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Thread: Dad takes mom for granted

  1. #1

    Default Dad takes mom for granted


    I am a 24 year old guy staying with my parents.I am lucky to have good parents.

    I get pissed of due to his take for granted attitude towards my mom.In certain matters where he was required to stand up for my mom he always used to back off.

    For instance my uncles (dad's brother some of them they do not even take care of my grandmother (their mom) neither do they care for my dad). So at times my dad took the initiative to take care of her and all of us supported him. At times when his brothers were telling things against us he never had the guts to face them on right and wrong and stand by for my mom during the hour of need because it was she who struggled to balance both of us yet she neither got any kind of acknowledgement or gratitude from my grand mom or dad.Instead he comes here and bosses around with us, only supporting them(his brothers).

    He has a stupid excuse for that. It seems when he was struggling to build a life for himself they helped him due to which he was obligated towards them (does not mean he should not support his wife in right or wrong) for that which is why he behaves like a people pleaser towards them.I hate such an attitude.They never supported him when he was feeling low or down instead my mom was his strong support all throughout this years.

    My mom sacrificed so much to maintain dad's peace of mind at home all this years.

    At times when dad is out of station , I see her break into tears secretly.I appreciate my dad's concern for his mom but to take care of his mom he is hurting my mom in the process.He does not even bother to listen to her at times(my grand-mom is a self-centered,inconsiderate sadistic specimen who takes both my mom and dad for granted). She is a super talented selfish woman.

    When I confronted him on this issue he had nothing to tell.Unfortunately thing is he pampers my brother whom I am trying to straighten up his manners.Dad's pampering has only resulted in he becoming more and more arrogant. I have already made things clear to dad that if my brother grows up with bad manners, he would solely be responsible for it because mom and I had taken the initiative to change him but due to dad's meddlesome attitude that did not work out.

    Due to all such things I may be rude but I have developed some kind of aversion towards my dad in this matter.He is so indifferent.At times I feel so embarrased when I see my dad and mom being taken for granted by others(his brothers especially). His good nature is being taken advantage of. I can't see my mom being hurt and taken for granted this way.I turn red whenever I see such a thing happen.

    Kindly let me know how to tackle this issue.

  2. #2
    Moderator Lieutenant General Preeto Maam's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
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    Well, I see the concern for your parents in all that you say, and I also see a certain frustration in how you perceive they should lead their lives, but they are not doing so. See, you have to understand that every human being is influenced by the way he has been brought up and his circumstances. Thus, your father behaves in that manner. He feels beholden to his family and duty bound to them. That's all right- if not fair or even understandable at times. As far as the relationship between your mom and dad goes, leave them alone to sort it out. You probably don't know the half of it- they are both mature individuals who have worked around to this way of functioning.
    Be supportive, my dear, but let them be. You have your life to live. Once you grow older, you will be more tolerant of them.

  3. #3
    SB Champion Captain o00's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
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    This is a common situation in Indian family system. You are not the only one and you just need to live through it till you have a family of your own when you can move out.. best advice is the one above mine.

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