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Thread: Husband and in laws bad influencing my child

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    Default Husband and in laws bad influencing my child

    I am a married woman aged 35 , it was an arrange marriage 14 years ago almost, i have a boy aged 12 1/2 year old. He is my only reason to live and else i have nothing and no one to love and care for me. My husband never ever cared for me nor he loved me anytime. He married me because of dowry my father gave him. I married him and that moment i fell in love with him. When i was 4 months pregnant i got to know that he has an affair.

    I tried a lot but nothing happened to stop him from meeting that girl.I told my parents to intervene but to my shock they asked me to adjust. I asked my in laws that can i do further correspondence studies. This also created a scene at home and then i got to know he has relationships with that girl since 5 years . My great X husband hurted me badly and ill treated me and beat me up many many times.

    To add to woes my great parents never ever tried a single bit to help me get out of this whole mess. I left his home and went to live at my friends place and i decided to divorce him. My parents and in laws put all allegations on me of being wrong and all. Parents asked me to settle differences but never came to my rescue. I dropped idea to divorce him and tried once again but this time my child was seeing me beaten up and being hurt.

    I did not want my child to go through this all and finally filed a case of divorce. Since past 11 years i am living alone. I am beautiful and got many offers for marriage but i never wanted to move ahead and instead cared for my son. None of my parents / in laws / great husband / NO ONE came to see how i am living. I did correspondence MBA and worked/earned for my child.

    Now my husband filed a case for child's custody and wants his child. He says i do not earn good enough to give my child a good , decent life. Obviously he earns 10 times more then what i earn. But my boy has been given everything by me. My lawyer says my husband has a point. he daily goes to his school to brainwash my boy and my boy also thinks that i am responsible for our divorce. My child sometimes fights with me and he also has in back of his mind that i am not giving him the love of father what he deserves.

    I never ever brainwashed him against my husband but my husband's family do it daily when his school ends. He comes to home by auto. I can not go to pick him as i work as well. I do not know what i will do if my own child will some day go against me or if judge asks him that who he wants to live with. My whole life is my son. I never ever did anything wrong in my life. My life means my boy.

    He is the last thing i have , should i tell him what his father did to me. or what my n his parents did when i needed monetary help. or will it create a bad impact on my child. I do not want to loose him in anyway or else i wont be able to live a single day if he starts hating me.

  2. #2
    SB Addict archer_paradise's Avatar
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    Such are the consequences of a divorce. Your child and you (and your husband) will have to go through this brutal process since your husband cannot stop cheating and beating you, you cannot adjust in such a dominating household and your kid is obviously immature and easily influenced.

    You must understand your priority. If it is your son then you obviously need to fight honorably in court. Finance is not the only criteria for the well being of the child. You can explain your side of the story to your son but remember that even if you dont, your child is & will grow up in a screwed up family situation.

    You know the situation that will kill you... your son leaving you or hating you. But then again, you cannot control his emotions or the situation. If it was under my control, I wouldve been living a better life. But life is not in our hands sometimes.

    We can only give our best shot. You have had some really bad experiences. They will only make you stronger.

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    The Law is an ***. However, if you have been providing for your Son, the court should take and will take cognizance of this fact. You have not mentioned if he gave you an alimony or is providing you child support?

    Also, I would hire a detective to record his extra-marital affair or the possibility of him marrying and having kids again.

    On a more radical note, why are you not open to marry a gentleman who is gainfully employed and is willing to welcome your son. Having personally lost a Son, I know the pain and effort to endure such a loss / separation. Hire a good lawyer and fight it out and look out of that charming prince.

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    Sorry for you dear. I agree with logical Guru to an extend. How about you start collecting evidences of his affair? The court will definitely hear to your side of the story. Hire a good lawyer and start taking all the possible witnesses into confidence.

    But before all that, is there any possibility of you talking to your ex-husband and explaining him how much your son means to you? It is he who was at fault. I know this might not help but how about giving it a try?

    At the same time, start talking to your kid. He is mature enough to understand your side of the story. Tell him why you need to work, what all you have gone through. Perhaps, that can make things better.

    God bless you!
    "Love means exposing yourself to being deeply hurt by someone you love" - and yet I loved! The pain now is nothing but a part of the happiness then~~

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    Quote Originally Posted by Logical_Guru View Post
    The Law is an ***. However, if you have been providing for your Son, the court should take and will take cognizance of this fact. You have not mentioned if he gave you an alimony or is providing you child support?

    Also, I would hire a detective to record his extra-marital affair or the possibility of him marrying and having kids again.

