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Thread: Marital vaccum

  1. #1
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    Post Marital vaccum

    Feeling marital vaccume for the last one month, though standing of 15 years relationship.
    There are circumstances:
    1. Death of uncle in my wife's family. She used to visit daily there. She got ill, my daughter got ill, whole home get disturbed. I told him also to take care of her health, daughter's health and for home as well. I don't know what she felt and she started irritated and started misbehaving me by using unexpected language and that too before my children. I responded ... "Is this behaviour you have been taught in your home, i.e., to speak rudely with your husband". On this she lost her tamper and started abusing my dead parents. Also started shouting while saying that I wish my mother in law be also dead like her uncle. Though I did not mean that.

    Since then, she is using silence as her weapon and not ready to talk to me. Now she told that she is dead for me.

    She does not want me to speak anything to her or to touch her, either in love or otherwise.

    She is performing her duties like preparing food for me and not handing over to me. I have to take the same myself.

    She also told all incident to her sister.

    Her sister also commented upon me that I am troubling her.

    I am not going to say anything to her parental home, brother, sister or otherwise as I feel nobody would listen to me.

    She also restricts me to discuss anything about our relations with my friends as well as relatives.

    I want to get everything restored to its original position, which I am not getting even saying sorry.

    Marriage counselling option is also not feasible as she is not ready to talk to me and not ready to go with me.

    My daughter who is in growing age, looks, observes and understands everything and she is the only mean to our communication. Even she says her mother to be usual, but now my wife has started opening all my previous acts of last 15 years before my daughter.

    I am losing my confidence and respect even before my daughter. Despite mine being explained everything to her, and despite being knwoing that her mother is not absolutely right and she is not behaving properly, she is helpless. And all the times, she remains afraid that whenever I go to my wife for any talk, conversation, communication, there will be clash in our family, which my daughter does not wish to grow, especially when her examination time is coming.

    There is one son of 8 years in my family, who is also obserring this and I am unable to do anything.

    I just have to work outside and to sleep in home and there is no other requirement of mine in home.

    I also expecting that my wife now may stop cooperating in my family activities and cooperation in household jobs, like my clothings, foods, etc.

    Please advise what to do?

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Well, that seems like a very extreme reaction after so many years of marriage. The fight must have been a very serious one to get a reaction like this one. Is it possible that there were more issues before this to create this situation? Anyway, the only way out seems to be to apologise very seriously again and tell her to try and get things back to normal. In case you need someone to intervene, then do ask some common friends or well wishers to do so. It could be that there are some other- deep rooted issues that may need to be resolved. Think about those as well.

  3. #3
    Moderator Major General galaxy_resident's Avatar
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    If you are sure that you just told your wife to take care of her health & home, then she is over-reacting. Or maybe the way and tone which you used must have offended her. Though, after 15 years such a strong reaction is generally not expected. Ask her exactly what is the reason for this strong reaction, what mistake you made. Try to talk to her that is she going to remain silent for the rest of life? Make her see what your son and daughter are going through - such conditions are certainly not good for their upbringing. Tell her to be normal at least for the sake of your children. You can also try to apologize to her (even though you may not be at fault, but still do it) and hope she will take it and be normal.
    Fight your Fears and you will be in Battle Forever
    Control your Fears and you will be Free Forever



  4. #4
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    Sorry to be judgmental, but One month of silent treatment is so inhumane!

    All you can do is - just apologize once again, unconditionally, and ask her calmly and firmly if she's interested in a discussion and ending of this issue.
    If she is still adamant, then, in my view, give her time. Don't initiate anything from your side. Keep on doing your duties. Maintain your composure.

    She will get some time to think, analyse - and since you've already apologized, she will come back to initiate the talk whenever she's ready.

    This way, you don't loose your self esteem and confidence. Explain/assure your kids, that its going to be normal soon. Keep smiling. Try getting back to your earlier behavior. Try to have fun with kids, the earlier way. Behave normally with them, so their exams are not affected negatively.

    Good luck buddy. If possible, please update us here.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Feeling marital vaccume for the last one month, though standing of 15 years relationship.
    There are circumstances:
    1. Death of uncle in my wife's family. She used to visit daily there. She got ill, my daughter got ill, whole home get disturbed. I told him also to take care of her health, daughter's health and for home as well. I don't know what she felt and she started irritated and started misbehaving me by using unexpected language and that too before my children. I responded ... "Is this behaviour you have been taught in your home, i.e., to speak rudely with your husband". On this she lost her tamper and started abusing my dead parents. Also started shouting while saying that I wish my mother in law be also dead like her uncle. Though I did not mean that.

    Since then, she is using silence as her weapon and not ready to talk to me. Now she told that she is dead for me.

    She does not want me to speak anything to her or to touch her, either in love or otherwise.

    She is performing her duties like preparing food for me and not handing over to me. I have to take the same myself.

    She also told all incident to her sister.

    Her sister also commented upon me that I am troubling her.

    I am not going to say anything to her parental home, brother, sister or otherwise as I feel nobody would listen to me.

    She also restricts me to discuss anything about our relations with my friends as well as relatives.

    I want to get everything restored to its original position, which I am not getting even saying sorry.

    Marriage counselling option is also not feasible as she is not ready to talk to me and not ready to go with me.

    My daughter who is in growing age, looks, observes and understands everything and she is the only mean to our communication. Even she says her mother to be usual, but now my wife has started opening all my previous acts of last 15 years before my daughter.

    I am losing my confidence and respect even before my daughter. Despite mine being explained everything to her, and despite being knwoing that her mother is not absolutely right and she is not behaving properly, she is helpless. And all the times, she remains afraid that whenever I go to my wife for any talk, conversation, communication, there will be clash in our family, which my daughter does not wish to grow, especially when her examination time is coming.

    There is one son of 8 years in my family, who is also obserring this and I am unable to do anything.

    I just have to work outside and to sleep in home and there is no other requirement of mine in home.

    I also expecting that my wife now may stop cooperating in my family activities and cooperation in household jobs, like my clothings, foods, etc.

    Please advise what to do?

    Looks like a case of bottled up anger, you should keep quiet now.

    Let her do what she wants, yells, abusive language etc, keeping quiet all the time... Its her way of venting out anger.

    Let her.

    Few more days and all will be well.

    If you try to meddle with what she is doing ie behaving etc then surely you and the kids and the relationship is headed for trouble.

    Keep me informed

  6. #6
    ♡♥☋Ǩ ★☆★ ☾ћiҜ♥♡ Field Marshal sens's Avatar
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    Hiii!!in marriage in such situations... atleast one partner has to bend & adjust... for a short while.. just forget problems & act normal & loving with her... see if her reaction changes.


    asking sorry will not hurt u... just be happy in her happiness.... & then be romantic.


    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

  7. #7
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    She is about to get into depression, action fast. Seek counseling if needed.

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