - unless of course, the chat history was recent- which I don't believe it was. So, take it easy- no one does any favours to the other by marrying them and really, dowry is certainly not your - or anyone else's right- is it?
Work out your issues. Let bygones be bygones. Divorce is not a simple solution, and I would wish that you try and work things out instead of getting into blame games.

[complete_man]

oh come on.. everybody has a past.. even u must have liked many girls in ur school/colg (its a different thing you couldnt get any of them).. so she never 'cheated' u as such.. she hid it from u for obvious reasons that u mite not like it.. so stop nagging and worry only if she repeates such an act..

[adirocksit]

Technically, this is not cheating. This is just hiding the past, which many people do because past is past. Instead of spying on her and scolding her, you could have asked the whole story politely and friendly. Be cool about it because its her past. She is not with him anymore, if she was then it would be called cheating.
You are just being paranoid and way too possessive. Have you told her everything about your past to her? Try and giving her your laptop for full access and let her check everything too.

You should forget about the past and move on now. You just need to know if she is loyal to you right now in the present. If she is, then everything is fine.

[ariesgirl]

this isn't cheating or anything..may be she had an affair before marriage..but may not be a serious one or something..just a short term one or nothing serious to be mentioned atleast..leave it..don't mess up your married life..

[Inspector Pathan]

whatever happened was before marriage...after marriage you're the man....end of discussion....and this was not a good thing do to..reading her stuff....there should be some privacy and an element of trust....no educated person will do such a thing only a person with sick mind will do...

[srikanth721]

So you guys say that what ever she had done in the past is a past. I asked her clearly whether there is any affair before marriage and i told her that is my primary criteria for choosing a bride. There shouldn't be anything called personal or privacy between husband and wife. If there should be the privacy means the person can do anything what ever he want with other girls. A mistake is a mistake whether it's done before the marriage or after the marriage. If you say we should excuse the person for the crimes or cheating that he/she had done in the past there would be no accused in the world. I gave access to my emails and everything to her before the marriage itself and she verified it. I'm not sure whether she is now cheating me or not the problem is if i again face this kind of situation after getting kids their life would be spoiled.

[lifesite]

Well, if you think you guys are too different to live to together peacefully thn separation can be a reason to think abt.

Think little broadly, she had feeling for someone or may be as she said it was for a short period which means it was not that serious relationship & which means she was not interested, which you might have got the clue after going through that chat.

So, she did not want to spoil her n ur life by telling you such small thing as she said thn you might not married to her.

In everybody's life ppl comes and goes, some stays for long time & some for short and when we met such ppl thn we think for a sec that this might the one for me and checking out that is not a mistake ...its a process of life.

She had some close frnd does not mean she is bad ,actually it means she is human and can do thing such way too.

and its okk, as that was not a serious relationship and you know that you both have diff view towards life .

Ya, you might be thinking she cheated on you but that will be true if she had those feelings/relationship during the time she married to you.

So, dont get panic on this and behave with more maturity here as its a question of 2 lives.

[Gudu Gudu Returns]

Hi,

I'm a guy from a middle class background working for a software firm. I got married last year. I used to live in Noida before the marriage. I met my wife in the matrimony site and we got married. Before marriage I asked my wife in the chat is there any affair or love with any one. Then she told that she didn't have anything like that. After my engagement once I went to the Bangalore to meet her. At that time also we got the same discussion. Then she told that one guy proposed her but she rejected because he is from a different caste and her parent won't agree for the marriage. After that we got married and I moved from Noida to Bangalore. Then I came to know that we are having different opinions towards the life. Off course we know about this before marriage itself but she told that all the people who are getting married need not have same opinions towards life. We used to have small fights with each other every month. But none of them went to a serious arguments. One day I was looking at her email and her past conversations and I noticed that she loved some one before marriage. I asked her about it. She told no. I asked her to promise on me and her father and tell me the truth. She told nothing was there. Then I told about the chat history which I saw, then she agreed. When I asked about it why you didn't told about this before marriage she told that you may not have married me if i told you. I just scolded her why did you cheated me? she was sitting quietly. She was saying that it went for a less time so no need to think about it. But I couldn't digest that I got cheated by her. I never looked any sadness on her face for cheating me. She was behaving normally. Many of my relatives aren't interested in our marriage but I convinced them saying that I like her. She also came from a middle class family. I didn't took any dowry from her. Is there any guarantee that she won't be cheating in present and in the future? What should i do now? I never told these things to any one. Shall I ask the divorce from her?

Ok saint.

You didn't have the chanceor you had which you are hiding.

Eitherways you are in a,fix.

See where it goes.

Yes it amounted to cheating.

But take those printouts for safety if you're going for divorce.

BOL!

