I am in a relationship with a girl for past 2 years.
we are around 26 years old. It is her first relationship.
She is good looking and all boys eye for her. I too fell for looks and proposed her 2 years ago.
She said yes, and since then we are together.
But she is completely averse to my emotional needs.
-She doesnt let me speak. Doesnt agree to anything i say and argues on everything.
She keeps bloating about her own self and her daily activities without being much interested to whats happening to me. If i ever say that why you speak so much, she shouts and says you have changed a lot.
- I have always loved and cared for her. But she ignores my needs very much. She never bothers if I am having proper food or sleep or not, though in last 2 years I have cared about her diet every single day. When I tell her about such things, she fights back and says that I demand too much.
- She is averse to my fantasies. I was a romantic kind of guy and very often told her that some day I want to taste something prepared from her hands. In last two years she has never made anything for me. This also becomes a issue of fight between us. I think is she truely loved me she can atleast sometime try to do what pleases me the most. But she doesnt much bothers about my wishes and says I am a patriarchal male etc etc.
- On her advised, I underwent drastic changes in my appearance, which were very costly and time consuming to maintain . But she is very reluctant to do anything which i want from her.
- Only good thing, is that she is very good while we come close physically. at that time she cuddles me a lot, treats me like her teddy bear, and sleeps on my lap or chest like a baby.
- Once there was an issue, on which she was so angry that she started slapping and beating me, but since I am physically much stronger, she could nt inflict much harm even though i remained inactive.
- If we fight, I speak for 2 mins, she speaks for 8 mins. Recently we had a fight, I was very much affected by her bad behaviour so I deliberately but precociously hit her ( soft slap) but only once just to show how bad it feels after fighting. She jumped back she kept hitting me back for 10-15 mins. Even though she was fighting for most of the time, she scratched my hands with her nails, She dug nails through my body in revenge. I could have easily stopped or hit her back, but i didnt as i love her very much. Even though I said sorry a million times the same night, she had her tantrums the next day also. The next day, She compared me with Salmaan Khan and said such harsh things like you are not fit for any girl or for any relationship with anyone.
- She speaks very foul when in bad mood and doesn't realize how bad her thoughts and words are.
- But She is very submissive before the rest of world. She never fights with anyone else, but infront of me she is a tigress.
The whole world thinks that there can never be a girl as soft hearted as her.
I often decided about leaving this relationship. But everytime I see her face or our pics or think about her and our past, I change my decision. I am afraid If after marriage i will be subjected to such mental violence all my life. But I love her very much and I am very much attached to her. i can neither remain with her nor go away from her. I am also worried, in case she married someone else, if another man will properly take her care or not and what if other man isnt so patient with her. At that time she will be in a very pathetic condition. This thought makes me continue loving her again and again in spite of so many fights.
Please help me. I have very important exams of my life few weeks from now and every day lot of time is wasted in fights. I am not able to concentrate on anything. In depression, I just had the first alcohol of my life, sometimes I even want this life to continue no more...