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Thread: Confused about my wife's behaviour

  1. #1
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    Default Confused about my wife's behaviour

    Hi Maam,

    I have married two months back. we have done an arrange marriage. After our engagement we didnt talk much. I tried but she always ignored my calls. Everytime i asked her whether she is engaged with anybody or is there any pressure on her for the marriage but she refused. After our marriage, she refused to make any physical relation with me without siting any reason. I asked her about her past life. She told me about some guys with whom she was not serious. I ignored all these things and told her that I am not interested in her past life. i am just interested in her present and future. she behaves very good with my parents and takes care of them and me very well. But everytime when it comes to any physical contact she denies. I presuded her for physical relations. We did something but could not do the whole thing because she refused in the middle. Also, she does not let me put the light on. I did everyting in the dark. So, neither i was satisfied nor me. Suddenly one day before this physical contact, she told me that she was seriously engaged with some guy for three years and wanted to marry here but her parents refused for inter-cast marriage. I told her that if still she wants to marry that guy then i can arrange that. But she told me that she does not want to marry him now and she is very happy in my family. The problem is this whenever i ask her for physical relation, she avoids. and I everytime think that whatever i am doing(oral or real sex), i am doing without her permission. she is not invloved. thats why i always return from the middle. she likes my company very much, but is not comfotable in physical relation. We are married for almost two months, but i have not got any real feeling from her for physical relations. Now, i also dont try to even kiss her and she never does on her behalf. I dont know till what time we will live like that. I love her very much and thats why i havent told my parents about this because then the things will go to her home also. I dont want that she feel insulted and she does anything under pressure. I one day told my mother about this and after that only she agreed and we did something but that also without anybody's satisfaction. I stopped my mother to tell this to anybody in my home and in her home also. Now, my mother thought everyting is fine. But the problem is still there. I cannot tell my mother again because she will tell her mother and i dont want to make any relation with her under pressure. I want she herself realise what she is doing.

    Maam i dont know what to do and want ur help.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hmm...well, you seem to be an understanding sort of a fellow and pretty sensitive about not forcing sex on your wife. That's very good, but I do understand the cause of your anxiety. The thing is that I agree that you cannot force her to have sex, but you may need to get to the root of this. She is happy with you and your family, so it really cant be that old relationship (if there was one). Its probably got to do with some aversion to the sexual act, for some reason.
    It may appear as if you could need the help of a counsellor on this one. You will need to explain to her that a marriage cannot really survive in this manner and that you should resolve issues if you both want to go ahead, thus persuading her to seek professional help along with you- as a couple.

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    Sex is an important part of marriage. You said that you asked her about her past life, and she did not provide much info at first and then dropped some major experience info on you. Thats her being dishonest.

    You can try meeting a marriage counselor to know what she expects from the marriage and whether you can reach the middle ground. If sex is important to you, you should make it a strong case in your favor and break up with her. Its not too late.

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    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    Marriage counsellor and it that doesn't help then go for a divorce. You don't deserve crap in your life. There is no fault of yours.

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    Dear "Doing it in the dark"

    1. You need to tell her that Sex is very much a part of marriage and unless she shows you that Tattoo down there, you would be inclined to divorce her

    2. Give her a week to come round. Else, see a lawyer. Refusal to consummate a marriage is classified as harassment. Get rid of her and find someone who is willing to discharge her marital obligations.

    Logical Guru is the internationally renowned, right thinking moral source of good advice on all topics related to Sex, Spirituality, Religion, International Travel and the Law.

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    divorce is an option is she is not willing to change her views

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hi Maam,

    I have married two months back. we have done an arrange marriage. After our engagement we didnt talk much. I tried but she always ignored my calls. Everytime i asked her whether she is engaged with anybody or is there any pressure on her for the marriage but she refused. After our marriage, she refused to make any physical relation with me without siting any reason. I asked her about her past life. She told me about some guys with whom she was not serious. I ignored all these things and told her that I am not interested in her past life. i am just interested in her present and future. she behaves very good with my parents and takes care of them and me very well. But everytime when it comes to any physical contact she denies. I presuded her for physical relations. We did something but could not do the whole thing because she refused in the middle. Also, she does not let me put the light on. I did everyting in the dark. So, neither i was satisfied nor me. Suddenly one day before this physical contact, she told me that she was seriously engaged with some guy for three years and wanted to marry here but her parents refused for inter-cast marriage. I told her that if still she wants to marry that guy then i can arrange that. But she told me that she does not want to marry him now and she is very happy in my family. The problem is this whenever i ask her for physical relation, she avoids. and I everytime think that whatever i am doing(oral or real sex), i am doing without her permission. she is not invloved. thats why i always return from the middle. she likes my company very much, but is not comfotable in physical relation. We are married for almost two months, but i have not got any real feeling from her for physical relations. Now, i also dont try to even kiss her and she never does on her behalf. I dont know till what time we will live like that. I love her very much and thats why i havent told my parents about this because then the things will go to her home also. I dont want that she feel insulted and she does anything under pressure. I one day told my mother about this and after that only she agreed and we did something but that also without anybody's satisfaction. I stopped my mother to tell this to anybody in my home and in her home also. Now, my mother thought everyting is fine. But the problem is still there. I cannot tell my mother again because she will tell her mother and i dont want to make any relation with her under pressure. I want she herself realise what she is doing.