[mysticmantra]

Bro, cam I ask u one thing and you wont feel bad. Everyone has their dark past but a gr8 must accept this and move forward. If ur wife wud have you before, you wud have remember this and taunted her thats why she didnt tell. My question is she chatting wid same guy after ur marriage, if answer is yes, she is a cheater and if answers is no then she had her own life . U can ask her abt abt that but cant force her to say. I dont find her cheater.

Hi,

I'm a guy from a middle class background working for a software firm. I got married last year. I used to live in Noida before the marriage. I met my wife in the matrimony site and we got married. Before marriage I asked my wife in the chat is there any affair or love with any one. Then she told that she didn't have anything like that. After my engagement once I went to the Bangalore to meet her. At that time also we got the same discussion. Then she told that one guy proposed her but she rejected because he is from a different caste and her parent won't agree for the marriage. After that we got married and I moved from Noida to Bangalore. Then I came to know that we are having different opinions towards the life. Off course we know about this before marriage itself but she told that all the people who are getting married need not have same opinions towards life. We used to have small fights with each other every month. But none of them went to a serious arguments. One day I was looking at her email and her past conversations and I noticed that she loved some one before marriage. I asked her about it. She told no. I asked her to promise on me and her father and tell me the truth. She told nothing was there. Then I told about the chat history which I saw, then she agreed. When I asked about it why you didn't told about this before marriage she told that you may not have married me if i told you. I just scolded her why did you cheated me? she was sitting quietly. She was saying that it went for a less time so no need to think about it. But I couldn't digest that I got cheated by her. I never looked any sadness on her face for cheating me. She was behaving normally. Many of my relatives aren't interested in our marriage but I convinced them saying that I like her. She also came from a middle class family. I didn't took any dowry from her. Is there any guarantee that she won't be cheating in present and in the future? What should i do now? I never told these things to any one. Shall I ask the divorce from her?

[! K !]

Dude, its not cheating..its just hiding the past. If she was with that guy after marriage then that would be termed as cheating. Divorce? for hiding past? Are you nuts? I am sure you, too, have a past which you might've hidden from her. Hai ke nahi? Toh? Ab apni biwi ko bol tereko talaaq dene ko . Yes if she slept with that guy & hide it from you then I can understand..it can hurt a guy's sentiment to the extreme. Anyways..I don't think a divorce for such a small issue is right

[! K !]

So you guys say that what ever she had done in the past is a past. I asked her clearly whether there is any affair before marriage and i told her that is my primary criteria for choosing a bride. There shouldn't be anything called personal or privacy between husband and wife. If there should be the privacy means the person can do anything what ever he want with other girls. A mistake is a mistake whether it's done before the marriage or after the marriage. If you say we should excuse the person for the crimes or cheating that he/she had done in the past there would be no accused in the world. I gave access to my emails and everything to her before the marriage itself and she verified it. I'm not sure whether she is now cheating me or not the problem is if i again face this kind of situation after getting kids their life would be spoiled.

if you gave her your email to verify..then you, too, should've checked her email, etc at that time itself. why now? your mistake!

[o00]

She made a mistake in hiding it from you. Also, you are over reacting. Before you start thinking about divorce and stuff, you need to see where you both stand in present. Everyone is different in taking certain things in their lives. If you are sure that you can't take this, then go for separation without thinking about the future. Anyway a normal person would like to give their partner a chance.. There is no point in asking these questions here as everyone is not like you and you are not like anyone else.

[radhemurari]

First thing, respect a person's personal space. Reading conversations of a loved one is not something healthy. What do you think of reading your mothers chat conversations. I hope you get what I intend to say.

Also, I can imagine that you had quite a few crushes before your marriage and your wife is not bothering you with them.

Be a little more mature as well as sensitive towards your wife. She had a relation, didn't work out, she moved on and believed you to be the guy that she wanted to spend the REST OF HER LIFE with. So be the person she hoped you would be. Stop placing her on a podium of your expectations and judging her so strongly. The reason she did not tell you about her past is because of the reaction you are giving right now. Would you have been large hearted enough to marry her if she disclosed everything to you. Do think in her perspective. She would want to work this out. Couples have issues and they work around them. Talk to her about this and do apologize and have a happy and long married life. Regarding your conversation with your relatives, it shows how strongly you feel about her.

And do forget about the earlier incident, and asking a divorce because of this is pretty funny. A judge will throw your case right out of the window and send you for marriage counseling. Worse still he might get sympathetic to your wife to have to face such a silly issue. And put you on notice. Either way, it is not going to be fun for you. By the way, badi gaali padne wali he is thread pe tumko.

[tiger469]

It is understandable how you feel. Not only she had a past, which you don't like, but she lied about it despite you asking her. In a relationship there should be trust, and she obviously behaved in manner that breached that. It is not the question whether she will remain faithful now or in the future, question is what your heart says about it. Can you live with the fact that this woman, who is your wife now, became your wife based on a lie? Choice is yours and you have every right. It shouldn't be that ten years latter you realize that you not happy and you are stuck in a relationship you can not get out of.