    On a more radical note, why are you not open to marry a gentleman who is gainfully employed and is willing to welcome your son. Having personally lost a Son, I know the pain and effort to endure such a loss / separation. Hire a good lawyer and fight it out and look out of that charming prince.

    If your x husband is brainwashing your son you need to explain your son and project relavant evidence that his father has done in a manner such that your son understands the plight that you have gone through.Logical Guru is absolutely right...... you can collect the evidence about his affairs and present it to the court such that your defense is strong and the prosecutor has no other go but to accept your plight....

    It is also important that your son does not get disturbed emotionally because he is at a tender and a sensitive age..so you need to explain things to him and deal with him very carefully...
    Wenever you miss sumone dont close your eyes to get der image into your head . . Jus pick da damn phone and cal dem . . .

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    Thank you for suggestions and i want to win the legal battle but its hard to get all the proofs as i do not live with him...i will obviously put this all before judge about his life and all and about that he has re married so i also do not trust his wife now.

    Also my son studies in a decent school and has all the things his friends have so lifestyle is also not a problem. That is my view point.

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    A big big no to meet that guy and make that dog understand anything. Its not my ego but i just can not stand him and his family. I wont meet or talk to him indeed in my entire life i do not want to ever demand anything from him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Want2bCA View Post
    Sorry for you dear. I agree with logical Guru to an extend. How about you start collecting evidences of his affair? The court will definitely hear to your side of the story. Hire a good lawyer and start taking all the possible witnesses into confidence.

    But before all that, is there any possibility of you talking to your ex-husband and explaining him how much your son means to you? It is he who was at fault. I know this might not help but how about giving it a try?

    At the same time, start talking to your kid. He is mature enough to understand your side of the story. Tell him why you need to work, what all you have gone through. Perhaps, that can make things better.

    God bless you!

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    This is a very tricky situation, I don't know what to say. First I would suggest you is to hire a good lawyer. Second thing is try explaining little bit to your son, not in complete details but atleast little bit what his father did to you. I guess the worst thing here is that your family is not supportive. But I would definitely suggest you to go to different lawyer as your currrent lawyer is giving you some negative vibes. In such cases court usually give custody to mother. I don't know what to say here, but I hope court will give you the custody of your child. All the best. God bless you !

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    Try approaching a very good NGO first .. The laws for women are very strong .. With their support u will be able to do something I am very sure ... But make sure it is a very reputed one .. Secondly make ur kid understand the torture u have gone through and the real reason why u left his dad ... As it is he is being brainwashed and told what not about you ... Tell him the facts ...
    Try n Find a good support system in ur friends

    May God give u the strength to bear this .
    I feel Alive ... Its Awesome

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    In agreement to post above . Do as she says .stay blsd

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    Quote Originally Posted by aahna sharma View Post
    Thank you for suggestions and i want to win the legal battle but its hard to get all the proofs as i do not live with him...i will obviously put this all before judge about his life and all and about that he has re married so i also do not trust his wife now.

    Also my son studies in a decent school and has all the things his friends have so lifestyle is also not a problem. That is my view point.

    Getting the proofs is a cake walk if you appoint the right detective and pay him well to keep track of all the things about him.....and in that way you may figure out or get some details that might help you turn the tide in your favor legally....
    Wenever you miss sumone dont close your eyes to get der image into your head . . Jus pick da damn phone and cal dem . . .

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    Oh my! I'm sorry to hear about this my dear. Now, the thing is that you need to get a strong lawyer- if you feel yours is good enough, then fine. You can certainly fight it out in court, which is usually sympathetic to women. but you must be prepared for everything-even your son questioning you and opting for what in his immature brain is more important to him- his father's better lifestyle.
    I'm not scaring you, just preparing you. Get all the help you need- lawyers, support systems in terms of friends. Be very gentle with your son in these days, so that the stress of this whole thing does not reflect on your dealing with him and does not make your husband seem more attractive.
    Just be strong and be brave. And fight with all you've got! God be with you!

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    Hire a good lawyer, a shark one.. he will know what he has to do everything from detective to collecting proofs etc. You might have to shell out some extra bucks, but that's what you have as an only option. Try your best and leave it to the destiny, world is not fair to everyone, so better start living in the reality and prepare yourself for anything. Some of the above posts contain really nice suggestions for you, although there is no guarantee that you will be able to retain the custody, you just gotta give it your best shot...since your son is your life. Good luck.

