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Thread: Please help a Confused and Distressed Teen

  1. #1
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    Default Please help a Confused and Distressed Teen

    Hey,
    My family is in lack of better words dysfunctional. My sister went off to college and I'm the oldest in the house now. My parents argue a lot and have had really horrid arguments over the years. But they are still together. Physical and verbal violence have been witnessed by all three of my sibling including me. Things have been less tense. But my biggest problem is my father. We have had our fair share of yelling matches, as well. Our relationship has been strained over the years due to my mother and father's relationship. I was once a daddy's girl so it's hard. I know I shouldn't let their issues get in the way of our relationship but it really does. To be honest he lacks understanding and is very hot-blooded. His lack of faith to my mother some years ago angers me for some reason. I feel as if he betrayed not only her but his whole family as well. My other two siblings have no idea about his infidelity I found out from eavesdropping. The heart of my stress now, I left my phone in my dad's truck as I was searching I found an unopened condom. Please don't say I'm overthinking things and I shouldn't get involved because I got involved the moment I was born. Another situation was this summer we kept getting mail for Huggies diapers mailed to my father and on another separate occasion was when I picked up the phone and it was a hospital calling about baby results, bare in mind that my siblings and I all have the same mother and father and we are all over the age of five. That confused me big time. I know I'm going on and on but there is so much unsaid things that I myself am still trying to understand as I write my thoughts rereading it. I don't mean to come off too defensive the truth is I just started high school I'm under a lot of pressure and I don't know how to deal with family issues when I get home. I guess I'm just looking for insight from another person's persons perspective. I'm so tired of bottling all this up.
    Sorry for the spelling errors. I hope you respond soon

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Uh oh! right, I'm not going to play this down- verbal and physical abuse amongst parents with the children having to be witnesses is horrific for the kids, no exceptions, so I do empathise with you on that account totally. Its hard not to take sides, I understand that, specially when it appears that one parent is having it off on the side.
    Now, the thing is, what do you want to do about it? Do you really want to get into this mess at all? Listen, you've started high school, and now is your chance to get out of all this (even if you have to live at home) and work hard, develop interests and friends and create a whole new life for yourself. Be loyal to your mom, my dear, but don't try and fight her battles for her. She must take her own decisions. You're getting to be an adult- so, get yourself a life. Yes?

  3. #3
    ..Yaar Patialavi.. Lieutenant-Colonel a_decent_1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
    Hey,
    My family is in lack of better words dysfunctional. My sister went off to college and I'm the oldest in the house now. My parents argue a lot and have had really horrid arguments over the years. But they are still together. Physical and verbal violence have been witnessed by all three of my sibling including me. Things have been less tense. But my biggest problem is my father. We have had our fair share of yelling matches, as well. Our relationship has been strained over the years due to my mother and father's relationship. I was once a daddy's girl so it's hard. I know I shouldn't let their issues get in the way of our relationship but it really does. To be honest he lacks understanding and is very hot-blooded. His lack of faith to my mother some years ago angers me for some reason. I feel as if he betrayed not only her but his whole family as well. My other two siblings have no idea about his infidelity I found out from eavesdropping. The heart of my stress now, I left my phone in my dad's truck as I was searching I found an unopened condom. Please don't say I'm overthinking things and I shouldn't get involved because I got involved the moment I was born. Another situation was this summer we kept getting mail for Huggies diapers mailed to my father and on another separate occasion was when I picked up the phone and it was a hospital calling about baby results, bare in mind that my siblings and I all have the same mother and father and we are all over the age of five. That confused me big time. I know I'm going on and on but there is so much unsaid things that I myself am still trying to understand as I write my thoughts rereading it. I don't mean to come off too defensive the truth is I just started high school I'm under a lot of pressure and I don't know how to deal with family issues when I get home. I guess I'm just looking for insight from another person's persons perspective. I'm so tired of bottling all this up.
    Sorry for the spelling errors. I hope you respond soon
    Well,
    Giving you the right advice has already been forbidden by you. I would give you the same advice anyway :

    "Stay out of it" .. You are a teenager and you are not as smart as you think you are my friend.. At your age, everything is extreme and very often you come out with results you want to come out with. So, please stay out of it. I am not sure at this point in time you can understand what is going around. Even if you do, nobody is going to take you seriously.. So better leave it alone.