    Maam i dont know what to do and want ur help.
    Bro u r quite very sensible in handling sensitive issues. Ist u cant force and u also cant refrain. The best thing wud be have a clear cut understanding of the situation. Ask her if she is totally not out of her past, give her sometime to think. Develop a way that she starts loving u not liking u coz she is liking u. Start a small game wid her like u both r unmarried bf n gf. Then bring passion to ur story and love will surely rekindled. Best of luck....

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    Sir,
    The only leniency you could show is to give her a little bit of time for closure of her past. Then it should be a case of either your way or the highway. Life is too short to go with the notion of "I love my present but cannot forget my past and I am unsure on my future"...

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    Default Give her some time to accept you as her love

    Looking at your situation, I can understand what you must be going through. But you should be happy that your wife is caring and understanding. Moreover, she is willing to sacrifice and trying to accept you. She likes your company and is happy with the marriage. But you need to understand one thing that she had loved someone for 3 years. So it will take some time for her to stuck it out of her life. Its has been only 2 months, she is just not mentally prepared. Give her some time. Communicate to her that you dont want just physical relation. Give her some time to fall in love with you. Once she starts loving you, it ill not be weird for her to be physical with you. Just let her relax, dont try to get physical. Giver her some time. Show her care and love. In some time she will also love you. After that she is all yours, And once she starts loving you, you wont even have to get physical with her, she will herself make the first move towards you. So just relax, as per your post, your situation looks very positive to me. Its just hat 2 months is very small time for her to forget his past and to love someone else.

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    Default Be patient and have faith in her.

    Similar case was wid me..soo my advise is that be patient and give her som time (might b some months) to accept you as advised by last reply by "shahzadadil". The best thing in ur case is dat she is loyal to you and ur family as she is loving u and ur family. So be patient and have faith in her and you will see the magic of love.

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    hi dear
    I appriciate your feeling . love has a lot of power itself if you love someone after a spam of time she will definately in love with you as per my personal life experience.

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    Default ck her hard

    all i cn tell u is she realy need a very gud nd hard humping...fck her damn hard in doggy style

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    hi,

    You are a great husband. Well just dont get family involved. You are right about the embarrassment & also its like life long it stays as gossip.. it will reach uncles,aunties.. etc etc.. & u & ur wife will ahve to suffer.

    she also seems like nice lady.. she maybe having some personal problem... or just scared of sex. you can talk to ome sex consultant in private,without letting other family members know about it.. but beore u recahout for professional help.. try asking her why exactly she is behaving this way. help her.. i know you would definitely do that.

    all the best.
    Live amongst people in such a manner that if you die they weep over you and if you are alive they crave for your company.

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    It obvious that she is not interested in you or the marriage so why suffer when law itself is saying that refusal to sex in marriage amounts to cruelty and is the strongest ground or divorce.

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    Default You can do it!!

    You are such a sweet husband. So far, you are doing great. Like someone suggested, please do not involve other family members. I am pretty sure you both are going to be a wonderful couple in future with a little more patience and persistence. It is just 2 months passed. She is trying to forget her past and needs more time. Please do not lose hopes.

    First try to attach with her romantically. Ever heard of ROLE-PLAY?? Yes, it is going to be true for you and for next couple of months.

    Just imagine that you are in love with her and need to win her heart. Do the things which a boy mad in love with his next-door neighbor girl would do, just like movies... sending gifts, flowers, lovely notes admiring her qualities, praising her publicly especially in front of her relatives and friends, writing love letters and sending by post (Yes!), knowing her favorite songs and playing them when she is around, knowing her likes and dislikes etc (google search can help you).

    I think you are a lucky man who is going to live this fantasy in fact. Believe me you are going to love it and she is going to fall in love with you head over heel. Please stay away from getting close physically during this period. Even if she makes some moves in physical intimacy, try to keep it to cuddles, soft touches, kisses, hugs etc. BE HER FRIEND FIRST AND THEN A HUSBAND.

    Go man... win her heart!! And you will be successful because you have a heart of pure gold. If possible, come back here after you succeed and share your success story with us.

    Believe me you don't need any counselor, any legal advice at this stage. Accept the challenge!

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