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    It's too painful what you've shared... But it's high time for you to explain your son about your past... How your husband was when you were still with him... How can someone like your husband wants the custody of the child he never know before... If he would have cared for that child, he would have tried to finish all these differences between you both and lead a happy married life with you... He didn't like you how can he love the child whom YOU gave birth... he's such a selfish person... It may be that you earn less, but the most important thing is that you care a lot for your son and you give him all his necessaries... As for your selfish husband, it's now that he is free to think about his son.. Free from his affair..??? In court, you have this as a strong point.. Despite he was married he had affair with someone.. At that time he didn't realize you were pregnant, he was behaving like an ignorant with you... He is short tempered person, he used to beat you.. what's the guarantee if he has the custody, he'll not beat your son as he used to beat you... Most of all, he's such a characterless person, how can a child remain with such person, it will have bad impact on your son... Please dear try all your best to save your son from these cruel person...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    I am a married woman aged 35 , it was an arrange marriage 14 years ago almost, i have a boy aged 12 1/2 year old. He is my only reason to live and else i have nothing and no one to love and care for me. My husband never ever cared for me nor he loved me anytime. He married me because of dowry my father gave him. I married him and that moment i fell in love with him. When i was 4 months pregnant i got to know that he has an affair.

    I tried a lot but nothing happened to stop him from meeting that girl.I told my parents to intervene but to my shock they asked me to adjust. I asked my in laws that can i do further correspondence studies. This also created a scene at home and then i got to know he has relationships with that girl since 5 years . My great X husband hurted me badly and ill treated me and beat me up many many times.

    To add to woes my great parents never ever tried a single bit to help me get out of this whole mess. I left his home and went to live at my friends place and i decided to divorce him. My parents and in laws put all allegations on me of being wrong and all. Parents asked me to settle differences but never came to my rescue. I dropped idea to divorce him and tried once again but this time my child was seeing me beaten up and being hurt.

    I did not want my child to go through this all and finally filed a case of divorce. Since past 11 years i am living alone. I am beautiful and got many offers for marriage but i never wanted to move ahead and instead cared for my son. None of my parents / in laws / great husband / NO ONE came to see how i am living. I did correspondence MBA and worked/earned for my child.

    Now my husband filed a case for child's custody and wants his child. He says i do not earn good enough to give my child a good , decent life. Obviously he earns 10 times more then what i earn. But my boy has been given everything by me. My lawyer says my husband has a point. he daily goes to his school to brainwash my boy and my boy also thinks that i am responsible for our divorce. My child sometimes fights with me and he also has in back of his mind that i am not giving him the love of father what he deserves.

    I never ever brainwashed him against my husband but my husband's family do it daily when his school ends. He comes to home by auto. I can not go to pick him as i work as well. I do not know what i will do if my own child will some day go against me or if judge asks him that who he wants to live with. My whole life is my son. I never ever did anything wrong in my life. My life means my boy.

    He is the last thing i have , should i tell him what his father did to me. or what my n his parents did when i needed monetary help. or will it create a bad impact on my child. I do not want to loose him in anyway or else i wont be able to live a single day if he starts hating me.


    Lawyer here..

    The bolded part is not understandable. You'v filed for divorce. Did you get the divorce?

    Was it a contested one or you both agreed for MCD?

    And yet you say that nobody came to see you, especially your great husband.

    if you had filed for divorce, I don't think your husband would be interested in coming and meeting you, enquiring about your well being etc.

    If you had already filed for a divorce, why did you not file child custody rights then and there itself, why did you keep quiet for a good 11 years?

    These are some questions which you have to answer.


    Now that your husband has filed for child custody, it is not that easy.

    Brainwashing the kid when he goes to his school all ok.

    But he has to mainly prove few things which go as follows:

    1. He has to prove that you have ill-treated the child all way long.
    2. He has to prove that you have not provided any facility to you kid all way long, be it in terms of food, education, shelter.
    3. He has to prove that you have not let him visit the kid in the past so many years.
    4. He has to prove that he can provide much comfort to the kid, better education than what you provided, better housing facilities than what you've provided.

    All the above to be proved is not that easy.

    The family court runs/works on the basis of emotions, not just monetary relief when it comes to custody cases. Remember one thing, the court will always favor the woman with regard to child's custody, will hold multiple counselling sessions for the three of you. Will eventually ask with whom would the child like to stay. But do not get deterred by what I am telling. The point is, law is on your side, you need not worry too much.

    Many unanswered questions are there here..

    If you knew that your husband has more income than you, why did not you file a 125 crpc and claim some money from your husband for maintenance of child?

    Feel free to ask anything else.


    Regards,


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