    G'day
    Miss you Dadaji

  4. #4
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    Have you ever wondered that despite all those relentless physical and verbal fights, your parents have still chosen be with each other and not get separated or divorced? There must be something that keeps them together and may be it's for you and your siblings. So it can be derived that they do care about their children or each other.

    Knowing the kind of relationship your parents share - do you think that your father doesn't know that his wife will try to go through his stuff to find something out of the ordinary? When adults become extremely hostile in their conflicts they have tendencies to go beyond limits to unsettle and hurt feelings; instead of physically hurting each other. Now don't you expect your father to at least not order huggies diapers to your home address unless there is an undivulged motive behind it? Similarly, the condom could be planted; lies, phone calls, etc made up to throw your mother off balance. Even if that is not the case, at least think of it that way and be optimistic.

    Irrespective of the equation between your father and mother - don't extrapolate situations and hold biases for one over the other. Love and respect each one of them equally, even if they are being irrational at times. Tell them that it hurts you to see them like this without getting much into details because they are unlikely to take you seriously at this age.

    Since the environment at home is not so friendly and very stressful, you should try to focus on your education, friends, activities, etc that makes you happy and helps you de-stress. I have a friend (also female) who had a troubled-childhood just as you; and she credits her accomplishments to one of her teacher's at school who made sure that she (my friend) did her work regularly and was not affected by domestic issues. She's 26 now, happy (knock wood) and works for one of the most reputed companies in IT space. Her parents also get along better than they did earlier. So may be you can draw some inspiration from her or talk to favorite teacher/instructor at school - they are likely to give you some good advice.

    Certainly not an easy situation to handle, however, I hope that you don't let it get the better of you. At the same time I also hope things get better at home so that you can get the peace of mind that you deserve at this age.

    Good luck and God bless.
    Last edited by dAIC; 28-04-2013 at 11:12 PM.

  5. #5
    SB Addict RoleModel007's Avatar
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    Been there and done that. See the beauty of this problem is since there is no direct involvement of yourself, you can totally ignore it if you are willing to. Keep telling yourselves 'few more years and then I will get out of this jail'. Trust in time which tends to offer sweet solutions for bitter difficulties.

  6. #6
    SB Champion Lieutenant o00's Avatar
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    As the above user has said, just stay away from it, you cant do much in this messy situation anyway. Once you are above 18, move out of the house and concentrate on your studies and work.

  7. #7
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    Hello there how are you??? I hope that things get better for you soon... Listen i understand that you are going through a tough time and this is not right. What I would suggest is that you should talk to your older siblings and see what they have to say. Also, concentrate on your studies.

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    Default Its hard but must...

    Dear *,
    I am little unhappy to read your post. Lots of post come on this forum but yours is little more difficult, being little open to forum same could be problem of my daughter some day in future. I may not answer this post, coz no rule of game apply here. I am sorry for your parents, either or both of them are not able to appreciate the life of human being given by God to him/her/them. They/he/she is/are fighting for reasons(?) they may think very important, without the solution of their kind they may not live any further. They/he/she is/are not worried about the consequences on the day they have wasted or effects on them or their kids. Whatever God bless them.
    For you, I request (not suggest) you to appreciate the life given by God as human being. Try to enjoy every moment. Try for betterment on your personal treats. Work on improving yourself be self centered. It is responsibility of your parents to give you and your bros& sis a better life not yours. I am sure they wont understand the foolishness they are doing otherwise they wont be doing this. So dear, pls. ignor family matters and get ahead. Coz even if some part of your body is ruined you have to cut it out of your body to avoid spoiling the rest of body. This is all I have to say. God bless you with the vision to live a happy life.

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