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Thread: Not ethical, but feels right

  1. #1
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    Default Not ethical, but feels right

    mam,

    i can see people getting satisfactory replies here but mam my ques is do we have to do ethical always???? me a married women.....with a kid of 7 and these 8 yrs of marriage have been disastrous.husbands an alcoholic guy whose on my salary...an year back i met this friend of his who had a tragic marriage as mine......sharing our pains i don't know when we came close. and there was a day when we broke our limits.. i have no guilt mam. im happy i have him as strength with me i can now take care of my kid properly, my husband still is same, beats me up, fights like hell, abuses the same way, but things have now changed . i have a zeal to live. we are not in same city we meet every second or third month. we spend time together and go back to our lives fresh to struggle again.....its an extra marital affair mam. ethically wrong. but im happy hes happy, we are not breaking any family. i support him mentally he motivates me similarly...we talk and find solution to our personal problems.
    we do not wish to get divorced for our kids sake but we can think of not meeting each other either.. i knw mam most of you would say its wrong , mistake , stop it try to talk to ur husband, but all i did, and if it was just a physically attraction then why wud we be bothered for solving our family problems. we are giving each other comfort in every way....
    Dear all,

    please dont reply just for replying sake....i knw many of us share the same lives...please reply logically...waiting...thanks

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Hi! OK, I understand what you are saying and I'm not sure why you are sharing this here with everyone. Sometimes what is acceptable to the societal ethical modes may be harmful to an individual. However, I cannot say that an extra marital affair is all right and feel that if the relationship is so bad, you should end it and start a new one. that is actually the correct thing to do. The law gives you that right, so you can opt to make that choice.

  3. #3
    Naughty Jatt Lieutenant-Colonel Colonel Hannibal Smith's Avatar
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    my friend...
    some relations dont hv a valid name or ethical morality about them, but the understanding is far greater than d ones which hv societal validation n nomenclature!
    as long as u both realise that dis relation can cost any of u losin' ur kids & family respect anyday, & as long as u both r willin to let the other person go away when d situation arises without any possessiveness n necessity traumas, u r within ur emotional n biological rights to continue on for watever time u need to!

    some things r better off not shared n not thought off excessively, u ll know urself when n how to end it.
    rather than ppl in AA help u in an extremely sensitive n critical situation of urs, u hv to help urself, & not for wat othrrs feel n say, for wat u feel n need to survive!
    I support ur decision n ur honest admission about it..
    U may turn ur eyes away..but can u drive me outta ur mind..
    the more u move away..u get closer every time..

  4. #4
    SB Addict ariesgirl's Avatar
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    agreeing with above reply..but why don't you divorce your husband?you said you can't divorce him for the sake of your child..but even your child may not be having a pleasant childhood..your husband's nature and fights would naturally affect your child's mental growth too..so better divorce him and marry this guy..your child would also get the love and care of a father through him..

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    ♥♥Salma♥♥ Captain Want2bCA's Avatar
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    Dear, I totally understand your side of the story. Definitely you deserve all the happiness. But at the same time, you need to realise your responsibility towards your kid. The day is not very far when your kid will grow enough to understand what you are upto. And trust me, that wouldn't put you in a very good position. I understand when you say its not easy to leave your respective partners. I would suggest you better limit your relationship to phone calls instead of meeting. This way, you can still be good friends to each other without causing any harm to anyone.

    Also, I dont understand why do you have to put up with your abusive husband when you are self dependent. Be stern and take an action against him. You do not deserve to be treated this way!
    "Love means exposing yourself to being deeply hurt by someone you love" - and yet I loved! The pain now is nothing but a part of the happiness then~~

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    Bigg Boss Specialist ;) Colonel shivani2121's Avatar
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    You need to ask urself this question ---- Are u ready to face the consequences ?
    U r already being bashed by ur hubby ..What and when if he comes to know ? What about your kid ? in india everyone is attuned to happenings in each other's houses. would you like your kid to be branded by this momentary happiness fault ?

    If you cannot do the time .please don't do the crime ..
    I feel Alive ... Its Awesome

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    Young Gun RoleModel007's Avatar
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    The world ain't no saint and one is no less of a sinner. We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. So as someone outsider I am no position to comment on your actions. However, there are few things that I would like to throw lights on.

    - Many non ethical things feel so right in this world till you are caught. It feels more right when you think you can get away with a reason.
    - You know you are wrong but you want the sympathy by citing your misfortune and thus make yourself/others believe its right when you have a reason.
    - As long as you are able to keep it under the carpet everybody wins but do you have a 'plan-b' if the secret is let out?
    - In case things go wrong, Do you think your reason(s) would be sufficient enough to make you face this mean world again?

    I don't want to sound all hypocrite and will admit that if I was you I would have rather done the same. However, it would be wrong if I advice others to do so.
    Last edited by RoleModel007; 17-04-2013 at 03:25 AM.

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    Bigg Boss Specialist ;) Colonel shivani2121's Avatar
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    In such cases when shit hits the fan . Plan B to Plan Z .... all just vanish into thin air .... So think 100 times ...
    I feel Alive ... Its Awesome

  9. #9
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    You know that its unethical, then why do you want to do it? Better be strong and fight the current situation. I know that you both are emotionally attached, so better pursue a divorce and get into a formal relationship called marriage. Get the Custody of your kids if you can... anyway the court will decide about with whom they eventually live. You don't have to ask people to reply LOGICALLY. Everybody here gives a logical reply, and the same reply might sound ILLOGICAL to others including you. And better make your own decision in this case since its your life, and if doing something unethically is OK for you, then do it. Don't do the drama of asking other people's advice. I hope you will find some LOGIC here.. since you have already started the EXTRAMARITAL affair.

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    SB Addict Inspector Pathan's Avatar
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    you said your husband is on your salary leave him either marry the guy you have mentioned if you are able to convince him otherwise find someone else there is no point continuing this marriage for the sake of your child he is getting a hostile environment which is not good for his future

  11. #11
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    Dear, I understand what you are going through and very well understand that zeal.

    Its seems so nice and good when you get a love one who cares you and understand you the way you want.
    That time looks amazing and feel may be its God's blessings as he finally saw you in pain and thought of giving you some relief.


    Well all good.

    Just one thing you guys dont want to get married and leave you spouses for kids but of they are so insensitive thn i would say if possible get separated that way what you are doing is not will not be a total mess in other's view.
    I would if possible get married. There is no point staying in such relationship and You both can not be committed then i dont want to say but the truth is one of you can move on in future ...right now you are so happy with all this but when that move on part comes then it becomes really hard bcoz if you dont love someone and still cant leave him then how would you leave a person you love soooo much....
    this at a point can give huge depression and that zeal just disappears in a fraction of seconds.

    I am requesting you to make this relationship strong and legal.
    That way it will be ethical too would be right in every way and this would save you from that disaster which can happen. I heard a similar story where the man realized that wht he is doing & what he supposed to do and for sake of his family moved on & told the girl that what he did was wrong and his feelings has changed and pls you too move on >>>>>> the girl is under deep depression & can't share the reasons with her family either.

    Please take this very seriously , if you guys love each other try to make it a better relationship give it a name and save urself from huge depression.

    I hope you understand.
    Last edited by Nonika; 22-05-2013 at 01:43 AM.

  12. #12
    ||||--MAN OF STEEL--|||| Colonel BADINDIAN's Avatar
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    I first want to highlight a few replies that the others have given that are in line with what I have in mind!

    Quote Originally Posted by Preeto Maam View Post
    Sometimes what is acceptable to the societal ethical modes may be harmful to an individual. However, I cannot say that an extra marital affair is all right
    Quote Originally Posted by Colonel Hannibal Smith View Post
    my friend...
    some relations dont hv a valid name or ethical morality about them, but the understanding is far greater than d ones which hv societal validation n nomenclature!
    Quote Originally Posted by Want2bCA View Post
    But at the same time, you need to realise your responsibility towards your kid. The day is not very far when your kid will grow enough to understand what you are upto. And trust me, that wouldn't put you in a very good position.


    Read those points carefully and then read them again...

    Ethics change from person to person...Ethics is nothing but being Morally right!
    So, going that way, you are wrong. But, as you subtly pointed out, you have every right to be happy!

    One day or the other, this will get out...The society will know...
    Do not think about the consequences that you will face...think of the consequences your kids will face...
    The other guy's kids will face...
    now ask yourself, what was their fault? Did they deserve it?

    Regardless of what your husband is, he is still your husband...and you are having an extra marital affair ---- Bottom Line!

    Solution? Why do you want extra weights on your shoulder? Why do you want him to drag down the happiness in your life?
    Get rid of him...He doesn't deserve you...Be a single mother..I am sure u are capable!
    and, once your friend is single too...feel free to explore your relationship...or just meet him once every 2 months...whatever suits your needs
    I Don't Exactly Hate you!
    However, if you were on fire, and I had water,
    I'd drink it!


  13. #13
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    I understand that you have went through a lot. U are not happy with your husband and he is the same with his wife. Now think about this is your kid happy with a alcoholic father really is he happy or not? 2nd you broke your limits and I am not sure if you are still doing it or not what if you get pregnant with guy? 3) You are being abused and what will your child learn from this marriage. How about this you think about divorcing because I think it is time since he is not your husband and really you don't have interest in him either. You don love him and he does not love you. He is treating you like slave. So think about it and see.

  14. #14
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    Lady, I for one, can understand what you are going through. two kids, on the job, abusive husband. No woman deserves such a condition and especially a woman like you who is self-independent.

    Now i know why you are not in the mood to go for a divorce. You are concerned about your kids as any mother would be. But just think that if all the abuse that you go through, if your children went through it, then what ?

    Plus if this man loves you, then i'm sure your children will too. and you can have a great family but just make sure that you don't end up in a condition like that of the movie " The stepfather "

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    By the way, I love the way you have confronted your self with this situation. Not every woman has that type of strength. I don't know you But I'll say

    and I love You

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